results!

So yea, results are out today. Again, not as good as I expected, with a major surprise (just like last sem), but at least not as bad as the previous time round.

That also means I have to work extra hard for the next sem again! :(

Oh well. back to work.

Week One.

Ok i have to submit some reflection journal thing at the end of my internship, but I'm seriously too lazy to start writing it, so i'm gonna make random comments here to be retrieved when the Day of Reckoning comes. I apologize in advance if things sound totally random and illogical.

My first thoughts/days in school were basically going up and down like a roller-coaster. Somehow many things didn't feel quite right. There was a sense of familiarity but also an equally compelling sense of alienation. But I'm glad the people around me have been very nice and interesting so far.

Another things was that my first days of boredom have been replaced by some other newfound purposes. At least there is now a meaningful project to occupy my time from now till the end of next month. Now I understand why they say inactivity atrophies one's brains. It really can. I'm glad I have a job now that at least keeps me active for much of my holidays. But yes, I still want my break. I must keep a balance in mind. Balance. Learn to let go, I must. (In response to this, I watched the 2 episodes of Red Cliff instead of reading up for The Project - I shall not reveal what my work entails here. Ok but I think I shall get back to reading it after dinner. hmmm. According to the latest issue of Men's Health, we need to over-deliver to impress our bosses. hmmmmm - and yes, there is really no other way than doing this, because my job scope is so very limited.)

Some of the older colleagues felt I should not have returned there for my internship. But, given that I still have another work attachment next year, I think this was still an overall better strategy. Perhaps it is the lack of confidence (no, I seriously don't have an ego), but I still wanted to stay in a comfort-but-not-so-comfort zone first. I shall venture out next time when I'm a bit more in control. Baby steps. Baby steps.

Perhaps the other reason is personal - I cannot understand why students could have such differing opinions over the same-someone. Yet it has happened. And seeing that things have turned out the way it has, and still is, does help to absolve me of some personal guilt which i may have felt over the past year since my departure. (Yes, this is not historical - nothing is inevitable - but in this case I suppose I have to say that somethings are perhaps more likely to happen the way it is with very little other conceivable alternatives.)

I am equally touched by some of my former students' 'enthusiasm' at my return, though my current job scope does not allow me to go back into their classrooms - which I would very much like to. I suppose we all move on, and we cannot hope for a 'return to the past', as much as the 'good old days' remain as fond (ok more fond-ed than hated) in our memories. We must all move on. Still, The Project that I'm working on shall see them through their finals, and I hope it will really help them enough to allow them to go to where they want to be. It's a sad thing in life if one is forced by circumstances not to be able to go where they want to be.

For now, the first week has seemed really... unsettling. (On a side note, the word 'unsettled' has gotten me into some trouble. But It's ok. We all learn by making mistakes. The fact remains that it was more a learning moment than a mistake, so it's alright. It was all for my own good, and I really appreciate that.)

I shall wait for the end of the next week, which also marks the end of the semester. That'll give me some free time to allocate my work, though i have tight deadlines to meet. You can do it. Believe. Believe.

Friday is also results day. Shall keep my fingers crossed till then. Till then.

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just before ten weeks begin.

so the 3-day internship workshop has ended. Frankly, I thought it would be a waste of time and I wouldn't have been there without being paid and all the catered tea breaks and lunch (yes, we all have our shallow moments).

But I think I really learned quite a lot from the mentor who was with us for the first 2 days, and it actually helped me to re-think (or think about things I've never thought of) some of my experiences from last year. And I think rather coincidentally the 9pm Channel 8 show also had its thoughtful moments about education etc. So yes, perhaps the next ten weeks would not be an easy one after all. But anyways-

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End of exams and moving out

So this post has been a bit overdue, but I suppose I was just a little lazy to post up stuff here. Exams have finally ended, and it'll be 20 days later before results are out, so I shan't worry about it at the moment (not that worrying helps, in any case). More pressing is the upcoming internship training workshop and my stint back at my alma mata. I'm not sure but I feel butterflies fluttering around. Perhaps it just that I have some expectations of myself this time round, unlike last year when I went in with essentially zero experience. Perhaps 'expectations' is too strong a word; it might be more appropriate to see it as whether I might learn more from this ten-weeks attachment and whether i can deliver the 'goods' far better than the last time round. But I guess there's no immediate pressure 'coz I doubt I'll be seeing action right away. Perhaps in July; not now.

For now, there's the Munshi outing to look forward to and the soon-to-materialise little get-togethers. I am being lazy by not really pushing to organize anything; I think I need a good break from the last Academic Year!

Some pictures from moving out. Hah - I'm just bored:


Packing up! I have hell lot of stuff... my mum commented whether I was shifting back from hostel or moving house.



This reminded me of Power Rangers. Seriously. (Stretch your imagination!)



There! A much neater room! I just realised that my bookcase really blocked out a lot of light and made the room look very small.



Finally. The bags look deceiving, because this is already Day 2 of moving out; ALOT of stuff has already found its way into the house, thanks to my dad!



Now, I finally have one combined office/room, not at two seperate spots. It's much more convenient this way, though at the expense of some freedom. Oh well, for the next two sems I shall have to put up with travelling between home and campus! sigh.


More updates in the following days ahead. Cheers; It's the holidays!

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