This morning, I had to drag myself out of the cozy bed at 6:30am, cos I've participated in a walk, organized by the association which my company's chairman happens to be the chairman of it. It's quite obvious initially I didn't sign up willingly. If not for my department head's "invitation", I see no reason disrupting my much needed weekly beauty sleep on a weekend. Alas, all this turned out to be a blessing in disguise (at least I think it's a blessing.)

I set off with an eager heart to the rendezvous point for the walk and I bumped into one of my colleagues, Leeanne. I went to give her a hand cos she was pushing the strollers alone. Her two daughters, Rae and Kae, are very cute and I had some fun playing with them while we waited for Leeanne's husband to park the car. However, at times, I would stand up and look around, only to find my heart sinking slowly into depression.

Leeanne told me a couple of days ago that my dream gal was participating too. Now that clears the cloud why I was so enthusiastic about the walk. "If she's not here, then that would defeat the purpose why I come here in the first place!" I said sullenly to Leeanne.

After the flag off, there was still no sign of her. Leeanne's husband arrived a little later, and we set off to catch up with the crowd when he was back parking his car. Along the way, while we were chit-chatting, I still kept a constant look out for Elena (yup, that's her name.) Even though I had a lot of fun playing with Rae and Kae (mainly Kae), my moods wasn't lifted up as much as it should.

After about a good 20-30 minutes walk, we started bumping into familiar faces, as they were making their way back to the starting point to collect their vehicles. We bumped into Georgina, my lecturer back in polytechnic days, her children and her husband, who is my boss' boss. Then we saw Vincent, another colleague, making his way back. "Another 5-10 minutes walk, you'll reach the end point," Vincent pointed out to us helpfully.

Actually, my spirits picked up when we saw Georgina and family (yup, I'm more intimately acquainted to Georgina than to her husband) 'cos I realized there might still be a glimmer of hope bumping into Elena!

"Hmmm, there don't seem to be any FIG (Financial Institute Group, a division in the company) people participating," Leeanne remarked. And almost as soon as these words were uttered, we saw a number of the FIG people, and even the head of the treasury, Terence.

There isn't any twist in this account. We finally bumped into Elena, retracing her steps with her colleagues.

The red t-shirt she was wearing looked so beautiful on her. (For a record, all participants were given a bright red t-shirt with a small yellow imprint on the chest area in front, and a big white, ugly imprint on the back.) I gestured "Hi!" to her and [I think I saw] her smiled. Oh, the main reason why she noticed me was because I didn't wear the red t-shirt given; I was wearing a white Hard Rock Tee instead since it would be much easier for her to notice me (and that shows I'm quite a good tactician.) My morning trip has made itself worth at that very moment.

Since we don't really know each other, we carried on our way, and I shared my joy with Leeanne and her husband (actually I didn't really got his name; that's so embarrassing of me.) And I turned around and looked at Elena's direction again. Wow, I must be dreaming then. I saw Elena turning her face and looking at my direction!

For numerous times in the office, I kept bumping into her in the morning, and every time, she would look at the floor when she saw me, and I've never talked to her (except for one isolated incident when she was asking the whereabouts of another colleague of mine, Karine, as she was supposed to show an attached personnel to Karine.) Hard as I've tried to break the ice, there wasn't any opportune situation except for yet another one isolated incident a few months back which we dumped into each other on the train on our way home! (And sadly, I didn't make use of that chance!)

Optimistically assessing how things turned out today, I believe it would be easier to be acquainted to her in the near future.... :)

CFA is hardcore... It's not something one would foolishly think he could comprehend within 6 weeks... Yet I'm foolish enough (with more to spare) to attempt this suicidal challenge.... Anyway, I'm not going to study tonight.... A good rest in between will surely reap benefits in the long run.... After all, a tired mind can only digest so much.... (Just an update, I think I've covered 10% of the material, so I've got to pull up my socks.)

Anyway (again), I've just came back from cell group gathering, and we did one interesting exercise. I would like to invite you to do it too.....

Without referring to any material, relying purely on your memories, write down the names of all the books in the Bible (that's 66 books), if possible, in sequence.

