Havent blogged for so long, been so lazy everyday.
Working and all, sigh. Cant believe the holidays are coming to an end soon :/
Well at least we get a week more than the year1-4s but it just feel so short.
Like, thr's so many things I wanted to do but havent done yet.
Perhaps it's cuz I was overseas for bout 2weeks and working so often after I'm back.


Met with some really unhappy unhappiness a few days back ._.
Still thought bout this when I woke up this morning, but I'll get over it soon enough :)
Not gonna let something like this get me down, there's so much more in SH!


Cant believe 2011's coming to an end so soon! :O
But nevertheless, it's been a really eventful year for me and I wont rant bout how bad it's been :)
I mean like, yes setbacks definitely exist but I'll look on the brighter side instead :)
It's been one of the better years I'm sure :)


Despite whatever unhappiness I've had in 4L, I've decided to let them go :)
No point hanging on to unhappy memories that will only weigh my heart down :)


Was thinking bout basketball a few days back, maybe I should stop regretting.
It's been a really fruitful 4 years, learnt alot, matured alot, it's time to move on :)
And I'm glad I went for the Malaysia trip because it gave me more memories of DHSbball to keep close to my heart :')
Even tho I might be in a different CCA next year, there's definitely a spot in my heart for DHSbball :)
I'll never forget everything that DHSbball's given me :')
And I'll definitely remember my lovely teammies <3 and juniors who I surprisingly get along so well with, and seniors who've given me so much advice, be it for bball or others :)
Coach too, and the teachers :) Despite my apparent lack of skill in some areas, I'm really thankful to them for always believing in me and giving me so many opportunities :) and for never giving up on me :)


And I've been much closer to alot of Helea people this year, miss all those times we had in 2H!
Looking forward to the gathering that we're supposed to be having (I'm supposed to be planning!) early January! :) Better get started really soon :)
It's funny how people you never knew are actually so fun to hangout with :) And sometimes one gathering can get you alot more friends (even tho you alr knew them to begin with) and change your impressions of alot of people :)
Hmm, and also, picking up your phone to text someone actually makes alot of different especially if a conversation is kept going, because a warm feeling will be left in your heart :)
Thanks Helea <3 You never fail to make my heart feel so warm :)
Special mentions - Tyne, Xin Yi, Siow Ying, Rachel, Wei Ting, Rui Zheng, Chong Ming, Ervin :):)


Amazing how I've never drifted apart from the psch gang too :)
Despite our busy schedules we always make it a point to have like major gatherings each year, like for CNY, Teachers' Day, Mid Autumn Fest and Christmas :)
Having gatherings with them really warms my heart, because I'm proud to say that I'm still super close to my psch friends, and between us it's true friendship :)
We might be super mean to one another, taupok session every gathering but we are really so united :')


Ching Ying too! :) you get a special mention cuz you're not in any 'category' that I've mentioned above ^^ 
Thanks bimb for everything :) so glad we got closer these 2 years cuz you're an awesome confidante and listener :) we didnt get to meet up or anything this hols but I'm sure there'll be time next year ^^


Bestf gets a special mention as well ^^ 
Hope you're enjoying yourself in Europe :) and come back in one piece :)
This year's been super busy for both of us and we hardly saw each other but thanks for always being there :) whenever something happens I know you're always there for me to count on, be it just listening or giving advice, I'm really grateful for you as my bestf <3 
Frankly speaking, when we started sec1 I was rather scared as to whether we'd remain such good friends cuz we were gonna be in different secondary schools, but I'm really so super glad we didnt drift apart ^^ 
And I think we're even closer than we were in psch right :D 
It's like these 4 year's been so eventful and we still manage to share alot w each other and all :) 
(although yes I told you some stuffs 1month late HAHAHA YOU DONT HAVE TO KEEP HARPING ON IT OKAY ^^)
But yeah, I really cant tell you how grateful for you as my bestf :) You're the bestest bestie I can ever ask for ^^ awww :')
Your Os will be a blast, dont worry bout it too much :)
Bubbletea when you're back :)


