Return to my city of Shattered Dreams

Wandering between thought and observation, my heart is pierced into the remnants of shattered dreams. Once again i have returned to the heart of my darkest disappointments, and done so without the loss of a coin tossed over my shoulder into any grand fountain. As i reminisced the long lonesome trudge i took to the Trevi Fountain, my heart imploded, a black hole conjured. sigh...

大丈夫です

but really, i'm not.

QoTD

Give the man a fish and you'll feed him for a day; Teach the man to fish and you'll feed him for a lifetime.

sigh!!!

sigh!!! i just ran 2.4km on the track and i sadly ran only just below 13minutes! so much for trying for gold timing (9.45)!!
ok i didn't run at hundred percent but rather at an upbeat pace (i'd say 70%)? but 13 minutes is way too slow! have my training yielded no results?

comeon comeon comeon!!

i need some motivation to step it up a notch!

training

when you blast your music loud enough so as to cover the sound of your own breathing, you know u have become obsessed with training.

musings

And so, into the night we quietly leave, in search of the sunrise. We know not where we'll find it, but still we go.

Armed with little clues and the heart of an adventurer, we press on to do what we must, to fulfill our dreams, when we do now even know what our dreams are, or where they lie.

What are dreams? Are they things that we tell ourselves are good, and then we want it? or are they things that we tell ourselves we decide we want, and then convince ourselves that they are good? So to put it simply, does the heart direct the mind, or does the mind sway our hearts?

I'm back from HK, where i had a great time. And there i found a new question. What drives us? energy? does everyone have an endless supply? what determines our energy level? does the concept even exist? - what if it was something so much simpler? A system of economics, demand and supply, cost and power?

-conquering fear of flying
-imperfections, mistakes

The morning after 48 hours

Now how did we all get home again? Oho.

Losing control every now and again can be pretty refreshing, especially in good company.

23rd.
It all started with a long-time-postponed lunch with W at LaNonna, and then checking in with the cousin to see how he was holding up against the previous nights' exploits, and then a crazy drive around which caused >$10 ERP damage, and dinner at Lavender, and then a mahjong game to remember (or not), rushing home to pack, getting to the airport to fly.

24.
6am and at the airport, I see Chenann and true to form the ever-dependable aon has brought a spare padlock for my check-in bag. Unfortunately, the padlock was too big for my bag zip, and so I decided to checkin without a lock. Interestingly, Chenann had locked his bag with a lock that wouldn't open.

n00b travelers unite, as me, the guy who checks in a bag with no padlock, traveling with Chenann, who has a padlocked bag which his key cannot unlock.

The day breezed right by as we met Kenny to pick up a keycard to the apartment, stopped at a random cha can ting for lunch, and headed back to Kenny's to settle in.

Having spent an hour 'wowing' over Kenny's pad, I tucked myself in for a powernap as Chenann hit the showers.

When I came to, Kenny had texted me to get my ass over for dinner, and so it was time to mobilize.......





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Hisashiburi des

and about time too.

hmm

have you ever been so tired that you cannot sleep?

I promised myself to treat myself, and visit a nearby tower. And climbing to the top, I'll throw myself off, In an effort to make it clear whoever what it's like when you're shattered. Standing in a lurch, by the church, where people're saying "my god that's tough she stood him up, no point in us remaining." "may as well go home," as I did on my own...


Alone again, (naturally) - Gilbert O'Sullivan

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accident

first bike accident ever. My life flashed before my eyes. But right now after i've calmed down, i'm just a tad shaken up. with nothing except a lack of words and a gash on my shin, i'm pretty much unscathed. And past dinner time, i had been thinking about a myriad of things that could've happen, which could've erased me in a hurry.

truly exhilarating, frightening, and dangerous.

why don't you put up with it instead.

i trust you

i trusted u, and you haven't told anyone have you?

Raven - Just Let Me Go

and then?

i've had enough. It's time to go.

bad bad bad

bad bad headache.....

on holiday

Flight to Langkawi in 2 hours, and then a boat to Ko Lipe. No floods and lots of sun thanks.

a first for everything.

Passed driving! yays! drove today to IMM in jurong! no accidents as yet hur hur hur

driving me crazy

last driving lesson before tmrw's TP test. Please don't stall your car BJC

when words are pointless to speak

Today's a bad day.
I cannot explain why because i simply don't know why.
But knowing why is pointless when u are powerless to do anything.

