Parks and Rec

The Parks and Rec season premier is tonight and  I am super excited! It is one of the funniest shows on tv. In fact, it's tied for first place with Bob's Burgers for me this season.

This is how my excitement level today:

source

source

source

source

source

source

source

source

Parks and Rec has been consistently funny since the first season. I wish the town still had the pit, but mainly because I love the "I fell in the pit" song Andy wrote. It's nearly impossible to choose a favorite character in this series! But it's gotta be Ron. We can all agree on that, right?

Jean Ralphio's a close second.

Things are going to change this season, with a couple of characters leaving, but hopefully it will be ok (ie hopefully I don't fall into a pit sized depression).

I just can't end this post without this:

source

Wednesday Thoughts

For the past three days, I've been sharing a shower with a spider. The spider basically follows the rules. The first two days, it remained completely still. In fact, the second day, I thought it was dead. I figured I'd deal with the corpse later. Then last night, there it was again, crawling in it's little corner, happy as can be. Confident and free.

Because it knew something that I didn't know.

That there was a centipede on the floor of the shower.

And that if any insect was getting killed that  night, it was going to be the centipede, not the spider.

Centipedes are just not ok. I know I've said that snakes are the worst because they have no legs, but the centipede is the second worst because it has too many legs. Way too many. It over corrected.

Suffice it to say, I got out of that shower in .2 seconds. Then I had to figure out a way to get the centipede down the drain with a shower-head that isn't easily removed. Eventually I succeeded, but the rest of the shower I kept picturing it coming back out somehow.

The spider was the last thing on my mind after that. For all I know, it was crawling all over me (it wasn't, and even writing that sentence gave me the heebie jeebies).

This morning I was thinking about my shower experience, and wondering how to get rid of the creepy crawlies. Lots of bugs start coming inside this time of year and I don't like it. The first thing that came to mind? Chickens. Chickens eat bugs. And honestly, I'd rather have a chicken in the bathroom than a centipede. Any day.

In other thoughts, I started writing a blog post about honeycrisp apples this morning, after taking a bite of a piece of heaven (a honeycrisp apple). I will do you guys a favor and not publish that post. It included historical information about Johnny Appleseed, scientific information about hybrid apples, and worse more. It was a full on love letter to honeycrisp apples. Let's just say, this is an actual picture I made for that post:

It was quite an apple.

Lastly in Wednesday Thoughts, I got a flu shot this morning. It hurt and I lied about my weight on the form and I'll probably still get the flu.

Happy Wednesday!

Disgusting Halloween

I love Halloween. Love, love, love. I love pumpkins and costumes and candy and festivities and fall colors and spookiness and fun times. But this fall season as I've been scrolling through Pinterest, I have seen some Halloween ideas that can only be described as sick and wrong.

Taking things too far.

Grossing me out.

Crossing a line.

Scaring me.

Making me shake me head and frown.

Do you want to see some of them? I thought you would. Here you go, you weirdo.

:::My promise to you: if you come to a Halloween party I throw, you will never see anything like this served!:::

1. Pumpkin barfing. Barfing is NEVER ok. And guacamole, while delicious, already has a gross appearance. This isn't doing it any favors.Who would eat this?

source

2. Brain dip. Once again, sick sick sick sick sick.

source

3. Spider cookies. These just kinda give me the heebie jeebies. They're not sick, they're just wrong.

source

4. Bloody band-aids. Can you even imagine eating one of these??? Yuck!!

Source

5. What is wrong with people? Rat meatloaf?!!??!

Sick source

Confession: If I went to someone's Halloween party and they were serving any of these items, they would definitely gain my respect. I love when people get into holidays and go all out. But while I would appreciate what they did, I would not go anywhere near the food table. 

Which do you think is the grossest?

source

Little ones

Yesterday my family got together to celebrate Katherine's birthday (birthdays are a big deal in my family). I had made the cake the night before but hadn't had time to decorate it so I inlisted the help of the little ones while other people made dinner.

