All I want for Christmas is You~~~

it's been a long day with geog and this clingy romance shall continue to stay strong. #jiayoumel
thank goodness for good music and Christmas songs to keep me sane ^^

actually all I really want for Christmas is to spend Christmas with my dearest :) havent thought of anyth I could possibly get him for Christmas yet. meh D:
hi dearest if you see this CAN WE GET ICECREAM TOGETHER SOON? :D Andersons B&J or whatever, havent had any good ice-cream this hols w you yet :)

wanna get Christmas nails! maybe I should pamper myself with a manicure session but my nails are so horribly short there isnt much I can even paint. SIGH. come next year i'm gonna get extensions when I do manicures! #lookingforward

so angst that I havent been able to do my nails because of my stupidity with my passport. and it honestly wont be very worth it to do my nails now? but I would have to take them down in 3 weeks right, thats how long those non-gelish ones would last anyway. MAYBE I should! :D argh whatever, let's just see when's the next time we're gonna head into JB ;)

oh I've kinda set my eyes on a pretty ukulele I saw online at a rather cheap price :D but the thing is I probably wouldnt have time for it esp since I already gave up piano until after A levels alrd. then after A levels it'll be focusing on the pieces until I clear my g8. THEN I'll have the time for a new instrument. sounds like it's never gonna happen? I THINK SO TOO.

honestly living in Woodlands is so hard to adapt to. what in the world. WHAT IS THERE IN THE NORTH. I miss the east :( it's really boring here argh I mean, I feel paiseh if I keep going out because I know aunt wont be v happy. and plus it'll take me 45mins to get back to Tampines.

okay and all those talk bout 21.12.2012 is making me feel kinda scared over, idontknow. the world ending? I mean, nobody knows what would reallyreally happen right. I just hope I get more chances to appreciate people if it doesnt happen. and hmm, if it really happens, I just wanna say thankyou to anyone and everyone who have been part of my life and been there for me :)

Nice Astons lunch, Life of Pi and Gardens by the Bay! :D

yay today was an awesome day spent with the special one <3

pictures~~ seldom upload pictures of our days together but I love the GBTB pictures too much ^^

ohwell, still selective uploading ;)

lemonlime chicken w vege-less sides  ^^

hickory BBQ chicken! this person loves vege I swear :P

one of my 最爱s! - Christmas Trees ^^

PHOTOBOMBBBBB >..<

snowman snowman!! :D 

heheh <3

I love this place! :D

I think I've grown to like flower photog ^^
the flowers were so freakin prettyyyyy :D

alright, thats it for now :)

but on a Wednesday, in a cafe, I watched it begin again #nowplaying
the new Taylor Swift album is remarkable I swear :)

ohokay, first things first.
I need to blog bout Australia before I forget all those details~~~

anyway I've gotta admit I was really apprehensive bout the trip a few days before, so much so that I was lazy to pack to get ready, WHATEVER.
and I've gotta admit I felt pretty uncomfortable with the company for at least the first 1.5 day.
hmm, perhaps it just takes time to warm up :)
because after that time, whoa, it became so enjoyable :)

really thankful for the MovieWorld trip on tuesday, like that was the place where I started bonding more with the dunmanhigh peeps!
altho I got much closer to the year3s than the year5s. ohwell just like me to hit it off better with juniors!

so hmm, monday and wednesday was spent at AB. and I seriously felt that the forum was started off badly with that talk which I really struggled like crap to stay awake (okay I fell asleep -_- and I think when the teachers were debriefing and talking bout ppl sleeping in the audi in the morning, I was one of them the teachers were talking about -_-).
but yeah, other than that mostly stuff were v enjoyable! :D
and I like how they 'force' their students to do sports everyday, but they dont restrict as to what sport is being played :)
oh the Math quiz was one of the best ever I think I ran more than I used my brains._. but whatever :D
scheduled to have a stargazing night but didnt succeed both days cause it was v cloudy at night ): wasted!

