I think I'm pretty messed up.. :(
I should be alone..

I dun mean to hurt... I guess I'm hurting everyone ard me.. myself.. and the whole cycle..
shutting down soon I guess...

No longer going on my 2nd trip.. at least not in the planning anymore.. sadz.. I wanna go..
But guess I brought tt to myself. *Sigh*

Love this song.. Boston by Augustana.. Heard it from a blog.. and turns out Tat uses this song on his blog too.. Quote from his blog::

But don't listen to the song too much. It's bittersweet, mostly bitter, and it can get you indulging in despression. Have you ever felt that? Indulging in depression. It feels good somehow, good in a depressive way. I think sometimes we get addicted to such emotions.

My stand? Its sad yea.. felt like crying after listening to it for half an hour.. but still I love it.. and yes its addictive.. but not good in a depressive way.. haa.. Tat claimed tt I focus too much on the negative heh.. shld appreciate the emotion instead.. this reminds me of Tuesday with Morris.... But I'm not that a saint..

Thanks Dawnie n Ben.. for dinner during wk.. ooh sold a black MacBook today... Black or White? I still couldn't decide..
Spent an enjoyable evening with Tat and Dawnie.. a night well spent.. The wafers were gd.. the ice cream even more so.. and the stars are so beautifooo tonight.. plenty of them! but how do u take pictures of them? The last time I saw them at ECP was when I was there with JTeo.. It brought back fond memories.. :) Be back soon dude.. then we can hang out with Rons again~

On way back. thot of gettin Taohwey,, n got Coconuts instead.. special request fr Dawnie haa.. freaking $3 each though ha.. twice the usual..
Was gd... ha that Tat can stand and blend in with our usual rumblings n shit.. we talked abt anything in the flow.. was surprisingly comfortable haa.. miss having long talks with u babe... n tat..heh, interested in joining the sistahood? loL

Gosh I miss simple times like these..
Meaning I think I haven been having a life lol~ yelps!

Wk early tmr.. n I'm still running... gettin lost again :(
::Running away from delusions::

I remember...
Do I still know how?...

::Running away from delusions::

~Love Actually
Thanks, for sending this to me.. to let me know that despite what others may think of me, I am at least perfect in someone's eyes.

Though we both noe I'm far from perfect.. Sorry..for I'm not that good.
::Running away from delusions::

Clubbing @ Zouk!~... Haa.. this is the last time I've club... the first Wed nite of May.. is has been almost one month since I last club! haa.. well.. someone couldn't make it last min most of the time keke.. and yesh.. its u Dawnie!! RawR!! Sistas~ we gotta club soon man.. KTV too of cos hee..

Went with my KR block mates.. that nite most NUS ppl are there anyway.. its duper crowded but still fun thanks to the company :)
Drinking session b4 that at the rooftop.. with half of them engine crashers lol.. kinda my study mates and beer drinking mates during the exams period.. haa.. I had more beer than I normally do in the midst of exams!~.. nuts.. but hell yea Hoegaarden!! Love my beer chilled.. and we often use Ben's waste basket to hold ice lol~
gosh.. I miss KR hall.. I miss my room.. the bed.. IVY and I miss Autumn too!
::Running away from delusions::

Just got back not long ago.. Could have been home much earlier. haa.. was desperately lost in Tampines.. I swear I hate that place now haa.. and poor Jourdan.. he offered to send me back out of gdwill and wasted so much of his petrol ke..

Sent off Sean earlier.. sad la haa..
Hate partings n how I wish i can fly soon.. wk life is looming and I'm desperately avoiding it lol..
Glad to haf known a couple of frens these few days..
I need inputs in my life.. n I'm gettin lazy ha

Just read a blog and my mood got worse.. :(
Feeling rather empty today..
I'm envious ha.. not viciously but sadly..

I need to get away..
This feeling is gettin hard to bear.. n its only the starting
::Running away from delusions::

I want Boobie with me..*sobs* Missing him suddenly now..
Wish I have a dog.. to love and be loved.. Regret not treasuring him enuff when he's still alive..
I promise I will treat my next dog much much better.. n never to take him for granted.. plus spend more time.. as much time as I can with him.. Time is what I did not prioritize him for in the past..

