it's a quarter after one, i'm all alone and i need you now.

hey all, i know i'm still half a week away, but i really feel that the hols are here :)
and so, i'm in a rather good mood today :) basically because i went out shopping just now, and now i'm back home, preparing to bake cookies for teachers' day! :)
hmm, something's missing from my day tho, so it hasnt reached perfect yet.
but nonetheless i'm quite contented ^^

but sigh, this hols wouldnt be spent alot of shopping as i'd desire.
really dying to hit the malls to shop for some pretty clothes, accessories and storage stuffs that i need :)
got birthday presents for some peeps just now, shall happily deliver them to the newly 16s :)
so after this post i shall sit down and write some notes to them :)

hadnt been working very hard these few days :( got my homework and all that done.
but i need to start mugging for endofyears! :O it's like not even 40 days away and i've not yet gotten the drive to start proper.
need to get my ass out and mug with prisch friends, cuz they're really v.muggerish (if thr's even such a word huh) and i need to organise my stuffs properly ><

and i've been having a lil' financial problems recently. but i'd like to stress that i didnt cause them myself.
and when i'm low on cash, i'm low on mood ._. yeap, so i need to get back those debts before i actly will be abit happier. AND. i predict i wont succeed even until the end of sept hols.
so byebye to sept hols shopping plans -.-

alright, time for note-writing + baking then studying :)
ciao! :D

P.S. Did i mention that i wont be taking g8 theory this october but next march instead? screw whoever that changed the schedule that deterred me from completing my theory by the end of this year. seriously, screw you.

I still feel weird knowing that my blog is so different, so much so I dont even click on 'view blog'.
Sigh, the long day's here again tomorrow.
With 3 periods of LA, 3 periods of Chemistry and 3 periods of Chinese.
Thats why I really really detest day3s.

Did my toenails abit, just the base color tho, havent decided on what else I wanna do.
I'm a happy girl once I get these stuffs done, bimboey I know, but IDC :)
Dying to hit the malls and streets for some hardcore shopping, but I cant do so until I get my loans back._.
Hate it when that asshole takes forever to return me my money tskk.

Gonna be refereeing interclass tomorrow, y3 girls soccer and y3 guys frisbee :D
I have this thing for refereeing inside me, I just absolutely love it!
Like when I knew that I'd be refereeing for this interclass, my heart totally jumped for joy :)
Perhaps I should go do some of these jobs while waiting for my A levels results in 2 years time :)
Plus since it's already a late day, what's staying back a little bit more, just to relax my stressed up mind?
And relaxation = being stressed up cuz I dont wanna malu due to not knowing the rules well enough.
But I like this kinda things, really love it :)
Which is why I'm desperately trying hard to understand both sets of rules from the y3 sports leaders now.

Talking bout the examinations, I'm pretty upset that they pushed it back by about a week.
I MEAN. I planned to take my theory examination at the end of this year because I thought I'd have more than 3 weeks to prepare for it after endofyears but now you tell me that there's only slightly more than 2? ._.
I've already decided to challenge myself and take grade 8 instead of grade 7, because I dont wanna waste time taking both grades when I can easily master grade 8 by the end of october.
BUT, now that eoys are pushed back, I'm not so confident anymore.
Because I think, the key word here is think, that my piano tchr registered for me already.
And whats more she's been cancelling lessons of late, I dont even know how to start even if I want to.
Annoying much?

And I havent been working very hard since the weekends began.
I kinda realised that I cannot finish homework before the weekends end because I'd slack off during the weekends. Like totally. Last weekend was the most classic example.
Which is why I'm determined to mug my ass off this longlong weekend that will begin at 1215pm on friday.
Another piece of goodnews! :D
I THINK. DHS's being used as polling station for the coming presidential elections so we'll be dismissed from 1215pm onwards, what a great way to end the week :)

Yup, it's tuesday now. Get the long day over and done with and here comes my longlong weekend! :D
Ciao!

Sigh.
What an unproductive weekend this is.
I therefore conclude that i really cannot study at home.
Distractions everywhere, but you just dont understand.

