I wonder if there's a poem about the same theme and subject, but written from the perspective of the student instead.

Last Lesson of the Afternoon

When will the bell ring, and end this weariness?
How long have they tugged the leash, and strained apart,
My pack of unruly hounds! I cannot start
Them again on a quarry of knowledge they hate to hunt,
I can haul them and urge them no more.

No longer now can I endure the brunt
Of the books that lie out on the desks; a full threescore
Of several insults of blotted pages, and scrawl
Of slovenly work that they have offered me.
I am sick, and what on earth is the good of it all?
What good to them or me, I cannot see!

So, shall I take
My last dear fuel of life to heap on my soul
And kindle my will to a flame that shall consume
15 Their dross of indifference; and take the toll
Of their insults in punishment? — I will not! —

I will not waste my soul and my strength for this.
What do I care for all that they do amiss!
What is the point of this teaching of mine, and of this
20 Learning of theirs? It all goes down the same abyss.

What does it matter to me, if they can write
A description of a dog, or if they can't?
What is the point? To us both, it is all my aunt!
And yet I'm supposed to care, with all my might.

I do not, and will not; they won't and they don't; and that's all!
I shall keep my strength for myself; they can keep theirs as well.
Why should we beat our heads against the wall
Of each other? I shall sit and wait for the bell.


D. H. Lawrence

1) I was filing my material when I came across the written work section. For the duration of my entire JC life, my physical geography mark has stagnated at 28.5/50 for all of the major tests and examinations. Not good.

2) I re-read my written journal (the last entry was about exactly 2 years ago), and I realised we were much more prepared then than now. Not good.

3) The other day, when I was walking home I came across this beautiful scene that was begging to be photographed. I didn't have my camera with me (I usually don't), and my handphone camera is the definition of pathetic. Not good to miss such shots. I shall (try) to bring my camera with me to school.

4) Spoke to Jack again just 2 days ago, when he was shooting CT photos. Talked about plenty, and I'm still pondering about that job offer. It's interesting, but... ...

The dismal science, indeed.

O' Sullivan and Sloman didn't provide any help, so I resorted to Google - I wanted to find out the effects of a government budget deficit on the currency value of the same country.

In the end, after reading through pages and pages of arguments based on the "conventional macroeconomic model", "Ricardian Equivalence Proposition", "Krugman's Balance of Payments Crisis model" and "Hakkio's Model", I discovered that they were all conflicting. YES. DAMN IT. Even real-life empirical data conflicted with each other.

Wtf.

Have you ever fallen asleep while copying notes or material during lessons or lectures? I have, and I think it's funny how your handwriting veers off the line, and then there are sudden jerks that indicate you falling asleep.

Sleepograph, as opposed to seismograph, I suppose?

But anyway, it's a bad idea to fall asleep especially when the teacher's going through an essay that you're supposed to hand in.

Shot this from the top floor of Plaza Singapura last month. The original intention was this - tilt-shift. But somehow, I still can't get it right.

Eurgh.

Okay, so the interview's over. It went quite alright I guess, although I pretty much didn't say a lot as half the time I was running my sentences through my brain again and again to ensure that whatever that I said was printable. You see, I'm rather outspoken, and imagine if something rather negative comes out...

As for the photoshoot, it was interesting. We wore the full formal attire (blazers etc) and did jump shots and stuff in the field underneath the hot midday sun. Eurgh. Hot, sweaty and dirty.

And I was looking at the equipment that was used...

1) Why didn't the PJ use the vertical grip?
2) Why was the flash triggered even in the super bright and hot sun? It's not fill in...the distance between the camera and us was probably 30m? I think you can probably get away with ISO 50 under that kind of light.
3) Why use a tele and squeeze yourself indoors, when you have a standard trinity zoom in your bag?

Weird.

For you gear freaks, here's the list of equipment (that I saw):
1) Nikon D300 w/ MB-D10 grip
2) Nikkor 70-200mm F2.8 VR
3) Nikkor 17-55mm F2.8
4) Nikon SB-900
5) Lowepro Rezo 180

I wouldn't mind owning those. Haha.

Shall wait for the publication.

I just realised that everyone seems to fear the mass media, albeit to varying degrees. It’s oddly jarring how just yesterday your GP teacher was telling you about human rights and freedom of speech, today you have to carefully script positive answers for an interview with the media, and tomorrow you will have a mini-entourage of PR minders with you to ensure that you say only what you’re supposed to say.

Yes that fear is at times justified. But sometimes I think it’s a little irrational.

Will update this space soon.

Almost 2AM on the second day of August.

I'm supposed to be churning out appraisals but I can't. I'm suffering from a mental drought. And if my theory of mental juices (it's utter bollocks, really) is correct, I can't write anything now because I've used up all of the juices to write the testimonials that were due 2 days ago. You see, it takes time to refill your mental tank with the juice, and my tank isn't full yet.

On a heavier note, prelims are coming. I've never felt so naked and unprepared for a prelim exam. Plus whatever motivation and momentum I had initially has more or less been removed by my unfortunate discovery of the prelim exam timetable.

GP + Pure Maths + Phy Geog + Econs before the Sept Hols. The school is out to kill us.

Sigh. I shall go sleep. Wake up. Write the appraisals (they were due on 12MN last Friday, but I hedged on the fact that the teacher won't check her email until Monday), do the tuition case study, go for tuition, come home, attempt to mug, pack bag, sleep.

The only thing that's slightly more interesting in this final stretch of JC2 life right now is photo-taking on Monday and the interview with TNP on Tuesday.

Else, everything's quite awful. Just last week I was waiting for the bus with Marcus and we were comparing how this place and the teachers aren't really as great as those that we had for four years. We reminisced about being able to clarify every single doubt we had without the fear of being ridiculed. Right now, it's a tiresome process.

Don't understand? Re-read your notes and readings. Still no idea. Ask friends. They have no clue too. You use google and consult the textbooks in the library. You still don't understand. You finally consider asking your teacher. You ask your teacher. She says you haven't been doing your readings. You swallow your indignation. There's no point defending yourself. You leave with even greater doubt. The concept or process is tested. You flunk that section. The teacher says that you didn't mug and clarify your doubts. You want to kick something. But it's safer to keep quiet and stare somewhere. The cycle repeats.

To qualify (Champagne says must have balance, balance and more balance), that doesn't really happen all the time. But it happens. And that's unsettling because it shows that teachers don't understand or feel for their students. Maybe it's the culture.

Okay I'm just rambling and can probably ramble and whine on and on.

Out.