The kids were totally, 100% on board with this especially because I was making an M&M cake and I gave them permission to use the "one for the cake, one for me" method. (As an aunt, I am contractually obligated to ignore healthy eating habits when they are in my care.) When we were done, this is what the cake looked like:

Before the party, I had the kids make cards for Katherine. I wish I had pictures of all of them, because they were all amazing, but this one was my favorite. My five year old niece drew this picture of her and Katherine together. Why do all kids draw humans as heads with legs? I definitely drew like this when I was a kid, but I don't understand it. I just know I love it.

The likeness is uncanny, by the way. It's like a photograph. I love this drawing so much it makes my heart hurt a little. It's so happy.

Side note, this niece and I took a picture together and after the picture was taken she said to me, "I burped during the picture."

Last story about the kids: near the end of the party, I was so tired. It had been an insanely busy weekend and I was feeling it. My seven year old nephew kept trying to get me to play with him, but I was laying on the couch and couldn't be moved. So he decided to just join me and cozied up with me on the couch. Once he was snuggled up, he asked me to tell him a legend. I couldn't think of any legends, except the Legend of Zelda, but that story began and ended with the title of the video game since I couldn't remember any details of the game itself. So he said, "ok, then tell me a story. A spooky one." I decided to tell him the plot line of the movie "Mr. Boogedy."

I started the story with, "A family with two boys and one girl moved into an old spooky house even though they'd been warned it was haunted." At this point his eyes got big and he was hooked. I told him it wasn't a true story, but that didn't matter to him. In his mind, it was true, and in fact, a cautionary tale. As the story went on, I told him some of the spooky things that happened in the house, and about how the youngest boy couldn't find his teddy bear, so late at night he searched the house for it with a flashlight. When he heard a sound in the basement, he went down there to search.

Of COURSE Mr. Boogedy lives here.

At this point, my nephew stopped me and said, "I would never, ever move into a haunted house, but if I did, I would NOT go into the basement. That's where the monsters are!" I said, "duh, everyone knows that." And we moved on with the story.

He was completely engrossed in the story. At one point, I stopped because my neck hurt (we had moved to the floor because the couch was too cramped for both of us). Without hesitation, he jumped up, got me a pillow, put it under my head, and laid back down.

Note to self: more spooky stories, more service.

All in all, it was a fun afternoon. And Katherine got to wear a very special birthday crown - a Burger Queen crown I grabbed there about a month ago and saved for this special occasion (I had actually meant to decorate it with glitter and paint but... oops).

The queen opening her gifts

Little ones make everything more fun. And more loud. But mostly more fun.

Paaarty!

Friday was my sister Katherine's birthday. That night my cousin, Dana, and I threw her a party at Dana's house! I made lots of treats, which is one of my favorite things to do.

I made cupcakes with mini cupcakes (reeses peanut butter cups) on top which I call the Inception Cupcake. Layer after layer of cupcake... You could get lost in there and never come out.

For the party, I made a quiz about Katherine for all her guests to take. I forgot to buy a prize for the winner, so Dana suggested I make it a cash prize. The first prize was all the cash I had in the front pocket of my purse which ended up being $2.55. The runner-up got whatever was in my back pocket which was three dimes and an ibuprofen. Technically my shopping list was also in my back pocket, but I needed that, so I kept it.

For the second half of the party, we watched one of my favorite comedies: Nacho Libre. My favorite line in that movie (it's really hard to choose, believe me), is when Nacho, who is a frustrated monk with a secret life as a luchador and is secretly in love with a nun, is trying to tell the kids at the orphanage that they shouldn't wrestle. They ask him if he ever wrestles and he lies and says no. He says,

Me? No. Come on. Don't be crazy. I know the wrestlers get all the fancy ladies, and the clothes, and the fancy creams and lotions. But my life is good! Really good! I get to wake up every morning, at 5AM, and make some soup! It's the best. I love it. I get to lay in a bed, all by myself, all of my life! It's fantastic!

Whenever a married friend jealously comments on my "fun" life, I think to myself, "I get to lay in a bed all by myself, all of my life! It's fantastic!" (Nacho meant it about as much as I do [not at all].) Nacho just gets me.  

But I digress. I hope your weekend was fun, even if you didn't win a cash prize of $2.55!

Friday!

It's Friday!!!! Now that the general excitement of summer is over, weeks have been so slow lately. I'm so glad the weekend is upon us! AND today is Katherine's birthday! (Katherine is one of my sisters.) Here are some gifs to express my emotions about today:

source

source

source

source

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

source

(For Katherine) source

Starting and ending with Full House is the only way to go. Happy Friday!