Maybe it's my cancelled japan trip.
Maybe it's how things are not going smoothly with mum and i.
Maybe it's my sickness.
Maybe it's my sadness for japan.
Maybe it's my lack of anything to do.
Maybe it's unrequited love.
Maybe it's everything.
Maybe it's just me.

I don't know. But you know. you always know. why i am hurting. why i am down. stop it. stop letting me be hurt. stop hurting everyone. i need you now.
sigh.
the end is nigh.

To japan i don't go

When you walk away
i count the steps that you take
can't you see how much i need you right now?

when you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you
when you're gone, the face i came to know is missing too
when you're gone, the words i need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it ok..


i miss you

the last day in launceston

got up damn early yesterday! around 7.30 or so? Ridiculously cold morning! bad idea to go to sleep in t-shirt and shorts! My warm doona didn't protect me once i got out of bed to a fresh 15degrees or so, and immediately started shivering! i took a warm bath to counter the cold! the warm bath worked wonders :)

Breakfast was a pretty heavy bacon, eggs, baked beans, and peanutbutter/jam toast x2 :) AWAESOME. Anyhow we went on our way around 10am, to a busy busy day!

First stop was Christmas hill. We visited a raspberry farm which was nice a big, with a cute cafe at the front. The cafe sold everything raspberry that u can think of. Crumble, cake, icecream, chocolate covered raspberries...the lot. After walking around a pond and plucking at some blackberries, and treating myself to some raspberry ice cream, i found the place a bit of a drag and it was time to burn some fuel!!!!!

Raspberry ice cream from Christmas hill. Homemade ice cream FTW :)

Next we drove for about 15 minutes to a place called Ashgrove Cheese farm! The cheeses here have been matured for something like 15months or something, but although everyone loved the cheeses, i realized i dun quite like it. Not salty enough lol. After taking photos with a few decorated cows (this leads to an amazing lesson i learnt, from grandma no less), it was time to move to the chocolate factory. Time was tight today.

decorated funky cows.

Mature room - where cheeses are wrapped in some black cloth and left to mature....for 15 months at least.

Something cool about Ashgrove cheese farm was it was often visited by school from around the area. Imagine that! excursion to the cheese farm! pity we don't have this in Singapore. Photo is a boot decorated by some kids who visited.

We drove and drove for about 20 minutes, turning into a township called Latrobe. Before long the sign that read 'House of Anvers'. Look what i found! It had such an amazingly pretty garden with so many healthy and colourful flowers!! so so so so super pretty. The factory was unfortunately closed because it was "recreation day". Tsk..australia and their holidays..

One great thing about australian farms, is that they always let u sample their products. Awesome :) Singapore (and koreans too says Sunny) can never resist a free snack! ho ho ho!

Butterscotch and hazelnut was exquisite, but very very rich and something u can easily have too much off (unlike choc iced conuts). It was also madly expensive! gourmet chocolates indeed.

Super pretty flowers. My desktop now dons this photo!

Chocolate eggs in preparation for easter. The whole factory area was empty! Public holiday in Australia.

My chocolate delivery truck.

Next we moved for lunch! a half an hour drive up to devonport, where the Spirit of Tasmania docks. Found ourselves a nice picnic spot and went to the town to buy some fish and chips! Unfortunately, because it was a public holiday, everything was closed! After walking around randomly, and asking some passers-by to no avail, we stumbled upon the devonport visitor centre. Ken risked his reputation by walking into the visitor centre to enquire on the availability of Fish and Chips in the vicinity. The lady said there wasn't any fish and chips open in town because of the public holiday, but we could try bizzi bee!

http://www.australianexplorer.com/restaurants/76544/profile.htm

They served Fish and chips and also some wraps. If u are in tasmania, devonport and u need a snack, i will recommend it. The scallops in the seafood basket are easily the best i've had in a long long while! So succulent and full of taste, and the batter was good stuff! Don't be fooled by the shoddy appearance of the outlet and the packaging. T'was quite a meal! Anyways, after lunch by the beach, and a stroll up to the lighthouse with Ken and Sunny, where i took some photos, we walked back down, and it was time to head home, with ken having tennis at 5.30PM.

Awesome battered fish and chips & Seafood baskets. Best i had in years. Grilled salmon could be better.

Our picnic view. Seagulls waiting to pick our food included.