Saving the best for the last ;)
I wanna thank the guy who's been there for me throughout everything :) 
Thanks soooo much pig <3
But yeah there are many private stuffs, and inside jokes that I might be mentioning, so I shall not make the dedication here :)
So yeah, you know where to find the dedication ^^




Alright time to sign off :)
Ciao! :)
And in case I dont get to blog before the year ends..
HAPPY NEW YEAR ^^

back from msia :D



seems like this is the only entire group photo that we've :) 
beautiful memories kept close to the heart :)


this trip really proved that it's the company that matters the most :)
even tho it's just msia, but w dhsbball, it's always fun :) 
really loved that night where we talked to the adults till 2am, one of the most enriching and heartening talks ever :) all those stories and stuffs :)
and i'm so glad that everything's sorted out w the teachers and i dont have to fear anything anymore :)
super touched by the adults, and by team, cuz they believed in me so much <3


loved that night where we played cards till 4am too :) didnt get to play cards alot during the trip so that was the best night :) it's funny how i can get along w those people so well :)
somehow coming on the trip made me more than unwilling to leave the CCA :(
luckily the choice was made before the trip or i swear i wouldnt quit :/


but ohwells, shall just keep those memories close and move on :)
DHSBBALL <3

back from beijing, feels so queer cuz the weather's alot different from there.
home feels a lil' different but i guess it's cuz i've been away for a week? maybe it's just me.
having loads of weird thoughts during the trip, plus the cold weather and all.
i sure had a good break away from Singapore. but it feels good to be home :)


gonna have to keep myself really strong from now on, cant let those small lil things bring me down.
because i'm fighting for something bigger. and greater than anything i've now.
i'm gonna get discouraged time and again but i firmly believe that there really are no boundaries :)
it really isnt gonna be easy, but i wanna press on. thought bout it for the past week.
i'm more than sure. and especially after how mummy said she would never hear of it.


really dont wanna rebel. but if shes not gonna approve of something that means so much to me, idk.
hate this kinda mindset that everyone has. i'm damn thankful of those close friends of mine, team and all who are not against this :) cant thank y'all enough, really :) 
it just hurts, to bear the thought that i might not succeed, i'm determined to try. but will i succeed?
and i'm scared. i swear i'm damn freaking scared. honestly.


i'm hanging on. only because it's worth every single thing i'm doing for it.






going to msia tmr, bball trip :)
mixed feelings tho, especially bout bball. sigh, can someone bring me out of this discomfort?
really dont wanna think too much already, shall just go and enjoy those 5 days :)
and pray hard i dont get sick during or after the trip :)
look out for more updates when i'm back!


toodles :)

So darn insecure, yet I can't seem to do anything bout it.
Don't know why I'm feeling like that. But I just am.
I'm tired of pretending. Don't know how many billion times I've said this but I mean it.
It's so...hard. To just 以微笑带过 and pretend that I'm fine.
Pretend that I really don't mind. I mean, I shouldn't be minding right. Since it's such a small matter.
But I CANT FREAKING HELP IT. This is how insecure I am.
I'm tired of crying too. Over such trivial matters that 90% of other people won't even give a shit about.
Sigh, I've no idea what's with me seriously.
It's different now, really different. I don't like how it changed, thought it wouldn't.
I guess I'm wrong, I guess I expected a lil' too much.
I swear I'm not over-expecting, because I lowered my expectations couple of times alr.
But it just doesn't seem to have any change, the lower my expectations go, the more disappointed I get. What's the point of lowering them anyway?

HI PEOPLE.
I had the urge to blog, but dont know what to blog about :/

My hols have been pretty eventful but not exactly fruitful in working (i.e. earning money)
And I swear I hate being broke @!#!@#$
Blahlalala I've been complaining bout being broke since ten years ago so ohwell._.
At least I've got jobs to get me money, but I'm gonna be overseas from 28th Nov - 10th Dec! :(
Which means less money coming in. OMG why am I sucha money-face -.-

Things are picking up, I'm happier than I was 1 month ago :)
And I'm not even bothering bout subject combis, since I cant do anything bout it :)
But I'm slightly worried bout CCA :/ Gosh.

