Listening to "Like A Fool" by Kim Min Jong now.. A nice.. but sad song.. on way to sch.
Have to prepare my Social Psy and send to Nicole by tmr nite.. which me for me by today.
Oh Liren just called me earlier too... haha.. he will be coming to NUS Central Lib to study too haa.. cos he's finding someone to study with hee... We did study together last time... that was when I'm studying for my Promos or As.. seems like such a long time ago...
Time passes fast.. Many things have happened since I last met him..

2 Days back I met Jason in the lib again.. like the 4th time I met him eva since I started sch in NUS? Learnt from Dawnie that he usually studies at her section and she thinks he still recognize her cos he will sometimes look at her... Or he could be buayaing her ma hee...
Haiz.. she warned me too of relationships.
But I seem to be stuck.. N understand that I can't be waiting for one day when someone or something tells me what to do.

Am still waiting.. without any idea what I'm waiting for...

::Running away from delusions::

TADA~ This is the thing that got me touching Photoshop CS last nite hee.. was looking tru many photos rite.. then came across this photographer who had a whole series of Baby Max... :) think the babe his own... Ahhh.. he i sso adorable..~

U guys got to see 2 first haa.. he has other expressions too.. well used photoshop to merge them together lo.. did even know how to do that well haa.. Oh well maybe cos I wanna it to be gd.. cos I could have just used Print or something.. but wun be as nice la..

Anyway.. ^bebe out of field trip hee..heard lots of sandflies yeah?.. haa got to check that out..
maybe going Zouk.. c how.. but now I need to rush home!~

::Running away from delusions::

Hey yup. haa fiddled with photoshop cs last nite till late.. haa.. its like the first time I touch it since I left Vj Artsclub? hee..
Will be learning more during Ciberia camp this dec :)..

Anyway.. the first is original, the 2nd filtered by Diffuse Glow, 3rd - Crosshatch and 4th - Dark Strokes.. haa..

Oh and 15 mins after I upload that to flickr some 30+ guy fr Taiwan.. commented cute.. blah.~

::Running away from delusions::

Was surfing tru an interesting website.. Nescape network... they have so much stuff there!~ all sorta fun stuff haa..
Horoscope... ...


JOYCE JILSON HOROSCOPE

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
You don't have to think much to know what you're doing next. Instinct and desire take over, and before you know it, you're on your way to getting what you want. Impromptu gatherings will introduce you to love prospects.

Taurus Sign Profile

Are you the steady, lovable bovine chewing its cud out in the field, or a raging bull ready to gore the matador? Both of those possibilities can be attributed to the Taurus, a ''bull-headed'' sign because of its extremely strong sense of will and determination. Not the most intellectual sign, the bull nevertheless can be incredibly hard-working, affectionate and loyal. Taureans are creatures of comfort who like to wine and dine luxuriously, sometimes to the point of overindulgence. They also are attracted to the arts and occasionally excel in painting or singing. Taurus can be depended upon in the workplace and works well as a team player. He or she is pretty conventional sexually, but has a healthy appetite. Because the bull's sign is the closest to the earth, acquiring things is high on Taureans' priority lists. The neck is a vulnerable area for Taurus, so take care of sore throats. Famous Taureans: Shakespeare, Freud, Fred Astaire and Barbara Streisand.



KELLI FOX DAILY HOROSCOPE

Friday, Oct. 29
Whether you admire it, really want it or are just thinking about what it might be like to touch it, that's exactly where you'll aim your considerable energy. Oh, that goes for people too, by the way.

Taurus Karma Profile



Those born under a warm Taurus Sun are the most sensual lovers of the Zodiac; they delight in rich foods, cuddling and lovemaking, luxurious fabrics anything that creates a delightful, tactile sensation. They also make wonderfully dedicated and romantic partners in love. However, along with all that sensualism tends to come a healthy dose of laziness and self-indulgence. Taurus sees no reason to deny itself anything it wants and this tendency can sometimes deepen into greed. Beneath Taurus's love of luxurious surroundings lies the mistaken belief that self-worth can be measured in terms of possessions, or lack thereof.

