Yesterday was probably one of the shittiest days at work ever.
Met up in the morning with a volunteer with a van to collect sponsored goods from Fairprice. 93 cartons couldn't fit in and we had to abandon half the stock at one warehouse, and the entirety f another. Reached back, rented another van. Long journey again. Completely late. Then, when we finally loaded the goods at the final warehouse, I couldn't start the damn van because the battery died. Sweated for an hour trying to push start and whatnot, and dehydration forced us to secretly run away (we were not in safety shoes) to the cafe. Mechanic came, replaced batteries.
Drove from Joo Koon to Orchard. Bloody van's gearbox was damaged. Couldn't change gears properly. Used a heck lot of force. Air con didn't work. Didn't help that there was a massive jam. Clutch control hurt my ankle. By the time I reached the Y, my tee was covered in sweat and it was 5pm.
Couldn't do work because it was also the day we shifted to the new office. By the time everything was done it was 6+. Then it was work until 9+.
And at 10+ 8 volunteers pulled out 9 hours before the outing this morning
And this morning's outing was just screwed because of the rain.
Ugh.
Yet another day at work. Almost 12 hours in the office. Think I'm getting too used to this. Maybe it's good training before school starts. Just 2 more months to go!
Plenty of chatter on whatsapp these days too. Finding it disruptive and hard to stay on top of everything, plus the personal issues that I have... Sigh. Maybe sometimes inaction is the best course of action.
The Titanic exhibition was rather interesting. Warhol, not so much so, given how fast we breezed through it.
I think in a way this entire renewed craze over the Titanic has also reignited my interest in huge ships again. Once upon a time, I drew ships daily.
Guess right now I just want to go on a luxury cruise.
Back to reality. Back to work.
Now, how do I shift 2 cartons of water and a giant trolley in this thunderstorm, alone?
Just finished watching 那些年，我们一起追的女孩。
Felt really, really sad at how the entire show ended.
What a terrible waste.
Sometimes we throw away a great too many things in our lives.
A little bemused and a little sad at how almost every day there's a dot.
Should start giving myself more me time.
Saturday, 8AM, on the train to work. Programmes to execute later. Party to attend at night. What's new, just tiring, right?
Brownie baking last night was fun. Never thought baking would be that fun. Then again, I hate the mess. Haha.
Shall meditate before I reach. And I'm hungry. Breakfast-less.
Why am I always the one getting hurt?
Lying on the floor and letting the bitterness of the Cuba Libre roll down my throat.
Thinking, thinking.
I hate the world. I hate myself.
Thankful for the off day yesterday. As usual, the past few days have been a blur. It's not routine, but just more of having things to do outside of work, and of other commitments.
Sometimes I regret packing my schedule so tightly, but sometimes I feel that it's better because I wouldn't have anything else better to do. But in a way, it has led me to feel that I don't have enough nua time for myself. You know, wake up and have no need to leave the house for anything. Have your meals late, play games, watch random movies, fall asleep... Sounds like quite a desirable luxury these days.
Titanic 3D and dinner subsequently was enjoyable. I just need to constantly remind myself not to have any expectations. Just let nature take its course. Let's see where the world takes me.
I should make it impossible for people to gain my trust.
Why is it that people have feelings? You build up one, only to get hurt.
What's the point?
Just spent the past hour helping a wasted friend puke/pee and stuff. And he was spouting truths. And inner secrets about various girls.
I guess we are all damaged and we all have plenty of secrets.
Gloomy, rainy, Good Friday morning. Lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling. Or closing the eyes and thinking.
Perfect recipe for sadness.
Sometimes the need for companionship or simply to have someone to confide life's ills to overrides all forms of rational thought and behaviour.
I... Feel lost.
Just had a very enlightening dinner. I'm glad that I managed to set aside time for it. Think I really need a proper listening ear and a good, long talk to settle all that shit that has been going on in my life.
I haven't been this detailed and honest before in the longest time ever. I guess I've always been this guarded against people. I'd rather feed them scraps than to give them the whole chunk, for the fear of exposing vulnerabilities within myself. But I don't know why tonight I decided to just talk about everything...
Recounting and re-analysing bits here and there cracked me up somewhat, though I could still control my voice. And having a lump in the throat was just unsettling too.
But at least now I know what I want to do about this issue. And I do think I need to step away from all these games for a while.
Aside, 21st photos are here: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150765857675831.463052.704550830&type=3&l=a46b511330
And aside, aside, work's been a hellish fast-paced pressure pot. Struggling to survive. But I think I can do so now that this is also out of the way.
Some muscles, when torn too many times, will cease to function.
It's 4.15AM. Figured that since I can't fall asleep, I might as well blog. Just had my 21st birthday celebration earlier. Thought it went well. Had a good time, things went smoothly and mmm all that planning didn't go to waste. Haha. As much as the time just flew past very quickly, I really appreciated the laughter and fun. Albeit... It still feels somewhat superficial? Like, deep down inside I still feel that there's something missing.
So many thoughts and so many considerations. Wish there was someone who could just tell me what to do.