Lost myself recently, been trying to find my proper self back. It's like I'm always neither here nor there.
Dont really know what I've been doing this hols, slacking for sure.
But there isnt much I can do, frankly. So yeah, sigh much...

I'm not exactly looking forward to the family trip to Beijing, because of many reasons :/
But yet I tell myself not to be an ungrateful brat, because they're taking me overseas anyway.
Just that, I'd rather go somewhere else. And how can I really enjoy the trip unless I'm happy? :/
OKAY. I'm gonna quit feeling unhappy bout this, who knows, China might turn out to be good :)
And there's always the bball trip to Malaysia to look forward to :)
Just hoping as hard as anything that my body stays fine and I dont get sick from now till I come back :)
Ofc I cant get sick even when I'm back but that's besides the point :)

I think I'm really short of time to pack 2 luggages in a row, because I dont wanna rush on the 5th Dec.
Which means that I must really chiong this coming week :)
Going for 2 consec trips in a row might be really tiring, but I wanna make the most out of everything I've now. Like bball. Sigh. Dont really wanna think too much bout it. Just wanna enjoy the trip :)

Wanted to extend this post, but it's 130am and my eyes are hardly open anymore.
Shall snuggle up in this nicely cold weather and catch up on my beauty sleep :)

爱我，非你莫属。我只愿守护由你给我的幸福。

I really cannot comprehend, cannot comprehend how everyone can simply take my words like that.
And especially because it's like that, I cannot turn back.
Made that decision with truckloads of reluctance, but I decided that it was the best thing to do.
So is it again a case of making everyone but myself happy?
But either way, I would still be unhappy right?

But I chose the path which would make me MORE unhappy.
Perhaps just for now. Perhaps I'll be happier after all these tide over.
All these uncertainties are fighting each other, inside me. In my heart.
I dont even know how to overcome these emotions.
And then I'll go back to masking my emotions, putting a false front. Again.
I'm so tired, of being full of pretense.
And you guys are making judgements, based on what you think.
But really, no one really knows how I'm hurting inside, just because of the false front I put up.

I'm really v.v.v.v.tired. Of everything. And nothing seems to be helping.
Everyday, one thing add to another and my inner turmoil just multiply.
And I feel like the most major loser on earth.

Why cant I just let it go?
And why have that idea been haunting me for months?
Why is it so tempting?

Sigh, I hear the thunder now. I shall look forward to a good sleep.
And waking up, making the final final decision on my subject combinations :)

楊丞琳-缺氧 why why love mv

Thrown into a mega dilemma. With only a few days left to decide.
Sigh. Second day of returning of papers was worst than the first ._.
Did surprisingly well for Chinese tho, rather satisfied :)

There's so much to decide now. Subject combi, CCAs.
And whether or not to do my Chinese homework._.
Dont even wanna look at it manzxc.
Guess I'm gonna stay home this weekend cuz there's no way I can complete the homework by today.
I wanna bake soon though, still looking for stuffs to bake :)

Really really hard to decide on those stuffs. If only I didnt screw EOYs.
Or rather, if only I did as well as I expected to.
Wouldn't be flung into this dilemma now. WHAT TO DO :(

Subject combis are more or less decided, just which combi to put as first choice hmm.
CCAs, well, discussed with Ann that day. Still havent come to a proper decision bout things.

And I seriously dont even wanna look at my Chinese homework.
The stuffs Jianglaoshi told us yesterday was really scary, I can just go take H1CL next year alr ._.
I'm so not motivated seriously ARGH.

Andandand, I've the 4L notes to do. Shall try my best to finish everything by today :)
Shall post another song then off to do Chinese and notes :)

Okay I was supposed to sleep.
But some things fill my mind a lil too much decided to blog.

It's the same every year, I'm such a disappointment.
And yet 我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天。
Maybe it's true that I shld nvr expect anything, maybe then I wont be disappointed?
But why does it hurt so much to have expectations of myself?

