Almost throughout the entire journey home, I was grinning like an idiot, and even at one point in time, I nearly shed a tear due to my uncontainable happiness.... Reason being? Well, the most beautiful woman in the galaxy just shook my hand!!!!!!

As I was taking the usual way home, I stopped by Francisca's desk and wished her happy new year. Then I turned to Elena (she sits beside Francisca) and she actually stood up, extended her hand and shook mine, wishing me happy new year too...... Oh my gosh, no matter how hard you try, you really, really wouldn't be able to imagine the joy I had at that moment.... She was so, so, so proactive...... What a magical moment..... :D

Yes, I'm fully aware that I may be reading too much into this, but for the time being, just let me be.... I'm hopelessly in love with her.....

At times, I surprise even myself when it comes to my affections for someone (and at this point in time, she's Elena), especially that I could really love the person without reserves... Yah, many have reprimanded me for being so idealistic, fantasizing on a relationship that hasn't even begun; a small number feel that whoever the gal to have chosen me would be very fortunate and blessed.

Well, to me, however the world feels, I just want to love and give her the best I could.... I can't promise she will be the happiest woman, but I will try to... Elena is the world to me... I don't just love her - I love her very, very much, with all my heart and soul.... I just couldn't wait to proclaim my love to her!!!!!

Elena, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mushy.....]

If you have always wondered why Dragostea Din Tei became so popular across the globe last year, look no further: the wildly popular Numa Numa Dance Video Clip! (And if you can understand a bit of Japanese, you might also want to check the very first parody in flash!)

Today's the first time that she didn't pretend not to see me (at all) when we bumped into each other along the corridor while she was making her way back to her desk and I making my way home. Instead, we were looking at each other (in the eyes, no less!), and we said bye to each other simultaneously! Oh my gosh! Can I read this as a sign that she's opening up to me? Well, I'm not interpreting what happened today as something like "Oh, she's finally falling for me" or whatsoever; I'm simply interpreting that she's beginning to accept me as a fellow colleague and friend! Yes! Yes! Yes!!!!!!!!

Thanks a lot, Father.... :)

"Hi, this is for you and your colleagues."

"Hi, this is for you and your colleagues."

"Hi, this is for you and your colleagues."

....

I repeated that for umpteen times as I exited the lift, making my way towards her desk. Other than that, I was also worried she wouldn't be in today...

"Hi...." I was a bit stumped when I saw her already at her desk. She turned and looked at my direction. Too bad I couldn't; otherwise I would freeze the time and look at the most beautiful woman ever to grace my life....

I took out the sliced pork, placing at the coffee table at the center of her cubicle and said "... This is for you... and your colleagues." Yes! I managed expressed exactly what I've rehearsed.

"Oh.. Thanks..."

And I just smiled in reply...

But as I took my leave, I was very, very surprised when she asked "This is for me and my team?"

"Yes, it's for you and your team..."

"Thanks!"

With which I smiled again, but this time, I believed, more radiantly. After all, although her question seemed redundant to anyone else, that question made my heart fluttered; it was the first time she is proactively communicating with me!

In fact, no matter whether she proactively asked me a question, I have already made up my mind: at this point in time, I'm sure that I want nobody else but Elena to spend the eternity with....

I can't believe I actually did this today: I queued up to purchase barbecue sliced pork for a good freaking five hours!

Right after service, and after settling all the things I had to, I went to Chinatown to purchase the famed sliced pork. The queue didn't seem to be that long, and I thought I would at most spend an hour or so queuing, so I joined the queue. The agony of the wait was eased when I whipped out my PSP and started playing Lumines. By the time I finished my second game, I "discovered" that two hours had passed! Oh my gosh! Not wanting to make my wait a wasted one, I gritted my teeth and continued queuing. It was only after an agonizing five hours' worth of waiting did I finally bought what I set out to.

And why the hell am I doing this - queuing up for sliced pork when I don't normally queue for food? Well, I did it 'cos I wanted to give Elena a pack tomorrow when I see her.... ;)

Finally, the discussions with the vendor has ended, although I personally felt that the timeline my users and the IT division has given is *bloody* unrealistic! To give the first batch of deliverables by April and the last by end June this year! I have no idea what was going through their mind, but the enhancements and customizations required are so freaking many, both Fiona (my superior) and I think that the IT division would sloppily perform the unit and regression tests, ending up having us doing the proper testing for them! Somehow, we felt that the IT people were trying to look good in front of their bosses, and make the users the victims of their schemes......

And nope, workload is not going to lessen in anytime sooner; in fact, I could already foresee myself buried 6 feet under, resting unpeacefully.....

