Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Have just completed reading State of Fear, and boy, I've enjoyed the entire process...

Crichton's latest work challenged my beliefs in things I barely give a thought to; issues like global warming, the so called "scientific researches", and the progression of the human societies.

Do you know what causes global warming and the consequences it brings? Through numerous characters in the novel, Michael indicated that most of us don't even know what global warming truly is; most of us only have a vague idea on what it is. He believe that, after reading numerous environmental texts for 3 years, the effects of global warming is not as severe as publicized in the media. The threat of extinction is so overly exaggerated in the media since no scientist can accurately give the figure for the number of species existing on this planet. To Michael, an informed guess/prediction/estimation is just a guess/prediction/estimation. He even included a list of sources where he obtained the data for his analysis, as well as a bibliography which listed the journal articles and books which led him to his conclusion. It's amazing in the way he presented his findings in the novel, and you've just have to read it to receive these technical information in an entertaining manner.

Michael also challenged the level of influences politics have on the scientific researches. He labeled these as "Politicized Science", and deemed these as dangerous (an example of this would be eugenics.) Although eugenics is in itself a horror and people wouldn't want to be associated to it, global warming appears to be one of the spiritual successors to it (though it isn't that extreme.) He argued that the source of research funding is the primary cause for the "small inaccuracies/fallacies" in the papers written by these researchers; and strong criticisms on these papers are usually made by retired scientists, since they don't have to depend on the research funds for their next promotion or whatsoever.

Crichton also pointed the similarity in the behaviors of the modern society and the societies in the Middle Ages: we are all controlled by fear. Although we have progress much (i.e. scientifically) in our times, we are constantly living in the fear of numerous things, such as diseases, crimes, the environment and even strangers, just like the people in the Middle Ages were afraid of witchcraft. We are fearful of things we can't see (e.g. germs, chemicals, pollutants, additives), and the sensationalized "facts" the media has bombarded us with (e.g. feeling the world isn't as safe as it used to be after all the reports on criminal acts which in fact statistics has generally shown a decline in crime rates.) Quoting the words of one of Michael's characters:
There is no greater proof that all reality is media reality.
Crichton pointed out that "in the notion of social control, it is the requirement of every sovereign state to exert control over the behavior of its citizens, to keep them orderly and reasonably docile .... that social control is best managed through fear." Communism and the Cold War were two of the fears used to control the people. The fall of the Berlin Wall created a vacuum and environmental crises took of the place of the Cold War. He said
.... although the specific cause of our fear may change, we are never without the fear itself. Fear pervades society in all its aspects. Perpetually.
In Crichton's words,
... although we live in different nations.... we inhabit exactly the same state, the State of Fear.


I must say I was enjoying every moment spent reading this novel, despite that the characters are kinda 2D. Well, since this is (techno-)thriller, I can look past that and would recommend to those with a pendant for techno-thrillers.... :)

N.B.: I'm fully aware that this is, after all, just a novel and I shouldn't place my beliefs on it. But Crichton's challenge on our conventional wisdom/media-instilled knowledge should not be dismissed. I think his points are valid, although it would be good for me to do some research personally before committing to any stand made.

P.S.: Serling, as promised, my (biased) review and recommendation.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Have just watched Final Fantasy: Advent Children, and my jaws were dropping like nobody's business for countless times.... The artwork, the crazy camera angles, and of course, the fanboy within me all contributed to the enjoyment experience....

Friday, September 23, 2005

Have completed reading The Art of Project Management, and is now moving on to State of Fear which, in my opinion, has a gripping plot. Nay, perhaps I'm just a sucker for techno-thrillers.... :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Lyrics of "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt

Do I need to say to whom I'm dedicating this song to?

Monday, September 19, 2005

Have attended a church friend's wedding banquet on Saturday, and am going to attend an ex-colleague's on Mon (19 Sep). After these two, I'll be attending another 3 more wedding next month! There's freaking so many weddings to attend, though I kinda share their joys, all these can be quite draining for me too (physically, emotionally and monetarily.) Physically 'cos of the effort put in to attend, not to mention reaching home in the middle of the night after the banquet. Emotionally 'cos having to maintain chirpy for the entire day is no easy feat (considering that I'm suffering from emotional illness and I don't take ecstasies to make myself high.) Monetarily 'cos .... need I say more?