Frankly speaking I disappointed myself totally today.
Went to school expecting to fail physics and ace the other 3 but it didnt turn out that way.
I surprised myself for physics even :O but it was nothing much to be proud of.
But to look on the bright side, I've made up my mind to do physics next year.
Biology disappoints, I swear.
Every single year biology never fails to disappoint the shit outta me, and I've had enough.
Also, from biology I learnt that effort definitely does not equate to results.
God knows how many freakin hours I spent on that subject with the hope aceing it.
And how I felt after the paper differed from my utter shock from the zero that met my eye when we got the papers back just now.

I really cant believe how unfair this world is. Especially the education system.
Because seriously, my grades definitely dont reflect my intellect.
They just reflect how screwed up my brains get during the exams.

I think it hurts most that my parents dont even say a thing nowadays.
Makes me wonder to myself if theyve really given up on me.
Guess I deserve it anyway, I'm such a disappointment.
They probably dont wanna put their hopes too high for fear of disappointing themselves once again.

I also wonder if they know how much effort I really put in this time round.
Mummy thinks that I dont do well cuz I dont study but thats not true :(
Sometimes I wish she'd understand :/
I dont want them to think that I didnt put in effort at all :/
Cuz I feel that I definitely deserve better than this.

It's easy to say that I'll get thru this.
Sure, ofc I will. But not just yet.
I need a lil more time, before I can actly talk to people w/o plastering that fake smile on.

I'm sure 10 years on I'd look back and myself really foolish, being so unhappy over 2 unsatisfactory numbers.
But I need to re-emphasize, I'm disappointed with not those numbers but the effort vs results idea.

Okay, blogging makes me tired.
This is good.
Goodnight all.

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我在拼 什么 
在意什么最多
been asking myself that alot.

headed out to orchard today! :)
happygirl95 :):)
didnt get as much as i wanted, didnt get the dreamcatcher for ting either :(
sorry girl we'll go thr during the hols to find kk :)

walked around and checked out a few new stores, and a few not so new ones.
hardly anything caught my eye :/ this shouldnt be happening ._.
guess my mind's really worried bout my fate, which will be revealed on tues and wed.
cant wait for everything to blow over, provided i do well :)
then i'll be in a better mood to shop and all, hopefully :)

tempted to get a few bottles of pretty nail polishes, dont wanna continue using faceshop's.
not like theirs are THAT bad, it's just that i want a change :)
seen some really nice ones these few days, just controlling my temptation.
telling myself i'll only get them if my EOYs results prove that i deserve them :)

thinking so much these few days, subject combis, ccas, etc.
mummy really doesnt want me to continue in basketball anymore.
i kinda sorta dont wanna stay either, but the thought of not being able to be really close with those dear teammies make me feel rather unwilling to leave.
which is why i'm pretty much looking forward to the cca fair on thursday.
wanna see if other ccas have anything good to offer, maybe i'll take up something new.
learn a new skill, get myself another hobby/interest :)
as for combinations, the dilemma btwn physics and biology will never end.
i'll have to decide anyway, and i'll let the EOYs results decide :)

and other stuffs, realized how much i shoved under the carpet during EOYs mugging period.
so many stuffs are coming back now, all those i told myself not to bother about.
i really dont know, i dont know why people judge.
i dont know what to do, but i know i wont let anybody get me down.
suddenly i miss having exams, i'm not kidding.
i know this sounds pretty insane, but i'll miss burying my head in the notes.
and mugging like i've nothing else to do. and spending every single weekend outside feeling productive.
instead of staying home and slacking my ass off.
but most of all, i miss having exams, because i dont have to think bout other things then.
i'll just mug. mug. and mug. thats it. nothing else.

thought i'd have gotten used to this judgement. but well, i've disappointed myself.

