A letter

A copy paste entry...

A letter from a working mother to a stay at home mother and vice versa

Some people have been questioning what you do at home all day. I know what you do. I know because I’m a mum and for a while I did it too. 

I know you do unpaid work, often thankless work, which starts the moment you wake up, and doesn’t even end when you go to sleep. I know you work weekends and nights, with no discernible end to your day or working week. I know the rewards are joyous but few.

I know that you seldom have a hot cup of coffee or tea. I know that your attention is always divided, often diverted from a moment to moment basis, and you cannot ever count on completing a task in the one go. I know that you probably don’t get any down time when you’re on your own at home, unless you have a single child who still naps in the daytime.

I know the challenges you deal with daily, usually with no peer support or backup. The toddler tantrums, the toilet training accidents, the food battles, the food on the floor, the crayons on the wall, the sibling rivalry, the baby that never seems to stop crying. I know how the work seems incessant, like an endless cycle – you shop for food, prepare it, cook it, attempt to feed it to your children, clean it off the floor, wash the dishes, and repeat in three hours.

I know you fantasise about having an hour to yourself to eat your lunch in peace, or about having an afternoon nap. I know you sometimes wonder if it’s all worth it, and feel envious of your friends who are having coffee breaks at work. I know that sometimes when your partner gets home in the evening after his work is done, he wants to put his feet up exactly when you need a break the most, and this can bring you to tears. 

I know that you are misunderstood by so many who do not appreciate the difficulties of caring for small children on your own, all day, and refer to you as joining the “latte set”. They imagine you spend your day sipping coffee while your children play quietly. I know you miss your financial independence. I know you feel amused and sometimes annoyed when others proclaim “TGIF!” because to you every day is the same – there is no Friday, no break from your job. I know that many people do not understand that you work – you simply work an unpaid job at home.

SAHM, I don’t know how you do it. I admire your infinite patience, your ability to face each day cheerfully and bring joy into your children’s lives even when they wear you down. I admire your dedication to being a constant presence in your children’s lives even if it isn’t always easy. I admire the way you work without expecting any reward – no promotions, no fame, no salary. I know you want your children to feel important and loved, and SAHM, you do this the best.

I just wanted you to know that I understand. We’re both mothers. And I know.

Love from the trenches

Working Mum

 

Dear Working Mum

I know you sometimes get judged by others for leaving your children in the care of others to work. Some people imply that you don’t love your children as much as us SAHMs do, and that it’s best for children to be at home with their mothers.

How can they say this about you? I know you love your children just as much as any other mother. I know that going back to work was no easy decision. You weighed up the pros and cons, long before you conceived a baby. It has always been one of the most important decisions of your life. You thought about this even while you were in high school and were choosing subjects for Grade 11.

I see you everywhere. You are the doctor I take my children to when they are sick. You’re my child’s allergist, the one who diagnosed her peanut allergy. You’re the physiotherapist who treated my husband’s back. You’re the accountant who does our tax returns. My son’s primary school teacher. The director of our childcare centre. My daughter’s gymnastics teacher. The real estate agent who sold our house. What sort of world would it be if you hadn’t been there for us? If you had succumbed to the pressures of those who insisted a mother’s place had to be in the home?

I know you weigh up every job to see if it will suit your family. I know you wake up an hour before everyone else does, just so you can get some exercise done or some quiet time. I know that you have attended meetings after being up all night with your toddler. I know that when you come home in the evening, your “second shift” begins. The nay-sayers don’t understand that you run a household AND hold a job. You come home, cook dinner, bath your children and read them stories. You tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. You pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, just like every other mother does.

I know that you often feel guilty about having any more time away from your children so you sacrifice your leisure time. I know you can’t bring yourself to take a “day off” for yourself when your children are at daycare. I know you accept that work is your “time off” for now. I know that when you are at work you don’t waste a single minute. I know you eat your lunch at your desk, you don’t go out for coffee, and you show complete dedication and concentration to your job. You chose to be there after all. You want to be there.

I know how discerning you are about who is looking after your children, and that many long daycare centres offer excellent care. I know you only leave your children in a place where you confident they are loved and well looked after. I know that you spend many days caring for your children at home when they are sick, and sacrifice your pay. I know that you secretly enjoy these days, and revel in being able to be with your children.

I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM, I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love.

I just wanted you to know I understand. Because we’re both mothers.

Love from the trenches

Stay-At-Home Mum

Love you mr arrumugam

Laki aku sekarang kalau keluar petang2 outing bawak tihany nak kene balik mesti sebelum pukul 7.sampai rumah mesti bergegAs bukak tv3..love u mr arrogant katenye..lepas tu sennyum sirang2..matikkk lahhhh...apehal jiwa ke arah drama petang2 ni laki eh?

Aku update blog semata2 nak tulis ni..nampak tak permainan dia...

Hanya tiggal kenangan

I

Pernah tak kau orang main menda ni?masukkan gegelung tu..yang ada air tu.

Aku gila juge main benda ni masa kecik2 dulu..tak silapnye masa tu dalam darjah 3 kot...sebagai anak bongsu segala jadah jenis mainan bapak akan belikan..plus perangai aku macam jantan2 gitew kan..

