It has been a freaking long time since I last played any game from the Dragon Quest series. If I'm not wrong, I played Dragon Quest III back in 1989-1990, in original Japanese! I had to rely on the guidebook to play through the whole game, and you cannot imagine the frustration of having to survive on copying Japanese characters in order to resume game sessions (luckily, we have the memory card to rely on nowadays).

The reason I'm blogging about this is 'cos (what else but) I'm playing the latest installment in, thank goodness, full English! Dragon Quest VIII's artwork is fantastic, since it was designed by one of my favorite manga artist, Akira Toriyama. Other than his involvement in this production, it is the nostalgic feeling of playing a truly old school roleplaying game that got me hooked...

Of the predicted 50 hours of playtime required, I've only just touched the 10% mark....

Well, other than Elena, what other things can I blog? Judging from the entries for past few months, it's apparent that she IS the center of my life, with which I find that, may I say, a completely idiotic thing to do... Tell me, is there anyone more foolish than I am? Fine, there might really be a few out there in the wild, so I belong to this league of foolish lovers....

And you know what? I don't mind being an idiot for her.... :p

Nowadays, I noticed that Elena has been tying her hair up, especially after lunchtime (perhaps earlier, since I wouldn't be able to "peep" anytime before lunch.) Mind you, she is still as gorgeous; after all, I have a penchant for ladies whom I like to have their long hair tied. Of course, that is the case only if they have long hair to begin with (anyway, hair length DOES NOT and WILL NOT affect my affections.)

Anyway, the question I'm trying to ask is: Is the weather really that warm these days, so much so she has to tie up her hair? And anyway, since I don't mind, why am I bothering myself with such things?

Whatever it is, I love her no matter how she looks.... ;)

Just an update: today's the second day she could have replied my email, but she didn't. This is either somewhat a piece of good news, she doesn't even care, or she just doesn't want to send the wrong signals..... Whatever the case is, I'm handling this over to God.... ;)

After expressing their desire for a long time, I finally agreed to go to the karaoke with my friends (my reason for turning them was: what's so fun when there is only a few of us singing?)

Well, towards the end of the session, I chose a song "You are the Person I Love the Most" and (surprised!) I didn't sing off key as predicted (okay, of the 10+ songs that I have sung, at least 3-5 songs I sang off key).

When I was "done" with that song, my friends said "We wanted to take out your Palm, so you could sing to Elena('s photograph).... Hahahaha......"

Hmmm....... I'll do that next time..... hahaha..... :p

In view that there's still life after death (i.e. His Kingdom), loving a person for the rest of his/her life seemed a tad short in comparison to eternity.... Hence, I don't want to love Elena for the rest of her life; I want to love her till the end of eternity..... ;)

I had a very uneasy day today, 'cos somehow, I'm anticipating Elena's reply (to my email yesterday). Well, I didn't exactly posed a question or two in the email; yet, I thought if she wants to end my "pestering", a rejection to "my desire to know her better" would end her "sufferings." Yes, I know, I was so full of negative thoughts since the beginning of the day even though I have prayed to God about it. Yet, when every "You've got mail!" alert came, my heart skipped a beat, only to discover that the new mail wasn't from her. Leeanne had, quite literally, to pull me home at the end of the day 'cos I thought that would be the best time for Elena to send any replies. However, I'm grateful that God had Leeanne there to encourage me, with words of encouragement such as "Hey, silence means consent" and "No news is good news", pulling me back from my slight depression today. And even when I said "Elena might have deleted and not read the email", Leeanne was still patient and continued to reassure me that there isn't any reason why Elena would do that. God is good, and He knows my every fear. I guess His assurance is what I needed the most during this period.... :)

I was so drowned in my thoughts that I gave up jogging after hitting the turning point.

Prior making my way to the gathering place, I went to Elena's division, armed with the excuse of asking Andrew whether he would be joining the jogging session, in hope to catch a glimpse of Elena... When I was 2-3 meters away from her desk, she walked out, apparently making her way home. I wasn't too sure whether she saw me or not, but if my currently confused mind is correct, she did. She turned her back against me, heading for the exit, and I have no idea exactly when, she pressed her ears against her mobile phone. Well, there wasn't anything wrong with what happened, but in the context that she did saw me (I was already in my PT attire), could she be "pretending to make/answer a call", barring me any chance of communication? I don't know and I was (and still am) very confused. My heart sank immediately when I saw her holding mobile phone against her ears.

After a good minute or two had passed, I made my way to the gathering point via the same lift lobby she headed to. I wasn't exactly hoping to see her at the lobby 'cos I think that would make the situation very embarrassing. Well, I didn't..... at least, not while I was waiting for it... (must remember to thank God about this)..... But when I reached the ground floor, I saw her again, a good 5 meters in front of me, heading towards the train station (this time, it was apparent that the "call" had ended.)

My mind was thrown into a state of confusion, and as I jogged, a lot of things went through my mind. "Why?", "Is it meant to be?", and things like that flooded my mind, and soon I gave up jogging, and instead started walking from the turning point. I don't know why, but at that time, I thought I ought to send her an email, and throughout the whole walking session, I kept drafting and reviewing the "email." Initially, I didn't know what to "write", but eventually, when I was back in the office, I continue to draft and review, and finally sent her an email expressing my desire to know her better.

Hey, what the hell? Why do I keep "stabbing" my heart with all these "minor setbacks"? I must really, really put in the effort to entrust this into God hands, and if it is one relationship meant to blossom, in His good time, He will make it blossom. What's impossible to man is possible with God...

Argh!!!!! God, give me the patience to wait upon You. Give me the wisdom to keep myself in tune with You. And most importantly, help me to surrender myself to You. In the Good Shepherd's name.

Went to watch "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" today, alone. And last evening, when I expressed my "plan", Mum ask "Isn't that boring to watch alone? Go, find someone to accompany you!" Needless to say, she was hinting me to get hitched. I just kept silence 'cos I didn't want her to know what a "failure" her son is when it comes to matters of the heart. I'm sure I would get a dressing down once she knows I'm so "hopelessly devoted" to Elena....

Anyway, the movie isn't too bad. My only quirk against it is that the "new" Dumbledore they've got, to replace the original, isn't quite adept with his character. I feel that Michael Gambon doesn't have the more scholarly and sedate personality Richard Harris displayed, which in my opinion is his biggest flaw in handling the character, Dumbledore. Ian Mckellen, of Gandalf and Magneto fame, MIGHT have been a better substitute.

In any case, casting aside the less-than-perfect performance from Michael and the "oh-so-different-since-the-last-movie" main leads (oh my, how they have grown!), the movie can be quite enjoyable... :)

After a long awaited one year, I went to donate blood today. Although I'm not a first-time blood donor, I still felt a little nervous due to last year's experience. Last year, it was a totally embarrassing experience, as I felt giddy and nearly collapsed as I made my way out from the premise. I was put under "surveillance" for nearly 15 minutes!!! Hence, this time, I kept asking the nurses "how do I look?" every other minute... :p

With God's grace, I didn't feel giddy at all this time.... I didn't realize that all the "torturous" jogging sessions have made me stronger (haha, I didn't expect Him to prepare me for this blood donation this way....)

However, to my dismay, my next donation date lies on the "most hated day of the year"! Argh!!!! No wait! Is God trying to tell me something? I hope so..... hehehe..... :p

Anyway, I didn't see Elena today.... that's why it rained today.... :(

[Please read the previous entry, if you have not already, before continuing... Thank you... :) ]

I can't be sure myself, but God answered my little "prayer"!!! (Prayer is in quotes 'cos I didn't really pray about it, but I believe it's His grace being showered upon me....) I feel really blessed, and God is really so good to me despite my flaws and my constant failure in surrendering myself completely to Him...

Anyway, back to the intented content: good things didn't stop at three, 'cos the fourth happened at knock-off time. Once again, I bumped into Elena at the lift lobby, although this time, both Andrew and Lilian were around. I thought it wasn't a good idea to try to strike a conversation with her, and hence, I focused my attention talking to Andrew. He was on his way to join the jogging group, and asked why I wasn't joining them. Since I wasn't talking to Elena, my knees didn't turn weak as they did earlier, I turned myself into the object of mockery while explaining my "absence" from the jogging group. Elena didn't participate in our "mockery" session, as she stood right at the back of the lift (and this time, I'm sure she saw AND heard me....)

With so many good things showered, I hope God is telling me that Elena is THE ONE..... ;)

Perhaps the saying "Good things come in threes" does has a ring of truth in it.... (Aw.... I can hear some moans already..... and actually, I hope it won't just stop at three...)

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Elena entering the lift I was in (yes, I know it's kinda like cheap thrills, but just allow me to indulge, okay?). However, I couldn't strike a conversation with her 'cos, other than a really crowded lift, we stood at different sides. I'm sure whether she noticed me, but it didn't bother me since I was already feeling very happy then.

When it was time for lunch and in the context that I have already fixed a lunch appointment with Francisca, I went over to her desk (with is situated next to Elena's), and to my horror, Francisca wasn't around. I'm not too sure whether it was a blessing, but anyway, I decided to ask Elena about Francisca's whereabouts. Needless to say, I was both thrilled and nervous, 'cos I was talking to the gal of my dreams (in fact, quite literally). And to my horror, I didn't sound like my usual self, with which I was totally disappointed with myself. And to rub salt onto my sores, I didn't make full use of that chance to chit chat with her...

