10 Things Customers - And Waiters! - Want To Say To Each Other

WARNING: ASSHOLES - EITHER CUSTOMERS OR WAITERS - WILL BE EATEN BY THE RESIDENT T-REX

Dear Waiter:

1. Please don't dump a menu in front of me and stand there like a tunggul kayu, expecting customers to order straight away. Aku baru sampai kot. Gimme at least 5 minutes?
2. And if your place does have a menu, please brush up on your menu knowledge. It's fucking annoying when I ask '(Nama makanan) ni apa dia yea?' and you answer: "Tak tau la."
3. While you're at it, don't look like you either have a pineapple up your ass, or just got off Botox surgery. Smile and be nice!
4. DON'T SHIRK OFF RESPONSIBILITY/JANGAN LEPAS TANGAN. This is one of my biggest pet peeves when dining out. E.g. I was at this kedai makan once, and I asked one of the waiters to take my order. The guy said "Saya tak boleh bang, saya tak pandai ambik order makanan ni." It doesn't matter if you're new - LEARN! Why else are you standing on the floor for?
5. I get it - some customers are assholes - but your entire job is about being attentive, hospitable and easy-to-approach. Just remain professional and get it over with. Tak payah nak tarik muka or hempas-hempas pinggan.
6. But keep in mind attentive =/= annoying. If you're there at my table every 5 seconds you're gonna get on my nerves. Be subtle lah.
7. Be polite in front of your customers. Seriously. I know cussing and saying fuck with your crew is normal, but don't say it in front of customers. I was at a McDonalds once, and two girls in full McDonalds regalia were swearing at each other in front of customers. It was incredibly rude.
8. And to managers and supervisors, please jangan marah-marah or scold your staff in front of customers. They have dignity too, you know.
9. Keep your kedai makan clean please; it's a huge turn off to walk into a kedai makan and see tables still not cleared etc.
10. Do not lie, or cheat, or be dishonest to your customers. Don't tell them one thing and do another. If your customers ask for fresh unsalted french fries, don't just take a batch of regular ones and re-fry them. We can see, we can tell.

 

Pictured: Waiter yang tak puas hati dengan customer

Dear Customers,

1. We, service staff, are human too. Don't treat us like mangy dogs or slave labour. You're paying for the service, after all.
2. Please try to order your food and drinks in an, well, orderly manner. When you don't, and go 'Saya nak ayam satu sirap tiga eh tukar la ayam empat sirap campur limau tapi taknak bawang blablabla,' we're likely to get your orders confused. And don't get mad at us if we double check. Especially don't get mad at us when we've double checked, you said okay, then 10 minutes later claim you got the wrong thing.
3. Be decisive! Don't call us to take your orders and make us stand 10 minutes while you decide. Order only when you're ready please.
4. Be nice to us. Smile, say hello, say thank you. If we have name-tags, call us by our names. It's a small matter, really, but it goes a long way to make us feel appreciated. And in return, you're more likely to get the best from us. Of course tips are always welcome la kan :D
5. If we made a genuine mistake, tak payah la nak mengamuk or raise your voice or maki us in front of the whole floor. (This, by the way, is how you get spit in your food)
6. Be patient. If the restaurant is busy or super-packed, and you see that there's only a handful of us, do expect delays or minor errors when it comes to receiving your orders. Kitorang manusia juga, and we get confused, tired and restless too.
7. Respect your fellow customers too! We know you've having a good time, but don't have too much fun that you disturb other tables in the restaurant. Even if it's the mamak or roadside gerai.
8. Don't lie to us, don't try to scam us out of a free meal, don't change your mind just because you don't like your food (even though there's nothing wrong with it). Be fair lah. There was this one time this customer ordered A... ate half of it, then decided she didn't want it and asked the manager if she could change it. Manager, being the cunt that he was, said okay. Customer basically got two dishes, one for free. Cunts. Cunts. Cunts.
9. Don't dismiss us as 'waiter je' or assume we're people of a lesser degree. We KNOW some customers out there still think waiters are school-dropouts, or didn't do well in school, or aren't good enough to get a real job. We'll have you know some, if not a lot of us, chose this life because we genuinely love it.
10. Remember, dear customers, and this is a point I've mentioned so so so many times before: being served is a privilege, not a right.

How waiters and customers see each other when they're not getting along well.