Monday, January 30, 2012

Sewing machine...

See this sewing machine?! 
Look hard!  Its beneath all the crap in my garage! Yep, there it is!
My mom gave me this beauty when I turned 30.  That's 5, yes, count them, 5 years ago almost to the day!  What have I done with it?!  Oh ya, that's right!  NOTHING!  If my memory serves me correctly, when I opened it up, I said, "What in the world (pretty sure I used a different word right here!) am I going to do with a sewing machine?  Thanks, I think?!"
How wrong was I?!  5 years down the road, I have SOOOO much I want to do with this, BUT, do I know how to use it?!  Ummmm... that's a BIG FAT NO!  This 34 year old brain (okay, so it's almost a 35 year old brain, but who's counting?!) can't remember how to thread of bobbin, much less actually plug it in! Damn high school home economics class! (Oops!  Sorry for the D bomb!) Why didn't I listen?! 
DANG IT!
Anyone want to teach me?!  I'll make you some yummy cheesecake cookies!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Why do you all HATE January...

I can't figure it out!  Why does everyone HATE January!?! I keep reading blogs about how everyone is down, depressed, can't function.... BLAH!  Who are you people?!  I LOVE JANUARY!!!

January to me means snuggling by the fire, sipping hot chocolate and cider while it snows.  Cooking, baking, being completely cold and running to get in a nice warm bed!  Watching movies while curled up by my best friend and eating caramel popcorn with my kids.  Ya, I don't do New Years resolutions, so I don't get concerned over that.  Yes, I LOVE the holiday's, but we all know they will be back, sooner rather than later.  I feel like we can start fresh and get going.  So far this January for me has been wonderful! 

For example, I just spent 2 full days with 3 of my favorite ladies EVER getting snowed in at our cabin!  I mean it!  2 FEET of snow in 2 days!  It was beautiful, hypnotic (we slept a lot), breathtaking and so much more.  We really should still be there, talking!  Why do I feel like I could talk to them FOREVER?!  There was never a lull in the conversation, except when we would finally pass out from exahustion.  Erica and I talked until 4AM and didn't even know it!  Then we were all back up by 8:30AM to do more talking, laughing, asking, wondering and of course eating!  The only crappy part about the whole trip was... I only got 1 picture of the entire weekend! 1!  What was I thinking?!  Granted it's the cutest picture EVER, but lame!  We are just going to have to go on another girls trip to get more pics!  Ok ladies?!  Are you in?!

Ok, so back to why I love January!  I don't really know, I guess I am not hardwired like everyone else.  I would rather be up to my knees in snow marveling at it's existence.  (Why does it snow anyway?)  Playing with my family and making memories in the cold and rushing inside to get warm. It's really the only time where my family is always together and not running around crazy like in the summertime.  We spend more time together when it's cold than not, and that makes me happy!  So, this is it.  Why I love this time of year.  You won't see this girl complain, except...
We JUST got our first official snow storm of the season!  Now THAT makes me depressed! But I'll take it!
So, keep your chins up summer lovers!  This has been the warmest winter EVER and if I have to deal with the warm in the winter, then you have to deal with the cold that just may come this spring and summer.... that is, if it ever get's here!

Monday, January 23, 2012

My room...UGH

Ok, so I am going to admit, my room has looked like this now for over a year! 


It is really the only room in my house that I HATE!  I thought I loved the blue, but I don't.  I couldn't even bring myself to finish the ceiling!  But, I found a color that I LOVE, ( the one that is on the wall by the mirror.) and I hope that I can find the time and patience to finish this project!  Any volunteers are welcome! ;-)

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Dear Mom,

Dear Mom,
Where do I start?! Perhaps I will start where most stories start, at the beginning. However, I will keep in short.  When I was a little child, I looked at you and thought you were the prettiest thing I had ever seen. You made me pretty too. I watched you as you got ready each morning. Literally sitting by the bathroom door, starring.
I watched you put on your makeup and then do your hair. We lived a simple, but beautiful life. Although, I'm not sure that's how you saw it. We lived in an apartment and both you and dad worked full time. I spent countless hours on my own. I know this is not what you wanted for me, but I want you to know, I was happy. Looking back, I see now that we didn't have much, but to me we were the richest people around. Those hours that I spent alone, made me who I am today.