OH. but i'm really really proud of the bfast my apartment prepared on monday morning! :D not forgetting how I single-handedly cooked 18eggs + scrubbed the pan in less than 30mins ;)

so yeah, tuesday was MovieWorld, no idea how I got up the kiddy coaster (YES, i'm a mega-coward), but okay I guess dares got the better of me haha. but spent most of my day at the bumper cars (3 times?!) and the Justice League shooting game (3times as well!). and ofcourse, shops! :D altho didnt buy much cause souvenir shops basically sold the same things, but it was quite enjoyable :)

oh we headed to a Chinese restaurant on tuesday night, wasnt v fantastic at all ohwell~
and I think grocery shopping is really quite fun LOL. the happiness we got everytime we heard there was sufficient time to head to the supermarket is (Y)

thursday and friday was the challenge ^^ didnt really feel like a real challenge cause even tho we were in the quarantine room, there was still loads of movement esp towards the computer lab (which we had to walk damn long to-.-). cannot explain the annoyance when we get back to the quarantine room and the mentor said something was wrong and we had to reprint. wah, seriously.
but overall was really glad my group worked rather well! :D we were really quite efficient other than the fact that the presentation wasnt rehearsed. (PW standards sets me too far)

didnt win anyth, but felt really happy for those dunmanhigh peeps who won! :D 5/20 is really not bad alr lah haha, gotta admit this. altho I would honestly have preferred to be working with people from dunmanhigh.
as stated by someone (forgot who): purpose of this is not competition but cultural exchange.
so yeah.

thursday! :D SHOPPING :D
wasnt expecting anything much tbh but got much of a surprise when Target was having a sale with reallyreally cheap shoes, happily took one pair. and somehow I made Laura Beatrice JiaXin and HoongYan buy too! :D
so we spent 30-40mins more than we intended in Target. decided to get grey because neon colours didnt have my size ): omgosh those pink and blue ):
and I helped JH buy a pair too ^^ hes pretty happy w them from what I gather :)

friday night was cruising, like seriously, sunset cruise.
the food was reallyreally off standard, but the company and the view made up for it I guess :)
magnificent view of the sunset and all, and ultimate fun! :D
headed back to the apartment and ate supper LOL.

saturday was mountaining ;)
I mean, the bus drove us around and just alighted us to let us take pictures of pretty views.
walked abit to enjoy the cold air, thats it :)
but because there were really quite a number of stops it was rather worth it! just for the views :)
and was glad I listened my company and not bring my jacket down because the air was just so cooling comfy and everyth, and it wasnt too cold for me :D

saturday's dinner was rather special because we got to choose our own seafood at the restaurant, and the fish&chips was (Y)!! altho the chips was really alot, and it was eaten for supper instead!
saturday night was really the most happening LOL. cant believe how we all stayed up like until 330am (before even packing) to play cards + monopoly.
I believe the teachers kinda gave up on checking on us cause we just trespassed everynight.
(Ms Tan and Mdm Khoo if you ever see this, I'm really sorry! But everything was safe under the control of the leaders!)

oh and the sunrise I watched for a really short while and caught pretty pictures on ;)

sunday was dreamworld :D
before sunday all I heard was "oh, dreamworld is like twice as scary as movieworld sia!!" then I was just like GG. dont need play alrd.
but one good thing was that I was able to play water rides at dreamworld! :D and my courage went up by quite alot LOL thanks to those y3 daredevils.
and also people who told me to not waste the money on the entry tickets hahahaha.
most of the time I'll start regretting after I'm strapped up, by then, too late LOL.
good experience definitely :D

after which was airport then singapore~! :D

really appreciate the company I got on this trip:

Apartment 225: Laura Beatrice Wanyi Sizheng! - yall made my leader job alot easier, what wake everyone up. I'm the last to wake every morn! LOL but yay glad to have such considerate and responsible apartment mates! :D

Hangout Girls Group: Laura Beatrice Jiaxin Hoongyan! - it's amazing how I'm the only y5, and yet I'm always labelled fun-sized/cute and whatever, darn. enjoyed your company cause it made shopping so much more fun! and glad to have learnt so much stuff from you girls too! :D

Healthygang: Laura Mark Sebastian Terrence! thankyou guys for being running/gym enthusiasts, so that I had company when I wanted to run/gym or basically just exercise! not to mention, for pool as well! and lepaking session, and on the plane too! best company from people I hardly knew for a week :)

and I'm really sorry my dearest fell sick when I was away and I couldnt be there for him ): 

finally, I really cant believe my birthday is coming again.
aunt called earlier to ask what I want for my birthday. THEN I saw this tweet:

‏@OmgComedy

Me most of the year: Want that. Want that. Want that. Me near my birthday & Christmas: I CANNOT THINK OF A SINGLE THING I WANT.