-sidetrack: hunghui texted bout team dinner tmr, hope it works out, then hope i can have the courage to talk to them bout the stuffs i wanna talk to them about. i think they're the people who'll really understand and not judge so much. because i believe they know when i'm serious i'm really serious and i wont kid around.

sigh, okay enough of this unhappiness.
whr's the post-EOYs happiness huh?


hey, you'll probably read this.
i know we've agreed a long time ago to get over this. 
but i'm sorry i still get really bothered by things i hear now and then. 
i'm trying my best to block them out already. 
give me some more time yeah? :/

Exams are FINALLY over :D
mugged my ass off for this year's EOYs, really proud of the amount of effort i put in :)
regretted not doing so the past 3 years tho, realized how weak my foundation was D:
but anyways, it's over ^^
for once i actually feel rather confident for a few subjects, but i hope i really did well :)
really tired of disappointing my parents and all :/

okay anyway, away from those stuffs :)
I'M IN NEED OF RETAIL THERAPY!
yesyesyes i really need to shop i've so many things i wanna buy.
but first i need to get a job, which i kinda sorta succeeded ^^
hope i can pass the interview then it'll work out just fine :)

had a really relaxing post-exam this time :) felt really good :)
lunch-ed w qianyun on wednesday after the paper, walked around tampines a lil' while and talked :)
gonna miss her alot sigh :( we're like away from each other the entire hols :(
went off awhile while she went to meet her sis to shop.
came back to tamp and decided to solo shop, aft exams feels good :)
even shopping alone feels good heheh :)

didnt get anything yet, was surveying the stuffs i wanted to get so that i dont splurge unnecessarily.
wanted to get bro a present, but was unsuccessful, didnt see anything that i thought he'd like :/
went home bout 4plus? yeah around there.
planned on sleeping till i clear my eyebags like 10000 years ago but i ditched that plan for sth more impt :)
didnt feel that i sacrificied my sleeping time at all ^^

cleared up all my papers that i threw around during my mugging period.
table and shelves so freaking neat now, super proud of myself ^^
thursday was a good day too! :D
had a really filling lunch at Kim Gary, filled till i couldnt walk HAHA.
still had to walk tho, burn those calories off ^^
went for facial after that, nothing more relaxing than a soothing massage :)
headed home and started surfing the net for shows to watch ^^
hate tudou ttm, seriously lagging my lappie and cant even let me watch my shows in peace >.<
shall switch other hosts soon :)

- blogging from my aunt's lappie now, at my granny's place :)

yesterday was eoeoys outing no.1!
went out carefree-ly in such a long long time, finally no exams stress on our minds :)
toured circle line w/o any destination in mind HAHA.
hopped off @ kent ridge, but failed badly in locating kent ridge park. hmph :(
took a bus which lead us to haw par villa instead ^^

sun was scortching hot, bad day to visit hpv :( walked arnd took a few photos.
headed downhill to get drinks but was too lazy to walk back up again LOL.
so headed to vivo! :D and got my gongcha #happygirl
daiso shopping proved unfruitul cuz i was pretty unsure bout what i wanted :/
went back to the - ------ --- place, precious memories revived :)
sat thr and talked for awhile, camwhored, before we headed to shop ^^

f21 splurging #fail
only bought a pair of cutemax socks <3<3
it was totally love at first sight, the price tag made me love it more hehe ^^
the clothes didnt exactly catch much of my attention ley~ sigh.
and i conclude that vivo is totally unsuitable for poor kids like moi :(
maybe when i get my pay (if i get the job) then i'll splurge happily ^^

went off to bugis!
seriously i feel a burning need to complain bout SMRT.
their train services SUCK. yes i totally mean what you think i mean.
and i cant imagine how they've the face to keep implementing price increase.
like seriously? their train services have faults so often, cause so much inconvenience to Singaporeans.
and they still wanna increase their prices.
although i appreciate the increased frequencies of services during peak hours, it's not sufficient.
because Singaporeans simply cant wait 1-2 minutes for the next train.
and they'll squeeze everyone in, just to get themselves in.
inconsiderate maxzc. i mean, spare a thought for the vertically challenged. like yours truly.
i'm practically gasping for air if i'm in the middle of the pack of sardines.
OKAY ENOUGH.

for the first time nothing in bugis really caught my eye.
guess i was rather tired alr ._. sighhh. shall go back thr soon :D
subway dinner, love their soup! :D i have this liking for hot stuffs recently.
keep drinking soups during meals hehe :)

alright i'm posting this one day later than i actly should -.-
because mummy was chasing me to get off the comppp and go home at granny's ystd :(
ahwells :) shall post one more bout tday :)

it's a quarter after one, i'm all alone and i need you now.