You were successful in all that you did and I wanted to be just like you.
You could plant a garden that was so beautiful and decorate a room that would make people stop and sit to enjoy. The parties you threw we're grand. You were respected at work and in our community. You made things look easy. How do I know this?! I've tried to do half the stuff that seemed easy, guess what?! I can't do them. You have tremendous talent and those who know you, can see it. You found beauty in all things, perhaps because you HAD too.
Your childhood was far from beautiful. I don't know all the stories, but the ones I know make my heart hurt.  Perhaps, these experiences have made you who you are today.

But, as time passed us by, I grew up. We drifted apart. Far apart.  I thought I knew better.
We fought... and I rebelled. We grew further apart. We both said and did things that we can't take back. I felt regret. I felt a void. A void that should never come between a mother and a daughter. As time went on, we eventually got to where we rarely spoke. And, the words that we did speak were full of venom, and we went for years without saying I love you or even a friendly hello.  At this point, I felt I had something to prove. What?! I don't know. I became successful. That success came because I saw how you did things. We may not have been talking, but I remembered what you taught me. Not through words, but with your example. I remember what I saw. I kept you close in my thoughts and heart, but at a distance in life and in person.  I will admit that there were times where I thought I hated you.  How very wrong was I?!

Life went on and I had my own family and we still, limited our time together. Maybe we are too much alike?! Maybe not. Whatever the reason, the only thing we lost was time. Time together, time to laugh, cry and rejoice.  Then you moved.  Far away.  I cried.  I told Dad that I didn't want you both to leave.  Which is funny, because I didn't ever take the time to drive 25 minutes to your home when you were here in Utah.  Now I have to board a plane.  I took having you near for granted.

You came from NY to Mara's baptism.  Thank you. No, really.  Thank you.  I will have to admit that I was nervous having you stay at my home.  Nervous for a lot of reasons.  Will you like me?  Will my home be comfortable?  Will the chaos of my life be overwhelming?  Will you love me?  Will you love my children? For so long I have prayed for a connection.  One that we have not had that since I was small.  My prayers were answered.  You came, you stayed, we laughed, we talked, I apologized and then I cried when you I watched you walk into the airport.  I realized that the time I spent fighting you all these years, could have been spent loving you and accepting you for you.  We both tried so hard for so long to make each other someone that we are not, when in fact, we are both wonderful the way we are.  You now live far away.  I don't like it and neither do my kids.  I want to thank you for coming.  Thank you for teaching me and making me who I am today.  Thank you for coming into my home and playing with my kids.  Loving them, accepting them.  They think you are wonder woman, and so do I.

I miss you.  I love you. I am sorry for all that we have been through.  I am sorry I have judged you so harshly.  I am sorry that I threw away time.  I am sorry for the mistakes that I made.  I truly believe that we cannot be forgiven of our own sins until we forgive others.
I am excited for the future.  I'm happy that we talk, everyday.  I am happy that my kids love you so much that they can call you Gramma now, instead of Gramma Cindy.  Thank you for loving me even when I made it hard.  Thank you for being you. 
Love always,
Kelly
Good times on You tube!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The sky...

I have been obsessed with the sky lately. I take pictures with my phone everywhere I go! I guess, because it is a constant reminder of how much I love where I live and how much my Heavenly Father loves us.  Such beauty!  How lucky are we?!




Friday, January 13, 2012

Teeth...

Mara had 4 teeth pulled yesterday.  Let's just say, her teeth are a mess, but this is all in the grand plan to someday have a beautiful smile.
 Driving home, she didn't say much.  Well, she was still a lilttle high and had gauze in her mouth!
 Here are the teeth!  Who knew the roots were so long on baby teeth. 
Sleeping off the laughing gas!  I'll admit, I asked the doctor if I could have so too.  He said, "no".  Bummer!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I had no idea...