I havent done a single bit of revision for eoys.
And im feeling extremely lousy because i made myself so tired just because of the dumb poem analysis._.
Not like i actually liked that poem to begin with.

I dont like this empty feeling.
Makes me so frustrated with myself.
Where did all my drive go? ><
I cant lose it now.
The examinations are merely a month away.

Need to really force myself.
Argh. Im really v.frustrated ><

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got this urge to blog again.
cuz i was feeling so annoyed w myself.
maybe because i still havent overcome the unhappiness, despite my pathetic attempts to convince myself that i did. sigh.

wokeup at noon.
felt lousy because i lost some precious hours that i could've been doing work.
yeah. worse still, i lay in bed till bout 1pm, because i was just feeling too tired.
went out for lunch w my parents and by the time i got home it was 4pm.
sickening how time flies eh.

and now, 20hours have past and i havent done a single piece of work.
ohgosh, it's only 39 days to endofyears.
i need to buck up and stop feeling so lazy.
i'm currently stuck w the literature homewowrk.
because this poem is so...well i cant find the word to describe it.
it isnt my style, to be exact.
i never did like stories or poems bout loneliness and isolation.
because that feeling is so sucky, and i hate to read bout people going through things like these. even though most of the time i dont even think those stories are true.

well, it's a fact that i still gotta start w work. but im hungry ): ahwell.
i really dont like studying at home.
it's unproductiveness x1000. idc if thr's even such a word.
unproductiveness, hah.

really glad that i can get out of the house, even at night, to study w prisch friends :)
they're a bunch of lovely people, always willing to help.
i can always feel a sense of warmth when i'm w them even though we might not have been super ultra close in prisch.
thats my definition of friends :)
plus, i love to see how we really stick up for each other. a
nd feel injustice shld someone get treated unfairly by anyone at all.
i really miss those times when things were more transparent, and so easy.

unlike now.
when everyone wears a cold and unfeeling mask.
and how i really dislike the environment.
i mean, i hate it when i can see who's being a two-faced bitch and who's not.
it's so freaking obvious lah please -.-
but yet i cannot do anything.
oh and to quote something i saw on fb lately:
'you hate a two-faced bitch? wait till you see poly-faced ones'
yeah, the world is getting scarier, as we grow up especially.
what were we thinking as kids?
we've been comparing the world of adults and children in lit, and there was this video that Mr Ken showed us in la recently. i cannot help but be afraid to progress on into the next stage of my life.

i came here to blog an angry post.
but then, i decided not to.
why must i publicise my anger for everyone to see?
well, it's not that i wanna hide this side of me.
there's just no need to show it.

i just well, feel rather lost.
i vividly remember the times in year2, when i was so happy because i loved both helea and my team so much.
i guess that was pretty much the best year i had in this school? (i'm talking bout school related matters only by the way)

but now, i dont know.
i dont even see my teammates that often now. much less talk to them.
and i'm not even talking bout a real heart to heart talk here mind you.
and then i'm in this class that i really cant do anything freely.
i mean, i dont feel at ease here.
i really dont.
i dont like it here. and i'm not afraid to say it out.
because nobody really cares, right?
i dont know how i coped, but i just did.
been really so lousy nowadays, dont even know if anyone will care if i were to faint in class suddenly. so tired of everything.
okay correction: dont even know if anyone will TRULY care.
never had a class like this, and i really feel like it's not that i didnt make the effort.
i did.
nobody paid attention to it.
i swallowed my pride and tried ways to blend in.
but did anyone give me a chance?

they're really nice people. i know they are. it's just that, i dont feel the warmth.
i dont feel the comfort that people get from classes. maybe it's just me, you might say.
but have you ever thought, it might be them too?
i once told someone, i dont like on the surface friendships. which is why im not even pretending to be nice.
daddy tells me that i must be nice to some people even if i dont want to.
well, doesnt apply here.

so i'm about to contradict myself.
i cant wait for this year to end.
so that i can go to a new class, or maybe even a new school.
for a new beginning.
dont misunderstand me, i'm not being so unfeeling that i wont miss the school.
of course i will, those lovely people who helped me so much along the way.
those who've been by my side thru my smiles or my tears.

i've learnt so much these two years. (ofcourse during the first 2 years too)
through everything.
basketball too. so many things happened these two years, i've lost track of them.
i've had lots of emotions running thru me from those incidents, but i dont regret them.
people asked if i regret joining basketball.
here's my answer: NO.

anyway, i've grown to learn how to ignore.
yeap, i personally feel that that's one of the most important skills in life.
with it, you can actly take shit and throw them back into the face of the person who gave it to you. just because you dont give a damn.

alright, enough for today.
ciao!

