Grandma's GREEN Bananas--

At least once a week for the last 8 years Grandma asks me to get her some bananas. She says, "They are good for my bowels and be sure they are green so they don't get too ripe by the time I eat them." So everytime I see a banana I think, I should buy some as they would be good for someone's bowels.


She puts them in a blender and turns it on high and walks away. Good hell after 20 minutes of the blender going at high speed and making that blender sound--AAAHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE the bananas should be smooth. Total air. If any normal person drank that they would be farting for a week. It's some kind of ritual-eating liquid bananas.

So I'm in Albertsons and I ask the guy if he has any green bananas and he says, "what for?" I automatically say, "They're good for your bowels."


Too bad that stock girl wasn't here to witness this second case of dumb ass outbreak.

I'M BRing BACK Something This summer......

I read the Justin Timberlake was bringing Sexy back. I think it is his tour.

Well DavieBoy is bring something back as well this year. I want to decide what would be best to bring back this summer.
I could bring back Sassy,






I could bring back Spazzy,




I could bring back Cool






or how about bringing back Heartfelt Enthusiasm?






Let me know what I should bring back this summer and by damn I'll bring it back.

FAmily fun Facts 6 Kelli and Jamie Brr-day

Kelli's Brrrr-day is March 29th, Sunday and



Jamie's is April 5th, A Sunday also. Happy Brrr-day to both of you. What a treat to have you living on each side of us with your families. Life couldn't get any better than this. I love you both. dad

Who IS the reaL angel now???????????

After reading family fun facts series 1,2,3,4 and 5 we all know that Jamie isn't the angel that we think she is. There is always something brewing in the head of hers.

As for David Hunter- he's a funny Monkey. No question. So who's the real angel after all this revealing information? Yes, you guessed it our own little Kelli who only swears in her mind now.

FAmily FUn FactS 5-David (Hunter)'s little trip

Son David Hunter, my son, was supposed to be staying over at his friends house for the weekend and Linda sees a father of one of the kids at the store and he says, "That was some adventure that the boys took wasn't it?"
"Adventure" She says, "David was staying overnight working on a school project" The guy just sorta fads back into the crowd and Linda is trying to get in touch with David and find out where he went. As it turns out he and his friends went to the 311 concert in Boise, Idaho. They locked their keys in the car, ran out of money, had to talk some motel clerk into letting them stay over night. It was the biggest nightmare on record. Linda still didn't believe the guy until she saw a credit card receipt from Idaho. To make a very long and funny story short it all came out and when Jamie and Kelli had David reherse it to me in the living room it was all I could do to not laugh out loud as it was such a mess and the more I started to laugh the more Kelli and Jamie got mad. They were so mad that they started yelling at me also. To this day they think I should have done something to David to "make him pay" and remember how stupid it was to run off. I don't do it justice at all here but it was the funniest thing ever. Ask Kelli or Jamie how it was

FAmily Fun Facts-series 4, More Mr. Prisk antics

So Kelli is in Mr. Prisk's Biology class and has missed most of his lectures being a student officer at Weber High School and she is looking bored. He says to her in a very curt way, "Kelli, I have worked hard on this stuff so pay attention." She says, "well not hard enough." He says, "Why is that?" And she says, "Because it is boring." He was very, very mad. But since she had gotten the highest in the class on his year-end test, there was nothing he could do. He got mad at the class and said to them, "How is it possible for Kelli to get so high on the test when she's not even here and you (the rest of the class) could hardly pass it? That was way funny. I think they almost came to blows.

FAMILY FUN FACTS Series 3 Guess the Kid, Science class

Many of you may know Glen Prisk who was a teacher at Weber High School. He taught many subjects and was a little "testy or onery" at times. Which kid was caught hinding in the library with their friend trying to escape getting caught by Mr. Prisk when they should have been in class? As it turned out they saw Prisk coming down the hall and ducked into the Library and hid under one of the desks. Prisk looked under everyone until they were caught. He took them to the Principal and they got a good "talkin' to." It was very dang funny. Guess which one did that?

GRANDMA SETS ME UP...........