Discovered a super scary thing today.... I had not idea I left so much "bread crumbs" on the internet! I googled my name, and discovered that I've actually posted quite a number of things on the net, but to the horrors of my horror, Google actually somehow is able to associate my name to this blog!!! (well, come to think of it, this blog is mine.....)

I couldn't imagine myself sitting through an entire discussion and at the end of it, I walked away with nothing gained. What the hell is margining? Okay, actually I do know what that is; but all that I know is what Investopedia has explained. But the discussion quickly delved deeper than what a common person might know, and I was lost in no time as they "rattled" away, as if everyone in the room understood the topic. Fair enough, the purpose of the discussion with the vendor was to clarify and work out a solution that is comfortable for the bank, the dealers and the customers, so I guess I cannot expect them to educate a beginner in margining like myself.... It's no wonder that, during the discussion, I was struggling to stay awake at one point in time, played two games of Freecell, and, best of all, composed this entry... :p

Today was such a bloody busy day.... Everyone was so surprised to see me reporting to work so much earlier than usual, and they thought they ought to buy the lottery for such a rare occasion... Well, I had to be early (and missed seeing Elena) 'cos I had to do some preparation work for the discussion sessions with the vendor... That's not all! I could only have my lunch hastily at 2:20pm, 'cos the morning's discussion session ended very late, and again, I had to prepare the room for the noon's session.... Even the noon session dragged till 8pm before we called it a day.... And today's only the first of the five days discussion schedule.... Help!!!!!!

I like today's sermon a lot 'cos the Reverend told us that despite all these years, we are repeating the very thing Adam and Eve have done to God - betraying Him. It truly is a revelation to read Genesis with that perspective.... But I am still betraying God till this very day.... God loves me, but He detest the sins I have committed against Him..... God... Forgive my transgressions....

Other than going through 2 lessons on Photoshop CS2, I have wasted the entire day on the internet... Arrgghh.....

I had lunched with Francisca today, and she seemed to be quite concerned with my "obsession" with Elena.

She kept telling me to pray about it, and advised me to start off with Elena as friends. Yah, I know I cannot possibly skip the friendship stage, but having "expressed" my affection to her, it would be difficult to build a friendship since she would most likely "be on her guard". Francisca told me it could also be advantageous to me since I have laid out my cards.

I even told Francisca how I couldn't get past myself to ask her to help. To my surprise, she agreed and told me that since my cards are laid, the balance is intricate and any input from anybody could destroy whatever good that might be brewing. I was kinda relieved to hear her say that....

So that leaves the only option I have left - pray and continue to hold a torch for her... One day, one day God will tell me the answer...

I'm beginning to feel the weariness of an unrequited love... It is always difficult to keep on giving under such circumstances.... I think I'll just hand this over to God, be recharged, and start the second round (of course, on the basis that He gives the go-ahead...)

I'm getting weirder with each passing day.... Today, I was overwhelmed by the endless and still piling workload, and yet I didn't feel stressed. Overwhelmed but not stressed? In fact, I think I'm either already numbed or just simply taking things easy....

Didn't do much today, except for going through the lessons in Adobe Photoshop CS2: Classroom in a Book... Other than that, I have also given some thoughts on the comments in the previous entry... I'll arrange the pieces together and put that in the blog some time later this week... :)

Actually, despite my "crazy" proclamation yesterday, I have been wondering whether I'm overly obsessed with Elena.

I'm not attempting to address my obsession with her, make a quick exit and get involved with someone else. I still like her now, and for a foreseeable future (which I hope will turn into eternity), but my obsession seemed to be making a turn to the unhealthy level...

I believe this is not about Elena; just happen that she is the one I like now. Thus, I could only conclude that there is something wrong with me. But what is wrong?

The fear of loneliness? It couldn't be the case, since I could actually enjoy being alone... Going to the movies, (the occasional) shopping.... Solitude, if it ever were to be the reason, would only play a small part to "what's wrong"...

Pressure from parents? Can't be too, since other than the infrequent probing from my parents, I don't really receive much pressure...

Envy of friends getting married? Could be, since every time I would secretly wish I am the one making those vows to my loved one... But on second thought, most of the time I would echo my wish out loud to my peers for the purpose of self-mockery. But it could be a reason....

The desire to be loved? Hmmm..... Could be this too, since always being the one to love can be quite tiring.... (However, I'm grateful to God that He has given me a heart to love, instead of being on the other end (the selfish end) of the spectrum - always wanting to be loved. Of course, I have channeled some of my love to the children in church - always playing with them, guiding them...)

Or perhaps, there is nothing wrong with me! Perhaps, the only issue is: I'm focusing too much on loving someone, expending all my energy and thoughts on someone (at this moment in time, Elena). Yah, there is nothing wrong in loving someone; I may just have to moderate the focus given, to tip the balance back to equilibrium.... :)

Call me crazy, but I suddenly realized that I can't lose Elena.... She is "my precious".....