Taurus's main lesson in life is to learn that self-worth exists separately from what we have or own; our self-worth is an internal thing, untouchable from the outside, unbreakable by loss or misfortune. Taurus knows how to be generous, but should also learn how to let go of material possessions and other people. That possessive tendency can extend to lovers as well; Taurus is one of the most jealous, possessive Signs of the Zodiac. That old saying, "If you love someone, set them free," should be made into a tee-shirt just for Taureans to wear! Being quite stubborn as well (a quality of being a Fixed Sign), Taurus can really hold a grudge. And when Taurus gets angry, others won't want to get in the way; Taurus can be truly aggressive, even combative, when its passion is aroused. Like everyone, Taurus must learn that no one can control anyone's actions but their own. If a lover strays, Taurus must learn not to dwell on the pain and injustice of it all, but to move on gracefully.


Also thanks in part to that Fixed Quality, Taurus tends to fear change of any kind, bad or good! Those born under its influence just want to stick with the status quo and can get a real bee in their bonnets when things are different from how they think they "should" be. Some changes are positive; after all, with no change there would be only stagnancy. Change opens the door to new, wonderful things; even painful change, like moving residences or ending a relationship, often leads to great overall improvement.


Furthermore, change means growth and as living beings, growth is what we do. If Taurus could simply relax into change and accept it, all would be well. The trick is to trust ourselves to handle the uncertainty of life. For steady, stable Taurus, uncertainty can be the worst thing in the world! It isn't inherently negative, however; Taurus just thinks it is. Taurus can learn these lessons in part by taking cues from other Signs. Leo, the Sign of the Lion, possesses the courage of heart that Taurus, who possesses strength but also fear, may lack; Taureans should look to their Leo friends for lessons in turning that strength into bravery. Magnetic, charismatic Scorpio can teach stubborn Taurus about being dynamic, about turning on the charm to get what it wants rather than resorting to stubborn insistence as the road to getting things done. And Taurus can look to progressive, forward-thinking Aquarius for lessons in how to let go of personal, material possessions in favor of embracing new ideas. Aquarius can teach Taurus to value change - even thrive on it!
 

Jokes...
 

Some kids were in the habit of teasing one of their group by repeatedly offering him a choice between a nickel and a dime. He always chose the nickel, "because it's bigger."

One day, a friend took him aside and asked, "Don't you know that a dime's worth more than a nickel?"

The kid answered, "Yeah, but if I picked the dime they'd stop doing it!"
Smart or wat..
::Running away from delusions::

See what I mean?? Purple and green Purple and green Purple and green Purple and green
and Purple and green :)

:thats my bag btw... haa.. furry furry red bug there.. :

p/s its a real leaf~!

::Running away from delusions::

Haa.. check this out. Alvin did this himself.. his first try on Polymer clay.. if he can do it this well.. I'm sure I can do it too :)

We thinking of starting up biz la.. or rather I wanna n he wanting to collaborate with me pushing me to go for the idea... just not the rite time yet.. a bit busy la.. I love ladybirds too ;p Dun ask me y purplr.. think he thot I love purple tt time when we r out shopping.. but I love the combination of purple and green..

::Running away from delusions::

Hee.. taken just beside the mushroom field ;p.. Haiz.. think I've really gain weight.. complexion crisis too.. *mops* Dawnie as usual looks great today.. very cute wearing a vest over white shirt n black pompom skirt.. plus killer dark red pumps.. *sweats*~ hee.. -hugs- but gal u really got to eat more decent food.. seems like u r getting too much Mac's or skipping too many meals hmm.. *worries*

::Running away from delusions::

Hee.. oh way to Mac's with Dawnie earlier, we spotted this patch of wild mushrooms at the field off our path... :) Nice nice..

