Weekend Update

How was your long weekend? Mine was fun, gluttonous, and not long enough. Here are some of the highlights:

• Went bowling. RULED. (Ok, that's not true, I'm an awful bowler.)
• Thought the Tiger Woods car accident was highly suspicious.
• Cut my finger so deeply I almost fainted. (I may or may not be a huge baby.)
• Saw Sam Roberts at the Fillmore with Christi and Angela and had way too much fun.
• Had my love of Detroit deepened.
• Made egg nog pie and it was a hit (thank you Amy, for the recipe)!
• Went to a baby shower for my cousin. My five year old niece thought the baby was going to be born at the party and was disappointed. I, on the other hand, was relieved.
• Braved the crowds on Black Friday and now own half the seasons of Friends.
• Thought about the things for which I am grateful.
  
• Spent time with both sides of my family and realized where I get the story telling gene from.
• Fell in love with the cutest puppy! (pictured)
• Watched "Up" again and didn't cry this time.
• Decided that with winter coming, it might be worth it to pay a gazillion dollars to have the heat in my car fixed.
  

It was a good weekend, overall. How about you?

Wednesday Thoughts

Last night while looking through my e-mail, I saw a piece of spam with this subject line: Did you have a gallbladder injury while using birth control? It just seemed so specific, it caught me off guard. I don't know if it was real or not (ie not a virus), but I was afraid to open it and find out. I wish I could write those spam subject lines because I have some good ideas, such as:

Did you trip on a crack while eating a hotdog?
Did you feel a tickle in your spleen while eating a lemon flavored popcicle?
Did you contract chicken pox on a bright, summer day? (I did, so I would click on that one.)

Then when you open the e-mail, a jack in the box pops open (and a virus takes over your computer). What do you think? Would you open those? I think I'd make a pretty good spammer.

I took today off of work to expand my Thanksgiving vacation and I had all these grand plans to get a ton of things done today! So far I've just laid in bed. I'm not complaining.

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

And of course, happy Wednesday.

Mope-vember

I'm not feeling very funny lately and therefore haven't been very inspired to write in my blog as often as usual. I blame my non funny-ness on what I've dubbed "Mope-vember." Those of you in the northern wet states know what I mean - the short, dark, rainy, gray days are upon us. I've been trying to find comfort in the wise words of Axl Rose, who said, "nothin' lasts forever; Even cold November rain." (Side note, if you haven't seen that video in a long time, I would highly recommend clicking on that link - it's even more ludicrous and over dramatic than I remembered.)

To cheer myself up the other night, I saw New Moon with some friends. People assume that if you see New Moon on opening night you must be a total fanatic but that's not always the case. I only screamed once and I blame it on mob mentality. The movie was good. I know I'm supposed to be embarrassed that I saw it and liked it, but there's no point lying to you guys.

Here's something else that cheered me up over the weekend: pickle flavored popcorn! I was in Frankenmuth with some friends on Saturday and we came upon an amazing popcorn store. My friend Martha, knowing I love pickles, called me into the store to tell me about the pickle popcorn. It was so much better than I imagined. I bought two bags and brought one of the bags to a potluck Sunday night. It was very amusing to watch peoples faces as they tasted it for the first time. The word "vomit" was used more than once, but only by the mentally insane (no offense, Erin).

Ok, this post is really starting to look like Wednesday Thoughts. There is clearly no theme besides being mopey, knowing too many Guns N' Roses songs, and my love of both Twilight and all things pickle flavored.

See you tomorrow. Happy Tuesday.

Cheer up, Murray

This week I needed a bit of cheering up from time to time. As I previously mentioned, I was sick which kind of got me down. But as if that wasn't hard enough, last night one of my shows was preempted for a medical infomercial (trust me, I wrote a strongly worded e-mail to the tv station about this one), and now this morning I'm too hot with my sweater on and too cold with it off.

Life's a bear, as my friend Emily would say.

(And yes, I do realize those complaints got progressively more stupid as they went.)

To get me through the week, I've been listening to this song a lot to cheer me up.



I really hope someone makes me a cake in the shape of a four and a three when I turn 33, like Murray got in this song. And I'm sorry about all the complaints in this post. It's Friday, a happy day. Yes, I did back into the garbage cans on accident this morning, but the day is looking up. And the weekend is almost upon us! Onward and upward!

(I didn't know how to end this post so I got overly enthusiastic. Let's just move on.)

Wednesday Thoughts

I've been home, sick, for the last couple days and it's surprising how being sick just sucks away your creativity. (I'm trying to warn you that I have nothing funny to say so if you stop reading now, I'll understand.)