Beautiful Cliff. Beautiful colours.

Just an amazing view. The sun was super bright on the day, and you gotta love the reflection from the never-ending waters.

Ken and Sunny at the lighthouse.

The Drive back to launceston wasn't great. Having full tummies, we struggled to stay awake on the way back. Dad and i both dossed off constantly, with only Sunny valiantly talking to ken to keep everyone on the road. With the sun in our faces falling asleep was the natural thing to do, but equipped with jumpy music, sunglasses, mints, water, and hacks, we made it back to launceston in one piece. Poor ken had to change and leave for tennis right after reaching home!

I used Ken's guitar and learnt how to play 'when you're gone' by avril lavigne from ultimate guitar together with itunes music. You'd never know when songs like these come in handy! It's a nice song too.

Soon enough, dinnertime arrived, and it was the best of the nights of korean dishes. I am now a true fan of korean food. I like tak daritang!!! and the twenjangchige is freaking nice! i dunno if it's the way sunny cooked it or it's always nice....BUT I AM A CONVERT! korean food rules!!! haha. took some time off to upload and edit photos, and then sleep. The next day i had to wake up at 7.45..pack and leave home at 9, and take the bus back to Hobart!

A good road trip this weekend that passed :)

my new wallpaper

To japan i go

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong under the shade of a coolibar tree, and he sat as he sang, and he waited till his billy boiled, you'll come a waltzing matilda with me.

breakfast.

Fish & Co.

Went for a fishing/picnic road trip today! Went by gravely beach for some attempted fishing, and then after losing our bench, we drove over to another part of gravely beach, and then there we laid the table, and we started eating, and i started snapping!

Wow at gravely beach there i was walking down to a pontoon, and then i looked into the water to see the clarity, and my was i astounded by what i saw. Schools of jellyfish!!! totally wowwwww! and then i was trying to get a good shot on my camera when suddenly the pontoon was hit by waves and started rocking, and i almost fell in! totally PHEW moment there as i regained my balance. That would've been a disaster, being stung by multiple jellyfish, and may have been fatal! they were rather pretty though, drifting about effortlessly! after trying to fish (and finding nothing) we decided to settle down for lunch, except that we were beaten to a picnic bench, and so we had nowhere to eat. We moved to another part of the beach.

Down the road we found an abandoned clearing and there sat a lonely bench! It made me feel so lonely, and made me totally emo for a bit.

----

Why oh why did u leave me out in the cold on my own?....

----

The clearing was just off some muddy flats where there were swans and some gulls standing around picking at food. We stopped there, laid the picnic tablecloth, took out the food/drinks and started feasting! Lunch was Bulgogi Burger (Korean Beef burger), and Coffee, and Lindt Chocolates, and doritos corn chips mexicana flavor! In between my dad Almost spilling coffee on me, and ken coughing minced corn chips at me, i managed to take some photos, so yay for that!

After lunch, we drove off to a place called beauty point, and we reached a pier of sorts where we dropped 3 lines and fishing began...we sat, flung, reeled, walked about, got more coffee, took photos, for about 2 hours or so? Sadly, we couldn't catch any dinner and so we packed up and went home. I actually caught this really really huge fish that almost pulled me into the water. After a big struggle, i reeled her in (only with the help of those around me), and it was a huge fish. Easily 2 metres in length! High-fives followed a heavy lift onto the deck, and we were like celebrities as everyone crowded around to snap photographs! too bad though, m camera was out of battery and so i couldn't take photo with the rainbow coloured fish! sighs. I gave some of the people around me my facebook and email address. Hope they send the photos to me! Alas, since the fish couldn't fit into the car, all that was left was to throw it back to the water...........

anyhows, we went home for dinner, and on the drive back home, we almost ran over some huge turkeys! ho ho...

Dinner was awesome mandu in soup, and leftover chapjae from yesterday, and some kimchee! Drinks over dinner was midori, and i had some baileys for dessert! hope tomorrow is super eventful....rarr. No more battery to take photos too! sighs!

signing out.

b

every step.

with every step, you pull them deeper, and u cut me deeper

cold evening, hot milo.

A cold wet evening.

I went into the bush....lame as it sounds....following a brown rabbit.

AND THIS IS THE DEVIL. Funny how something can be Ohhhh Yeahhhh...and Oh no....all at the same time!

but you weren't

and here i was hoping deep inside that you were hurtin'.....