Poisonous?

::Running away from delusions::

Hmm... looked tru the wks of this Photographer... Brian Klimowski
think this is one of his most impressive work.. though I think he specialize more in Landscape shoots.. So many many tt I wanna share up here!~>. nvm.. will do so once in awhile.. one by one haa.

::Running away from delusions::

Has been spending the past hr looking tru photos.. Professional Photos taken by people... I am in awe.. Wish I'm that good.. n have the time to explore more into photography..
Anyway.. there are too many nice ones.. so can only intro photos-of-the-week. however dun quite like this wk's selected piece.. Shown here is last wk's... Amazing.. though it's not even one the nicest one to me. haa.. I'm mean..

Anyway.. heres what being said about this wk.. to y it is being selected.
Why this was chosen as Photograph of the Week
This is a photographer's photograph. The timing and fortuitous balance evinced by this image are remarkable; as for Brian's bravery and determination in the face of such powerful elements

::Running away from delusions::

You Are a Boy Shorts Bikini! You're a sexy girl - but not the type that likes to let it all hang out. You are in to a little of everything at the beach - swimming, tanning, playing And when you're running around, you'll be sure your butt isn't falling out of your suit What Kind of Bikini Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are An Intro-Extrovert! Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shy You've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time. Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need varity! Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along. Are You An Extrovert or Introvert? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Haa.. ya.. chance upon these quizes while reading a fren's blog.. ha.. sometimes it's interesting how much a blog can tell you about that someone and things related to her..

Anyway.. was basically surfing after classes today.. now doing duty.. erm.. dinner tonight?
Realised somethings... all pointing to the theory that Dawnie will eventually get closer to my frens.. happened on Danny kor, on Jason, Zhong Hao.. Paul. <-- just a statement.. not trying to imply anything. Perhaps it's her personality & attractiveness?.. :) or maybe there is something wrong with me haa..
Which eva it is.. we bitched a bit today haa.. abt this someone else.. & I did share with her a bit abt my unhappiness with someone or rather how he deals with things.. though I can't really do much abt it.

La ti da.. numbing myself.. (ok really no link.. haa but just so.. always how I feel after reading others' blogs ba)
::Running away from delusions::

Playing Forest Gump (piano) the whole 8.51 minutes long.
It kinda enhanced my current mood.. though I'm suppose to be typing and finishing my report.. left quite a bit at the back..
dun think I can do so immediately now.

Just ended conversation with ^be... he wun have to join the rest tonight... talking abt some stuff.. can't really remember how the conversation went, just that I started feeling real agitated.. we started arguing about it again.. got so bad that the hand holding the receiver spasm a few times.. haiz.
Yes i felt guilty not spending time with him.. but when he has to spite me or remind me eva so often.. instead of how I'll try to assure him, I got irritable and felt so pressurized that it turns me off.. I noe its bad..
I feel bad..
Was feeling so upset that I broke down again.. maybe slightly worse than yday.. no one making me so but of how I feel ba.. I no longer know what I want.. maybe in the first place I have never known? The only way I know is to push it away.. ran away u can say.. sorry for not knowing how to handle this..
He made a pt.. that if he stops acting childish "spiting" and bugging, it will be the day he completely gave up on us. Felt sad upon hearing that.. haiz..
But credits to ^be.. the conversation din end as bad as it could have.. he relented and bared his soul to let me know how he felt sometimes.. appreciate.. sorry if I seem to have responded coolly.. just need some time to recuperate.. to recover myself.
Claimed I have changed a lot.. true .. I dun deny.. was not entirely aware though.. *sigh* I have no idea where I am heading now... Kinda lost.. though I know I can choose to live as each day passes by.. but.. sometimes felt lost...