I scored 24 [out of 39] in the OT section, and 22 [out of 27] in the NT. Most are not in sequence, so I guess I've to work a little harder to study His words.... :)

Good night!

Argh.... I'm now digging through the statistics texts, and gosh, there are so many formulas to learn (and memorize)! I can't imagine how I could possible wade through all these madness by end this week. I couldn't recall when was the last time I was so mentally stretched. Last night, I studied till 2am but my brain was so active, I couldn't sleep for at least an hour! Not only that, I think I was half-awake, and had the weirdest dream in my life (so far). Wanna compare? Except for a handful few, I think I would win hands-down on this. Now get this: I dreamt of all the formulas I have learnt last night! Talk about nightmare! How about that?

Anyway, I am still trying to read the Bible, and currently, I'm at the book of 2nd Samuel, chapter 15. I've a lot of queries but I guess I don't have the time now to blog about it.... After my CFA exams, perhaps..... :)

Another 40 days to my big day - the great CFA examination! No prize for guessing, I've only completed 2 chapters (about 94 pages) of the texts required for reading, and I still have approximately another 1306 pages to cover! Putting that in a more dire way to look at it, I've only covered about 6.71% of the texts! And these do not include the 2 sample/mock examination question books.

So in order to complete my studies, that means I have to cover at least 33 pages per day for the next 40 days. But this is suicidal, since I can't still be studying on the eve of the examination, and I think I would need the time to do some revision. That means, it would be preferable to cover at least 66 pages per day, so that I would have the other half of the remaining time for both revision and contingent study sessions. Fanatic study schedules, and I think I really have to give up a lot of my social life to complete this uphill task, so as not to waste the money paid for this examination.

Pray for me, ya?

I know I shouldn't comment on this but I just couldn't help it.

First, the voting was shrouded in unnecessary secrecy (Yahoo! news link), with which more confusion was thrown in when the stupid bell did not ring as expected. Then the crowd chanted his name in response to his speech. A good measure of jubilation was felt by the crowd (and I'm sure countless more in other parts of the world when they received the news.) But I couldn't help doubting him when he described himself as "a simple, humble worker" (for goodness sake, no humble man would ever describe himself as humble!) And to add to the already frenzied mix, an awakening country in Asia joins in the "fun", asking him to "break the ties and stay out of our business".

At first I was kinda amused when one of my colleagues was watching the "live" telecast on the election of the new pope. At first, the video feed window occupied about 1/5 of the monitor, which later he made it full-screen. He was looking intently at the chimney and he became very excited when he saw white smoke coming out of it. (The reason why he was watching the video feed during office hours is not difficult to guess, but that's a different "rant" altogether.) He then proclaimed hysterically "White smoke! White smoke!" and I quickly became kinda irritated by him.

My short-lived amusement soon turned into skepticism (may I say "disgust"?) after I thought through this whole thing for some time. I thought I was the only one feeling this way, but I guess I'm not since quite a number seem to share my view. C.H. Spurgeon wrote a short article on his view of Papacy. In his article/comment, he said

Christ did not redeem his church with his blood that the pope .... a poor sinner, a mere man, should be set upon high to be admired by all the nations, and to call himself God's representative on earth. Christ has always been the Head of the church.

C.H. Spurgeon

And, the whole voting process is so paganish! Why must they use of the different colored smoke to announce the results when all they needed to do was to just "come out and tell the whole world"? Back in the olden days, perhaps this was the best method to inform the people who were living quite a distance away from the church, but with the advance of technology, the result could be just announced with just one keystroke, namely the Enter key! (Okay, to be fair, 3 to 4 keystrokes. N-O-[Enter] or Y-E-S-[Enter]). And the broadcasting technologies are also so advanced that "hello you just need to speak into the microphone and the whole world will know"! Is this level of secrecy necessary? Why the secrecy then? To raise the stakes for bets? Oh yes, the stupid bell didn't ring and I'm sure millions of people must have held their breath for quite some time. (I hope none held their breath for a good 15 minutes and died in the process.)

