Funny topic how the topics these days have focused on masks. And it's true, I always have a mask on. Deep down inside, I'm just deeply unhappy.
Sometimes I feel happy with the status quo, sometimes I don't. I think I don't know what I want.
That weird, occasional tinge.
Stay on guard at all times.
Grandpa's somewhat semi bedridden. Had to fight to contain the tears while helping him about.
Another friend's in hospital.
Need to value health more.
Alvin's 21st has got to be the most badass booze party since Sam's. 4 of us finished a bottle of absolut. Falling asleep as I type this. Think I fell asleep in the shower. Life sucks when you can't account for certain minutes here and there.
I'm a sleepy drunk.
A little fearful and scared about how I am going to survive March. 2 camps, and a tonne of other stuff. Help. Anybody there?
Sending Ilyas off last night was quite an experience. Haven't had many opportunities to send friends off to their studies or whatnot overseas. All the teary goodbyes and hugs... Should farewells be so sad?
Wonder how mine will be like if I get to go on exchange. Maybe I'll just slink away quietly.
And with his departure, there are only 4 of the exco left in Singapore. Sigh.
This week seems to be passing by a little too slowly, like some form of protracted agony.
Assorted frustrations popping up at work and in life daily. Learning a lot everyday. Learning to control my temper. Learning to reinforce the things I know but don't really enforce. Learning to believe that people are innately not trustworthy when it comes to work, and it's best to rely on written word.
Also been cementing a lot of life views and perspectives here. For better or for worse, I don't know.
Fully packed schedule ahead. Need to find the strength somehow. Quite amused by how my iPhone calendar has dots on every bloody day, to the point where it becomes quite useless because you cannot, at one glance, see which day you don't have something on. Oh well.
And sometimes that inevitable feeling of wanting to have somebody to talk to creeps in, but the reflex nowadays is pretty strong. Work.
Everyday disappears in such a blur, I cannot remember what transpired... It's quite crazy. Doing a ROM coverage was quite very tiring, and when I reached home I fell asleep on the sofa and overslept for Irene's 21st. Speaking of 21sts, I think after a whole you just get a bit sick of them? But I guess it's a nice opportunity to catch up with friends and whatnot. Oh well.
Going to bed. Random post.
One year.
I don't know how I passed the entire year. Painful as it was, I learnt a lot and grew to be a lot wiser...
Think I'll always remember that night.
Think I'm falling sick. Can't afford to fall sick. But I do need a recess week of my own. To somewhere nice. Some snow would be nice.
There's this odd, sadistic satisfaction that I get from drowning myself in work.
Haven't had much time to update this space. Going home at 11 everyday, then waking up at 6 in the morning. Intensely tiring.
Life's just like that. Fully packed, some superficial satisfaction, but pretty much still lost and lonely.
Spending V Day alone at home and eating kueh lapis and drinking ovaltine wasn't so bad.
Haha.
Batam was okay. Not a place that I wanted to go having been there last year... But oh well. Work, some fun, and plenty of food. Growing fat. Need to start dieting and exercising!
Lying on the bed, listening to Sarah Brightman's rendition of Scarborough Fair and trying very hard not to fall asleep. It's been a rather long Friday and Saturday. OT on Friday, and then early morning work on Saturday etc... I actually dont know what sustains me. Plus I need to pack for Batam, plan for the retreat and plan for the coming ROM shoot. Not to mention all the 21sts coming. Sigh. Short of time, and I feel like I'm neglecting something but I'm not sure what. Should just go to sleep soon.
Finally passed my driving test. I don't know how I feel. I'm just glad that I've cleared it - Before I'm 21! - But on the other hand it's kind of hollow passing and not having a car to drive. I want to have a car next time... Material, I know.
Also learnt plenty today. Had an external meeting today. While it wasn't really anything to write home about, it was quite interesting observing the dynamics and stuff.
Also reminded myself about the value of 关系.
Off to bed. More next time.
I think the best way to save money is to work a lot and have no time to spend it, except on meals.
Driving test tomorrow. Please let me pass. Ahhhh.
Think the new Chrysler ad about it being half time in America totally suits me. One day, I will stop being punished like that.
Seriously, you're the most selfish bitch I've ever come across. I don't even bother speaking the truth to you now. Well, enjoy the illusion that I'm still a bro to you because you're underestimating my capacity to get back at people.
I know revenge is a bad thing but I just really hate being hurt.
Get the fuck out of my life.
Nua-ing in bed at 9.22am on a Sunday. Beginning to really value Sundays because that's the only day I don't have to wake up early for work. Still feeling rather tired. Sigh.
Yesterday was incredibly tiring. Got home, lied down on the floor and fell asleep immediately. Shall try to sleep more now.
I've also come to the conclusion that almost all the good girls around my age are taken already. #foreveralone Hahaha.
Think 21st parties are getting a little too standard. The cries for a speech, the obligatory smash of a cake in the face, and then the classic dunk in the pool.
Best thing is just the catching up with friends from long ago.
And for some reason I ended up taking the cab from a place that I thought I would never go near for the longest time. Weird, weird feeling. Like as if the place gave out a weird aura that screwed up my em fields.
Feeling this odd sense of betrayal donating money to a friend's medical trip to Ecuador, instead of donating locally, since I'm effectively considered a social worker now.
Oh well. Putting in plenty of effort here.
Every night when I retire to my bed, lie down on the hard foam mattress and twist from side to side and hear the cracks rattle down the spine, I feel my joints and muscles aching and this wave of tiredness sweep over me.
Think I'm getting old. And at the rate that I'm working I probably won't even survive until the start of school.
Night.
