Getting out of this country for a short while... Hopefully the change of environment will do me some good.
While I'll have wifi and 3G, I doubt I'll update here as much when I'm away. Nonetheless, if you catch me on Facebook or Tumblr, it means that I'm still alive and haven't been captured, shot, poisoned or whatnot.
Take care...
"Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday"
If only.
Nothing in my life ever seems to go right. I just want to hide in one corner and hide from civilisation or sign-on, go deep-cover and never ever appear again.
Demoralised and depressed.
Anyone want to hear me out?
I think my head is falling apart. I need to go get an MRI. There's this brand new headache that runs down the top right of my skull and down all the way to my neck. It's that kind that throbs sharply and when it comes, you have to stay still and keep steady before you fall or something because the world turns out-of-focus.
One illness after another, eh?
Speaking of focus, spent over 12 hours at Shuen's space trying to cake out some photos but in the end we only got 1 keeper.
Fucked.
What's so good about Good Friday? I remember last year's, but in any case they don't make me feel good at all right now.
Sigh.
Back to work.
Watched Natalie Portman's No Strings Attached before falling asleep. While I like the corny ending, it's a pretty they aren't the stuff of reality.
I'm quite disappointed with myself about pulling out from the SMU AdRace but I guess it's for my own good. I signed up for the thing before chickenpox... And after chickenpox hit and now this asthma flare-up, I can barely run for the bus before gasping for air like a fish out of water, let alone compete in an overnight race that involves running, cycling, kayaking and rollerblading over a distance greater than Standard Chartered. Sigh.
Speaking of rollerblading, I tried rollerblading for the first time in my life that day. While I think I made good progress for a person who had never touched a pair of blades in his whole life, it was also a bad idea in the sense that the exertion worsened my lungs and my back and wrists are feeling the effects of the falls. Eurgh.
I'm completely broken.
Heard this on Class 95 at 3AM in the morning.
This year just sucks. I'm still battling this new illness and now at work, shit just hit the fan again. And as usual, it's not my fault but I'm being punished for it.
This time round, the whole team gets slapped with a deduction of 24 hours from our accumulated hours-off. It's not fair because I didn't do anything wrong. In fact, all of us, except one guy, did nothing wrong. And all of our hours are earned legitimately through time spent outside of normal shift duties. Granted, my reasons for having more hours to take off have diminished tremendously of late, but it still sucks that you are being robbed of something that you have genuinely put in the hours, trouble and effort for.
I don't see why we should be punished for doing something that we didn't do wrong. It's not our fault that that one guy who's supposed to be manning all stations at that point in time AWOL-ed himself and didn't pick up the bloody phone at 0500 hrs in the morning. What a bloody stupid reason on top of that. I would rather he say he was in the toilet wanking than looking for a thumbdrive in some random room elsewhere. Why would you need a thumbdrive at 5AM in the morning? And that damn thumbdrive... It's on the table 2m from you.
Eurgh.
I think it's going to take all of my self-control tomorrow to be civil when we discuss this issue. But I guess I'm reaching my limit. I've had enough of the sleeping during shifts (we are all tired, not only you) and near-invisible progress in systems proficiency. Did I say I missed a family dinner because I was still stuck at work at 9.15pm because of that ass?
Eurgh.
LIFE JUST SUCKS.
And on top of that my lower back pain has returned with a vengeance.
I'm a total wreck.
Sweet dreams are but mere hallucinations of a haunted mind.
Celebrated dad's birthday a day in advance earlier... It was the usual let's eat plenty kind of thing, but I found myself distracted throughout the whole meal.
2 more minutes to midnight, and another day.
Perpetually leaking nose, phlegm-choked airway, burning fever, sore spine, numb joints and all-round lethargy. What more can I ask for?
Why don’t you just kill me? Ends all this suffering.
"Since when?"
"Uh, I only felt it since last afternoon."
"Wah. 1 day only so bad."
I kept silent.
"You sure you don't want MC for tomorrow?"
I had earlier explained to him that I was off today but had work tomorrow.
"No need lah. I think I can rest at home later"
"Sure ah."
"Yup. Manpower issues."
Both of us gave the knowing laugh and I left. I hope it's the right choice.
Eurgh.
Die. I think I'm ill. Must be the usual lack of sleep + running around despite of that.
I need a warm snuggle on the bed.
):
It's barely over an hour into the night shift and I'm having trouble keeping my eyelids open. I wonder how I'm going to last through the rest of the night later. I guess this is the cumulative effect of sleeping late and then being woken up prematurely by my mother to help her with her phone; rushing to collect Christmas lights; running around Singapore with Shuen to buy his 5DMk2 and battery grip and then running in the rain from Funan to Clarke Quay to collect the lens for tomorrow. Insanely tired now...
Aside, the Exco got me a Strobist book for my birthday. My first and only birthday present for the year. Haha.
Zzz.