Selalu jugak berebut dengan abang aku main mende ni..masa tu dia form 5..beliau merupakan anak bongsu lelaki..dulu masa die kecik memang die hantu mainan lah kan..lepas kewujudan aku barulah hak dia dinafikan plus die dah besar panjang kan..mainan ape nye...

Aku main menda ni sampai tak makan minum lah selagi tak dapat masukkan mende bulat tuh..abang aku memang tak ade can lah..

Pernah satu ketika sebab meluat tengok aku berkepit dengan menda ni sampai tak makan minum abang membuat onar..aku cari menda ni tak jumpa..cari punya cari jumpe jugak akhirnya..kamu tahu di mana die sorokkan?dalam peti ais yang beku tu..bila air dalam tu dah beku makanya aku tak dapat main lah...

Macam kelakar jugak bila ingat balik zaman budak2..tu lah salah satu kenangan aku dengan die..kami memang rapat..sangat rapat..die guru matematik aku..tahun 1999 die pergi tinggalkan kami sekeluarga...

Semalam 16 sept adalah hari kelahirannya..semoga die tenang di sana..AL FATIHAH..

Kakanda Abdul MAnan BIn Ismail

16 september 1978- 18 NOvember 1999

Rawak

Ohai..lamanya rasa tak update ape2..

Hari ni nak cakap pasal isu semasa sekarang iaitu isu PTPTN yang nak senaraikab prminjam di bawah CCRIS.

Mula2 aku melatah jugaklah eh kenapa pulak..rasa macam2..sebab masa amik loan tu dulu kite takde pilihan lain kan?nak dapat biasiswa tajaan jpa diri ni tak berapa pandai...

Lepas tu MEnteri belia kita Mr KJ membidas cadangab nak meletakkab peminjam bawah CCRIS kan..

Dan hari ni diberitakan cadangan nak senaraikan peminjam bawah CCRIS tidak akan diteruskan...hebat KJ..doh la hemsem...

Tapi aku masih lagi rasakan yang ni semua mainan politik..dalam usaha untuk menaikkan KJ..faham tak kamu?

Dan diberitakan pula pinjaman kenderaan disingkatkan kepada 7tahun dan bayaran down payment adalah sebanyak 20% pulok bermula sept ni..haa...guane ni boh nok beli volkswagen golf sebutir payoh la ambe.harap2 ni pun mainan politik jugok la..takde ke menteri2 lain yang nak bidas isu ni?

Hari raya kedua ni baru aku nak ucapkan selamat hari raya..semalam bz sangat sebab dekat rumah mak takde orang makanya aku lah yang menguruskan segalanya..petang tu x sempat zohor pun lagi aku dah bertolak pulang ke kemaman...oh ya sekali lagi aku ucapkan selamat hari raya aidilfitri..

Rasa tak puas sangat raya di rumah emak semalam..ye lah hari ini semua adik beradik aku balik rumah emak..tinggal aku je di kemaman sekarang ni terpinga2...kami sekeluarga memang suka berkumpul..gossiping..aku kutuk kau,kau kutuk aku secara bergurau..alu belek baju raya kau,kau belek baju raya aku..haaa..gila best weh kumpul ramai2..

Aku dan hasbeng memang berbeza citarasa dari bab makan sampailah bab hobi..tapi tuhan anugerahkan kami satu intuisi yang hebat?kamu tahu apa intuisi itu?aku pun tak pasti..intuisi tu maksudnye gerak hati kot..dah banyak kali dah benda yang aku fikir,itulah jugak yang dia fikir..macam biasalah bila dah berkahwin kita ada dua keluarga..kene pandai bahagi..tapi terdetik dalam hati "ala bestnye kalau dapat balik batu nam semula"...dan baru tadi hasbeng cakap "esok kita balik kole teganu yeh..sian awak tak sempat jumpa kakak2 awak..jadinye hari ni aku hepi giler..esok balik kole teganu lagik...sayang laki aku...hahaha

Ok la..selamat hari raya kau orangs!!!!

Merisaui

Ohai...

Perasan tak kat malaysia ni selalu ade kes bermusim..contohnye kalau ade kes tembak hari2 ade kes tembakk aje..kalau ade kes kemalangan ngeri..esok lusanya pun ada kemalangan ngeri jugak...

Dua minggu lepas kes budak yang meninggal dalam kereta tu kan..(al Fatihah)..dan sehari sebelum kes tu kan kawasan kejiranan aku ni ada jugak baby 2 tahun meninggal tercekik buah anggur..betul2 depan simpang rumah ni..dan hari ni sorang lagi baby sebaya tihany di kawasan kejiranan aku ni meninggal sebab atuk die langgar dengan kereta...

Macam biasa lah orang sekeliling akan tunding jari pada orang yang mengakibatkan kejadian itu..tapi bila diikutkan siapa nak menda macam tu jadi  weh..aku juga risau takut2 aku teralpa dalam menjaga tihany..

Ya Allah lindungi lah anakku zahra tihany dan jugak kanak2 yang lain dari segala marabahaya..musibah dan ancaman..