So, I am walking Grandma through Albertsons to grocery shop and since she is pretty much blind I have to tell her what items we're passing. As we walk down the aisle we meet a 20 year old gal doing inventory for the store. I say, hi and pass by. She is going the same direction but opposite direction in the row so we pass her again. I say, We met your twin. She responds and we keep going making some goofy comment each time-like "you should get paid for two" or "you look just like a girl we met earlier." Anyway, we come to the end of the store and remember, Grandma hasn't said anything so far. We meet the girl again and Irene stops and say, "Hi, I just love your sweater it is so pretty. You're a real cute gal. He could have a lot of fun with you" smiling from ear to ear. The girl looks at me and for once in my life I don't have a thing to say but under my breath I announce, "Grandma, what the hell are you saying?" The girl is just standing there with her pen and clipboard with the goofyest look on her face. The only thing I can think to do is Flash open my coat and run out of the store. I think that would work but I'd have to come back to get Grandma and the police would be here. I just walk away. There was nothing to say.

FAMILY FUN FACTS series 2 Which kid this time...

I know that kids want to drive as soon as they can reach the steering wheel. All of kelli's kids have gotten their turn at locking kelli out of the car with the engine running. Ask her about Carver at their 29th street house when Rita was there. But this true incident is about one of my three kids who used to put on a big overcoat, huge hat and sit on a pillow to make themselves look taller behind the wheel. They would drive over to see their friends 2 years before they could legally. Which one pulled that trick time and time again?

THE SPIRIT OF GRANDPA GUIDED ME .....

I was going down the canyon and I had this still small voice sound in my ear. It was the voice of my Dad or Grandpa. He was an avid DI hunter. I said, "What? What do you want? Go to the DI. Now? Why? I'll be shown the way?" So not wanting to cause a problem with spiritual things I drove to the DI and called Grandma on the way and told her I needed to go somewhere important and that I was on a secret mission to rob a bank and take some hostages and hold them for ransom and cut off a finger every hour until my demands are met. She didn't hear me but she said, "You're a good son-in-law and nobody knows how much pain I'm in and ..blah, blah, blah. Anyway when I walked into the store and there was a light that shown down from the ceiling like a beacon guiding me to the men's shoe rack. The light shown directly on a pair of shoes. I said to myself, "These are 2 sizes too big. How will I keep them on? By wearing two pair of socks? How do I keep the two pair of socks from bunching up toward my toes inside the shoes? Use tape above my ankles? Isn't this a lot of trouble? Buy the shoes? Don't run in them or make a sudden turn? Why? Oh, they'll come off! Are you sure? I am feeling kinda put out then I remembered how many times Grandpa said he was a secret buyer for the DI and I felt like I needed to do this one thing. "Are you sure?" OK, OK, I'll buy the damn shoes." So I did and I felt like Grandpa and I connected somehow at the DI where one man's crap can become another man's crap like magic.

FAMILY FUN FACTS series 2 Plumbers Crack

This story is on my facebook but not all of you read that. I think it is funny enough to post here.

I was with Jamie and Emily Jensen when they where about 10-12 and we were at the mall and we saw a guy with "plumbers crack" sitting on one of the benches. I asked them to go put a quarter in that guy's slot, thinking they would just laugh and not try to do it. Well was I wrong. They both went over there and had their quarters out. I was so lucky to have stopped them just in time before a major scene erupted at the Ogden Mall.

FAMILY FUN FACTS series-Guess which kid did this:

After an overnight sleep-out I said, "How did you put the fire out?" They said, "We peed on it." Just who do you think did that? There are only three choices.

MAUI PICTURES-OUR LAST TRIP-2008

So I'm walking down the beach looking for a bathroom----And I hear somebody say, "Speedo's are just wrong." I think to myself, Why?

THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT

What if we are just a dream that God is having and He's about to wake up? Should I still believe in the Easter Bunny? Do I have time to hide the eggs or is it just a big waste?


What if the Hoky Poky is what it's all about? Should I learn that whole dance? Do I need to know all the words?

THIS IS HOW I AM GOING WHEN HE CALLS ME

When It's time to check out and there is nothing left to do and nothing left to say--I want to be on stage with Dark Horse, playing Smoke On The Water in the rain and get hit by a bolt of lightning. I will be on fire but I'll keep playing. And when there is no more power in my fingers and charred beyond recognition, my Amps will do the talkin'. I've instructed the roadies not to turn the power off until the police come. LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLLLLLLLLLLLL.