Where do we go, from here?

We are three months into the new year. It's difficult to believe that so much time has flown by. Days race along our highways faster than we can track them.

I unfortunately wasn't able to keep up with my blog as much as I wanted to. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I began to feel as if nothing new was happening. This of course isn't true. In fact a lot was happening, my perception was the one that wasn't changing.

I have been living in limbo for the past few weeks. Although there is a belief that you can control your destiny, sometimes you absolutely can't. There are times where outside forces dictate where you live, what you can do, what you feel and how you deal with it. This is the case of my current situation. What I dislike about it, is that my "dilemma" not only affects me, but those who surround me as well. After dreaming and reaching for the last five years, hell for the last ten years of my education - I don't really count Jr.High - I've grown tired of feeling disappointed. The disappointment is no one's fault in particular, but attributed to the fact that I am very impatient with life. I want to reach my goals quick and lavish myself in their glory. Although it is great to be ambitious, sometimes it can leave you incapable of enjoying the small moments, because really how could the small moments compare?

This is changing.

The only thing that I want for the next few years, is stability. Everything up till now has been an amusement park event. All I want is a stable job, a 9 to 5, where I can relax, pay my bills and have time to savor the last four years. This may make me sound like a Florida ridden retiree, but after four years of being scared of purchasing a 3 dollar frozen pizza because you may overdraft your account, stability and comfort feels like the Hampton's presidential suite.

Of course my ultimate goal would be doing this with writing or screen writing, but till then. Pushing boxes and counting inventory sounds like a lobster dinner with champaign.

What Shaped Exal?

A Flippin' FlipCam No Flippin' Way!

My friend Oldphan purchased a flipcam for me in replacement of an old camera I had that was accidentally damaged. Oh man, let the video frenzy begin!

:)

Lets Get Some Shoes

We've all seen the Shoes video. It's grown to be one of the largest viral videos to date, next to the kid who likes turtles and the carnivorous little brother. Somehow Kelly perfectly captures what it's like to be an American. The constant need to "buy" things. The feeling of ownership. The overwhelming control issues. Our obsession over defining ourselves with the things we wear or buy. The incessant want, need, crave, buy, dispose, waste, cycle of being an American. Isn't it beautiful?

I have a belief that regardless of class, culture, nationality, there is always the need to define yourself by objects that until you set meaning upon them, they are remotely unimportant. Say a woman's necklace given to her by her eighth boyfriend after prom. A man's condom passed down through generations by the men, always in the back pocket with smudged markings that say, "In case of emergency." A child's blanket, slowly collecting thousands of bacteria waiting and planning for their next invasion upon our social infrastructure.

All really meaningless. In the same token, acknowledging these trades and objects as such, make us meaningless. See my point?

No? Well, fuck it.

Fog

I love using metaphors that are completely "killed" in today's literature. Especially for blog title purposes. I've had a couple of really great nights, mixed in with tiring work and hours of thinking. To many having the ability to plan, think, and prepare might be a godsend. But to a few of us it's kind of a curse. Here's another overused analogy. A gift to some, may be a curse to others. I've been overwhelmed with this fear of "uncertainty" which I wouldn't say is a negative thing, but just frustrating at most. Of course this is tied in to my frustration of impatience. But, writing these silly blogs have begun to help quite a bit.

As to my personal work. I've started to plan out my script I've mentioned before. My plan is to write whatever I can get on to the page, and it seems to be flowing in coming together nicely. So far I don't have concrete characters written down, but I do have the name Jerr for the main Vamp. I hope to change it to something a little more interesting. I've begun to write them in journal style, written in the point of view of the protagonist. Now that's not going to be like the script at all. I'm thinking of keeping only for reference and to get my scenes and thoughts on t paper. Oooh. I can't stop talking about this idea. So far I've gotten positive intrigue from my concept. I think in particular the idea of comparing this american Cultish "gang" to latin american gangs is something that remains to be compared. I've always have found it interesting how these "families" have formed in order to protect their lands, family, and maintain power. It's frighting at the same time, because they take ideas of fitting in to their model very seriously. And if you're not part of them, then you're dead. Simple as that.

Anywho, I need to start writing this script. At least get the skeleton on to a page. Move on and approach it with more research afterwards.

Kay! Toodles mofos!

What Shaped Exal?

Was doing so well...

I was keeping up so well with all these posts, and then FAIL! Two days I've missed. I shouldn't be so hard on myself though. It's been a busy last two days. I've been continuously looking for a second part time job, or a full time. I've been trying to catch up on work that I've been putting off. I need to clean and organize my room/apartment. I have yet to finalize my student load situation. (Which has presented itself to be a lot more difficult than it should be)

The problem w/ the loans right now is the fact that many lenders are currently not accepting any applications for private loan consolidations. So I've been stuck in limbo as notices start to accumulate reminding me that my repayment period starts very soon! As if for some strange notion, I forget that the $140,000 that I owe is just going to so happen slip my mind. Please.

I have to set myself a dead line, and I have to finalize everything soon. It's starting to look like my total repayments is going to be something around $800 per month. Plus $548 for rent, $100 credit card, $70 cell phone, $70 utilities, and at least $200 for food... I have a grand total of over $1788 at least per month. Which right now on a salary of $560/month is NOT going to cut it. Obviously.

But alas, I will have things figured out. I will resolve all these immediate problems. Nothing is going to stop me from achieving my dream, except for myself. And I can kick my own ass if I have too. Nuff Said.

BTW, I ran my idea passed by Amanda, and she liked it. Now the writing begins! I must get it in my schedule. Next to wtf am I doing, and I need to drink. :)

Toodles!