我要的东西，如果我得不到，你也别想得到。

i know the above line makes me sound like an utter bitch.
but i dont care. tired of seeing people trying to deter me from getting things that i want.
so yes, here's my bottom line. i will make sure that you dont get it either.
 
started off my day w a heated conversation w my parents in the car. only i was heated though.
but they were being nice, actually listening to what i had to say and let me get things off my chest.
really grateful to them :) or else i wont know how my day would've been any worse.
 
so yeah, my day started off pretty rotten. hearing those supposedly nice stuffs, putting on the plastic smile.
seeing all those stuffs on twitter and fb (cant even surf the net in class in peace).
so i was forced to concentrate a lil' more, which is good :) but frustration looms within.
i really felt like i was gonna blow the moment someone mentions that rotten word in front of me.
 
chinese was very bearable, cuz thr was the chengyu game that i actly learnt quite abit from ^^
math was good, cuz me and eezhen were really fast (altho she was more accurate) and i really progressed, went on to do my integration assignment :)
stayed in class during recess, wanted to do math but ended up doing the crossword at the back of the math notes. i like Mr Tan's style of math notes, he understands that we do need to chill and give us little trivias or comics and sometimes crosswords to let us take a break from work :)
chem was argh, sometimes Ms Ng shld understand that we only have 40 days left to eoys and we're freaking screwed if she still continues to crap during lessons -.- was doing math during chem and was still able to manage to get what she was saying.
lit was fun! i kinda feel bad talking bad bout Ms Sangeetha but shes really nice, and it's her last lesson w us tday, so i guess lit will be full speed till eoys :/
and la was just, slack. yeah. no tchrs in the class. finished up math assignment, felt really accomplished :)
 
talking bout no tchrs in the class, really cannot bear w the noise level in class nowadays. sometimes it deafens my soul when i'm trying to compute numbers or conjure thoughts in my mind. sometimes i really wish that recesses were a little longer, or that we were able to move to other places when theres no tchr in class, so that i can find a little quiet spot for my work, complete w some peace and quiet.
 
so yeah, i've been staying in class after school to do some work, so that i escape the times where many people flock at the train stations to go home. i get intimidated when i see many many people, so i prefer to have a little peace. and i like the peace i get in class when i'm doing work, and when i'm going home :)
 
anw had a nice dinner outside after a long time, i love those conversations that go on and on :)
really glad to have company when i was really feeling so down, and didnt know who and what to turn to.
thanks for being there for me, as promised :) and i know you'll always be :)
and thanks again for the icecream :D it always calms me and makes me feel tonnes better :)
 
talking bout icecream, i realise all i need are simple ones. even a vanilla cone from macdonalds is enough to make my day :) yeah im that easily satisfied, shows how much youre trying if im unhappy w you.
i know kids who are constantly spending bout 3-4bucks or even more for just a serving of icecream, i think the hole in my pocket will trouble me more.
 
and my day became even better when i received a call from siowying, thanks babe, your call made me feel truckloads better :) thanks for listening to my rantings that always went nowhere but you were always so patient, especially these few days :)
on a sidenote, grats for getting into semis for interclass! :D
 
 
alright, it's 1220am and i really should retire for the day.
having really bad insomnia these days, need to search for ways to get rid of it :X
but i'm so glad my rotten day has ended really nicely :)
special thanks to (inorder): daddy&amp;mummy, siowying, jingheng and ervin :):)

Introduction

Hi all.
This will be my new blog. I decided to lock up all the previous posts due to some personal reasons.
Will bring in the other stuffs like the tagboard and links when I've the time.
Thanks for reading! :)