Be Still, My Heart

Oh how I love them so. It was love at first sight. At the first moment our eyes met, I knew it was meant to be...but it was scandalous, and I wondered if I could justify such an extravagant purchase.

See, N went into the store to buy a messenger bag for her husband, and I was not to buy anything at all, but this is what happens, see...with both of us...and then N was all "I LOVE them. NO...I freakin' LOOOOVE them. You HAVE to buy those Lis, you HAVE to...they are SO GORGEOUS." I have to admit they do look fantastic on my feet and WOW talk about comfortable...they are really easy to wear/walk in. Worth it? I'd say!

Sold.

(Let me just say, however, that they are not white. I really hate white shoes...and I did have a bit of an issue buying the bone color. They came in black and red, BUT the bone ones looked so cool and edgy with my black jeans and my almost black toes... I tried on the black ones, but they just weren't really doing it for me...and red is out because I'm just not a fan. They are not as white as they appear in the picture - the flash did that. Think a little paler than beige, but not quite a true bone either.)

Remember the Shoes?

I was so happy when our tiny mail delivery person came around the corner with my bright yellow happy smiley-faced Zappo’s box, singing "Oooooweee Leeeeesaaaaa, how aaaaaaaare yooooooooooou?? I have a package forrrrryoooooou!!” I’ve never known anyone to like me more than she does, which kindof makes me feel good, even though she’s a bit of an odd duck which is probably why she likes me so much…because she’s weird and I attract weirdos… ‘cause I’m nice…even though that certainly wasn’t a very nice thing to say but it's just a fact. Anyway, I signed for the package and off she scurried. I decided to take the shoes home (but not the box) so I could try them on without having to lug the box back and forth if they needed to be returned… The entire way home I was dreaming up outfits that would complement my fabulous new shoes. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping...the smell of spring and BBQ's in the air. I came up with 2 possible scenarios…very pleased with myself.

1. Skinny jeans, longish tank, chunky necklace
2. Pencil or tulip skirt, flirty blouse

Well…I’m sad to announce, that they are currently on a ship back to Zappoland.

Who the hell can wear these things? During my search did I unknowingly click on “Hooker Heels”? Was there a subsection called “Achy Breaky Neck”? Unwilling to admit I had once again failed to purchased a SINGLE wearable on-line item, I stubbornly proceeded to my makeshift runway (the hallway). I wasn’t going to give up, dammit, I had spent my 20’s & 30’s in high heels. I am WOMAN.

I balanced myself, took a deep breath and proceeded to take my first step…hoookaaay…by step #2 I knew this wasn’t going to work. I threw myself down on the floor in a strop and unlatched the ankle straps, one by one. I stuffed them back into the bag and mumbled to myself, “not a chance in HELL.”

I was so depressed that my first attempt at buying shoes on line had gone so sour, that I treated myself to a delivery from Victoria Secret…a bathing suit, which I have not a shred of doubt will fit me like a glove.

I Kinda Like Shoes

I bought these today in the event that I might,some day, be invited to something fabulous...like a wedding. I can't really wear them for downtown summer dinners, because Toronto streets are ankle breakers at the best of times, nevermind 5" heels, and I can't wear them to the elusive Garden Party I've been talking about for 10 years beause I'll sink into the grass and hurt myself, or complain the entire time which would literally be the end of my marriage...and I can't wear them to a friend's house because the girls will laugh at me and call me a midget on stilts...so yep it has to be a wedding. I need one of my friend to get divorced right now and find a new man before platforms become the trend that never quite was.

Whatever it is, make sure you give me enough time to find a dress, because I have got nothing to go with these beauties.


Oh how I love them so.