Anyway, an hour prior the wedding banquet on Saturday, I went window shopping and finally I bought the Sony PSP. Luckily, I didn't buy that on impulse while I was contemplating since my birthday 'cos that shop I bought the gadget from could arrange for me to pay via installations. I couldn't believe my ears when the salesperson confirmed that possibility. Anyhow, I'm now a proud owner of an expensive toy.... I mean electronic device.

Anyway (again), today (Sun), I participated in a performance (after only 2 rehearsals - last Sun and this noon), taking on a minor role of an emcee (reason being they needed a replacement urgently.) I was quite happy to be involved in it 'cos I've made some new friends and did some catching up with the old. And for some reasons, something hit me (again) while I was on my way home after the performance - I've been building my house on the sand and not on the rock. Familiar? Check out Matthew 7:24-27.

Anyway (for the third time), I realized (yes, after so many years and countless counselling) I've placed all my effort in finding the one to spend my life with (the sand portion), and not placed all my bets on forming a rock-solid relationship with the Creator (the rock portion.) What a foolish person I am! I hope this "new-found" revelation would help me set my directions in life right....

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Recently, whenever someone asked me about my well-being, I would give "not good" as the reply. For some reasons, they responded with a startled look and questioned why.

Gosh, why must any reply that isn't better than "not too bad" raise one's eyebrow? Are replies such as "not good", "bad" or "lousy" unacceptable? Are negative answers so difficult to comprehend that people must question them? When questioned, I replied something along the line "what's wrong with having a not-too-good/bad/lousy life?" and carried on the conversation.

However, I reflected upon this for a couple of days and started seeing things from another perspective. Why are people (almost) always interested in your well-being when it's faring somewhere below not-too-bad? Shouldn't people also be showing the same level of interest/concern when the answer lies somewhere above not-too-bad (e.g. not bad, good, couldn't be better)? For my entire life, I've never met anyone raising an eyebrow and questioning why I'm faring well in my life. And with this new perception, I realized that life usually sways between good and bad, so having a lousy feeling about life should equally be deemed as normal, just like faring well in life.

Ya, I know I'm just finding fault with the minor things in life, but hey, this does make sense, right?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Every time, whenever I walk past Elena's desk, seeing her beautiful smile (into the thin air, not to me), a little color would ebb from my world. However, I think God has been gracious, for He has put some colors back into my gray life today. It was not due to anything good that happened between Elena and me; I think He wanted me to feel happier, 'cos I was pondering on the meaning of life for the past few days (and I found it meaningless.) Why stay longer on this world and go through all these sufferings? and mind you, I was standing on the edge of life where the chasms of death were tempting me to join their depths. I believe God has pulled me back and His warmth is slowly, but surely seeping through my cold, shivering body.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Hey man I’m alive I’m takin’ each day and night at a time
Yeah I’m down, but I know I’ll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
Like I ain’t got nothin’ but this roll of the dice
I’m feelin’ like a monday, but someday I’ll be saturday night

Excerpt from Jon Bon Jovi's Song - Someday I’ll Be Saturday Night

Thursday, September 08, 2005

During my sharing, I covered the other perspective on "idol worshipping" and I thought it would be good to put it in my blog to serve as a reminder for myself.

God gave the second commandment to the Israelites 'cos He wanted them not to follow the way the people in Canaan worshipped their gods. Hence, that explains why in Christianity (and Catholicism), there's no idol worshipping. However, we are told that the cross is just a symbol that serves as a reminder that Christ has died for our sins. Christianity pushes that a bit further by removing the "symbolic representation a crucified Jesus" from the cross, arguing that would prevent idol worshipping and emphasize on His resurrection.

However, most of us would treat the cross with a certain level of respect, although it isn't so much to the extent that we "worship" it. Think about it this way: why would Christians scream blasphemy when they see the inverted cross? (Yes, I know it actually symbolizes the anti-Christ.) Or not being too extreme, why is it that we treat the cross with special care? Why is it that we feel uneasy when we are throwing away an old and worn out cross? Why is it that we feel a certain level of peace when we hang the cross in our homes, or even in our cars? Why is it that we feel it's wrong to have the cross lying around our homes (e.g. on the floor)? (And by the pronoun "we", I meant most of us, not all.)

We are definitely not worshipping the cross but most of us have unconsciously elevated the cross, which is supposed to be a reminder, above its purpose of being just a symbol (and reminder) to something that we honor. Catholics claimed they are just honoring Mary as the mother of Jesus, but they seem to be worshipping her instead. The cross has been depicted as something that's kinda spiritual, lying somewhere in between the representation of a symbol and an idol. To make matters worse, some even treat the bible (as in the book) as something holy.