I'm not too sure on this, but I don't think when Jesus entered Jerusalem was there so much jubilation felt, as compared to the appearance of this new pope. Luckily (for this new pope), Jesus isn't jealous over this kind of fanfare; otherwise, I dare not imagine what would have happened to him the moment he stepped out. Of course, as mentioned, how credible would you think a person is when he describes himself as "a simple, humble worker"? No humble man describes himself as humble, and when one does, I'm sure a lot of us would feel very skeptical about his personality; only the insane would feel otherwise (oops, did I just insulted millions of people?)

The Roman Catholic Church has had a deep influence in politics in the past, and it seems like she still has now. China, currently the fastest growing country (in terms of economy), wants the Catholic Church not to interfere with the China-Taiwan "family issues" (or else what? Declare war with them?) And the big bully (not US, I'm referring to China) is clenching her juggernaut fists, demanding outrageously. I could be wrong about the Catholic Church's influence, and I hope I'm wrong; otherwise, the Catholic Church would be of no difference to the politicians of the world (other than the fact that she's operating from the religious angle, as well as her ability to call for people of different nationalities, for her political motives.)

This election of the pope is in startling resemblance to the history of the Israelites' request to enthrone a king over them to lead them (Sam 8:6). God knew their true intent for it is recorded:

And the LORD told him: "Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.

Sam 8:7

So is the election of the pope somehow an expression of the Catholics rejecting God like the Israelites did? I hope not, but their actions (for example, their chanting, which went "Viva il Papa!" or in plain English - "Long live the pope!") seem to indicate otherwise.

Whatever it is, I wonder if the Catholics know they are directly accountable to God Himself, and not to the pope. Yes, I'm sure if I were to pose this question to them, the answer I would receive would unanimously be "yes, we know", but I doubt they could really differentiate the truth and their irrational beliefs.

PS: This is not meant to start a flame between the Catholics and Christians. I'm just recording my thoughts.... :)

Incredibly, it took me just one day (slightly over an hour, to be exact) to read through the book of Joshua. [The word "incredibly" seems to have appeared incredibly a lot of time in my blog entries, and how can I be exact when I say "slightly over an hour"? Incredible....]

Anyway, my crappy jokes aside, the book of Joshua feels like, dare I say, a game of Risk! The first 12 chapters mainly recounts the conquering of Canaan by the Israelites (not forgetting the narrative of Rahab's role in an early war account, and how Achan from the Judah tribe brought the wrath of God upon his people due to his theft of the things which were supposed to be devoted to God), and chapters 13 to 21 describes, in detail, the division of the lands to the 12 tribes*. Chapter 22 recounts the episode of the westerners (i.e. the Reubenites, Gadites and half-tribe of Manasseh) set up an altar which brought about the anger of the easterners (anyway, the altar was meant to serve as evidence for the descendants that the westerners were related in to the easterners, with which the explanation settled the dispute.) The last 2 chapters records the warning and renewing of the covenant with God by Joshua before "he breathed his last".

The main reason why I was able to complete the reading within such short time could be attributed to my skimming through the land distribution accounts. Since I wasn't marking out the borders on any map, I found no reasons to go through meticulously the land distribution narrations. All I need to know is that the Reubenites, Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh resided on the west side of the Jordan river (hence, the "westerners"), while the rest on (where else?) the east of Jordan (aka the "easterners".)

There are 2 issues which I couldn't figure while reading Joshua. First of all, it is episode on the deception of the Gibeonites.

The men of Israel sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the LORD. Then Joshua made a treaty of peace with them to let them live, and the leaders of the assembly ratified it by an oath.

Jos 9:14-15 (emphasis mine.)

Why didn't they "inquire of the LORD"? Is this a foreshadow of the rebellion of the Israelites against God? Why is it that they made an oath when the second commandment states that

You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

Exo 20:7, Deu 5:11

Are they in violation of the commandment given? (Okay, to be fair, they had also made an oath with Rahab earlier on, which is another "why?" to me.)

And the second issue that gripped me is that Caleb, the other person with strong faith who went to spy the land with Joshua, went to Joshua to, kinda, "demand" for his share of the land Moses had swore to him. Why is this episode penned? Purely to serve as an accurate account of how the lands were distributed? Or is it supposed to also serve as a premonition for something? (I can't pinpoint exactly what that something is now.)