Wednesday Thoughts

Oh my goodness, the weather is glorious today. It even smells good outside. Piles of leaves are starting to show up on the sides of sidewalks, and pumpkins are popping up on porches. The leaves aren't changing in unison, but little by little the color is creeping in. I'm loving every second of it.

In other good news, it's tv season! New shows and old are starting up this month! I usually try to watch a couple new shows and see if there's any I'd like to add to my weekly schedule (which isn't actually as packed as you might think). Shows I will be watching this season (carried over from previous seasons): The Mindy Project, Bob's Burgers, Parks and Rec, Psych and maybe some others that I can't remember. But for sure those four.

I watched a few new ones this week to see if any of them would be worth adding. Here are my reviews:

Brooklyn Nine-Nine - I wanted to like this because Andy Samberg is hilarious. But I give it a "meh" out of ten. It was ok. If I had nothing else to do, I'd watch it again. It just felt empty. It's getting some good reviews though so what do I know. Who knows? It could grow on me (but who wants anything growing on them?).

Dads - couldn't get through the first five minutes. Dumb times ten. Plus I've read it's pretty offensive so I didn't fight hard to get past those first five minutes. I'm ok with never revisiting this show. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit I even looked into it.

Sleepy Hollow - Ok, you're going to be shocked to hear this, but I really liked it. It was campy and suspenseful and just good fun. It kind of reminded me of Buffy, The Vampire Slayer in a way (which I love). I don't know how it's going to stand up over time, but the pilot was a good time.

Besides the weather and tv shows, other things are making me happy lately as well. Such as this picture of Daisy after she stole my shoe:

Look at that look on her face!!

So smug!

Here's something that's not making me happy lately on Pinterest. Pinterest people grab onto a fad and then go crazy with it. It used to be the non-stop quinoa recipes. Nothing against quinoa (though it does hurt my stomach so I guess something against quinoa) but the quinoa recipes were getting to be insane. You can't put quinoa in everything, people!! Then it was chevron. Chevron pillows, chevron clothes, chevron paint tutorials, chevron ultrasounds (one of those is not real. I hope.). Here's my newest complaint: chalkboard paint on EVERYTHING. Chalkboard paint on mugs, on walls, on stairs, on lunchboxes, on crockpots, on wine glasses, and so on (all of those are real)! Oh my gosh, enough already. But chalkboard pumpkins?? That's where we jumped the shark. Let's just everyone calm down about chalkboard paint, ok?

Link

And on that note, happy Wednesday!

Lists

Like many of you, I'm a list maker. Sometimes my lists are important, like "things I have to get done today" or "workout goals for the day." And other times my lists are REALLY important like, "my favorite movie comedies" or "tv shows to watch this season."

My mind is full of lists these days. I thought I'd skim some off the surface and share them with you. I hope you return the favor. I'd love to hear some of the lists you're working on right now.

Movies I have to watch this fall: 

Hocus Pocus (DUH - this one must be viewed at least thrice per fall/Halloween season)
Insidious II (since I saw part one)
Ghostbusters (I'm just feeling it.)


Crafts to do this fall: 

Pumpkin vase  
Halloween candy jar
Spooky shapes cut-outs
Thanksgiving banner

Books I want to re-read soon: I'm not one of those people who think it's a waste of time to re-read a favorite book. Who makes these rules anyway!? People who claim to be too busy to do such things but then waste their time in other ways. (Whoa, bitter much, Elizabeth?)

What I meant to say was, I don't think it's a waste of time to re-read favorite books. I'm in the "it's like visiting an old friend" camp of thought here.

How Green Was My Valley
A Girl Named Zippy
How to Talk Minnesotan
Harry Potter series

Things I need to focus on:

Dating (gulp)
Running/biking
Getting a little side business going (I'll let you guess what that will be. NO it's not a brothel. Sicko.)

Things I want to do soon:

Go on a hayride
Carve a pumpkin

Go to a cider mill
Go to a corn maze

Food I want to eat soon: 

Candy corns. SOOO good for the first ten pieces. SOOOO bad for every piece after that.
Donuts and cider from a cider mill
Caramel apple

Food I want to make soon: 

PUMPKIN EVERYTHING!!!
No, but for real: pumpkin everything.
Also, I want to make a multi-layer jello in my lobster jello mold.