A couple weeks ago I saw seasons one and two of Full House on sale for $14.99 (for both) and decided it was too good a deal to pass up. Today I was glad I did; Full House is the perfect sick day TV show. Nothing like gentle comedy to get you through a day where you're only half alert.

I am starting to really look forward to the holidays coming up! I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. The only bad thing about the holidays is that they make a single person feel even more single than usual. Have you noticed that? I am going to try not to focus on that aspect of them though, and just enjoy myself.

Every year on Thanksgiving my family holds a gingerbread house making competition, as I've mentioned previously. I'm trying to come up with a cool plan for mine this year but I can't over do it, as too much pre-planning is frowned upon by the judges (AKA my family). Do you make a gingerbread house this time of year?

Confession: I'm seeing New Moon with a group of girls (women) Friday night and I bought the tickets online weeks ago. As I was ordering them, I had a bit of an identity crisis along the lines of "who am I? Am I the kind of person who orders Twilight tickets three weeks before the movie? How old am I?" I concluded that it was Sarah's fault (just kidding, Sarah!). But I really am looking forward to the phenomena of seeing a Twilight movie on opening weekend - more for the audience reaction than for the movie itself. It's gonna be a trip. I saw the first Twilight movie in a crowded theater and was beyond entertained by the giggles, the gasps, and the shouts of "I LOVE YOU!" (I couldn't hold it in) at the movie screen. I expect no less this time.

Happy Wednesday guys - I hope your day was better than mine!

Frankenstein nightmare!

Out of all the monsters in horror movies, Frankenstein has always seemed to me to be the least scary. He's slow, dimwitted, and grunts a lot. Yet last night I had a nightmare that I was being chased by Frankenstein and it was terrifying! It was the kind of nightmare you wake up from and you're afraid to move lest he realizes your awake and gets you.

I know it's crazy. I mean, the extended arms, the grunting, the stiff movements...they don't seem scary until you see them in real life. Real dream life, that is. Until Frankenstein is actually chasing you. It's much worse than I imagined it would be. I'll never forgot those bolts.

What's with dreams? Why Frankenstein? Is it because I was talking about Frankenmuth so much yesterday?

Will you still need me, will you still feed me...

fLast night I met up with a friend at a bar to see a band. I don't drink, but I go to bars now and then either to see bands or for karaoke. Last night something horrible happened. When I went entered the bar...I wasn't carded.

At first I thought the guy sitting there just wasn't carding people, but when I passed by him later, I saw him carding some girls who were walking in. I gasped and stared. I was outraged.

It hit me, and it hit me hard. I look over 21. I mean, I obviously look over 21. There was no doubt in the carding guy's mind. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind, but I was afraid I'd look like the lady in the picture above.

I comforted myself by talking bad about the girls he carded, "why that whippersnapper just thinks they're young because they're dressed liked floozies!" Then I grabbed my walker, hitched up my knee socks, muttered "kids" under my breath, and marched back over to my table, trying to put the incident behind me.

{Sigh.} Good thing I have my AARP discounts to comfort me.

Your specialty

Do you have something that you're known for at Thanksgiving dinner? And I don't mean your tendency for bringing up family secrets or or how you always spill on the table cloth; I mean your special recipe that everyone hopes you'll bring again! I want to make something delicous for Thanksgiving dinner this year whether it be a side dish or a dessert. If you have a recipe that people love, please share it!

The Chris Farley Show

Kathy and I were laughing about this video earlier this week and I thought it was worth sharing. I had forgotten about this clip completely which is crazy because I used to love it quote it all the time. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

"Remember that time..?..."

Wednesday Thoughts

As summer fades into fall and fall fades into w*nter, I'm getting more and more pale. I guess over the summer months I forgot I'm part albino. Do any of you fake bake in the winter? I never have because of, you know, cancer. But I wonder if once or twice would hurt?

I had an extremely stressful experience at the herstyler stand at the mall over the weekend. It involved:

1) Getting bullied into a buying (what turned out to be) a (n) (amazing) flat iron.*
2) Getting bullied into giving the sales guy my phone number after paying for the flat iron.

Our conversation went like this:

Him: Can I have your number?
Me: You already made the sale, you can stop flattering me now.
Him: No, I really like you.
Me: (putting my wallet away) I don't think you do. (This had nothing to do with low self esteem but rather, the fact that he had been showering me with insincere flattery for the past half hour in order to make the sale.)
Him: I really do. Are you busy tomorrow night?
Me: Yes.
Him: Please give me your number.