hey all, i know i'm still half a week away, but i really feel that the hols are here :)
and so, i'm in a rather good mood today :) basically because i went out shopping just now, and now i'm back home, preparing to bake cookies for teachers' day! :)
hmm, something's missing from my day tho, so it hasnt reached perfect yet.
but nonetheless i'm quite contented ^^

but sigh, this hols wouldnt be spent alot of shopping as i'd desire.
really dying to hit the malls to shop for some pretty clothes, accessories and storage stuffs that i need :)
got birthday presents for some peeps just now, shall happily deliver them to the newly 16s :)
so after this post i shall sit down and write some notes to them :)

hadnt been working very hard these few days :( got my homework and all that done.
but i need to start mugging for endofyears! :O it's like not even 40 days away and i've not yet gotten the drive to start proper.
need to get my ass out and mug with prisch friends, cuz they're really v.muggerish (if thr's even such a word huh) and i need to organise my stuffs properly ><

and i've been having a lil' financial problems recently. but i'd like to stress that i didnt cause them myself.
and when i'm low on cash, i'm low on mood ._. yeap, so i need to get back those debts before i actly will be abit happier. AND. i predict i wont succeed even until the end of sept hols.
so byebye to sept hols shopping plans -.-

alright, time for note-writing + baking then studying :)
ciao! :D

P.S. Did i mention that i wont be taking g8 theory this october but next march instead? screw whoever that changed the schedule that deterred me from completing my theory by the end of this year. seriously, screw you.

I still feel weird knowing that my blog is so different, so much so I dont even click on 'view blog'.
Sigh, the long day's here again tomorrow.
With 3 periods of LA, 3 periods of Chemistry and 3 periods of Chinese.
Thats why I really really detest day3s.

Did my toenails abit, just the base color tho, havent decided on what else I wanna do.
I'm a happy girl once I get these stuffs done, bimboey I know, but IDC :)
Dying to hit the malls and streets for some hardcore shopping, but I cant do so until I get my loans back._.
Hate it when that asshole takes forever to return me my money tskk.

Gonna be refereeing interclass tomorrow, y3 girls soccer and y3 guys frisbee :D
I have this thing for refereeing inside me, I just absolutely love it!
Like when I knew that I'd be refereeing for this interclass, my heart totally jumped for joy :)
Perhaps I should go do some of these jobs while waiting for my A levels results in 2 years time :)
Plus since it's already a late day, what's staying back a little bit more, just to relax my stressed up mind?
And relaxation = being stressed up cuz I dont wanna malu due to not knowing the rules well enough.
But I like this kinda things, really love it :)
Which is why I'm desperately trying hard to understand both sets of rules from the y3 sports leaders now.

Talking bout the examinations, I'm pretty upset that they pushed it back by about a week.
I MEAN. I planned to take my theory examination at the end of this year because I thought I'd have more than 3 weeks to prepare for it after endofyears but now you tell me that there's only slightly more than 2? ._.
I've already decided to challenge myself and take grade 8 instead of grade 7, because I dont wanna waste time taking both grades when I can easily master grade 8 by the end of october.
BUT, now that eoys are pushed back, I'm not so confident anymore.
Because I think, the key word here is think, that my piano tchr registered for me already.
And whats more she's been cancelling lessons of late, I dont even know how to start even if I want to.
Annoying much?

And I havent been working very hard since the weekends began.
I kinda realised that I cannot finish homework before the weekends end because I'd slack off during the weekends. Like totally. Last weekend was the most classic example.
Which is why I'm determined to mug my ass off this longlong weekend that will begin at 1215pm on friday.
Another piece of goodnews! :D
I THINK. DHS's being used as polling station for the coming presidential elections so we'll be dismissed from 1215pm onwards, what a great way to end the week :)

Yup, it's tuesday now. Get the long day over and done with and here comes my longlong weekend! :D
Ciao!

Sigh.
What an unproductive weekend this is.
I therefore conclude that i really cannot study at home.
Distractions everywhere, but you just dont understand.