Again, we shared a lot over lunch, although this time, I shared quite a lot more on my "obsession with Elena". Francisca thought that Elena is quite fortunate to have an admirer like me, although I joked it really depends on which perspective she looks at it (me and my lame jokes at work). However, I really do hope Elena would feel the same way (as Francisca, that is!)... :)

I think, including this entry, of the 188 entries I have posted thus far, between 25% to 50% are "dedicated" to Elena.... OMG, I must be very "obsessed" with her, which I think it's turning unhealthy. But I'm not going to address this "unhealthy" issue now.... :p

Anyway, last night, I dreamt of her again!!!! Although I couldn't remember, I think I dreamt of her striking a conversation with me, and to my surprise (in my dreams, that is) she was so chatty. I think I was enjoying every moment I've "spent" with her in my dreams (talk about being a dreamy person, real life demostration here.... haha)....

If I'm not wrong, I believe she's also quite a chatty person in real life, even though I have yet to experience this first hand; I would see her chatting with her female colleagues during lunch quite frequently (nope, I didn't install spy cameras anywhere near her desk, and nope, I'm not a stalker...)

And when that day the scene in my dream comes, at least to me, it would really be a true blue "dream come true"...... ;)

After a freaking long period of time (I think it was at least 2.5 months ago), I decided to get my locks trimmed 'cos it getting kinda out of hand. And after another freaking long period of time wandering around the hair salon, I picked up my courage and stepped in to express my intention of getting my hair trimmed (yes, I hate going to the hairdressers, and you'll find out why in a moment.)

"Please take a seat over that." A lady kindly showed me my seat and told me to "wait for a while."

Then, 4 things happened.... It took a freaking long (I know this phrase has already been used for a freaking number of times in this entry) time for one of them to come to attend to me. Then, I have no idea why, she took another freaking long time to apply shampoo on my hair, and after rinsing and drying my hair, it took yet another freaking long period of time for the hairdresser to come and trim my hair.... I think I needn't mention this, but anyway, of course, the trimming took another freaking long time to complete....

I don't really hate the time spent in the salon; I just hate the feeling of sitting around like a prisoner, waiting for things to happen, so that I can make my "escape"... And I hate the dreadful feeling of being at the "mercy" of someone I don't know at all.....

Somehow, I think I'm can be quite childish at times..... :(

Okay, I have finally, after all these years living on this puny planet, discover that black dresses do make one look slimmer....

On my way out for lunch, I bumped into Elena (just outside her cubicle...) She wasn't as slim as I thought she was a day ago, but hey, that doesn't matter to me ;)

Anyway, this time, she saw me too, and we greeted each other with a smile.... And my day was made with that simple gesture of hers.... :)

I think I will "die" in happiness if we were to be married and to see her everyday..... And I am, oh so, willing to "die" in her arms.... (mushy.....)

As I was conversing with one of my church friends on Wednesday evening, she expressed her astonishment that I still like Elena. She thought my feelings for Elena would have died down especially that she felt my depressions a few months back. The moment she utter those words, it occurred to me that "hey, why do I still have such strong feelings for Elena?" Am I hopelessly in love with her? I believe, as of today, that's a resounding yes! Or perhaps, my stupidity knows no boundaries, and will continue to do so, until the day she "officially" either accepts or rejects me.... (Well, when she accepts me, my stupidity would no longer be stupid, right? Hmmm.....)

Whatever the case is, I've surprised even myself that my one-sided emotional attachment could last for so long, and I could foresee that it will continue to for quite some time. I think when the day Elena accepts me, I would be the happiest person on Earth.... Okay, okay, that's superduper crappy.... when that day comes, I would be the happiest person in the entire galaxy!!! :p

Me: I have no idea what the reason is: nowadays, I would somehow wake up at 7am, which is 1 hour earlier than what I've set the alarm clock to.
Leeanne: You must be getting old - need lesser sleep nowadays.
Me: Hey, hey... Don't have to make fun of me with that. I am fantasizing that at around 7am every morning, Elena would wake up and pray for me....
Leeanne: .......