Whatever the case is, by the end of Joshua, it seems that the Israelites had once again found favor in God's eyes. I think, if this were to be made into a movie, it wouldn't pale in comparison to the epic Lord of the Rings movie trilogy. But as we all know, all did not end well, and I think I should be able to find out more when I read the book of Judges tomorrow.

* Okay, to be exact, it is the division among the 11 tribes. The Levites were to live among the other 11 tribes, to serve as priests.

Last Sunday, I bought an album of a band that I adore. As a whole, the album is worth the wait and the money paid for. I love the entire album, and there is this one particular song which caught my "ear" most.

When you begin to search for the freedom you desire
Let go of our tightly held hands
Taking away my love and my sky
I don't know what to do
I thought I knew
Our love, our love

While I'm walking towards the end of time by myself
Memories brushed by me, taking away your love and your smile
I don't have the strength to endure the last lingering pain
Our love, our love

Let go of our love
Let go of our hands
If your heart is no longer with me
Let go of our love
I'm not waiting anymore
You gentleness is nothing but a blank
Let go of our love
Open our hearts
This time I've decided to walk out from our memories
To start all over again
So let me be crippled thoroughly
And then wake up from all these thoroughly

Finally understand our love is no longer around
From now on there is nothing for me to rely on
What is there for me to count on?

Lousy translation of the lyrics, but hope you'll still be able to appreciate the beauty within.

After a span of 3 days, I've finally finished reading the book of Deuteronomy. The first 3 chapters are the concise summary of the events that were recorded in Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers (although the Golden Calf incident is only mentioned in chapter 9.) Anyway, 3 chapters to summarize 3 books, how incredible!

Anyway, as expected, this book is like a "tenant's agreement", with blessings and curses to boot (chapters 27-28). Unlike the first time Moses recited God's command, this time the crowd listening to the laws were the second generation Israelites (the first were those who came out from Egypt and died in the desert.) Moses' last breath both served as a closure of the old era and the beginning of the new, led by Joshua.

Now that I have completed the Pentateuch (in a month's time), I hope my reading will not slow down to crawl while reading the history books. I wonder which book of the old testament would I be reading one month down the road..... :)

I'm going to start reading Deuteronomy tomorrow, and if my not-that-good memory didn't fail me, and if my quick skim through didn't betray my stupidity, Deuteronomy is basically a "tenant's regulations" for Israelite. Argh!!!!! Legal stuff!!!! That means, there will be a lot of fine prints embedded within the book!!! If the Israelites have spent a considerable amount of time to read and dissect the laws[, not to mention finding loopholes to bypass/outsmart the laws], how much more effort I must put in to read the book?

Blessedly, all the mind-boggling legal stuff were tossed out of the window (actually, distilled to the essence) by Jesus, and established a new covenant with us, with (you've guessed it) a simplified set of commands! And blessedly, He doesn't demand us to fulfill each and every of the commands He has given, since He wants us to realize that we are saved by grace and grace alone.

So what has this got to do with my reading tomorrow? Fundamentally, it has nothing to do with it, but at least, I won't have to be that stressed when reading it. The only stress I think I might encounter is the "stress" to stay alert while reading!

I hope I would be able to uncover the "real" reasons why God gave the Israelites these regulations back then.

Today, blessed by God, was a very beautiful day. A sunny yet windy day, with a beautiful clear blue sky to go with. What more could I ask for? And what better way to spend it other than having fun outdoors? So, with a bunch of friends, we spent our day at the beach after lunch.

Most of us chose to cycle, and only 3 skated. Naturally, I belonged to the cycling group, 'cos I don't know how to skate! I don't think I would want to learn how to (unless my future girlfriend wants me to), since for folks around my age cannot afford to risk a fall. You simply have no idea how much complications a fall might constitute for people of my age. Anyway, although we left for the beach at around 2pm, the cycling/skating session only started at around 3:30pm. And yes, you've guessed it: waiting for the whole gang to turn up was the main culprit.