OMG SO TRUE PLEASE.
on second thoughts, as I was reading qiuqiu's blog earlier bought her hen's night, I saw this site: https://www.facebook.com/BakedbyLace/info and I thought the food looked pretty good ;) HAHAHA omg the pig traits just exists in all aspects of my life. but I mean! all the cupcakes omgosh <3
okay done, not meant to make anyone bake/buy cupcakes for my birthday I dont want those extra calories.

p.s. looking forward to the next 2 days ahead^^ 
p.p.s. the most 贴心 guy in my life just told me what not to wear tmr "but dont wear heels ah haha later walk then painn" aww. so sweet <3

I realized there are many readers of my blog -_-
just comparing the number of posts and pageviews. CRAAAAAAZY.
what do you people do?!?!!? there isnt anything interesting on my blog other than my stupid rants actually -_-


sighhhh packing luggage. dont like packing. like travelling. dont like unpacking.
HAHAHA complete signs of a lazybummmm.
flying off on sunday already! so freakin' soon ohmaaaans.
will miss someone like mad. :<

sometimes i cannot explain the bliss i feel when i'm with you :)

till then :) see you soon :)

my puny brain can only take so much.

this pressure is getting to hard to take. i dont know when it will all go away. 

so many things i want, but so many things to restrain from.

really really tired of these. i hate how people think i can tank.

initially thought i had let that dilemma down after making a decision. but now...

i hate the thought of how you perceive me. if you think i'm not good enough then just tell me. 

if i was actually 'good enough' for that offer to be posed, i really dont think it's fair at all to be discouraged all of a sudden, just because i dont have the foundation.

fuck. foundation doesnt = good results.

my math is a splendid example of the good foundation --> no good results.

i'm only left with effectively 2 days. its really so daunting on me.

you all dont know me, it's not just PW in my head i swear. 

i wish it was that case however much i complain and rant bout PW. 

it's really really hard to be truly happy nowadays. 

ironically i dont really want PW to be gone because then my mind will wander.

i'm like blogging my troubles out just to make myself feel better because honestly i dont know who reads my blog and i dont care and dont wanna know anyway.

if whoever wants to judge me, so be it. i'm too busy and tired to care bout people who dont matter.

really thankful for those dears who've already offered a helping hand should i succeed this battle that will end 1nov :) love you girls and i'm thankful i've all of you to rely on :)

and for your sakes, i wont give up now :)

as for PW. it'll be over in a flash i'm really sure. it's already 2 days to OP trial, and another 1 week after that to 8nov :) really hoping it'll be a blast and we can all get our As. 

GO 38 :D love you guys :)

and for the other things that are bugging me, hopefully it'll all be over by the time december begins. which means another one month of suffering. come on mel you can do it :D 

alright, probably wont be back in this space until after 8nov :)

so looking forward to the date after OP ;) 

do look forward too, you're in for a great day! <3

my brain decided that PW was overloading so I shall take a short break here to post up some pictures.

class chalet was really awesome much. 

3D2N at Changi Treehouse Villa. 

teachers said, "38 is crazy", well yes we might be, but 38 is definitely a lovely class <3

cream cheese brownies that I baked for the chalet ^^ glad it was well received ;)

and v happy cuz JH said it improved from july hehe :))

first day, 

guys went to buy food, some of us girls checked in w Ms Selena.

slacked awhile, and I went off to meet JH then head to tuition.

McCafe^^! Weirdest combi ever, hot chocolate w some latte. >.< 

just a random thought: I'd really like to learn how to design latte ;)

daddy gave Alina and I a life as we headed back to chalet after tuition.
movie marathon: Taken, Dictator, MI4.
lost my patience w MI4 and headed to bed instead :)

slept for a few hours before waking up 6, to go to sch ._.
thinking back it was really interesting how we looked like 15zombies going to sch together.
and how the bus uncle waited for like 3mins for us girls to cross the road LOL.

teachers thought we wouldnt even make it to school and pon or something.
guess that says alot about our reputation LOL.

presented with a surprising result slip. with a decision to be made by 1nov.
still stuck in the dilemma now altho many people already feel that I know what's the right thing to do.
but the more I think the more problems surface. T.T
and there are more and more commitments now that I think of it.
sigh A levels is really not easy to handle. need to start having more self-confidence.