Mari sedekahkan Al FAtihah buat mereka  yang sudah tiada..semoga kita semua selamat2 semuanya..

Satu nikmat telah ditarik

Ohai..kamu semua pasti sedang tidur..atau adakah antara kamu yang sudah bangun bersahur pada jam 2 pagi ini?

Aku? Mata sangat2 ingin meniduri tapi apakan daya badan gatal2..bukan disampuk shaitan kerana bermain di busut tetapi akibat alergi..

Dulu aku pernah bagitahu yang aku mula alergic terhadap daging lembu setelah melahirkan tihany..kalau makan daging lembu pasti akan gatal2 seluruh badan..agak lama jugak lah tak makan daging lembu..tapi yang herannya daging burger ok je pulak..

Hari ni sesaje kan nak mencuba eksperimentasi mana tau ada keajaiban kot2 alergi tu dah hilang kan..hari ni jugak  aku berbuka dengan lauk daging lembu gulai kawah..banyak juge la aku membalun daging lembu..

Hasilnye sangat istimewa...

Tergaru garu macam ba ro wau khaf pada jam 230 pagi...

Mengadu pada emak dan die mengesyorkan agar aku mencium lembu agar hilang penyakit alergic pada daging lembu..."mung kene sampuk di lembu"

Huk alohhhh mak eh...dok klakor sikit ponggggg...

Sebenarnya tuhan dah tarim satu nikmat dari kau wahai fatimah hatemtai...xsedar ke diri lagi?

Jaga2

Masih lagi bising2 kes budak tiga tahun yang meninggal dalam kereta tu kan..

Kita2 ni tak payah lah nak tuduh macam2..nak kata macam2.kita tak berada dalam situasi tu kita jangan nak cakap macam2..bulan puasa ni..daripada kita tuduh macam2 baik kita berdoa moga tidak terjadi kepada kita..Nauzubillah..

Dan disebabkan kes ini juga aku dapat call dari kakak2 dan beberapa insan lain yang prihatin menasihatkan agar aku sentiasa berwaspada dan jangan cuai menjaga zahra tihany..

Terima kasih kepada semua yang prihatin terhadap kami..i luv u ollls...

Gembira

Alhamdulillah..tadi dengan izin Allah aku berkesempatan melayan dan menyediakan hidangan berbuka puasa untuk dua orang anak yatim..

Walaupun tak seberapa sebab aku kan amatur je bab2 masak ni tapi rasa puas hati sangat..

Semoga Rahmat Allah sentiasa bersama kamu wahai anak2..

Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda "Sebaik-baik rumah tangga muslim ialah yang di dalamnya ada anak yatim yang dilayan dengan baik" (H.R. Ibnu Majah)

Semoga kita semua beroleh keberkatan di bulan yang mulia ini..

Kbai..

Saya yang berdisiplin

Ohai semua..dah 7 ramadhan..baainana dengan kamu semua?

Orang kata kalau berubah jadi lebih baik walaupun sedikit adalah lebih bagus dari kamu langsung tidak berubah apa2 kan?

Aku rasa ramadhan kali ni aku ada peningkatan sikit lah dalam buku pencapaian aku..orang kataa lebih bermutu gitewww..

Ianya dari aspek pemakanan...dulu kalau time berbuka atas meja tu aku punye makanan memang banyak..semua benda aku nak makan..sampai kan nak benapas pon tak lepas..lepas tu pulak ber suster ngesot lah nak semayang maghrib...

Tahun ni lain sikit..tak tau lah kenapa..start puasa kan di sini..di rumah PIL..time berbuka cuma makan nasi dengan dua jenis lauk je..biasanya sayur dan ayam je la..lepas tu ok settle..pukul 10 or 11 macam tu baru la makan kuih2 sikit dan terus tido..bangun sahur hanya 3 biji kurma dan susu..Alhamdulillah boleh bertahan sampai berbuka.dah tak macam dulu2..arwah ayah selalu panggil aku kain buruk sebab bila time puase masuk tengahari dah lembik penyek terbaring atas lantai macam kain buruk..walgal time sayur kau melantak bukan main...

See?aku macam dah sikit berdisiplin sikit kan?sebab ape ek?adakah sebab usia?sebab dah menjawat status seorang ibu lalu menunjukkan contoh yang baik kepada anak?

Ern..tak kisahlah ape pun sebabnye..yang pentinng fatimah dah jadi budak bagus..dah berdisiplin..pandai jaga makan..bini sapa lah nih..tomey2 (sambil usap kepala sendiri).ewah blah lah kau...

Bila diajukan kepada hasbeng alan hal ini dia pun dengan muka poyo menjawab

"Alah dekat sini mana ada bazar ramadhan,tak kene selera awak,memang lah berdisiplin konon..tengoklah balik baru enam nanti..tak lamanya disiplin tu kott"

See...laki memandang rendah akan disiplin yang telah terbina ini

Fine..esok balik batu enam kan..jangan salahkan aku tau hasbeng kalau aku kembali ke tabiat asal..(sambil menyenaraikan menu untuk berbuka lusa.sebab esok balik malam)

Haaa...nampak tak permainan dia kat situuuu?

Kekeke....