After several entries on book reviews and the impact they brought into my life, as well as one video clip post, it's about time to blog on something more personal.

A lot of things has happened over the span of two months. Things like:

• Mum had her final chemo treatment two weeks ago.


• I had my birthday last week.


• Angela left the company one day before my birthday.


• Sharon had her birthday one day after mine.


• Sharon was married last Sunday.


• J.K. Rowling released her last Harry Potter book one day before Sharon's wedding.¹


• Sharon's grandmother passed away one day after her matrimony.


• I overcame my procrastination today and finally opened a trading account.

Other than the relief that Mum manages to endure through the entire chemotherapy, Sharon's marriage affected me quite a bit. I mean, Sharon, one of my very few good friends, has become a wife of another overnight, whereas for me, I'm still looking around for a soul mate. Seeing her getting married reminds me of my desire of settling down, and that is one painful emotion I hate to have it stirring within me.

Life is full of ups and downs. And life is so short. Before I know it, I've already lived more than one-third of my expected life expectancy. Despite feeling as if it happened yesterday, Mum had already undergone one surgery and eight chemotherapies. Life is too exhilarating a ride for the faint of heart, and most of the time, I spent it agonizing over things that I should have done which I did not. I seldom regret, as I believe regretting is one soul draining emotion, but I don't seem to be doing any better with agonizing either.

God has blessed me so much, but I have squandered almost everything. However, a fellow Sunday school teacher sent me an inspiring Powerpoint, and in it, the following sticked in my mind:

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

Life is one journey that having a companion can help to ease the downward spiraling moments. For now, I just have to believe Christ is more than enough for me in this journey. I have the ability and freedom to choose how I want to spend the rest of my life. Since I still have quite a distance to cover for this journey, I think I might as well choose to be joyful... :)

¹ Actually, I was not really excited about it.

What if the internet crashed?

I finally understand my pattern of choice after reading The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less. What it enlightens me the most is when Barry differentiates the behaviors of Optimizers (aka Maximizers) and Satisficers.

By and large, I am a satisficer in most things, but when it comes to relationships, my "must only go for the best" desire takes over my mostly satisficing nature, and turns me into a maximizer! No wonder I couldn't get into a relationship for so long! No wonder I have always been unhappy about my singlehood!

Barry explains in his book that too much freedom actually burden, instead of liberate, our minds because we have to keep making decisions. Imagine having to choose from a dozen flavors of chips, drinks, and biscuits when you are in a supermarket. And that's excluding the brand! There are just too many choices for our puny minds. And now, imagine choosing from a dozen types of medications, without a doctor's recommendations, for whatever illness you are suffering from. This time, a wrong choice may cost your life. Sometimes, life is easier when well-informed people/professionals make some decisions for us.

Barry also says that the (tremendous) efforts spent searching for the best (clothes, spouse, jobs, etc) essentially drains the energy out of a person (most likely a maximizer). By the time a maximizer makes his decision, he will still have a lingering thought that something better is just 'round the corner. Therefore, maximizers rarely enjoys their decisions despite the huge amount of effort spent searching.

I enjoyed reading this book, as it brought an awareness of my maximizing behavior. Next book to conquer: The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life.

Just completed reading The Undercover Economist, and I walked away a little more enlightened on the subtle effects economy have on our daily lives. For example, I finally know why stores have sales every now and then, and why designs of packages of local supermarkets' own products are always so bloody ugly.

I have always hated economics, and have kept myself out of its reach. To me, economics is a super dry subject, that only the hardest of the hardcores can endure through. Since that is the case, why drove me to read Freakonomics and The Undercover Economist? Well, I chanced upon these two books in the bookstore, attracted by their cover designs, read a couple of pages, found them interesting, and eventually borrowed both from the local library and my brother's girlfriend.

So, in a way, am I judging two books by their covers? .......... :p

Just before we started our worship practice, Michelle¹ said she was very surprised to find out my real age; she thought I was in my early twenties In her words, "you don't look your age, act your age, and too cheerful to be your age!" I was very flattered because these praises came from someone who is almost a decade younger than me! Well, I am really blessed to have such a youthful look and jovial character! :)

¹ Nope, this Michelle is not the Michelle I (used to) like.

I have just finished reading three books: Prayer: Does it Make Any Difference?, Idiots at Work: Chronicles of Workplace Stupidity, and Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything.

I'm one person who relies heavily on public transports, and thankfully, I don't idle my time away while traveling. Unless I'm very tired, I normally want to spend my traveling time reading. These daily one-hour reading sessions (made up of two half-an-hours), though insignificant individually, really add up quickly, and for which I am grateful to God for.

Not too long ago, I accompanied one of my friends on his car-shopping trip. Ever since, I have been thinking whether I should also buy one. After all, if I own a car, I would be able to save all the time commuting, especially to places where I have to switch between buses and trains. However, as mentioned earlier on, I realize my time isn't wasted; I recalled one of my cell members lamenting how she had lost her time reading the Bible after acquiring an automobile.

I thank God for my reading habits, as well as being able to count my blessings. Unless there are really good reasons to buy an automobile, I will continue to stick to my daily reading "ritual"... :)

Whatever happened that affected me during the past weeks has changed me for the better, or so I thought.

After that incident, I actually slipped into "low energy" mode (read: pseudo-depression) for almost two weeks. I thought I could condition myself to contain my emotions, thereby ending all my "woes of immaturity." I was wrong in my intention, but I walked away with another important lesson.

I reflected and realized I had the freedom to choose. More specifically, I can choose how I want to feel. No doubt, the comment was the reason in my temporary behavior change, I realized I could change how I wanted to feel in almost an instant. I found that I could slip into depression easily simply because I conditioned myself to do that. Yes, I read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and even The 8th Habit, but I did not made the habits an integral part of me. However, my recent change is effectively the first habit of the 7: Be Proactive.

(Before I continue, I must make a disclaimer: I am not promoting any literature despite my numerous quotes of them.)

Stephen Covey says that the gap between the stimulus (e.g., a traffic jam, work overload) and our response lies our freedom to choose. I always know of that freedom, but only intellectually. Reading Awaken the Giant Within when that incident happened made me realized my (in)ability to choose my responses. In the words of Covey, "it is our willing permission, our consent to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what happens to us in the first place." And in Robbins', "it's our decisions, not the conditions of our lives, that determine our destiny."

I fully acknowledge that the world is unfair, and for some people, if not most, having the freedom to choose seems like a luxury. But the more I dwell on this subject, the more convinced I am that freedom to choose is a gift from God, right from the start! God gave Adam and Eve the freedom to eat "from any tree in the garden; but [they] must not eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil" (Gen 2:16-17). This gift is given to everyone, including those who think they do not have. (I apologize if I sound dogmatic here, but I really don't intend to. I'm blogging this to share the change I've experienced.) Paul Arden's book It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want to Be: The World's Best Selling Book is excellent resonance of the freedom to choose truth.

From the wisdom I have gained reading from these books, the revelation that the freedom to choose is God's gift, and the incident that just happened, I cannot help but wonder whether this is one of the ways the Potter's hands is molding me.

I do occasionally (maybe once in week or two) fall into the self-victimizing trap, but I am working towards exercising my freedom to choose joy and peace in every waking moment. Being jovial is in my blood; trying to behave something else is simply against my nature; I will not choose to behave in any another way that is simply not me.

With that said, I've just bought The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less. An irony? Nope, I simply want to learn how to better use my freedom to choose. ;)