I know our problem haven been solved.. or may not even have identified it.. just not gonna think about it now.. report.. got to so constantly remind myself about that...
and tmr.. I'll start on my social psychology presentation.. by reading the text first... which I'm sure the rest have already done.

just found out that my text edit can read.. as in really read what has been typed.. and the articulation has been most surprisingly accurate.. even the short forms or singlish... plus it recognizes the commas, full-stops and other punctuation.. haa..
My powerbabe is amazing.. should have used it more often in the past rather than making more use of it now only when I need to type report in sch.. (ok it pronounce 'sch' as 's' 'c' 'h'.. n pronounces all ' as Apostrophe) Contemplating on having wireless at home.. wonder how much will that cost?.. n if my pc can still be fixed in the first place.. think will have to trouble Ern to come help rectify my failing ice_blu.. *frown*

::Running away from delusions::

Feeling sad.. haiz.. read ^be's blog.. dunno whats wrong with us.. sorta bocker again online just now.. abt smsing..
nvm.
Wish I can send him off.. but I have to complete this.

Last night had a major quarrel over the phone. Puzzled by this stand on NS at first.. then got really irritated.. then agitated.. n then its not just abt the army anymore.. it got on to how slow I am.. etc.. Broke down when I could not take it. It not the topics we argued about.. but about how we cannot communicate. Which stand or opinion... or ok,... just a sentence that I;ve said got rebuked. Got thrown back into my face when it was not even being processed. Perhaps we don't understand each other afterall.. or it's just about a fairytale dissipating...

Worse still.. he says he wanted to make me cry.. so wanted to make me cry yday.. and when I did.. he wonder why.
I know he truely loves me.. still. Which is how I sometimes explain things to myself.
Said he's sorry to have instigated me.. For some reasons.. I am not angry with him for that..maybe I understand. Though my heart did chill a little upon knowing it. I recover pretty fast sometimes.. when I want to, when I can help so.

Well maybe a big part is my fault.. I just foul up all relationships that I'm in.
So perhaps I am just not cut out for relationships.. I should have stay far far away from relationships.
should not have got into any??

how much do i mean to u? If tmr nv comes, would u know how much i love u? will u be able to live w/o me? Did I try in every way to show you every day
That you are my only one
will it be enough to allow me to close my eyes, and thank the lord that I've got you
And you've got me too?


I am speechless. Din noe how to response.

Then when we are on to something else.. just feel like lettin him know that I care. Upon typing it.. tears flowed.. they just did..
Ern came in a minute after that.. and thank god he din realise I'm crying.. which is weird.. haa.. cos thot was streaken.. gd thing my tears dry fast?..

---

ok.. Ern just realised I'm typing my blog and was disappointed cos he thot I'm typing much for my report and was encouraged.. "... can imagine my disappointment la..." with that he walked out.. Great. I know I could have responsed to that.. but chose not to..
Great that another person is disappointed with me..
---

And just noe my social psy result. 18/30.
Dawn just informed me of Abnormal psy results for her is sent to her. She got 33.. complaining that its lousy.. n the avg 32.6. Checked mine.. 30/40. Exactly just that that I told her. What else is there to say.
She's right. Everyone is studying real hard.. mugging real hard..
I'm just down.

Will have to start studying soon.. once i get all the shit assignments, projects and presentation done.
He is on his way in le..

::Running away from delusions::

haa this was taken some weeks back. my current hp wallpaper too.. kinda like it... but definitely now how I look right now while rushing for my report.. Moi conplexion got worse.. plus the lack of sleep.. N right now wearing my Specs.. ya I know.. In sch?? haa.. this is like the 2nd or 3rd time that u can catch me ard sch with specs.

Oh n just managed to startle two people.. was going for my toilet break n spot Stan studying so stand right beside him.. guess he was rather surprised n startled when he looked up. Then upon pushing open the toilet's door, another unaware gal got a mild shock.. burr. Back to wk back to wk..

