Relationships - What about them?

Relationship between people (basic number will be 2 people) are mainly intentional effort made by at least one party but the duration, ties and depth of the each relationship connection depends on the two parties. 

I guess it has been pointless in one trying to reach out and the other party isn't interested anymore because of the activity, the personality or the circumstances or situations drifted each other apart. People evolve in their thoughts and grow... There seemed to be some cases where folks say that good friends seem to pick up wherever it was last dropped off? Sure - this happens if I am meeting the person for an hour or two and if the other party feels the same. 

Getting a close physical friend that grows alongside with you never quite exist. 

New Year 2023

 It is interesting to know how people react to death. I texted an friend, "The Creative boss has moved on." She replied "it is not my business".

Well, I wondered if she knew he has passed on. No.. She didn't. She thought he retired, and only realised her previous employer passed on after receiving 3 messages from others (she was caught up in meetings since 7am, so she said). 

I replied, "It is a nicer way to say that he moved on than expired". 

My 2nd grandaunt left us on 1 Jan 2023, at 11:11am on her 90th birthday. Morbid as it sounds, I am at that age I will expect to face them in boxes if I were too late in meeting up. I have lived passed the days of attending weddings or baby showers, and moving into the phase of knowing people reaching their golden years and retiring. 

That's life isn't it?  

40 years

Yes! I will be reaching 40 years in a couple of months! How am I to celebrate?

Should I throw a party (with some thinking I am looking at gifts)?
Have a quiet evening (and then thought I should throw a party)?
Take a day off and spaced out for the day (and then thought it may be better to just save a day's leave)?

While everyone threw their parties at 21 years? Mine was just another day.
Perhaps my 40th year may be just another day?

If you are reading this - give me a shout on ideas!

Environment vs Attitude

It is always a panel discussion each time I attend cell group. The topics lately are nothing but on LGBT (otherwise known as Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual, Transsexual) , borderline personality disorder, depression, inferiority complex... It has been going on and on and on for the longest time.

"It all starts with the family", so they always say. 

I do not contribute much into their discussion. As compared to writing, hearing their own voice makes them happy. Yes - the topic is real and I long to probe why the need of going into the topic all the time. Was it really inevitable? 

I have grown tired of topics like this. I am sure they have tried doing something about it. I guess we are all busy with our personal agendas and it has became a job for the professional advisers such as the counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists. 

My net consisted of blessed and successful people in their career and things seem to go on very well with their lives. I wish to say - It's easier said than done. To me, it's more than family. It's the "change your environment before you change your perception in things" and/ or vice versa. I believe both factors play a big part. 

Do I say contribute this in the net group? No, and never. I will be put down like water quenches fire. 

They will still say, "It all starts with the family. You don't understand Elizabeth. You are not a mother." 

The Journey

It's been a journey - I have travelled 4 countries during the last 7 months all for leisure purposes. It's a life lots of people envied. It's a life everyone seek. 

 India, Thailand, The Netherlands, Switzerland. 

India and Thailand were with family. Europe was a solo trip. True - I was mad to travel half the world to visit 2 friends and for Queen's Day (something I said I will do it since 2012). Little did anyone know that it was in Europe I met the realities of life, the need to seek solance and the time to self reflect. Yes, I was alone most of the time in Australia last year. However, the mind was focusing on the site work and its challenges. 

After I came back and sat in office, all I see was people racing against time and most doing the things they loved. They are surrounded by colleagues, with loved ones - so full of life. The few and rare knew I am here without colleagues, and no one greets me "Good morning". I tried to stay cheery by greeting myself each time I step into an empty office. After my bosses have relocated back to Australia 3 years ago, I am running the office solo - I am the boss of which I have no entity and/ or shares in the company. 

I prayed for projects, for growth and expansion, for my bosses to stay focus and maintain in good health, for contacts to come by. I went for networking sessions and made new contacts (and amazingly became slightly closer with one because we met again on the bus to work). I was still going nowhere. On one hand, I was glad there are no office politics to deal with but I was increasing envious of others who had colleagues to chill on Friday nights, a time for chat and so on... 

Call me shallow but even a hermit needs to be surrounded by people. Going to church makes me sane. There were few who stood by since the day my bosses relocated but I believe I drove them crazy by the frequent text messages. They have a life to lead. I was some needy creature who needs the attention. At the same time, I was surrounded by others who have moved onto a new phase in life. My cousin quit her job for further studies. Others are a change in status - marriage, finding a life partner, starting their family, moving house and so on. This year is a year of positive changes. Has the Lord forgotten about me? 

I received the call that the pay was to be withheld. That was the final straw and the drive for me to seek employment elsewhere. I had hung on long enough. I admit I sent my resumes elsewhere every now and then but the doors were shut tight. The Lord has not forgotten about me, the doors are open for interviews and I said yes to one of the two companies who readily offered. 

The bosses have regarded me as part of their family, thus it was a hard decision I have to make. I took a longest time to press the send button and left for the day. I have no idea what the other party's reaction will be and I hope there were no words of anger. The call came the next morning - it was disappointment but life goes on. I was to pack the office and shift the bulk of the items to Australia. 

As I commenced packing my personal belongings and the rest of the office documents and equipment, memories come flooding back. Good and bad ones. I sat crying bitterly with gratitude and in grieve the entire day after my boss called to inform me has received my resignation letter and that he wished me all the best in the new company. The rest of the world wondered why the tears and behaving so childish and oh-so-sentimental mode. I doubt anyone else will understand why. Perhaps some years down the road, I will call self a silly nut head for those tears (if I seen the full picture). I probably will never have another boss like my boss. I mean... Who would have kept the physical office just for me? They could have shut the office and released me - but no... 

I am still packing the office and there are things to be settled. I thought I might take some time to jot my thoughts on this journey thus far. I can only hope but I do not expect anyone to fly from Australia, to give a hug and say good-bye... The journey of 7 years will most likely end in quiet dignity with a clicked sound of the locked door.

Getting Ready

I think I am close to done with the people here in Singapore. I have caught up whomever I need to catch up - though there are a couple who simply do not have the opportunity to do so. I guess it doesn't really matter much anymore, does it? I am disappointment but what can I do.

I have just about done with life in Singapore - and I hope to be off again soon. To wherever that has work and a life and people who are spunky enough.

I don't understand why does anyone say: I hope you stay on longer.

Why so? I am probably just another face you see on Sundays that's all - just another character, just another helping hand.

I need affirmation from your lips.

Heading Home

Just a couple of days to Christmas.

Come to think of it - end 2010 and towards 2011, there were thoughts of going missions, relocating self in a new country and all that stuff. Little did I know that I will be posted to Australia for a short while to undertake some supervision works to ensure that goes well.

Including holidays and all, I have been away from home close to 6.5 months, and each year end, I would ask myself the same question: So will there be a new chapter Lord? Can I fully settle in a place where I can truly fit in well. Is there a new ministry and/ or job which I can do it well?

I tried to fit, but with the project and all, I can't really make long term friends.

AND... I am still waiting.