And it will still be a HE.. heh..
Aww.. the puppy at Bangkok is soooooooo cuTee.. kawaiiii.. dopeydopey.. and so tiny!!~!! he looks so small n harmless..
Even the kittens.. fluffy little things!! The animals there are so miniature.. too bad I can't bring them back...

AWWWww I want a dog!!!!~ (yesh.. i'm whiny)



I know I'm procrastinating.. I shld be like kenP..actively looking for a job.. but so far only been to recruit express..(cos he pull me there") n sent resume to Club21 haa.. Union Bank of Switzerland seems to have not more vacancies :(.. but will still give it a try haa.. n barclays!.. worse come to worse.. local ones lo.. hee.. got to start somewhere..

I have high expectations.. which is not gd rite? *bleh.
June.. when I have slacked to my content and enuff of iShop haa..

Then... I can get my Armani Specs!! (luv the frames) to look pro n standby for infection eye days haa.. Hmm.. shld I get the transition lenses??
Haa lots so things to get n shop!!~ haa.. well it's not so bad these days.. having been on a spree for sometime =p..

Gotta start paying for fees once I start wk though.. n save for all the Euro trips!! So many countries to go..
Had this feeling a couple days back... tt I just wanna get outta S'pore.. kinda like how I felt when I got tixs tt last min for Bangkok haa..

For the first time today I rode on a class 2 bike hee.. BMW wo.. costs 40+K.. Cos I am nice enough to wait for Mizan n Alvin to close shop.. haa.. Alvin stays like the next avenue! haa.. damn close..
n Alvin's car is now being driven by her gf lol.. lucky gal!.. just cos bike gets free parking at Cine, bleh.~

Yet another who think I dun look local haa.. but with a peculiar reason..
"you are soft..."
"huh?.. "
"cos Singaporeans are .. hard.."
"..." speechless lol.

Ooh.. coincidences haa.. Nicholas.. XH's ex lol.. my Bizcom MC junior.. applied for temp too today lol.. enjoyed his surprised look today.. *hee hee sniggers*
Apparently I'm kinda low profile in Vj.. and once again.. the world is ohsosmalll..
Wish I have known someone then though..
Hm.. think I'm more occupied with my life outta sch in Jc.. and in July.. convo will mark the end of sch life for me.. feeling?.. em.. kinda weird.. can't wait for exams to end foreva.. but think I wil miss the freedom and flexibility of sch life..*pout*
Oh well.. I suck at expressing how I feel.. haa.. u guys noe tt..

a lame b grade-supposedlyghostshow- just ended..n DL was watching it too haa.. we miss the old traditional ghost shows!!
stupid show.. wasted my time.. blea

Haa its weird how I seem to be gettin to noe some ppl fr sch only after sch has ended..
Sch has kept us busy lar ke..

*Moan*.. I need to be at TG by 7.30... its crazy la!! so early for rehearsal.. sian.. but gd thing I'm not acting this time round..(finally *sweats*)
and I get to leave by 8plus I hope hee.. my role? make-up for the cast hee.. I'm gd.. n they noe it lol..
Guess I better turn in now.. left 2-3 hrs :( heh.. nappie during the rather long bus journey later ha.
Happy.?
Sad.?
like shit? yea,,.

I want doggiee.. =(
::Running away from delusions::

I wish I noe what I want...
and that when I noe what I want.. that I can still get it.. have it.. the way I want it to be..

Would tt be yrs later?.. When things n factors are right.. when there is nothing such as too far apart.
::Running away from delusions::

Yea. Thanks to Jan I got to surf using PB's internal modem. not as slow as I thot.

I dun feel like sleeping at all..
Sad.. waves n waves of sadness... tears.. n pangs of pain..
Its all coming..
The worries.. the anxieties.. all the wondering..
Y Am I Acting this way..
Foolish?.. will I eva regret?.. Too fast.. I shld have refrained? Will I eva regret?
Perhaps I'm not ready too..
Then again.. what am I talking abt.. cos there is nothing..not much.. for regrets..

All these.. seem familiar ha.. how foolish of me.. n how I hate the games fate plays.


p/s: Anyone who is reading this now.. Dun think.. Dun ask too.. Dun even wonder. Pls. Thanks..
::Running away from delusions::