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I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
(Erase all the pain 'till it's gone)

I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

(Chorus of "Somewhere I Belong", by Linkin Park)

I just roared at Angela today, insisting on the decision I had made. I blew my chance with her. I am not fit to be with her.... I am so disappointed with myself....

For the umpteenth time, someone passes the remark that I am immature. Okay, to be fair, she said something more along the line of "I feel like I talking to a younger brother."

This immature thing has been, and almost always be, the killer blow that bars me entry into a relationship. I don't think I am that immature; I think I'm more lively and chirpy. I don't usually behave during casual conversations; and I sometimes drop a few jokes during unnecessarily tensed meetings (of course, I'm on good terms with those present!). But I have no idea why someone would perceived this as immature.

If I'm immature, I wouldn't have started financial planning years ago. If I'm immature, I wouldn't have constantly upgrade myself. If I'm immature, I wouldn't have endured all the long working hours (and miss the learning process).

Argh.. this blog entry makes me feel... immature....

Under the weather again... The second time for this year... I am down with fever again... Normally, I will only fall sick twice a year (other than lovesick), but I guess the main reasons could be I am getting old, and I'm too stressed....

Despite that I have always wanted to learn the art of speed reading, I decide to first read Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity, written by David Allen. And I am not disappointed with my decision in doing so.

I have always been a "professionally" procrastinator for all my life. No doubt I still complete my tasks, I, more often than not, tackle the tasks when, in Allen's words, "they blow up." :p

Well, my tertiary education may have shaped my character that way; I was taught "by hook or by crook, as long as you get things done." And I have no idea how the hell I managed to mangle that principle, and bring my procrastination to the next level. Oh well, no point crying over spilled milk now.

The blessed thing is: I know I am a big-time procrastinator, and I actually want to change for the better. However, the sad truth is: I procrastinated getting rid of my procrastination! What an irony!

Anyway, I can't say I have turned over a new leaf for good (for now, at least). But with Allen's coaching, I think I have finally found the key to say goodbye to procrastination forever... Er... I think I will find out that in three months' time when I reflect on this again... I'm hoping that I won't procrastinate reflecting then.... :p