I will make THE choice eventually. 

had some alone time, then headed home to get the brownies before meeting Yih Fang at tamp interchange to buy instant noodles and head back to the chalet for bbq. 

talked to Ms Selena a lil, thankful for the advice she gave :)
Mr Loh came with his wife, and Mrs Lee with her daughter :) 
pity Mr Pang couldnt come cuz of LC duties >.<
really really love the 38 teachers because they're just so nice and all, and it's such a nice feeling to be close to the teachers and know that you can rely on them with stuff you might need :)

5C38 ;) 

how can I ever bear to.

slacked around with mahjong and cards until the guys decided to get started with running man~!

was partnered w Siew Wei and thought our hiding place was like (Y) until the catchers came.

unfortunately the game couldnt last long cuz of clumsy me :( 

maaaan. thinking bout it I still feel really bad for ending their game so early SIGH._.

went back into the chalet to wash wounds and then played ToD and shoot-shag-marry. 

think we couldnt tank much because the first night + sch the second morning was too much to bear.

washed up and slept pretty early, most people crashed. 

last morning, woke up, cleared up and had instant noodles for brekkie ;)

thanks awesome people who cooked (it was initially my job tsk._.) :D 

checked out, headed home and went to work.

sigh talking bout work.

since last week it's been like.

wed-fri: chalet 

fri-sun: work 

mon-thu: pw 

fri-sun: work 

mon-thu: pw 

fri-sun: work 

mon-thu: pw 

OHWELL.

8nov come quickly please :(

crappy OP prep today mega annoyance but theres nothing I can really do bout it but trust Mr Chew because he's just that good.

on a sidenote: headed for J-pot with JH for hi-tea today^^! 

lovely talk all the way till home, made up for all the unhappiness I felt during OP prep :)

thanks for keeping me company altho you were tired, appreciate it so much :)

hi-tea platter ;)

alrighty thats all for now :)

In memory of Wong Liang Jie Ervin

perhaps this came late.
but I was being slightly selfish (as usual). I needed time to set my emotions right before I start on this post.

right from year 1, you played an influential role in my life. in the lives of most of the Helea warriors I should believe so. Warriors, so apt. because that was what you truly were. you fought like a brave warrior should, in the face of adversity you showed remarkable resilience and for that, I salute you.

from the moment the news struck, so much has been going through my mind.

I remember year 1 orientation, when everyone was just shy. in a new environment, trying to not be so loud, but at the same time trying to make friends as well. you, just stood out. you were loud, and un-annoying. you were loud with the right humor, your jokes were always to lighten the mood. right till now I can still remember so many.

I remember admiring you for your excellent sporting spirit. esp since you were so versatile and there was hardly any sport that you could not play. I remember how you topped the level with your 2.4km timing in year 2. I remember how me and Wei Ting sat in front of first you and Rui Zheng, then you and Tyne. I remember how you and Tyne loved calling each other pigs and dogs and me and Wei Ting had non-stop entertainment. I remember how you came in early to class every morning at Mt Sinai to sweep the floor and even the corridor of the 1H classroom. I remember so much, so much that it pierces right through my heart.

throughout that two years, I know our friendship didn't start off v well and all esp in year 1. but I am ever so thankful that we became close friends as of year 2. despite your loudness, you were a trust-able confidante. I really could tell you anything, and expect some valuable advice from you whenever in times of need. and honestly, you never disappointed me. your advice will continue to guide me on my life journey, and rest assured I will live on your strong fighting spirit.

you were a magnificent sports leader as well. although many of them might see me as the in-charge, I always find the need to seek your advice before I do anything or make any decisions. which really means that you're the leader among us all. the silent (for once) leader that assisted in me in many of the events we had in place and many of the things we did in the 'backstage'.

right as of this moment, my greatest regret is to have drifted apart from you at the end of year 3. I can be quite sure that no one will ever understand the feeling I had when I first got news of your cancer. it was just, regret x1000. I told myself I had to make it up to you and tried my best to catch up with you whenever possible. Was glad to see you fighting hard and coming to school despite your fatigue after your chemotherapy sessions. pretending to not see me cause "you so short, I cannot see", but I know you still did because you'd always reply my text after spotting me in the canteen or anything :)

really heaved a sigh of relief when you conquered the cancer in June last year. I still remember what you wrote in the facebook note for your friends, I remember you thanking me for "being the noob who always fails to win me in arguments". well, I really miss having those pointless arguments with you. despite losing 100% of the time. because they make me smile :)

being back in the same class with you this year, I vowed to make sure I don't regret anything at the end of two years. but I guess, I will always have regrets. still remember the last conversation I had with you through text. you felt really beaten because everytime you appear to have conquered it, it comes back stronger than you've ever expected. despite so, you were still cheerful in class and cracked jokes as usual to make everyone laugh.

despite you feeling so lousy bout the cancer at times, you never failed to tell me to live life well and treasure my life because "some things I want do I also cannot do, you can you better do". I really didn't think so much of the strength of that cancer because I was pretty convinced it was not malignant. remember telling you time and again to be more optimistic, look on the brighter side. but I guess you know your condition best. and I regret not taking it as seriously as you put it to be.