Christ told His disciples to do one thing in remembrance of Him (Luke 22:17-19) which (I'm sure we all know) is the practice of the communion (yes, most would tagged the communion with the word "holy".) He didn't choose the cross for that purpose; so why is it that churches preached otherwise? Is it due to the traditions passed down (I'm quite sure it originated from the early Catholic churches, and no, I'm not trying to find fault with them)?

It's really ironic that all these efforts put in have instead created a lot more other "gods."

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

God spoke to me through my own mouth, and before delving further, here's a little back story....

I'm leading a cell group (unbelievable but true) and after prolonged "persuasion", I drew up a roster for the cell members, assigning them the 4Ws (i.e. welcome, worship, word, work) way in advance instead of the ad hoc basis (which I used to do) and it happened that I'm doing word (i.e. sharing) this week. The roster was disseminated back in June.

Last Sunday, the sermon was based on the second commandment (Exo 20:4-6, Deu 5:8-10) which basically, distilled to the essence, means "make no other idols for ourselves." I didn't prepare much; I determined the way I wanted the message to be shared and made up a few questions for the purpose of reflection, all done one hour prior cell group time.

After the short worship, I began by asking the members to think, for a minute, of one thing in their lives they couldn't live without, the one thing, that without it, would make them TRULY feel their lives would become incomplete. Some shared that their families would be of utmost importance, some said health, and a few television. It wouldn't be difficult to determine what mine is: a relationship (yes, feel free to breath fire down my neck for stating that.) I shared with in cell group on my obsession in my pursuit for a relationship, and how I have been feeling incomplete all these times (yes, you may continue to reprimand me.) I admitted I'm kinda like "worshipping" an "idol/goddess" whom I don't even know who she may be (and heaven forbid I really do "worship" whoever-she-is to whom I would be attached to.)

Towards the end of the cell group gathering, one of the members made me realized it wasn't a coincidence at all that I was "assigned" to share on the topic of "idol worshipping"; after all, most of us would, in the cell group, share and discuss on the sermon preached on the previous Sunday, with which we wouldn't know the topic in advance (let alone pre-empting that 3 months in advance.) God, instead of speaking to me through another, spoke to me, using my very own mouth, on my unhealthy obsession.

He cares! But would this lesson be etched in my heart permanently? I hope it will.....
Having a terrible runny nose today.... must have been someone cursing me.....

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

I feel that a part of me is decaying away (figuratively of course!) and although I don't like that feeling at all, I think there's nothing much I could do to remedy that...

Am I thinking too much, worrying over unfounded FUD, bringing unnecessary woes to myself? Why is the carefree trait I used to have shying away from me?

I just wanna toss everything out and start afresh... could I?

Monday, September 05, 2005

Am in the midst of a terrible mood swing.... just want to make a mark and see how long it'll take for it to go away...

Sunday, September 04, 2005

I'm in a dilemma now.... Got wind that they are outsourcing to China, and that means I've got to make a move before that impacts me. However, the thing I'm hankering for, which is the main reason I'm holding back on my decision, is still unavailable..... Should I or should I not buy PSP now?

Friday, September 02, 2005

It's September now (oh ya, how obvious!) and it would be another 4 months to year end, a time when I would ask myself "What have I been doing all these time?"

And well, I've asked myself that question today (actually, I think I did that a couple of days ago) and I could hardly answer it. Okay, I've taken the CFA exam in June, took some bible classes in March, church retreat in June too, transferred to a new department in June, taking over Leeanne's project this month, was "dumped" by the pharmacist gal... er.... sorry... that happened 2 years back.... tried courting Elena a couple of months ago, and was "rejected" a couple of weeks ago (sob... sob....)......

So what was I doing all these time? [Damn! Weren't they mentioned just a paragraph ago? Senile me!]

Sorry, back to the original topic.... I mean attempting to give an answer to the question.... I felt the most significant things I have done thus far are:
  1. Taking the initiative in courting Elena, and
  2. Taking the CFA exams.

Reason being that taking the exam marks the beginning of my new embarkation on a different career path, and I'm walking out of my passive mode in attempting to start a relationship and that's helluva big breakthrough for me (not too successful though)....

So what other significant things would I have done by year-end? Well, for a starter, I'm still hopeful in starting a life-long relationship..... :)