More lists are already forming in my head as I wrap this up so I better end now. What are some lists you're working on lately?

How I feel about dating

Wednesday Thoughts

It's supposed to be 94 degrees today, which in and of itself is annoyingly hot for September. But to make matters worse, I heard on the way into work that the humidity is going to be at 97%. I mentioned that to my coworker and he said that he heard it's going to be one thousand one hundred percent humidity.

I think what he heard is more accurate to what it will feel like.

In other thoughts, I am not proud to admit that I took the bait on Facebook this morning. A relative of mine posted something that hurt me a lot. Something that made me feel like a shadow person. And I reacted. Not unkindly - not rudely. But I did respond.

I 'm not going to quote the whole thing but she basically wrote a status update that said that until you have children of your own, nothing you experience in life will be whole. Eating ice cream isn't the same until you eat it with your kid, going to the zoo is hollow unless you go with your children (and she listed about 10 other experiences that I thought I enjoyed but apparently since I don't have children, I was only half enjoying them).

One of my sisters who is very sensitive to how I feel (and is a mother herself) saw this post and knew it would hurt me. So she emailed me and said, "don't let her get you down. She was wrong. She may as well have said, 'you'll never know how good pooping feels until you see your own child really poop for the first time.'" She added that she knew how good ice cream was long before she had kids of her own.

That made me feel a little better. Poop is always funny. And ice cream is always delicious. (Just NEVER mix the two up - whatever you do!!)

This relative has said things like this to me before. One Christmas morning I was feeling very vulnerable. I love Christmas, but holidays can sometimes be hard when you're single. But I put on my happy face and went to our family meal. Somehow I got seated at a table with this relative, who in the course of the conversation told me that I'll never truly understand joy until I see my own children open their presents on Christmas morning.

I was tempted to throw our folding table on it's side and yell something like, "Oh yeah!? Well YOU'LL never understand joy until you.... shut your mouth!" Or something equally eloquent. But instead I just ate my sweet potatoes and cried later that night.

The thing about this relative is that she is a nice person. I love her and her family. But she doesn't think about the impact her words will have.

I have always wanted to have a family of my own and even at my advanced age I haven't given up on that dream. But until it happens, I don't want to think of myself as a half person. Only able to experience half of life, half of the joy available, half of the enjoyment of holidays, half of the way a cool fall breeze feels, half of the first bite of a piece of pumpkin pie with whipped cream, half of snuggling up under a blanket in front of a fireplace, half of jumping into a pool on a hot day, half of playing with a fluffy puppy, and so on.

I choose to live as a full person until I have kids, at which time I will continue to live as a full person and enjoy the experiences that will come with new opportunities to share happiness.

Rant over.

Happy Wednesday!

#1

Disclaimer: if you are an eligible bachelor who is thinking about asking me on a date, don't read this post or you might change your mind.

Tonight I went to a dinner party at a good friend's house. After some general chit-chat, I asked her where her bathroom was and took care of my business (which was just #1 for the record).

A little bit later, we ate some delicious dinner  (grilled pork chops, corn on the cob, asparagus, cantaloupe, and salad) and dessert (apple crisp with whipped cream) and laughed and talked and generally had a good time.

Sometime during the dessert portion of our party, I realized I had to pee again. But I'd already gone once! Within the last hour! When I'm at home that's no big deal but at someone else's house where you have to make a statement excusing yourself every time you go, it's not comfortable to do such things.

Think about it. If I'd said, "excuse me, I need to duck away to the bathroom," right after eating, they might think I'm bulimic. Or worse - that I had to poop! (The horror!) And you can't say something like, "I need to use the restroom again - I drank a lot of water today," because let's be honest - no one wants to know!

So I held it.

After the dinner party, I walked to my grandma's apartment which is only about a 15 minute walk away. I figured I could hold it. I'm an adult. My bladder has plenty of experience holding it.

About half way there, I was in the danger zone. As in, I was considering knocking on a strangers door and asking to use their facilities. After I ruled that out, I started looking for wooded areas where I could sneakily go without anyone seeing me.