::Running away from delusions::

Haa just realised there is a new drink out in the market today over when I'm having lunch at Arts canteen.. And see the quite cool function which allows me to add notes hee.. Better still if there are other options like add arrows etc.. haa..
Anyway.. skipping all my lessons today. Got to finish my report.. or at least try to by today. I know I could have finish it faster... But somehow the speed of my brains is slowing down n no willing to push hard for it to work.

Lethargic? maybe.. oh well.. had the first discussion meeting with my Social psy grp. Next Tuesday presentation... So after this report got to start on my research.
There is also an macro econs project.. damn... but may do it with KC and Ken.. They are definitely better than me.. Cos I seem so lost for macro.. ok back to my report.. tsktsk
*attention span for my report is pathetic.*

::Running away from delusions::

Hi peeps.. Was stumped previously as Picasa is not mac-friendly.. With my blasted home pc down, I could only work on my powerbabe..
So have been finding alternatives. Hopefully this is it :) :: Testing here...~

oh.. this pic was taken on 09Sept2004. Had dinner at HarbourFront Pasta Mania with Dawnie, Paul, Ernest and Rongren. :) and yup it has been edited...

::Running away from delusions::

Wait peeps... for the music to load.. haa

Oki... its 7.34am in the morning.. n guess wat?. I'm still in sch haa.. ya at YIH... crazy boy..was suppose to spend the night celebrating Paul's Bday together with Dawnie... She suggested gettin an hotel room too since we have plans to stay overnight... in the end.. plans cancelled.. cos her cell grp which is suppose to end at 9 only end at 11. Plus its raining cats and dogs out there... haiz.. decided to stayover night in sch afterall...and oh well.. this r the 'fun' stuff that I wun get to do once I graduate I suppose.. haa..

N wat have I been doing.. checking out China webbies of mp3./. kao.. they have a whole chunk loh.. Yaya... suppose to be doing the report.. but think even if I do the transcript now n upload saved to the net.. I wun be able to retrieve since I dun have internet access at home now.. so.. dumb la. Anyway.. damn cool la.. haa.. can't wait to get my powerbabe surfing so tt I can rip all the yummie chinese mp3.. haa.. ya chines.. China servers leh.. think they r resourceful haa..

Love this song.. miss ya bebe
::Running away from delusions::

::Running away from delusions::

Watching Channel U now... feels like shit.. haiz.. erm have been mugging for the Abnormal Psychology this whole morning and afternoon in the library... haiz.. oh wel... almost din finish reading the notes... but not 100% prepared of cos.. just hope to get above 30 out of 40.

Y I'm feeling bad today?.. dunno just tt after the test.. a few things just affected me.. erm, dunno what exactly... maybe I'm just indulging.. Went down to Co-op n bought Ritter Sport White Whole Hazelnut n Snyder's Buttermilk Ranch pretzel... nicest flavour.. I find.. Felt bad though... I noe there r pple who care for me.. yet my attitude sux la.. I noe.. So sorrie for whomeva came across my path.. felt real bad cos I've been mean

Then just dun wanna do any work though I am aware that I have a report to do.. think ^ern kan be xia qu le and ask me exactly when I wanna start wk.. *sulked* I noe I noe... just can't help wallowing n not do wk. Will do over wkend ya? or even later on... borrowed 2 novels fr 3rd floor... hey they do have novels.. haa.. just old editions.. mostly hardcovers too..

Something lightened my mood though.. read Fredrick's blog.. haa..that guy ar... haa seems to be surrounded by gals all the time huh.. hee.. ya he's using Mutiply..erm.... y din I make use of my Mutiply? haa.. maybe cos can't realli personalize my journal.. hee..

