blogging in the middle of the week #likeaboss


OKAY ANYWAY. i just realized that pw's not done. 
i'd better attend to it ASAP. and theres theory homework too!
the never ending agony. at least until 17Mar! :/ 


really reaaaaally cant wait for theory to be over, at least it's one load off!
but then after 17Mar, 19Mar is the release of pw question. #okcan
so yeap, still glad that i'll have a load off before the other comes in :) 


had a terrible day ystd, dont even know how many things went wrong.
like more than 10, i swear. and even when i got home i couldnt get things done.
what a horrible day.


today was slightly better, considering softball always gives me such joy :) 
the satisfaction of running bases after hitting, and my ultimate-blur moments when i either dont run or run with the bat LOL. i think im a joke when it comes to softball ._. but ohwell, fun! :D
and the 2 hours of gp was very bearable, consindering how light the mood was :)
and geog, never boring ^^ still cant really get DRQ stills tho :/ shall see Mr Chang soon hmm.


training... didnt go really well :/ considering how i lost focus somewhere in the middle.
no idea why i just blanked out for 5s then after that lost it totally ._. 
BUCK UP MEL. BUCK UPPPP. 


loads of work requiring my attention. shall blog longer when the holidays come :) 
thats if i even get to blog during the holidays :)




9moredays :)

i never knew how bad things was until today.
i realized i really misunderstood. 
i thought too much, and i really had the heart over mind mentality.
i should never have given up a 4th time.


regrets, disappointment, heartache overwhelms.
all because of? misunderstandings.
i thought so, i really did. like from the bottom of my heart.
everything felt right. until this.


thought i was thinking too much but thanks for making everything clear to me today.
dont know how i'm gonna actually tide thru all these.
already thinking of a way out, dont think i'll make much progress tho.
never knew such things could change everything so much.


i gave up my dream for something so surreal. 
gave it up because i believed in something so surreal.
perhaps this was a just a facade, that i got badly cheated by.
how do i know who can i count on anymore?


everyone who was in touch with my dilemma some while ago wouldve known.
known so well that it was always my heart that ruled.
no matter how much my mind tried, it always fails.
but then again, my heart disappoints me all the time. 
so the saying goes "love is blind" - letting my heart rule made me blind.


f-ing discouraged now. 
dont even know how i'm gonna carry on from this point.

Initially wanted this to be a one-liner, but I guess I've more to blog bout.
Firstly: NO MORE FRIDAY TRAININGS (Y)
Boy am I glad! Finally I can TGIF every friday hehe ^^ 
Although that means I've to work harder to get my 'due on friday' homwork done before thursday.
But whatever, it's worth it :D 
YAY FRIDAYS :D


There's Chem test next week. And rumours of a GP test. 
Thinking if I should ask her bout it but ltr dont have become have then zz -.-
YEP. So I should be studying now! Or rather, doing homework.
Theory Homework to be precise.


But I just really dont have the mood to. 
Dont know if what I said have made some important people upset :/
Dont know how to find out either. Really hope everything's gonna be fine.
I still feel a lil' out of place at times, but it's okay. 
I'll be strong :)


And recently I think I've carried on my wrong choice from end of y2.
Made many wrong choices then, dont know if I still regret them.
I know it's been rather long and I should forget, and get over these things.
But somehow they still haunt me over again.


I mean like, the grudges I promised to let go against 4L.
They havent seem to fade. 
Every time I see that someone, only that certain someone, I'm reminded bout all those things again.
No idea how I managed to stay calm for so long :/


Sigh. Okay this probably isn't the time to think so much. 
Because I've gotta let things go and move on. 


Friendship Day's around the corner. OKAY SERIOUSLY.
Friendship day ._. It isn't even the correct friendship day, just a school initiated one.
Alina says that they cant call it V'day cuz people w/o a Valentine will feel sad.
I mean like what?! But we both agreed we haven't felt sad over the years :) 


Got the stuffs I needed to get already, but probably will have to squeezeeeee in as much time as I have in between homework and revision and piano to get the cards done!
Thousand apologies to anyone who doesn't get them from me on Tuesday! 
And hmm, I'm still pretty much idea-less on what ELSE to do. 


Alright time to get off the comp to theory.
Jiayou me! And everyone else :) 

Havent been blogging for ages. 
Couldnt bring myself to blog because I know work will pile up on me.
But today was just too tiring and I need a break.


SH seriously...kills. I'm serious. 
I'm so tired after only 4 weeks, and knowing I still have bout 20-21 months to go isnt helping at all. I really need more strength to carry on.
I say 'I'm damn tired' close to 10 times a day, or maybe 20. 
It just comes out so naturally.
Plus there's no public holiday until Good Friday. 
And I swear March Hols wont even be a proper break.


Theory on 17Mar, my teacher will zap my entire March Hols -.- 
Really afraid ohgosh. The last theory paper I took was in p5.
6 years ago oh my goodness, how am I gonna cope with it ._. 
Plus theres so much things I havent learnt yet!!! 


This is like some rubbish post, just my rants and nothing really productive.
But I'm just really tired and dont feel like doing any more work today :(
Sigh. 


There's so much things I've got on my mind. 
Really need to know how to breach certain topics to my parents and all.
Hopefully they'll understand.






so bloody thankful for you<3