There were none.

At that point I started thinking about the social stigma of wetting my pants.

I decided it wasn't worth it.

So I booked it the rest of the way to my grandma's house, using all my mental powers to stay strong. Focusing on dry thoughts and cursing my insistence on staying hydrated.

Inside the front entrance to my grandma's retirement community, there is a public bathroom that I almost didn't make it to. You know how your body knows (the brain just can't keep a secret) that you are near a toilet and it starts to loosen its grip? Dang, that is a dangerous time. But I made it.

Sweet, sweet relief.

The moral of the story is this: don't hold it. Let's end the social stigma of peeing twice in one hour. OR, let's end on the social stigma on adult diapers. Your decision.

Monday as told by "Bob's Burgers"

In the spirit of blogging a little more frequently, I'm going to occasionally post gifs in between regular posts. Starting with today...

Today is a Monday. Not just Monday but "a" Monday.  As in: everything stinks! Only Bob's Burgers can accurately express my feelings today:

Source

source

Ok, it's not really THAT bad (but Tina is so funny!) Source

Source

source

Source

Hopefully tomorrow will be more like: 

Source

And this:

Source

And this: 

Source

And this:

Source

No pressure, Tuesday.

How I feel after tonight's episode of Big Brother (Spoiler alerts...whatever)

I know some most of you make fun of me for watching Big Brother - I know this because you do it to my face, which I prefer. As you also know, I don't care that it's embarrassing that I watch the show. I own my love of BB.

 

Now that that's out of the way, here's how tonight's episode left me feeling. (The show isn't over but the last of the good people was evicted.)

 

 

 

At the end of the episode, one of my friends who also watches BB texted me and said, "It's time to start going through the stages of grief now."

 

Have you ever been really into a show, reality or otherwise, that left you feeling spent and drained at the end?

 

(For the record, I still love BB and will probably be back next summer to watch the next season.)

 

PS. Ron Swanson is the best tv character ever. Yay or nay? Discuss.

Wednesday Thoughts

This morning while scrolling through the headlines on npr.org, my eye caught this one: "Cat poop coffee." I'll just leave it at this: I read it and was grossed out. If you click on this link, you can be too! I don't drink coffee but if I did, I think I'd pass on any coffee beans that had been previously digested by either man or beast. I generally try to avoid eating or drinking poop but that's just me. I'm not here to judge.

I've been shocked all this week to realize it's September already. Is it bad to admit that I'm glad? It was such a busy summer. Busy in the most fun ways possible (traveling, girls camp, Big Brother, visits from friends!) but still busy. Now that it's September, I'm looking  forward to slowing down a bit. (I'm laughing as I write that because slowing down is really, really hard for me.)

I am super excited for fall for other reasons too: cooler weather, less humidity, pumpkins, pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING, Halloween costume planning, birthdays (not mine, thank goodness), and the return of beards. Beards are the best.

source

All of the men pictured here look amazing with beards except Chris Pine (upper right). Is it just me or does he kind of look like a bearded lady? Usually I'm all about Chris Pine (in the sense that I thought he was really cute in the one movie I saw him in and never really thought much about him again), but his beard is a bit odd.... Is it just me?

A couple weeks ago, I was driving down the road when I saw this older gentleman on a motorcycle riding towards me. His beard was Z Z Top-ish in length and was flying up into his face obstructing his view. He was bobbing his head from side to side trying to avoid his beard but with only mild success. I laughed about this for the rest of the day week. I hope he pulled over and worked something out with that unwieldy beard. It was amazing.


Any of you guys (or ladies, if you are able) out there planning on growing beards for the cooler weather? How do you feel about the fact that we are now in September!?

Happy Wednesday!

Green

I love fall - it's a beautiful, fun, and nostalgic season. But I am always pained to see summer end. One of the main reasons is because of the green. Michigan is a super green state. There are trees everywhere. This weekend I went on a few hikes and just soaked in the green. I already miss it and it's not even gone yet.

I took a bunch of pictures of the green around me to share it with you and to tide me over this winter when I'm jonesing for it!

All of these pictures were taking in the best town ever: Ludington, Michigan - on Lake Michigan and Hamlin Lake.

 

 

It's happening.....