making contact

I bought a new phone and while i was cleaning up my contacts, Lena, Thaddeus and Ben just came to view.

I'm often pretty astounded by what has happened in my life. Events, experiences, people. Especially the people.

People who were with me since I was born. People whom I've gotten to know since childhood days. People who have flew into my life and stuck by me when I was down and out. People who are meant to be passer-bys. People who have walked in and out and in an extraordinary turn of events, or by sheer destiny, appeared again.

People you know you would not want to lose. Such things you would never know. You can only believe everything happens for a reason.

Life and death is but part and parcel of life. When you are born into this world, the expectancy of death is already sealed. What matters is how you take it. What you do about it. What you learn from it. Death is something so interesting to me because I do not know what awaits after that.

Will I experience nothing at all? Will I know that I'm being buried six feet under or burned into ashes? Will I float through space as an invisible ghost? Or will there be a horrific Hell and a sorrowless Heaven?

But I already have a lot to handle in this life to constantly ruminate about death.

Getting reacquainted with people that I once shared good times with is often surreal but felicitous. Some people part because of irreconcilable differences. Some because of misunderstandings that are never cleared up. Most people just drifted apart because of life constant changes. They do not see a good enough reason to keep the relationship going anymore, especially with everyday's exhausting demands. So there ends friendships. i know I'm very guilty of that.

But the saddest thing is in knowing that you want to keep that friendship and you would have done anything to save it, but you didn't and you don't know why and it was terminated like that. Abandoned in the depths of the past but etched in ink on the pages of your yellowing journal. Whether it's an overnight or gradual process...

...But there is some relief in the knowledge that nobody is really lost unless he/she is gone from this world. Trust me on this.

The contacts shall remain...in memory always.

the bacon shops

It is all very strange. While I didn't think it possible to feel this way, I have stopped wanting to stage a workplace revolution. I guess I finally know this state of bureaucracy, corporate life, whatever you call it, is not for me. I mean, it's a great way to earn a living. Respectable, predictable (ok maybe not), manageable (ok maybe not again). In this sense, I am totally grateful for what I have. And that is why when duty calls, I still pay my dues and do what I'm supposed to.

But at the soul level (where it truly matters) it's like something inside of me has died and gone on to a better place. Better because activity-wise this is about as low as it gets for me. I'm at the base level. Nothing excites me about the job and despite what I may say, nothing about the job really brings me down. Some people bother me with their lack of integrity, authenticity, respect for other people, their refusal to take responsibility, etc. But not the job.

As far as this job is concerned, it's all about bringing home the bacon.

"Find a new job if it makes you feel so lousy!" It's always easy to say. Then I make a few half-hearted attempts. Then I stop. I have always felt guilty about what a lazy ass I am. That feeling sucked. Really sucked. It gnawed at me, day in day out. Until recently. It's not one of those "I wake up and I feel the world is new" moments. It's just a slow realisation that works its way through one's system: the reason why I am not desperately searching for a new job.

Firstly, I am not as terribly unhappy with my job as I would like to think. All things considered, there are plenty of worse situations to be in. But my tipping point is really knowing deep down that what I truly love to do (it goes by many names) is still beyond my reach as a full-time career option. And I felt lousy because I stopped doing what I love, telling myself that it can only be worthwhile if I can support myself financially doing it. That's the biggest lie ever told.

I used to think I can work up a passion for this tried and tested path of working for a big organisation, especially since it allows me to do a fair amount of exposure. But the truth is it doesn't work this way.

Passion comes from some place deeper and more mysterious. The most I can do for this job is to be responsible and earn my keep. And if that's the case, this job is as good as any other. Pure economic activity (pun intended). All I can say is that even at its best, jobs like this will never give me true joy. They may intellectually stimulate me if the leadership is good, but that isn't all I am about.

Besides, I'm not a coporate animal (never will be) and the environment will just stifle me. I already know that.

When I learn to stop expecting what I can never find in a place - and to appreciate it for what it gives me - I feel liberated. The truth does set you free. This doesn't mean I'm going to stop looking for my next bacon shop. But it means I'll feel a lot calmer about being in this bacon shop while I look, because one shop is pretty much like the next one as far as I'm concerned.

As for what I love to do, I can always start now. Why wait and find all sorts of excuses for myself?

What's so new abt social networking...

I'm reading about the reign of Facebook and it constantly amazes me how much stuff is going on around the world that I have absolutely no idea about. I need to get out more, even virtually.

The last social networking application i know was probably Friendster. Ok, maybe Second Life does count but that one has too much of an economic element. Then there was that Twitter nonsense which I checked out and crossed out.

I learnt about Facebook when it got bought out sometime back and the student who developed it made a huge killing (makes me wish I studied computer science). Now the cute little application that helps you stay in touch with friends and classmates has turned into a monster that is threatening to take over the Internet. All these e-fairytales stories - even the 30 mil buyout of Hotmail by Microsoft.

Well, if Slate.com is right, everyone should grab their unique userid on Facebook right now and forget about Google, Yahoo, MSN,what-have-yous. In some strange, distant, twisted way, I'm reminded of the battle between Blu-ray and HD-DVD. If there is a war of standards out there, there is a war online too. Only this is about which web application gives you the greatest social power and viral marketing capability.

But the most disturbing thing about social networking has to be this: class divide doesn't just happen in the physical world - it extends to online social networking sites too. Latest research shows that MySpace users are mostly "geeks, freaks or queers", while Facebook users "go to honours classes, look forward to prom nights and live in a world dictated by after-school activities".

When there was no Internet and we hung out more, we defined ourselves by what we wear; now that we are connected to the world via broadband, we define ourselves by what online portal we use.

Which leads me thinking abt what ingrid mentioned during new media ethics - it's so convenient to blame technology when there's something bigger at work.

Art, unlabelled

This is an absolutely fascinating article from the Washington Post. "Pearls Before Breakfast"

Basically, as part of a cultural experiment, the Washington Post got international violin virtuoso, Joshua Bell, to act as a busker at a metro station one busy morning.

The million dollar question - in such a banal setting, would people squeeze for time stop to listen to a world-class musician playing some of the most beautiful music ever written in human history? How many people really perceive talent and beauty without being told what it is? I have often wondered about that.

bureaucratic settings

On days that I'm given a reprieve from the office environment because of the courses i'm attending, i'm thankful. Even if it eats into my personal time. The office is getting too stuffy for me.

Really. The world is in the state it is today because people keep trying to solve complex problems using methods that are not suited for the nature of the issue. The results already tell them it doesn't work but well, human beings are really creatures of habit. Governments and big businesses are especially guilty of that charge. Complicated standard operating procedures and over-analysis are everyday examples of the oft-misplaced methods.

I remember reading in some cognitive science theory book that two or three years is the maximum one should spend in a highly bureaucratic setting. Any longer than that, your cognitive patterns become too deeply entrained and it's going to take you years - or for some, maybe a lifetime - to unlearn all the mind-numbingly rigid patterns.

Hint hint. No hint.