My japanese name is 浜野 Hamano (seaside field) 千秋 Chiaki (very fine in autumn).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

For just Haze alone ::

My japanese name is 浜野 Hamano (seaside field) 美晴 Miharu (beautiful clear sky).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

::Running away from delusions::

Christopher Reeve
September 25, 1952 - October 10, 2004"
"Reeve shows us the power, the possibilities and the results of a fierce and persistent commitment to growth and development. With God's help, Reeve is Superman because: 1. He survived the horse riding accident and challenged himself physically during countless months of painful physical therapy. 2. Because he remained committed to his role as a loving husband and doting father 3. Because he kept hope alive in the face of injury and paralysis that can destroy all hope-in the face of having to depend on his wife and many others to feed, wash, change, move and carry him to the doctor. 4. Because he came to the conclusion that God still had something for him to do...So, Christopher Reeve turned his focus away from his paralysis and began figuring out how he could live afresh. Reeve decided that a lot of people might like to hear his story. Instead of limiting the communication of his story to letters, books and videos subject to edit, Reeve chose the lecture circuit. That meant showing up in public, allowing the public to gawk at his incapacity, talking about his condition and sharing lessons learned. Thus, Christopher Reeve has become Superman for real."

Bishop Keaton

Din noe he passed away till now.. upon reading this from a fren's blog...
I have a picture and some lines written about him in my Intro to Psy textbk... He's a legend.
::Running away from delusions::

Kinda feeling emo.. n moody.. the hard-to-breath feeling again.. blah.
Can't seem to study though I'm aware of my paramount duties.. at least for abn psy test on tuesday.. oh well.. maybe its the songs again.. Now at ^Be's place... home pc still down.. powerbabe actively chewing torrents currently..

^be napping.. turned to gaze at him n he looked peaceful... till cough irritates him.. poor bebe... n for some reasons, I welled up again.. haiz.. blast my moods..

Oh chatting on MSN.. saw ^V n chat abit.. the day that he initiates contact will maybe be the day we can be back to being normal frens... leaving the past to be just that.. the past. ^Ern struggling hard wif me too.. haa but to complete his tonnes of essays... 7.. ya thats tonnes to me.
^paw just told me a dream of his... a nightmare to him ba... wonder abt wat he said.. Do dreams depict reality?.. Had one myself just days back.. but can't remember le..

Shucks... ^be coughing rather badly.. can c tears in his eyes... *sayang*.. N he has thinned so much..
Oh well.. being with him gives me this feeling.. which I have yet learn to describe.. *shrug*

Currently playing ::Everytime I close my eyes -Babyface

Argh!! how to get myself out of this sucky mood which I fall into rather frequently these days?..

Music... it must be the songs..
Minnie Riperton - Loving you
::Running away from delusions::

Feeling kinda depressed now... low N down..
Dun ask me why....
Wun be able to answer anyway.. haiz..

Maybe its the music playing...
maybe its the thots tt seeped in..
maybe its just me..

But hate to feel this way.. no control of self n bad stuff looming..
Finding it hard to breath..
Wondering wat I'm doing..
Wat I have to do..
And wat can I do..


Felt like crying.. teared..
but think I'm ok now... consoled for the time being..
I chose to believe its the songs...
::Running away from delusions::

On Tuesday... I heard of the toothpick theory..Fr ^K.P. This theory is adapted and improvised fr the movie 100% feeling.. din watch.. dunno.. haa
^K.P. is a toothpick haa.. toothpick to fill up spaces.. meaning needed by frens only when they r bored or seeking help.. Guess he felt unappreciated even though he's nice not cos he's expecting anything... but after discussion... isn't almost everyone like that?... this human world is abt taking advantage of each other... tskts.. but I dun want him to just be a toothpick.. he's one of the few frens that I noe I will really treasure.. cos of his sincerity to ppl.. I appreciate.
Haa then after lecture I left 2 hrs to participate in forum... n guess wat.. I post way past deadtime haiz... hopefully wun get penalize.. n only managed to fish out 2 pathetic posts... damn..