I havent done a single bit of revision for eoys.
And im feeling extremely lousy because i made myself so tired just because of the dumb poem analysis._.
Not like i actually liked that poem to begin with.

I dont like this empty feeling.
Makes me so frustrated with myself.
Where did all my drive go? ><
I cant lose it now.
The examinations are merely a month away.

Need to really force myself.
Argh. Im really v.frustrated ><

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got this urge to blog again.
cuz i was feeling so annoyed w myself.
maybe because i still havent overcome the unhappiness, despite my pathetic attempts to convince myself that i did. sigh.

wokeup at noon.
felt lousy because i lost some precious hours that i could've been doing work.
yeah. worse still, i lay in bed till bout 1pm, because i was just feeling too tired.
went out for lunch w my parents and by the time i got home it was 4pm.
sickening how time flies eh.

and now, 20hours have past and i havent done a single piece of work.
ohgosh, it's only 39 days to endofyears.
i need to buck up and stop feeling so lazy.
i'm currently stuck w the literature homewowrk.
because this poem is so...well i cant find the word to describe it.
it isnt my style, to be exact.
i never did like stories or poems bout loneliness and isolation.
because that feeling is so sucky, and i hate to read bout people going through things like these. even though most of the time i dont even think those stories are true.

well, it's a fact that i still gotta start w work. but im hungry ): ahwell.
i really dont like studying at home.
it's unproductiveness x1000. idc if thr's even such a word.
unproductiveness, hah.

really glad that i can get out of the house, even at night, to study w prisch friends :)
they're a bunch of lovely people, always willing to help.
i can always feel a sense of warmth when i'm w them even though we might not have been super ultra close in prisch.
thats my definition of friends :)
plus, i love to see how we really stick up for each other. a
nd feel injustice shld someone get treated unfairly by anyone at all.
i really miss those times when things were more transparent, and so easy.

unlike now.
when everyone wears a cold and unfeeling mask.
and how i really dislike the environment.
i mean, i hate it when i can see who's being a two-faced bitch and who's not.
it's so freaking obvious lah please -.-
but yet i cannot do anything.
oh and to quote something i saw on fb lately:
'you hate a two-faced bitch? wait till you see poly-faced ones'
yeah, the world is getting scarier, as we grow up especially.
what were we thinking as kids?
we've been comparing the world of adults and children in lit, and there was this video that Mr Ken showed us in la recently. i cannot help but be afraid to progress on into the next stage of my life.

i came here to blog an angry post.
but then, i decided not to.
why must i publicise my anger for everyone to see?
well, it's not that i wanna hide this side of me.
there's just no need to show it.

i just well, feel rather lost.
i vividly remember the times in year2, when i was so happy because i loved both helea and my team so much.
i guess that was pretty much the best year i had in this school? (i'm talking bout school related matters only by the way)

but now, i dont know.
i dont even see my teammates that often now. much less talk to them.
and i'm not even talking bout a real heart to heart talk here mind you.
and then i'm in this class that i really cant do anything freely.
i mean, i dont feel at ease here.
i really dont.
i dont like it here. and i'm not afraid to say it out.
because nobody really cares, right?
i dont know how i coped, but i just did.
been really so lousy nowadays, dont even know if anyone will care if i were to faint in class suddenly. so tired of everything.
okay correction: dont even know if anyone will TRULY care.
never had a class like this, and i really feel like it's not that i didnt make the effort.
i did.
nobody paid attention to it.
i swallowed my pride and tried ways to blend in.
but did anyone give me a chance?

they're really nice people. i know they are. it's just that, i dont feel the warmth.
i dont feel the comfort that people get from classes. maybe it's just me, you might say.
but have you ever thought, it might be them too?
i once told someone, i dont like on the surface friendships. which is why im not even pretending to be nice.
daddy tells me that i must be nice to some people even if i dont want to.
well, doesnt apply here.

so i'm about to contradict myself.
i cant wait for this year to end.
so that i can go to a new class, or maybe even a new school.
for a new beginning.
dont misunderstand me, i'm not being so unfeeling that i wont miss the school.
of course i will, those lovely people who helped me so much along the way.
those who've been by my side thru my smiles or my tears.

i've learnt so much these two years. (ofcourse during the first 2 years too)
through everything.
basketball too. so many things happened these two years, i've lost track of them.
i've had lots of emotions running thru me from those incidents, but i dont regret them.
people asked if i regret joining basketball.
here's my answer: NO.

anyway, i've grown to learn how to ignore.
yeap, i personally feel that that's one of the most important skills in life.
with it, you can actly take shit and throw them back into the face of the person who gave it to you. just because you dont give a damn.

alright, enough for today.
ciao!