My little Mara got baptized this past weekend.  I have never been more proud.  I had no idea the intensity of watching your own child be baptized.  The flood of emotions a mother has when her daughter receives the gift of the Holy Ghost is overwhelming.  I feel almost like I received a gift in that as well.  As if there is a partnership now and there WILL always be someone watching over her even when I can't.  What an amazing blessing.  AND...... IT SNOWED THAT DAY!!!!!!! Which is a big deal right now, since it's been the warmest and driest winter on record!  And, Mara asked for snow in prayer that week.  I think her prayer was answered.  What a perfectly beautiful day to snow! All was clean, white and beautiful. 
Mara and B on their way over to the church to get dressed.  Thank you B for baptizing our daughter.  She adores you and so do I. 
 Mara and Grandma MK
 B and my Uncle Kurt
 Vicki and Shar.... 2 of my fav's!
 Crazy cousin Sierra!
And the food was YUMMY and fattening!  (Don't kill me Chiara!  I LOVE this pic!)
 Papa and Mara (Papa did the confirmation)  Thank you!
 So proud of her!
 Shar, Me and Aly!  LOVE YOU BOTH!
 Blurry pic of 3 generations!  My mom, me and Mara!
 After the baptism and confirmation.
We had so many of our family and friends surrounding her.  She skipped everywhere she went that day!  Even to share her testimony the next day at church.  She is confident, happy and full of the spirit!  NOTHING could have stopped her!  Grandma Cindy came from New York and spent 5 days with us at our home. It was wonderful and I cried as I dropped her off this morning.  She is loved more than she'll ever know.  Thank you, Mom for coming.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you to all the family and friends who gave her such amazing words of hope and being there to show your support and set an example.  You will never know how much it meant to her and to myself and B.  Love you all so much! 
Congratulations Mara!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

New Year...

For the first time in almost 6 years, I closed a year saying to myself, "We made it and it was a good year for my family. A really good year."  I can't say that about any year since 2006.  Since 2006, we have dealt with health issues that have almost taken the lives of both William and B, financial issues that have made it hard to even buy milk (I at one point stole money from Mara's piggy bank to buy milk.  I'll pay you back Mara bean.) and family issues that have almost destroyed our family.  BUT, we made it.  We are better for it.  There have been times in last 5 years where I have lost hope over and over again.  Can't get out of bed hope.  There were moments when I was even scared to smile.  Yes, scared.  Because if I smiled, then that would mean I was happy and if I was happy, then something bad would happen, because it always did.  I got to a point where I was sick of hearing people say, "You poor Elggren's.  What else are you going to have to deal with?!"  Like I hadn't asked myself that 10 bagillion times?!

The other night, I was worrying about something and B looked at me said, "Stop trying to figure out the meaning of life.  It will come and it will be great.  But, only if you let be great."  He then kissed my head and tucked me into bed.  I love that man.  I tell him at least 30 times a day.

2012- It is what it is.  What will happen will happen.  So, here it is.  My resolution.  No one can stop me from smiling and living life to the fullest.  I want to be the best I can EVERYDAY!  I found this quote on Pinterest of course, and I LOVE it.  It is exactly what I would say.
And to end, I spent New Year's Eve with some of my very favorite people.  People who have helped me up when I couldn't stand.  People who have given when they haven't needed to, but wanted to.  People who haved made me laugh so hard, I thought I would pass out.  People who loved me and my family more than I thought a friend could. People who have taught me to look at the world and people from a completely different and beautiful perspective.  People who have taught me that it really is ok to be me and that it really is ok to be happy.  So, thank you Erica, Emily, Vicki, Paul, Charles, Ben and all the kiddos!  LOVE YOU ALL!!!!  Here's to a wonderful New Year!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Dear Mara...


Dear Mara,
You just turned 8 and I am wondering where the time has gone.  We were saying goodbye this morning as you left for school and you that you would be able to drive in 8 more years!  Oh good heavens!  That will be the day!
Mara, you have brought so much love to our family!  You have been an example beyond your years.  You have brought a spirit in our home that did not exist before you came into our lives.  A spirit that is straight from heaven. I love when you smile, laugh, do back bends, hand stands color, read, create and play the piano.  I laugh every time you make a face with those "bunny teeth" and I smile at the excitement you have to get spacers and braces!  I love to hear all that you have to say about EVERYTHING, all the time.  I love that you follow me around, watch me get ready for the day and then sit or stand right next to me like we are connected with Velcro at our sides. I love that you are sensitive and strong.  You are beautiful inside and out. An amazing friend, sister, daughter.

Don't be in such a hurry to grow up! It will come faster than you know. Savor these moments of your childhood. They are what make you who you are and will be.
I'm proud that you have chosen to be baptized and I cannot wait to see you in white!  My camera will be ready!
Always, Always, Always remember how much your Daddy and I love you.  Remember to be best friends with your brother and sister and to help them grow and be strong in all that they do. 
I am Proud to call you my daughter and Honored to have you call me Mom.
Happy Happy birthday Mara Bean!
Love,
Mom