N.B: Just an entry to record my feelings...

Today's my first in 2006 that echoed Murphy's (in)famous law - Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

This morning, I took a lift from one of my cell members to church, and when we were just outside the church premise, Mae called and asked whether I could stand-in for Joshua who was still stuck at the train station. I readily agreed, and played the drums during worship.

After the service, I went to the office, photocopied the Sunday school materials, went to the classroom and made the necessary preparations for the class. I was quite happy to have the children being so receptive to a total stranger like myself (today was the first time I met them). I'm also very grateful that, unlike the previous batch I taught, these new students were far more attentive and obedient.

When the class ended, I bumped into Kailin outside the church kitchen, and since it was somewhat along the way, I accompanied her to the train station. When we left the church premise, it was drizzling; but as we were nearing the station, the rain grew heavier. We parted our ways, and I continued to walk under the shelter, making my way to the place(s) I wanted to go to.

Cats and dogs started to grow in numbers, so I started to worry. There were quite a number of places where I had to cover are unsheltered, so I started to contemplate whether I ought to take the public transport. At this moment, I passed by a shop selling barbecue sliced pork, and after a few minutes of hesitations, I joined the (relatively) short queue to buy some back for my parents.

Then things started to go horrendously wrong. As I was fishing out my phone to call my mum, I discovered that my wallet wasn't in my backpack! Panic struck me, and I had no choice but to leave the queue. I dug my backpack, searching for it, but ended in futility. Then, I noticed I had quite a number of missed calls, and the ones calling me were Uncle Jeffrey and Uncle Kim. I called Uncle Jeff.

"Hey, lost your wallet? You dropped it in Uncle Kim's vehicle this morning. It's with him now. Call him."

Apparently, I didn't zip the pocket after answering Mae's call, causing it to drop.

"Thanks!" and immediately, I called Uncle Kim, but no one answered. I called several times, but still no answer.

Feeling helpless (all my means of getting home are in that wallet!), I continued to make my way towards my destination, hoping deep inside that I could reach Uncle Kim soon to get my wallet back, run the errands, and go home.

Full scale invasion by the cats and dogs happened, but I was already stuck in the middle of nowhere, and shelter became a scarce commodity. It was nearly a decade ago I was this dripping wet, but the animals remained merciless.

Then (finally!) Uncle Kim called, and he agreed to return my wallet at the shopping mall I was heading to. Great! That added some warmth to the shivering me, and soon after, my wallet was back to its owner.

Armed with the ability to spend, I went to pre-pay my internet bills, and headed off to give my growling tummy the much needed food. Soon after, I headed off to Cold Storage, and it was there I discovered my phone was missing! Arrgghh.....!!!! After a good 20 to 30 minutes of hunting around, I finally found it in the ISP outlet.

Being grateful to God for His grace, and feeling a little paranoid, I quickly finished the errands and headed straight home; all done with a constant checking done to ensure my wallet and phone were with me at all times....

I just love staying at home on rainy days!

This morning, when I woke up, I suddenly had this little desire to see Elena (and I don't mean just taking a small peep at her when I walk past her desk). I was kinda like missing her (despite seeing her almost everyday).

Fast forward the time a little bit. As I was making my way from the train station to the office after a long 45 minutes' commuting, I saw a familiar figure, with a familiar brown bag, overtaking me (side note: I don't normally walk very fast unless I'm super late; I was only slightly late this morning). It's Elena! I was thrilled! God actually fulfilled my little wish!

Since I was walking slower, I didn't expect to bump into her at the lobby. However, we did, even though there were quite a lot of people waiting for the lifts. When I saw her, she was conversing with her fellow colleague, Janet (I think that's her name). Call me a sucker for "cheap thrills" - when the lift came, people shuffled into the lift, being the last to enter, I was feeling happy to be standing right in front of Elena! (That wasn't done on purpose; it was the only possible place for me to stand.)

In just one morning, God showered me with so many "gifts"....

It's only the fourth working day of the year, and I'm already feeling overwhelmed with my workload... Perhaps, my unfamiliarity with fx margin trading contributes to the feeling, but I think my forgetfulness is one of the main culprits...

In order to help myself to cope with all these (3 projects on-hand, plus all the ad-hoc jobs I'm dumped with), I've decided to revisit the solution I've experimented a year ago: document all my work using a wiki. Hope that I could share my experience for those who require a flexible and easy to use documentation tool in their work... And nope, wikis are not just a toy for programmers/software developers.... ;)

I became interested with that solution after reading an article, Design by Wiki, while I was dissecting a legacy macro which I've inherited from Clement, my previous superior. The main reason for the dissection was due to the errors reported by my other colleagues, and fixes were required. I liked the way the wiki aided me in my documentation, since I could hyperlink the relevant sections easily, allowing myself to quickly retrieve the information I wanted. I know that keeping all the relevant documents in one folder could also achieve the "under-one-roof" effect, but it would still require my failing memory to remember where that particular piece of information is and how all the documents are related to one another. With a wiki, even though I may have forgotten where that darn piece of information may be, I could just retrieve a page where I think that information might be; even if that information is not in that page, the correct source would most likely be just one click away from that page! Freaking convenient, ya?

