A hot bowl of Myojo alone at home on a quiet Friday night, with the stereo on. Sometimes life's best simple and alone.
Night shifts like this are the reason why I feel like a train wreck day in day out. Clocked in at 12 noon, haven't had time for a break until now. While it was all very meaningful (albeit stressful and tiring), I think I could do better with a holiday now.
Always nice to feel that there's people doing something when shit hits the fan, and today was no exception.
Let's hope this is some motivation to continue working hard and not slip into a ORD mood.
Going back to HTA was a rather poignant walk down memory lane. From the taxi down the expressway, to the entrance, to the corridors, to the company lines, to the trainees marching and instructors yelling... They all brought back plenty of memories that shaped and defined 2010. It's a part of my life that's compartmentalized and categorized, and I'll never be able to re-live it again. And it also brought back a flood of memories that simply... Hurt.
Sitting all alone in the range waiting for the rest to be done and nursing a very pained soul and trigger finger. I guess I'm not so much depressed over not getting the marksman award, but more so by the stab and slash of the past.
Should have steeled myself for it.
Depressed.
Think I should get my head checked. Bloody, splitting migraines.
Sometimes being nice doesn't get you anywhere.
It sucks having to wake up early on a rainy morning. I shall aim to be productive today and stop procrastinating/slacking or whatever it is that I do.
October nears. How time flies.
Just matriculated. Another step closer to school... But somehow I'm not as enthused about starting school as I was in the past.
Finally tried Udders today. It's nice, but I think sometimes alcohol is best served in a glass.
Time to sleep.
Random, but.
You miss 100% of the shots you never take. -Wayne Gretzky
Walked from Robertson Quay to City Hall and the knee nearly killed me. Wouldn't have been a problem in the past. Sigh. I feel handicapped.
Saw the surgeon today, a little freaked out by her, but I just hope all goes well come November.
Visited NTU for the first time yesterday. Huge, sprawling compound, plenty of people, plenty of life. Not exactly the zombieland it's said to be, but it's still out of the way. Very.
And amidst all the light-heartedness, you begin to realise that it's not an easy task ensuring each and every graduate gets a job.
Aside, seeing the surgeon for the first time later. Feeling a little... Trepid?
Trying to survive night shift with a throbbing headache again. There's either something wrong with my head, or I simply need a break from cramming my schedule with things. Need a reprieve, somehow.
Can't wait for ORD, too. Too much work, and with the new NSFs and reservists around, it's quite a heavy burden to bear. But I guess it's just part of the cycle and I'll have to do my best to contribute. It's only right.
Appointment with the surgeon soon. Amen to that.
Had a very awesome night out with the exco today. Great company, lots of laughter, lots of shouting, lots of ribbing, lots of photos together with good food and music - What's there to dislike, really? Hope the friendships forged since 2008 will stay as strong as ever - Even when we all are in school next year, I vow to continue organizing exco meetups. (:
On a more sobering note, learnt during dinner that one of my ex-schoolmates lost her mum in that blaze in early August. It was terrible news to hear... And also got me thinking about work. The fire occurred during my shift. I still remember picking up the case, making the call to escalate it and then watching it develop on the screens while at the same time liaising with everyone and anyone involved... I recall all of us discussing the case as it unfolded in a rather unemotional, matter-of-fact way - a casualty's just another number in the report, right?
I guess this suddenly reminded me that in our flurry of protocols, call signs, reports and everything else in a command and control setting, we tend to be somewhat detached and desensitized from things - And that it would perhaps serve me well to remember that at the end of the day, there's a human dimension to things. Lives are at stake.
We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.
Too many battles on too many fronts; None have ended. Worn, weary and tired. What's the end game? What do I really want?
It's funny how you're deemed old enough to carry a gun and shoot to kill if necessary, but too young to consent to drilling holes in the knee and sticking a camera and other assorted tools in.
Having an absolutely terrible day. Probably one of the worst in a while. Wish I can just disappear and be a hermit somewhere.
Too many thoughts swirling in a cauldron of turbulence.
Lying in bed listening to the tick of the alarm clock and hum of the fan and feeling the cold, cold breeze from the shower outside.
Sometimes, certain decisions can haunt you forever.
Exhausted, a little sick and somewhat irritated with things here and there.
Batam was fine except that it was raining throughout. Annoyances abound but being bo chap was the best policy. Wouldn't return to that place though... Unless perhaps for gokart-ing.
Still in the midst of sifting through 1000+ images from the dance concert last Friday. A lot of work and very tiring.
Irritated with the SMU ISIS system. Wanted to pay for matriculation for the damn site wouldn't load.
Plenty of other issues to settle... Too many things on the mind. And then there's the knee surgery. Sigh.
Not making much sense. Good night.
Sigh, I wavered again. Conflicted, really. Best part is, you can't talk to the person you talk to the most, because you want to talk about that person.
Sometimes when people repeatedly apologise time and time again for the same transgression, you wonder whether they're really sorry. Or whether it's you who are at fault for viewing it as a transgression.
In good faith, people may have learnt from incidents in their personal past.
In bad faith, these incidents are just precursors and warning signs.
More food for thought.
Things I really want to do now:
Grab a few ice cold cocktails at the roof of Sirocco
Stroll along Lijiang Old Town in winter, enter a pub with live music and have some drinks
Go on a long holiday
Have a good rest
All randomness aside, went for a spot of shopping yesterday and spent 200 bucks. Sigh. Visited the temple to ask for guidance. Hope I get some answers.
Meanwhile, back to pondering.
It doesn't pay to be too nice isn't it? Don't you just feel so terrible when you go out of your way to pull strings and help someone make something work, only for that something to be rejected?
I shan't be so naive and gullible next time. Being nice has to have its limits too. In the end, people are just generally unreliable and disappointing.
Paralysed on the couch in the lounge at work. Yet another terrible shift with plenty of shit happening. Thankfully it's all tailing off now so at least I can finally have a breather, lunch and toilet break since arriving at work 7 hours ago...
Tired like hell too.
Knee's been hurting intermittently but I think I can bear with it... Leaning towards surgery though. Felt the effects of it quite keenly. The first part of it was more psychological actually. The whole day was spent at a divisional retreat, the second half of which was games and I guess I felt quite sore that everyone got to play football and handball while I had to sit aside or pretend to be useful by being the videographer. Eurgh.
Things got worse when it was at Comex. No fun and no good for the knee when you're squeezing in a crowd for hours and then lugging a 11.6kg carton home via public transport.
I guess the best part of yesterday was late night drinks at a random pub in a random place. Glad to have that time to forget everything, disappear from the crowd and just chill with a friend and nice booze.
Back to work.
"Menisci"
"A small oblique tear noted involving the posterior horn of the lateral meniscus related to its posterior inferior outweigh margin."
"Grade I-II degenerative changes in the posterior horn and outer margin of the body of the medial and lateral menisci."
Absolutely the worst piece of news from the doctor's today. So, I've officially joined the list of people with bodies ruined by NS. Doctor recommends surgery. Should I?
The destination's paradise. Your plane that is bound for that little slice of heaven is sitting on the tarmac and waiting for you to let it take-off. But would you risk the take-off if you suspect that there may be problems on the flight? Would you throw all caution to the wind and hope that you reach heaven on earth? Or would you wait for another plane that may or may not come?
Questions, questions, questions. Weighty questions for a weary mind.