I've much to apologize for, and much that I want to make up for. but opportunity only knocks once. I know you've a big heart, but yet I'm not asking for your forgiveness for not fulfilling the things I said I will do. I just ask that you take care, and be safe wherever you are alright.

2 Helea 2009 - see, you're hiding from camera as usual.

Sports Leaders @ Cheer The Flame YOG 2010

thank you for being part of my life, I am truly glad to have met you and to have been your close friend. thank you for teaching me how to live life well, and how to be a fighter. 

now, I bid you farewell. I know you'd want me to let it go because you've always told me to stop emo-ing whenever I am. I will let it go and live life well from now on :)

140495-180912
you'll be dearly missed.

goodbye my friend, rest in peace

till we meet again.

That's the story of you and me, the way we've always been and we'll always be friends until the end. –Piglet

school's out! :D 
yes I know we've been going "holidays? what holidays?" but it's a fact that sch's out and I'm feeling pretty happy :)

this term's been a rather rough one and I'm glad we ended it nicely with teachers' day celeb! haha still cant get over how epic gangnam style was LOL. 
had a pretty nice day out with JH ystd, caught diary of a wimpy kid 3! :D 
thanks for making sure I was able to watch it!! ^^ and thanks for accompanying me through all those shops looking for what I wanted :) 
so yep, basically ystd was good :) except I had a headache at night and slept real early x.x

gonna make this hols as fruitful as possible I hope :/ foresee the whole of today going to PW already :/ but it's okay WR2 is gonna be a blast! ;)

cant wait for 25sept already! not gonna countdown though, it just sets of the anxiety inside me grr.
jiayou people :D altho studying is really not something I wna do, I know I dont have a choice and I'm just gonna make the best out of this :)


该怎样才能让你感到开心呢？:/

this weekend has absolutely not been the best I've had.


mad crazy cramps (the worst I've had in a long time)
had a lil' unhappiness with jh yesterday :/ 
what with WR draft1 to finish in 3hrs time. 
having a stupid dilemma to deal with because I cant make up my mind.
and my stupid brother dropping a plate of rice on me and shouting at me.
when it wasnt even my fault.


sighpie. really hate unhappy moments one after another. 
absolutely no idea how to deal with them. should've just went out with my parents mans.


couldnt sleep till bout 2am this morning. so many things on my mind.
seems to be alot of friction between us now, things that never mattered began to surface.
vividly remember how we promised to keep our temper in check, but somehow...
I dont know how this friction will last for, perhaps it's just the built-up of our stress and unhappiness.
our own personal problems that we couldnt take control of.
and I also know how we really hadn't had time with each other, havent even hung out with you in ages.
it hurts, and I miss you so :/
but I've had so many reduced sleep nights, crying myself to sleep.
I dont want this unhappiness to prolong, it aint supposed to be like this.
I promise to try my very best, because I dont wanna lose this. 
because I dont wanna lose what we have, I dont wanna lose 'us'. 
do promise to try too? :X 

been a month since I last blogged.
CTs have come and gone, disgusting experience but ohwells. I'm gna let it go :)
really short period of time from now till promos, gotta make good use of the time.


GOAL: 
1. H3 Math in Y6 
2. Math Modelling Australia Trip at the end of this year 
3. Buying myself a choco Polaroid after promos


which in short means i've gotta pass all my subjs (at least 50%).
gotta start getting tuition and hopefully it wouldnt be too late. sighs. 


shall blog up some photos so that bestf can get them from here :)


Picnic preparation 070712 ;)

it's so annoying how she can look so good @9am in the morning but i still look like i'm half asleep ._.

tiny regret that the macaroon-like-bread was kinda hard or it'll be really good :D 


hehe photos of the end products: 

sushi success! :D 

slightly toasted but glad we used the mini oven for awhile :) 

happy birthday <3

cheesecake brownie :) first attempt super successful (if you minus out the extreme sweetness despite only using a third of the recommended amount) :D 


so proud of myself for doing so much + the preparation (thankgod we've a free week after CTs).


happy birthday pig, thanks for always being my pillar of strength and supporting me in times of weakness. thanks so much for everything you've done and i hope you truly enjoyed the day we spent together :) wishing you a really really sweet 16th <3

felt this urge to blog because I suddenly felt like unjust was being done to me.
it's been. awhile. really awhile. bout a month.
suddenly feeling really scared for this whole thing, I just hope it'll be over and done with soon.
I absolutely cannot stand people who dont bother to take the initiative.
I SWEAR at 2359 tomorrow I wont receive anything. I freaking swear omg.