With so many different wiki engines available, I eventually chose the PmWiki for my work, cos it has one very compelling feature - the ability to group/categorize related pages. Coupled with its super easy to use interface, it's really a no-brainer choice... ;)

Just to share my crappy out-of-office message (from last year).... (And yes, since it was done when my creative juice was at its fullest, countless syntax errors abound in the message itself....)

---

I'll be out of the office from 1-Dec-2005 till 7-Dec-2005 (yes, I'm clearing my block leave.)

During this period:

For matters relating to the XXX Upgrade Project, please contact my superior, Fiona, @YYYYYYYY.

For matters relating to the ZZZ, you must be nobody else but Ivy or Lu Meng, so please contact Jennifer Lim.

If you don't fall under any of the previous 2 groups of people, then most likely you are:

1. My parents... No, wait! My parents don't send emails to me.
2. My girlfriend..... wait, I don't have a girlfriend yet!
3. My superior, Fiona. I've brought work home and am diligently working on them at home too.... Honest!
4. A fellow colleague from Settlements, sending me all the daily deals. Rest assured that Jennifer Lim and Vincent Chua would also have received your files, and in a couple of days, you will receive a "mail unsent" failure message cos my mailbox would be full by then.
5. A fellow colleague, informing me of the jogging session this week. Sorry, but right now, I think I might still be slogging in the children's camp, giving me the workout more intense than anything else.
6. A fellow colleague, sending mass internal notification/circulation, which I will try to read and pass those non-confidential info to my girlfriend after reading.
7. A friend, forwarding emails to me (most likely non-work related). Don't worry, just keep those mails coming.
8. A friend, requesting help from me. I'll try to get back to you, although I believe by then, either your problem has already been solved, or your superior is already breathing fire down your neck and you couldn't send me anymore emails.
9. A fellow brother- or sister-in-Christ, sending me your prayer request. I'm sorry that I couldn't pray for you, although be assured that I would love to when I'm aware of it.
10. A friend, asking me out for lunch/dinner. Most likely you would either be Sharon, Wan Lee, Leeanne, or Francisca (although I also hope you would be "my 'the one'"). Thanks for asking, and I'll try to rearrange and meet you once I'm back.
11. A spammer, sending an email to, what else, spam my mailbox. Please note that this email account is not monitored, so noone is going to read your spam anyway. Save yourself the trouble and remove this email address from your spam list.
12. Myself, sending emails to make my mailbox full, thus creating the illusion that people love to correspond with me.
    

Otherwise, if you are none of the above, you have reached the wrong party, although it would take a very remote chance for it to happen in the first place.

Thanks and have a blessed day ahead. (And thanks for reading all these "crap"... haha....)

Disclaimer: All the points stated above do not reflect the Company's opinions, nor do they constitute mine.

---

Now, the problem is: would I be able to outdo myself again? Hmmm.......

Talk about a good start for the year...

On the first day of the year, I was late for church...

On the first working day of the year, I overslept and was late for work (then again, I'm rarely punctual)...

On the first day of the year, I broke the snare drum stand...

On the first working day of the year, the room I'd booked for a discussion was "hostilely" taken over by the sector head....

Good start? You bet.... She was so lovely in pink.... ;)

Unbelievably, I spent nearly 6 hours playing DragonQuest VIII today.... And yup, with that amount of time clocked, what social life is there for me to talk about? Anyway, after a freaking long weekend, and staring only at her photograph, I will finally see her again tomorrow!! ;)

Incredibly, there are people who are actually interested in my new year resolutions... Well, maybe I should state the context that it was just a chit-chat session over lunch, and maybe that was why they were patiently listening to my resolutions for a brand new year.

This morning, as I made my way to the church today, somehow I felt the day was kind of different... Perhaps it was just a psychological thing... No matter the case, I just felt it was different, a feeling that I couldn't recall the time I last felt that way....

But one thing that's kinda sad today is: I almost slept through the whole day! Well, it isn't really that a sad thing, 'cos after all, my body received the rest it richly deserves.... Just that I felt I could do more things instead of napping my way throughout noontime.... Well, resting is equally important, ya?

Still have to endure one more day before I see her.... I'm beginning to believe that all these short, virtual "separations" exist only to make my heart fonder.... Haha.... :p