我要的东西，如果我得不到，你也别想得到。

i know the above line makes me sound like an utter bitch.
but i dont care. tired of seeing people trying to deter me from getting things that i want.
so yes, here's my bottom line. i will make sure that you dont get it either.
 
started off my day w a heated conversation w my parents in the car. only i was heated though.
but they were being nice, actually listening to what i had to say and let me get things off my chest.
really grateful to them :) or else i wont know how my day would've been any worse.
 
so yeah, my day started off pretty rotten. hearing those supposedly nice stuffs, putting on the plastic smile.
seeing all those stuffs on twitter and fb (cant even surf the net in class in peace).
so i was forced to concentrate a lil' more, which is good :) but frustration looms within.
i really felt like i was gonna blow the moment someone mentions that rotten word in front of me.
 
chinese was very bearable, cuz thr was the chengyu game that i actly learnt quite abit from ^^
math was good, cuz me and eezhen were really fast (altho she was more accurate) and i really progressed, went on to do my integration assignment :)
stayed in class during recess, wanted to do math but ended up doing the crossword at the back of the math notes. i like Mr Tan's style of math notes, he understands that we do need to chill and give us little trivias or comics and sometimes crosswords to let us take a break from work :)
chem was argh, sometimes Ms Ng shld understand that we only have 40 days left to eoys and we're freaking screwed if she still continues to crap during lessons -.- was doing math during chem and was still able to manage to get what she was saying.
lit was fun! i kinda feel bad talking bad bout Ms Sangeetha but shes really nice, and it's her last lesson w us tday, so i guess lit will be full speed till eoys :/
and la was just, slack. yeah. no tchrs in the class. finished up math assignment, felt really accomplished :)
 
talking bout no tchrs in the class, really cannot bear w the noise level in class nowadays. sometimes it deafens my soul when i'm trying to compute numbers or conjure thoughts in my mind. sometimes i really wish that recesses were a little longer, or that we were able to move to other places when theres no tchr in class, so that i can find a little quiet spot for my work, complete w some peace and quiet.
 
so yeah, i've been staying in class after school to do some work, so that i escape the times where many people flock at the train stations to go home. i get intimidated when i see many many people, so i prefer to have a little peace. and i like the peace i get in class when i'm doing work, and when i'm going home :)
 
anw had a nice dinner outside after a long time, i love those conversations that go on and on :)
really glad to have company when i was really feeling so down, and didnt know who and what to turn to.
thanks for being there for me, as promised :) and i know you'll always be :)
and thanks again for the icecream :D it always calms me and makes me feel tonnes better :)
 
talking bout icecream, i realise all i need are simple ones. even a vanilla cone from macdonalds is enough to make my day :) yeah im that easily satisfied, shows how much youre trying if im unhappy w you.
i know kids who are constantly spending bout 3-4bucks or even more for just a serving of icecream, i think the hole in my pocket will trouble me more.
 
and my day became even better when i received a call from siowying, thanks babe, your call made me feel truckloads better :) thanks for listening to my rantings that always went nowhere but you were always so patient, especially these few days :)
on a sidenote, grats for getting into semis for interclass! :D
 
 
alright, it's 1220am and i really should retire for the day.
having really bad insomnia these days, need to search for ways to get rid of it :X
but i'm so glad my rotten day has ended really nicely :)
special thanks to (inorder): daddy&amp;mummy, siowying, jingheng and ervin :):)

Introduction

Hi all.
This will be my new blog. I decided to lock up all the previous posts due to some personal reasons.
Will bring in the other stuffs like the tagboard and links when I've the time.
Thanks for reading! :)