Anyway, it was a very fun experience, and during the process, I learnt a couple of things. For example, it is only today I found out [censored by editor, as to protect the integrity of the said person/people]. And hence, get-togethers are a great way to dig for all these "hidden secrets".... :p

[And of course, the biggest question remains as: Shouldn't I be at home studying?!!!]

Whatever the case is, I'm grateful that God has given us a great day to have fun outdoors, and the fellowship that we had. If there were to be any complaints, it would be: argh!, why am I still not tanned after spending [almost] a whole day under the sun?

Do you think your life's in a mess? Like right now? I'm feeling that way now, and it's not doing me any good.

Just last Friday, after the sharing of a lady friend of mine, I couldn't help but wonder how messed up her life is. She's in a state of total self-denial, using her busy work schedule as a convenient escape from her messed up life. I reflected upon this and was surprised that I'm no better than she is.

The previous blog entries all oozed the lamenting odor, filled to the brink with the wallowing in my own sorrow of still being single, and why the pharmacist gal isn't the one. And the recent blog entries are "replaced" with observations made while reading the Bible. Is this my way of escaping from my messed-up life, conveniently going back to God's Word? Or is it genuinely a thirst developed for His Words? I don't really know, and I'm not that keen to find out the answer. Perhaps, living in the illusion may eventually bring some good out of it.

But what if the escape from the harsh reality now will incur a much heavier impact in life later? I think this would most likely be the natural outcome, since delaying the time to face a reality wouldn't do me any good. There is an age old saying which goes something along the line "Wisdom grows with each incident experienced". I've focused too much on the wounds sustained and ignored the lessons I could learn from the incidents. And I think, it's about time for me to face the music, with God by my side.

Incredibly, I've finished reading Leviticus over the span of 2 days! At this amazing speed, I think I should be able to finish reading the Bible once through by the end of this year, if nothing of utmost importance draws me away (the only foreseeable one would be the CFA exam).

Anyway, I found that God has implicitly taught the Israelites how to take care of themselves, their fellow people, the land they are going to live in, and the foreigners (termed as "aliens" in the scripture). His commands even took care of the women in a time which they enjoyed a next-to-nothing privilege, a time which they had a very low social status. I'm really amazed how civilized the Israelites were, with these laws that are so modern, commands that are so advanced in the age back then.

God made a very explicit statement of our relationship to the land on this planet:

"The land must not be sold permanently, because the land is mine and you are but aliens and my tenants" (Lev 25:22)

Everything under the sky belongs to Him, and there's truly a great reminder when we greedily try to acquire more wealth for ourselves!

Now I wonder how long will I take to complete Numbers?

Received an email from Min, all the way from Japan! (She's there to participate in the World Expo 2005 at Aichi, and the tourism board people engaged her for 3 months to promote the local arts scene.)

Oh well, she emailed me 'cos she saw this anime, H2O on television and somehow I popped into her mind (okay, I lent her the manga last year, that's why.) And quite interestingly, she asked "How's your love life?"

Hmmm..... my non-existence "love life"..... How should I reply? After giving some thoughts, I simply replied "non-existence"....

Anyway, it's really weird, I kinda miss her now. Well, even though I don't usually converse with her after church service, and we don't go out together that often, but somehow, her absence, especially now that she in the Land of the Rising Sun (my dream honeymoon destination albeit I've already visited it once), seems to affect me in one way or another....

Whatever the reason, I pray she'll come home safe and sound..... and bring back some souvenirs for me! :p

Anyway, gotta sleep now.... Jogging awaits me in the next morning.... :)

Exodus is starting to drag with all the specifications for making the tabernacle and the furnishings, as well as some of the regulations the Israelites must observe. And blessedly, before I dozed off reading, the episode of Aaron fashioning an idol in the shape of a calf (of all things, a calf!?!) came up and took away my inattention.... I have no idea how I am going to "survive" through Leviticus.... (Lord, grant me the patience and energy to finish that!)