That is a snippet of a conversation carried with Leeanne during lunch today. Jennifer and I accompanied her to shop for presents for Christmas. And at around 20 minutes past lunchtime (gasp!), we returned to our workplace. I headed straight for the pantry to have my hands washed, as well as to help myself with a cup of coke, I saw someone very familiar shredding paper in the pantry. Elena? As I was walking quite hastily, I wasn't sure. And as I wait for the vending machine to dispense coke, I "examined" that lady (her back was facing me), and found that she was kinda slimmer than Elena (then again, all of my colleagues told me that black clothes can create the illusion of being slimmer). Since I wasn't too sure whether it was her, I didn't approach her to say hi. Naturally, when I made my way out, I took a quick glimpse and, OMG, she was Elena!!!! I was disappointed with myself that I didn't make use of the opportunity presented. But I was (and still am) very surprised that she has slimmed down (or so I thought). But whatever it is, she's still the gorgeous Elena I have come to love and adore.... ;)

With all these blogging on my "obsession" with Elena, it will only be a matter of time the theme of this blog be changed to "Fantasy: Elena"..... No, wait, I think it is already "Fantasy: Elena"..... :p

Jokes aside, I think I would be in a dilemma if there comes a day I found out someone else has developed feelings for me (er... remote chance of it happening but nevertheless, it's still possible). Would I choose to "continue to love" or "be loved"? Perhaps most people would find this silly, but whoever has been in my shoes might be able to understand...

Or perhaps, I'm just thinking too much (again)?

What the heck! When that day comes, then I will worry over this..... Hahaha...... ;)

I had a very, very scary experience today, and I hope I will not go through it ever again.

While I was walking down the slope from my church, heading towards the main road, the thought "what if Elena's already married, just that she doesn't like to wear the wedding band?" struck me, and my mind was thrown into confusion within seconds. After quite some time, I managed to convince myself that it isn't the case, but that is really one thought that makes me shudder just by, well, thinking about it.

That's helluva scary.... phew....

With a strand of hair that dropped while showering, I measured and was pleased that it measured a freaking 15cm (5.91").... Muahahaha..... My ponytail will soon resurface and world domination is near! :p

Today proved to be too daunting a day for me... Suffered from insomnia last night (think I only managed to sleep for less than 4 hours), attended a project kick-off meeting which for at least half the time (okay, that's exaggerating... quarter of the time) I couldn't understand what the heck they were discussing, and I think my superior wasn't too happy to perform an extreme makeover on the minutes I wrote (hey, it's ALWAYS difficult to pay attention and jot down notes in meetings, let alone one that I'm clueless for 25% of the time). There's one thing I've observed though: most of the time, I think superiors would feel uncomfortable with the minutes their subordinates prepared.... or maybe it's just me..... sigh..... :(

(and for the entire day, I didn't manage to even take a glimpse at my angel.....)

Today's one of the most dreadful days: I'm unable to see Elena at all 'cos I'm on leave. Sob... sob... Hope I will see her tomorrow.... :)

It's official; after a long 2 months, I'm outta my terrible mood swings.

I think the main reason for this change is 'cos I've recognized and accepted the fact that I have been empowering my affection for Elena to affect my moods, and I have been trying, slowly but steadily, to break that stimulus and to live happily. Yes, emotional tiredness still sinks in occasionally, but I think I'm handling them quite well these days.

Yes, I still do fantasize being in a relationship with Elena (speaking of which, recently, I have no idea why the image of Elena, with her long silky hair bundled up and held in place with a hair clip, in tees and shorts, popped into my mind; and merely describing her in that as beautiful is not doing her justice.)

Oops, sorry, side-tracked to much. Anyway, I do have those fantasies, and every time when I pass by her desk, I always thought I'm seeing an angel.... (okay, that's mushy....) Whatever the case, I must say I'm not attracted to her physically (not merely, that is, 'cos after all, to me, she's the most beautiful); I kinda am discovering a little of her character every time when I'm having lunch with Francisca (nope, she didn't tip me off with these information; these "little revelations" were made during our wide array of topics we shared.) Anyway, as I "discover" her traits, I noticed that her personality does not differ much from my initial assessments. Haha, I'm not saying I'm good at assessing people, just that I'm glad I'm not too way off.

Yes, quite a number of people have told me that I'm crazy to have kinda "committed" to a non-existent relationship, but somehow, I just have a strong feeling that she is the one (sorry, Neo). Yes, I'm fully aware that every time when I fall in love, I have that feeling, but hey, wouldn't that be a commendable factor prior starting one?

Just give me your blessings, ya? :)

I was trying to assemble my list of "top 10 most beautiful women" this morning, and here's the preliminary result:

1. Elena
2. Elena
3. Elena
4. Elena
5. Elena
6. Elena
7. Elena
8. Elena
9. Elena
10. Elena

Not bad for a start, ya? :p

Finally, I've changed my blog's "skin".... What do you think? Is it good? Anyway, this is not the completed version - I have yet to "style" the "innings" of the blog (repeat: have only changed the "skin"....)

More changes to come.... ;)

Update: Sigh.... Stupid IE bugs prevented my new skin from working. Have to sort that out first before I "launch" the new skin! Argh.........

Update 2: Realized that I forgot to set the width and height an element, which caused the problem. However, another problem surfaced when the mouse cursor is moved (wildly) across the page before all the images are loaded. Hope that I can resolve this....