was casually talking bout this to Ann earlier today, then realized like sigh.
THIS SUCKS.
seniors talk bout it happening to other people, saying how tragic it can get.
what if. it happens to me? 


okay I've no idea what's the point of this post I'm just feeling a sudden surge of unhappiness.


going on to revision, I'm feeling slightly screwed. no idea how I'm gonna complete the syllabus on time.
which brings me to another point of unhappiness which I cant mention here. nvm.
ohgosh, why am I feeling so angsty today #@$@$@


had physics consultation today, feeling quite alot better for physics :)
thank goodness for patient teachers :)
and thanks to Ann for coming along today :)


on a side note,
really looking forward to tmr ;)

okay so since qianyun asked "why you no blog" today, i shall :D 


first week's past pretty quickly, havent got much work done SIGH :( at this rate I either gotta go faster, or totally bar myself from going out. impossible for the second option. so I'll go faster.
JIAYOU MEL :D


decided that today shall be a slack day because of my shoulder's that's aching like a bitch. thanks to squeezing orange juice for the family yesterday ><
but nvm it's worth it, because I felt really refreshed by it too! :D


doubt I'll ever forget bout it tho, freaking scary ._.


Monday & Tuesday was spent modelling math. 
we kinda all admitted that our primary purpose for joining was because of the Australia trip at the end of the year, well okay, at least it was all of us :) 
gold award, proud of myself ^^ 
now I just gotta get my grades back on track to qualify for the trip, go me :D 


headed to town on Wednesday :D finally~ 
but it's definitely not enough. caught Dark Shadows, nice movie ;) but slightly scary only ah.
overall it's quite good though :) hehe true love can go through any obstacle ^^ 


stuck at home the past 2 days trying to get work done, not very productive ._.
sigh. thankgod bro's gonna be getting his ass out of the house to work from monday onwards. 
FINALLY HAVE PEACE :D 
but then again it looks like i'll be out the entire week. ohgod -.- mum's not gonna be very pleased.
plus there's 38 chalet in week3! which means i've to work so much harder in order to finish the syllabus  before CTs begin. ohman, suddenly i'm thinking CTs isnt a very good idea.
OKAY WHAT SUDDENLY. took me long.
really extremely worried for physics, no idea how i got myself into this state.
BUCK UP MEL.


b'fast-ed w qianyun today, kinda awkward cuz we didnt have much to say.
but nvm, probably meeting her soon again! :D 


wondering if i should head out to study tomorrow, like in the library or sth.
but i dont have the drive to wake up so early -.- so yeps, it'll be a day at home, trying to study. 
looking forward to next week being more productive :) 


till then ;)

IT'S ONLY TUESDAY.
nevermind I'll hang in there.


have I mentioned how glad I was that June hols is slightly less than 2 weeks away?
screw the no real holidays until end of A levels bullshit. to me a definition of a holiday is a day where I dont have to wake up at 630am to drag myself to school.
SO YEAP :D BEHOLD THE JUNE HOLS :D 


on a sidenote: I'm so proud to be a Drakon warrior mans! Champs for interhouse! :D (screw the fact that I jammed my finger early in the Homa game tho ._.)


3 more days. I'm being strong, I really am.
really quite amusing to see and know that i'm not the only one in 38 enduring this. and the extremely funny PC lesson we had yesterday really lightened the mood :) 
sososoooo glad for 38 really :)


okay time to get down to dissect sigma into its components and examine every single one of them.
and have I ever mentioned how bloody thankful I am that I didnt take bio?
siowying's notes scares the shit outta me seriously ._. maybe this combi isnt the worst afterall :)
plus, I've got an offer recently that I'm gonna seriously consider, and work hard for :) 


alright jiayou me :)
and jiayou you too, tho you wont see this right now. really hope you're doing fine :)

friday again. there's honestly no more joy to any day of the week ._.
previously when i wasnt doing work, i was at basketball, well most of the time i had was spent that way.
but now, there's no more basketball :/ and i honestly miss it.

yesterday was the first thursday in eons that i reached home so early. and honestly speaking, i wished i was running 3.2km at the track :/
well yes, i've gotten over that. but sometimes when you start to miss things that's become part of your routine, it takes awhile. thanks for everyone thats been making me laugh these few days :)

it's already end of week8. starting to ask myself what i really want.
because i realized, if there is gonna be a report book for mid-year, i'm seriously screwed.
need to mug my ass off in june. no kidding. came to accept the fact that there's seriously no such thing as a holiday till alevels actually end.