Anyway, not much observations made other than having a couple of "Huh?" moments while reading chapters 21-33. Why did God give Moses the instructions in a very repetitive manner? For example:

"Make a courtyard for the tabernacle. The south side shall be a hundred cubits long and is to have curtains of finely twisted linen, with twenty posts and twenty bronze bases and with silver hooks and bands on the posts. The north side shall also is to have curtains, with twenty posts and twenty bronze bases and with silver hooks and bands on the posts." (Exo 27:9-11)

Why couldn't God just say "the north and the south shall each be...... blah, blah, blah" instead of repeating Himself? Was Moses having trouble or too slow in taking notes on the specifications given? Maybe his pen ran out of ink.... Or maybe Moses had problem using AutoCAD^®, drafting the blueprint on-the-fly while God was giving His requirements... Or more likely, Microsoft^® Windows™ crashed and the Blue Screen of Death slowed the requirements gathering... There must be a reason why the author of Exodus (believed to be written by Moses) chose this style of narration.... Anyway, if my memory didn't fail me, Leviticus will be very similar in style in its narrative. (By the way, follow this "interesting" link and take a look at the pictures people took at the locations they saw the dreaded Blue Screen of Death.)

I've asked the pastor and she told me, "Even the Jews spent a long time to read and digest this, so you needn't expect yourself to understand it completely. Continue to read. Just have a rough idea what God said and find out why in the lessons I'm going to conduct in the [near-]future."

Oh well, I guess I could only do that [for the time being]..... :p

Slow progress, but I'm currently at Exodus chapter 20.

The Israelites are really a blessed race. They are chosen by God to be the representatives of Him back then, and the entire race experienced God's deliverance time and time again. They walked through the Red Sea, they've tasted manna [which must be heavenly (pun intended)], drank the bitter-turned-sweet water in an oasis and they were led by God (pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night). And the best part is: they were to consecrate themselves just by washing their clothes (Exo 19:10)! How simple!

But even with these "first-hand" experiences, they failed to fear God repeatedly when their basic needs were not met.

"Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!" (Exo 14:11-12)

""If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death." (Exo 16:3)

These were only a couple of complaints the Israelites made while they were in the desert after the exodus. They fell back to their old frame of thought, always thinking that the old way of life was so much "better". However, each time when their cries were brought to God, their needs were met. God loved them so much but they couldn't register it in their minds.

Am I, in any way, different from them? Freaking NO! I, too, always fall back to my old ways, holding dearly to the authority of my life, refusing God to reign in me. I've experienced, although in a much, much smaller scale, the miracles God has worked in my life, and yet, when was the last time I really counted my blessings? Like the Israelites, I would just lament and then present my "wishlist" to Him after my last one was fulfilled (or wasn't).

But is situation really that hopeless for me? Luckily (or should I say, blessedly), it's not all that hopeless. Despite the Israelites kept failing God, He still loved (and continue to love) them. And that, to me, means God will also love me for who I am despite my shortcomings and repeated failures (failing Him, that is; not the other failures I have.) Yes, this is a very fundamental theological issue, and yes, all new believers know this, but isn't this still a wonderful revelation of God, especially when we are spiritually "under the weather"?

One very important statement Joseph, son of Jacob (later renamed as Israel) made before interpreting the Pharaoh's dreams was missed out by me in my past attempts to read the Bible.

"I cannot do it,"" Joseph replied to Pharaoh, "but God will give Pharaoh the answer he desires." (Genesis 41:16)

Despite Joseph's repeated proclamation of him reigning over his brothers, of in control over [almost] all things in the house of the Potiphar, of him being placed in charge of the jail he was serving in, of his accurate interpretations of the cupbearer's and the baker's dreams, and now of him being summoned to the Pharaoh, Joseph have never held pride in his heart for he knew God was the source of his blessings. What a godly man he is!

I yearn to be like him someday.... :)

Another thing I noticed today is that Jacob seems to be either a coward or diplomatic man. He feared his brother Esau would unleash his wrath upon him when he was on his way home [as commanded by God], and hence he sent numerous gifts for his brother, hoping to pacify Esau if Esau were really to be angry. But I would guess he's a coward, since he seemed to be a tad too wary of his brother's offer to travel with him [as well as leaving his men with Jacob as escorts].

Whatever the case is, I've read till Genesis 41 while commuting to work today... :)