Sometimes at the end of the day I ask myself what I've accomplished and the answer's never satisfactory. It's like, no matter how much you attempt to do every bit of saikang and everything, at the end of it all it just boils down to nothing. You still go to bed empty and lost. The only upside is that you're exhausted, which while is good for your insomnia, isn't very good for your health.
Apart from all these, my mum changed my bed sheets to "loving you always" in pale blue. How sweet.
Sigh.
My ATL bought a new laptop and a puppy. To be exact, it’s a cocker spaniel, one of those sausage dogs with floppy ears. When I asked him why he bought a dog, he said that it was because his wife wanted one. Wow.
Anyway for some reason I’ve been having these throbbing headaches and insomnia daily. I think there’s something wrong with me. But wait, that isn’t a surprise, right?
Sigh.
Yet another night. Sigh.
They don't get any easier, do they?
Funny how the radio reminds you of everything.
One of the more awful things that can happen to you when you're busy gaming to forget the emotions outside of this virtual world, is to let the virtual world affect your emotions too.
I hate it when westerners turn racist the moment they are proven to be inferior to an Asian. I played Homefront since its release (also the day I got chickenpox), and played it throughout my chickenpox.
Just now, when I was playing and pretty much killing everyone (that's what happens when you've played the same game again and again for 3 weeks - you become better at it), this American asshole accused me of hacking just because I was Asian, I had a super high ping, and I kept topping the charts.
Zzz.
The act of going out with friends provides a temporary, superficial and fleeting relief. You try your best to put up the show. It helps. But when things wind down like they always do, reality hits you in the face like a bullet train.
3 hours of sleep, 12 hours of shit, 3 jugs of magaritas, sprinting for train and bus. I hope I can fall asleep now. My insides are churning. Having trouble keeping my eyes open... This time round, I hope I can sleep.
It's a quarter after one. Day shift tomorrow. I need to sleep but as usual I can't. Maybe I should just steal one of Dad's wines and get myself a little drunk.
Three hours of fruitless trudging around Bugis and Rochor in the lunchtime sun and five hours of non-stop standing and walking in the darkroom. I'm exhausted. By the time I opened the door of the darkroom to leave, it was almost 9 and the whole school was deserted. Haha.
Printed another pile of photos which you can see here.
Yet another day, aye?
The first shift after three weeks of absence was tiring, rusty and difficult. Getting back into the groove and whole rhythm of things was alright. You would think that on a busy shift like just now would be good because it keeps you occupied and you have to focus and not make any mistakes. Wrong. Your mind just drifts…
Sigh.
Alright, here are some of the piccies as promised. Time to start doing some hardcore concepts.
Back on duty tomorrow. Zomg.
This is to advise that the abovenamed (me) has recovered from chickenpox and he is fit to resume work
Visited the doctor again earlier today and he declared that I was free of chickenpox. Scars-wise, they are still aplenty but I guess it will take a long, long time to heal. Went back home, crashed and slept because of the insomnia the night before.
Met Ian Ho for a spot of shooting and dinner at Nex and I must say it was great being a crowded place after 19 days of quarantine at home. Tried Freshness Burger for the first time (It was a cheapskate decision because both of us were M1 subscribers and there was a 1-for-1 promotion for M1) and while all the sauces and flavours were quite interesting, it made eating Subway look all high-class and glam. Don't think I'll go back again. Haha. Spent the rest of the night shooting the Danboard/talking cock with him in the mall itself.
I guess when you put two broken-hearted, ex-photography presidents together they have a lot to talk about and a fair bit of ideas to spread. Photos next time!
Meanwhile, I think I should sleep soon. Have to leave the house at 0500 hrs tomorrow morning for Qing Ming. :O
It's 0325 hrs on a Saturday morning. I'm very very tired and I would like to sleep. Please let me fall asleep...
Edit: 0500. Argh.
Alright, so I'm alive.
Anyway, while at the hairdresser's, the music system was playing these two songs. Old they may be, but they still do their job...
Out...
Typing this from the void deck of some block. It's a very, very bad idea to do a 2.4km endurance run when you're still on MC and at war with chicken pox. It burns your forehead like a 39 degrees celsius fever and your whole body shivers. The world seems slightly blurry and you're able to see the earth rotate on its own axis before your eyes. Argh. I think I'm going to sit here for some time before attempting to go home. And before I faint, I must remember to call 999 instead of 995 so that my team at work will be more aware of me needing an alpha bravo.
On a side note, broke my quarantine today to get a haircut. It was quite an eye-opener stepping out of the house and going to J8. It's been a long time since I last went there. And after that I went to the library to look at books and it was quite a trip down memory lane... And to top things off I met a teammate for coffee before he met his girl for dinner then work. It was quite nice having someone to talk to for an hour plus. Going home was terribly lonely again - hence the run - but running was a bad, bad idea.
This song was a hit when I was 12 or so. It used to be just another nice tune to listen to. But right now, in a totally different context, there's a whole new meaning to it...
Wow, another total stranger sending a nice message. I need to start believing that people actually do care.