was so excited bout the guys match today. especially when mrs lee told me that she received an email that the year5 agirls wont be taking the chem test and will be going to SBC for the match. i totally went "WHATTTT?!" and started wondering what was i still doing there. hearing that the guys lost really. idk. i guess i just hoped they'd win. and finish up what we never had a chance to do this year.
but it's okay, hearing how their fighting spirit was at it's highest, and how they never gave up made me especially proud to be in dhsbball :)
suddenly recalled what coach said that day, that the difference between us and the guys, is that the guys want it and they'll show it. well, sad, but true. in the case of tuesday's matches.

anyway, it's not like next week's gonna be any easier. what with physics test on monday, interhouse on tuesday, and math test on thursday. tests and tests and tests. whats the point of them anyway?
they're just a demoralizing factor, constantly reminding me bout how i'm just trying too hard but dont get a chance to succeed. they say chances goes to everyone, so when is mine coming?
and it really doesnt help that someone's gonna be away the whole week :/ i mean, it's not your fault, but it just means that i cant be the baby i always am, call you and start crying and everything will be alright.
but i promise i'll be strong, and you'll be too alright :) the week will zoom past before you know it :)

have some wonderful plans for tmr and i'm so excited heh ;) gotta be home slightly earlier to get GPP settled tho :)

alright, toodles people :)

had one of the worse days of my life today. 
it's those kinda day when you think: what have I done wrong to deserve all this? ._.


1. still feeling insecure bout my PI tho I changed everything I could after his feedback and after he said "great job!". why? because it's only 400 words. (maybe my LA teachers did such a good job teaching me summary)
2. screwed up math. again. gosh mel how many times dyou wanna go thru this mug-your-ass-off and then screwing up cycle? can you for goodness sake. focus?! (then again, giving myself an excuse, I did the test a day after 公公 passed away :/)
3. pw groupings. oh forget it. i'd enough of ranting. and everyone who asks me for my grouping feels me. thank goodness for those friends :)
4. did a shit job at refereeing today. not gonna give myself an excuse that cuz i havent done so for so long. rubbish. i just let everything else clog up my mind. how unprofessional mel. 


but all that aside, felt so much better after leaving school. always helps to have you by my side :)
i've to admit tho, i was a lil frightened by your actions just now :/ 
take it easy alright, just smile and look forward to tomorrow. because i'll be here for you :) 


and and and. talking bout tomorrow. so looking forward! :D 
it's like now or never. do or die. 
LETS GO A'DIV. :D DOUBLE TOP-4s :D WE CAN DO IT! :D

TGIF.

another week has past. and if I didnt keep track wrongly, t2w5? yea, really too tired to keep track of anything, even time.

the week's been terrible. I mean, which week has been kind to me? so much for no tests this week other than GP. spent my whole week tearing my hair out over PI WC2. thank god Mr Chew was damn nice and encouraging when I showed him my draft for WC2 on thursday. 

and this week's been really heavy on exercising, so much that I think I might've aggravated the old injury on my left knee. *prays hard nothing will happen* not only that, different part of both my feet are feeling extreme strains. guess counterpain's the way to go until season ends.

sigh, I've been really busy with so many stuffs to even be angry or frustrated with anything. but sometimes I get too overwhelmed with work, that when other factors start coming into place, I just wanna collapse. 

sucks to know how I cant even get any support from you, despite what I've been doing, bearing with your unreasonable moments. really have no idea what more you want from me, what am I not doing well enough and what I can do to really please you. it's been a long while since I received any praises from you, and frankly, I'm really in need of your approval when I do things. when I wanna try some stuffs out, or when I wanna do something I'm really passionate about, I always think twice because I will picture the look of disapproval and mockery that you'd give me. and when I really do try to raise them with you, I get that exact same look from you that I predicted. any idea how deeply it pierces me? somehow I feel that things are so different now, you've changed so much I'm almost unable to recognise you. and sometimes I feel, that I'll never be good enough for you. so why do I even try?

it's just 1.5years left here in DHS. somehow feeling very 舍不得 because of all the memories, regardless happy or sad, that I've had here. it's really time to start treasuring every moment that I have because I dont wanna end up regretting in time to come. but really, what do I appreciate when it's so stressful everyday, and everyday I wake up with the desire to pon school? words cannot explain how tired I am because I'm even taking a shut-eye as I type this, typing with my eyes closed ._.

thankgod there isnt piano lesson tomorrow, so I get slightly more sleep. but then again, there's Danzage tomorrow, so technically my afternoon and night is gone. glad that I already have study date on Sunday ;) it's these lil things in life that make everything so pleasant :) even tho my studying time is gonna be robbed, I'm gonna enjoy Danzage because it's a once in 2 years thing! O: 

on a sidenote: jiayou to my 38 lovelies, Alyssa, Katherine and Whai Theng! :) 

I swear I'm totally ready for June hols. like yes now. but I'm only halfway thru the term. and it's not like last year where w9 is level camp and w10 is electives. it's like this schedule thru the next half of the term. not to mention stuffs like:

W6: Math Test - Functions and GT2

W7: GP Compre Test and PI final submission

W8: Chem Test - Chem Bonding, Gaseous State and Chem Equilibrium

W9: Physics Test - WEP, Circular Motion, GField

W10: GP Common Test.