Anyway.. yday was Cheryl's Bdae.. moi cousin one yr my junior.. She invited me down Chinablack... met her godbro, maternal side cousin.. n some frens ba.. but din really get to talk much to her... Music was soso... R n B then techno... (sian) n finally back to R n B... the songs at the back r really gd.. n the awaited for 'Supermodel' came as the last or 2nd last song haa..
Reached home ard 4plus .. damn tired...Think I'm once again sick of the clubbing scene... burr..
Oh well, gd thing too cos dun think will be able to spare much time for that till exams r over .. burr.

Abnormal Psy!!




::Running away from delusions::

"well, coz ya haven't got to the root of the unhappiness, wat's causing all this pain? remember how you felt when you're in love the first time? Love is powerful...and at the same time, more peaceful than a gentle breeze up in the mountains...
it soothes ...it teaches.... it grows and those in love grow from it...
it's aliving thing... it needs everything and at the same time gives you more than you need.... "
ya kinda exhausting

Happened to be surfing tru my old blogs.. erm... gettin abit emo.. not exactly reminiscing, more of heavy-hearted. Haiz.. times like this reminds me just how I hate to love. To love n get scarred?.. U dun get scarred just by being dumped.. To initiate break up with anyone hurts.. arguements n unhappiness could leave u branded too..

heart feels constricted.

Oh.. I'm still in search of myself.. wat I want exactly out of life.. out of my relationships. *Wistful* yet not exactly in a hurry to find out.. let me dwell in my own abyss... but thats now entirely possible now.

Still... I can't hear wat my heart's telling.





::Running away from delusions::

When you lead the life that you want, you will find the man that you seek for....

Thot abt it.. maybe.. just maybe..
Life that I want...
?

Oh well.. felt laden.. Felt the same way.. or even more yday while reading a particular blog.. a blog that was written closely with a relationship of a fren.
Maybe cos she's sure of how she feels all the time.
maybe cos she knows just how to express them..
N maybe cos the entries are usually just so sad... if not confused..

KenP commented today tt seems like there are many unhappy pple ard this world.. and usually they are bloggers.. Humph.. such bias.. hey.. I do try to keep mi happy memories here... not denying the fact that ya.. I do blog abt real unhappy stuff too.. periods of depression and melancholy thots..

My heart felt constricted... breathing switched to self-supporting mode?... n yet.. I've to act neutral... natural.. or maybe cos that's the only way I know?... not maybe. I haven reach the stage whereby I can display all emotions felt.
That's yday.

Went back to earlier entries.. as early as I can trace.. dunno Y I'm even reading this.. but just wanted to? Its all one-sided... like following someone's diary.. someone's life... once again, I distanced myself.. trying to read like how I might a sci-fic novel.. failing again when I know parts of my heart are being tugged.. sigh.
Love's an evil fellow.

Thots:: Should I haven chosen another path?.. like how some frens did.. to stay away
fr potential pain. pains...


::Running away from delusions::

just read Dawnie's blog... realised I've skipped reading one last time... Felt sorrow.. Deep turmoils of god knows wat.. Thots flew tru my mind as I read.. Wat happened..? Wat happened to my Dawnie tt made her that upset... that tired.. that drained..? Why was I not that there for her.. maybe in my own life I've became quite a selfish brat.. My heart went out for her even though I have no idea wat was wrong.. So insensitive of me.

I wonder if she will tell me one day.. I know I've breached her trust in the past.. tt's cos I din noe how big a secret she wants them to be.. but still no excuse for wat shit I've done.

I wonder if I should even ask.. if by showing concern I'll be prying.. or digging something she's trying to forget or had done so.. to surface.. Maybe I haven noticed.. tt Dawnie has grown.. has pass me by.. by a lil.. to be a lil stronger.
::Running away from delusions::

Have been entertain this thot of awhile... maybe its not the rite time for me to embark on any relationships at all this yr.. or for the next two yrs?... no longer feel as rooted as I was when I'm with Vance?... maybe its the age... maybe its the emo.. haiz.. wateva it is... I've been this pile of confused hazy slump.. may have hurt some ppl by blogging this.. but I'm still as confused.:'(

N doesn't help tt someone told mummy relationships built this yr will lead to nowhere.. am I thinking with my heart or mind.. I dunno.. to use just my heart... how do I feel? or am I even capable of that.. humph.. burr..