At this point I gave him my number for two reasons - one, I never thought he'd call, and two, I wanted to leave. Since then, I've gotten a call almost every day from the same local number but the person hasn't left a message. Is it him? Should I call him back? I have no desire to go out with that guy, don't get me wrong. It's just curiousity. If it is him calling, I'm pretty sure he's just doing it to call my bluff. He's relentless.

Moving on, in other Wednesday Thoughts, what do you think of Christmas music starting on the radio after Halloween?

And lastly, today's 11/11, make a wish.

Happy Wednesday.

*Stop judging me for caving. He gave me an amazing deal, and what can I say - I have weak sales resistance.

Awkward responses

I've either said or heard all of these lately.

Person A: Happy birthday!
Person B: Happy birthday to you too! (it was not my birthday)

Taco Bell drive through worker: Pull around to the next window. Thank you!
Person B: You're welcome.

Waiter: Enjoy your meal!
Patron: You too!

Most likely the "you too" response is the most common awkward response - I've heard it or said it many times to the ticket taker at the movie theater who says, "enjoy your show!" Why can I never remember the obvious response of "thank you"!?

Cuteness Overload

K, I don't normally do this, but I have to post a picture of the cutest dog ever (besides your dog, of course). I'm watching this dog this week and I can't get over her cuteness so I had to share. I thought it would be selfish not to. She had just gotten done biting at me and snuggling with me (simultaneously) when I took this picture. That's why she looks so worn out.

Wednesday Thoughts

How do you feel about "whole nother" verses "whole other" (or is it "another whole?")? You would think as someone with a degree in English it would annoy me when people say "whole nother" but it actually intrigues me.

Who here's going to participate in No Shave November? Ladies? Guys? I love to see a guy with a good (well kempt) beard in the winter. Speaking of winter, I saw some snow flakes on my way to work this morning! It was magical.

I got too scared to finish The Changeling the night before Halloween when I watched it with Katherine. I've seen that movie one million times (to be precise) yet this time I couldn't finish it because I was too scared. What in the world!? I think I need to watch it with a big strong guy next time. Yeah, that's it...

I'm not ready for winter. I like the snow, but I hate the cold. I think I need to plan a vacation to someplace warm to get away to when the cold and gray get to be too much. Where's a good warm place to visit that's not too expensive?

Happy Wednesday.

Fountain of Youth

I'm getting older. I can see it in my eyes. I'm getting lines around them. I start thinking about my options: anti-aging cream, botox, or aging "gracefully."

A few years ago, I ran into an old friend. Or not so much a friend, rather, someone I used to know. When she saw me, her eyes widened and she said, "Wow. You look older." What else could I say but, "Thanks a lot." Backtracking quickly, she said, "No, I just mean that you've always had a baby face but now you look your age."

Again, thanks.

My dad's mom used to always say she was a young person trapped in an old lady's body. That's me. (I wish there was such a thing as a sarcasm text. I hope you all know me well enough by now to know that I'm half joking.)

For the most part I don't mind being the age I am. There are parts of it that are more stressful than others. Some are serious worries and some are less serious. In general I don't usually feel too "old" and I don't try to look or act younger than I am.

But I really don't like what's happening to my eyes. I was talking about this at a family gathering on Satuday and my uncle said, "Let me see." He looked at my face and told me to smile. Then he gave me his diagnosis, "those are just smile lines, not crows feet."

So there it is. My punishment for being happy: wrinkles.

But the thing is, no matter how bad the smile lines get I know I don't have it in me to actually get Botox. I just don't think I'm a Botox kind of girl. I've even found myself actually looking up websites about Botox injections (I like the before and after pictures) but it always leaves me thinking, "I'm never going to actually do this....am I?" But I'm not. I think I just use it as a way to threaten my skin, "if you don't stop aging, you're going to pay." My skin probably knows it's an idle threat but I keep trying to scare it into behaving anyway.

My hairstylist, who's the same age as me, gets Botox injections every 4-6 months and has tried to talk me into doing the same. But aren't we too young to start doing that so often? If you're doing that every 4-6 months at age 30, can you imagine how much Botox will be in your system by the time you're 60!?

I think my best option is to stop the aging in process in nonsurgical ways. First matter of business: no more smiling, laughing, or doing anything else to deepen my smile lines. That includes giggling. Muffled laughing is ok as long as I don't move my face at all.

Ok, now I did not write this post so you would tell me I don't look old so please don't feel any obligation to do so. The whole post is somewhat tongue in cheek (with a little truth to it). If any of you feel the same way about laugh lines or Botox or have any tips, feel free to share! But don't write anything funny in the comments - remember, no more laughing.