OKAY. I AM SO READY. not. 

shouldnt have listed them out, now I feel even worse. really hoping math will be fine next week, need to quit making ten thousand careless mistakes grr. the feeling seriously sucks because it's not as if I dont know how to go bout with those sums.

recently gotten chem and physics back and those disappointed me like shitz. think I failed too many tests in junior high to feel anything now. it's like I'm already numb to all this shit. but then again, what's gonna push me back up? really hate that feeling when I mugged my ass out for one and the results totally dont even show it. and not like it's the first time. sighmuch.

alright 15mins break time is up. time to get back to my PI and try to finish it by tnight :)

lastly, I predict I wont be able to blog before tuesday. so. 

加油dhsbball agirls <3 我们一定要赢！ 

你根本没有资格取代我。

jiayoujiayou, dont stress yourself out please :) 

thanks for everything <3
just so you know, i miss you terribly :/

was supposed to be drowning in PI. and sleeping early because there's training at 8 tomorrow. but decided i needed to come here and get some stuffs outta my mind.
PLUS. PI's so bloody discouraging. dont even wanna look at it. here's what Mr Chew said: "Alternatively, you could come up with a whole other project."
IS HE SERIOUS. wtf.


but anyway the above explains why i'm here now, and not at my pw document. 
so hmm. my week went. let's say it went rather okay. despite all the rubbish here and there.
cant really remember much of monday, other than the fact my cramps were hurting so much i was a bitch the whole day. sorry to anyone who i annoyed.


sidetrack: just ranted to pig bout my PI and he said something which woke me up totally. 
"so easy give up alr meh."
you just motivated me to make sure i dont give up and make this a job well done :) thanks <3


tuesday's match was not exactly good, but good enough for us to claim our first win :) aboys won too! grats adiv ^^ enjoying much of adiv despite all the tiring runs and late trainings. and the quarrels i have so often w my folks. everything is worth it for bball :D


lalala then the rest of the week was just spent in that mundane way. i mean, whats new? lessons mug bball eat sleep, lessons mug bball eat sleep and the routine continues. but i'm damn glad there are people like 38 clique and team and pig who's constantly making me smile, brightening up my days :)


alright, needa rethink my PI. cant progress now. thus. i shall go to bed :D 
toodles ^^ 

Lost my trend of thoughts for PI. So I thought I'd take a break by blogging hmm.


The past week's really been crazy, with tests trainings friendlies and late nights. Late nights are the worse, they leave me all queasy in the morning that I feel like some pregnant woman with the tendency to puke because my stomach just churns and churns ._. 
And as i'm typing this I still have that feeling. Tsk.


Sometimes when I feel lost and demoralized I just feel glad that the house's almost always empty so I can break down. Did so on wednesday. Never thought I felt so bottled up, presumed it's just stress. But when I broke down I felt so much emotions being released. 


OKAY BACK TO PI.
Finally done :D 


Really really afraid for Physics test next week ._. Someone please tell me why did I choose physics :/
Or rather, why did I not choose H1 phyiscs. Really cant take it anymore. I feel the drive to do Math Chem and Geog. Anything other than physics. WHY :(


And I pretty much screwed math test earlier this week ._. Sincerely pray that there'll be ECF or I'll just be ready to fail my math test. Not tryna be a bitch here but I really cant accept screwups for math :/ Ohwells, Mel, get over it.


Glad that we didnt havta train till 830 ystd tho, felt like I was gonna break alr, before training ._. Been feeling rather feverish in class these few days. But ending training earlier didnt make me more productive at home tho ._. I NEED TO BE STRONGER. 


Went home w the pig ystd, mini htht bout the future :) Set me thinking quite a bit on the rest of the ride home. I already kinda anticipate that I'll end up in FASS eventually. But there's many other things I wanna do apart from being in FASS :/ Really anticipate the career day next wed to see what I can learn from those talks. 


Right, trng tmr. 
Toodles!