Ok.. dash that..

Went town again on Sat noon.. haa.. dun exactly know how but end up checking out a few branded wallets hee.. Love that Ferragamo's card holder.. S$300? Gucci's Wallet S$600..as much as I like that.. its too ex for its quality.. cos the clasp discolours.. sobs.. I really LOVE the design!! ok la.. Ferra"s too.. Damn ex la. Short interlude of Branded watches at Taka.. before checking out LV's... erm designs all too auntie.. but found one thing I like... the colourful LVs on black organiser.. :) nice nice. Din check price though.. ha no pt ma
Wanted to get something actually... but not too sure of the size since its not for myself haa... this wkend ba.. ;p

Was at Gripz... saw peirong there... quite surprised cos din noe he helps out there too... anyway... got a pair of shoes.. its tweet material in lite green.. for this summer season haa.. (once again I miss my camera.. Alston has not been picking up my calls too.. humphh..) cost S$69.90 but with 10% off.. S$62.50? n ^Be cocked to his mum... saying its only 20 haa. He does talk too much cock sometimes ha.. but guess his mum more or less used to it..
Anyway... wearing the shoes now... today.. wat a torture la.. think I'll having 3 big blisters if not for the wise move of bringing plasters haa... had my lunch with Ernest n according to him the shoes just need breaking in.. ouch.. at my expense. lol. Still its a cute pair of shoes ho ho..

Still a bit under the weather.. erm weird.. been sleeping quite alot... yet still tired. Slept both afternoons off wkends... n still get knock out on Sat nite..
Was studying the whole of last nite till 5 plus in the morning? for my macro test on tuesday.. took awhile before I drift off to dreamland though.. n woke up after 2 hrs..for sch.. burr.. buggy eyes now.. N I still have more than half to cover for tmr's test!!>.. dun think I can sleep le... Wish I can do that though..staying awake.


*haa.. just heard a very cute sneeze from someone sitting somewhere in front... must be a female..*
::Running away from delusions::

Was in town Friday evening after the supposely NUSSU Agm..which ended earlier than previous yr.. got two rings haa.. vanity.. haa.. anyway.. saw a grace n someone.. ha.. so the kapo in me informed Dawnie.. haa.. real Ba Gua ;p

It interesting how much joy u can get from observing things and people ard u... I call these moments of life.. Prob with me is.. I can haf whole chunks of thots on these moments but with no means of capturing them.. soon forget as time passes.. too bad i forgot the site for my mobile blog.. (maybe I shld try searching one day.. when I'm not this lazy) so wat I end up doing is save short short notes in my hp to remind me of these warm moments haa..

To share some:: I was on the train heading to Orchard fr Dhoby.. frustrated with how crowded the train was n how rude some s'porean can be.. I spot this lady sittin directly in front of me.. smiling away to herself.. reading a certain SMS on her hp which must have brightened up her day reasonably.. Can't help but smile too.. She's being ridiculously cute la.. reminds me of how I sometimes do that subconciously too.. haa.. wonder wat msg was that..

Waiting for bus 10 fr HarbourFront.. tired of looking at direction of bus arrival, I turned to look up at the sky just above the hawker centre... n caught the beautiful sight of a flock of birds... the dance of flight.. ha.. the changing few formations.. against the brite blu sky.. wave of peace.

Studying outside..tired n stressed... this grp of gals sitting behind me were chatting amiably till one gal burst out laughing.. such an influencing laughter! can't help but start smiling... then to my despair I felt laughters bubbling near the surface.. did I laugh out loud?




::Running away from delusions::