...but you weren't.

Eat.Laugh.Love

Welcome to the garden

And, you know, the fact is, if you believe in evolution, we all have a common ancestor, and we all have a common ancestry with the plant in the lobby. This is what evolution tells us. And, it's true. It's kind of unbelievable. -Jeff Hawkins

Such Pretty flowers.

Some are considered weeds.

And others give us sustenence.

How in the world did we ever turn so useless and ugly?

wow tasmania wow

Sitting on the floor waiting to check in at Transit area. Had to walk something like 200 metres just to get to a separate building which houses only tiger. Is this exclusive or discrimination?

Clear but fluffy...Just like all the presentations i did.

View from the garage.

some shrubs outside in the front yard. Makes one wanna pick up gardening.

Prettiest weed ever. Not the smoking type of course.

Tassie Grown.

Didn't take long before someone (more like everyone) decided a trip to woolworth's was of paramount importance. Yay!

"Technological mishaps occur due to human error."

You gotta love the age of technology. So many choices. So much variety. Amidst all this, i find myself lost. Please dear reader, i need some advice now.

We marched onwards through the gates with the wishes of bro within me and the journey begins. The very first hurdle, however soon presents itself.

Immigration in Singapore for Singaporeans have been not too long ago become nothing more than a 30 second gantry check. Flip to the first page of your passport, flip it face down, insert the biometric page into the scanner emitting that cool bright red laser glow. Cutting edge stuff indeed as within seconds, the gantry opens allowing the passport holder to waltz right through for a thumb print scan where the 2nd gantry awaits. This time round, i was held back for all of 10 seconds.

It must be said there was an error of judgement on my part. My my my why in the world did i let my dad come in right after me? He really should've gone last. The excited hound was of course raring to go, chomping at the bit to prove his youthful exuberance. The system being idiot-proof was of course no problem for him as he slipped seamlessly through. Just like the proud dog who'd accomplished what was expected, he stood there tail wagging in the air as he turned back and willed mum and grandma through them barriers.

My grandma, being uneducated in English, was finding the instructions more than tricky. Her mastery of english was similar to that of a flying pig, in that, it was non-existent. The proud hound who came through second, of course by now decided to go one better. Nothing better than showing off your mastery by actually going to the gantry and shouting for it to open right? WRONG. The sensor beeped, and poor grandma got caught in limbo between the 1st and second barriers, as by now, there was a freeze in the system, and the gantry would not open.The poor woman was clearly panicking, as was the security officer who was yelping at the seemingly deaf hound, who by now could only hear his own voice impairing grandma to put her thumb on the scanner. Not much help it did her to follow the instructions though, as security officers scurried about trying to undo the damage.

"madam you have to come back this way for the manual immigration checks." Too late the proud hound realized his mistake as both my mum and grandma were ushered away into the distance to the manual checkpoint. As grandma stumbled step upon step, clearly not that adept at walking, the disappointment was obvious on his face and the man turned around shattered from embarrassment and i unforgivingly told him that i will have none of this again, and to keep his wild and menacing wits in check.

We were running late by now and i found ah ma a wheelchair that could allow us to move faster to gate C15 which was really light years from the immigration checkpoint. We need to install a teleportation service in Changi Airport if we are to be called the worlds' best airport i say.

Thank heavens that everything went smoothly from there. As usual i nearly tore my heart apart as the plane took off. My worsest habit in-flight is imagining the worst possible outcomes, and all the things that i wanted to accomplish in life that i have yet to do, and also all the sadness i'd leave behind me as the plane engines stalled on takeoff, and the wheels coming off……only in my head of course. Apart from me, the rest of the passengers whose eyes were closed on takeoff, were actually sleeping for real. The takeoff went pretty smoothly i think (that's myself acting unperturbed by the shitty takeoff. and yes, all takeoffs are shitty).

Next came the most anticipated part of the flight. The movies of course! i happily plugged myself into the ICE system on emirates hoping to enjoy the award winning entertainment platform and variety. I decided on watching a movie i told myself i won't even bother catch on DVD. Catching it in a plane would do the movie justice i suppose since it's not at the cinema, neither is it on dvd, so i flipped prompty to channel 102. The opening scene of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of The Dawn started showing, and the excellent sound effects came exploding through my senses, through my right ear…. WTH?! Why was this happening? i checked with other sets of headphones but the problem i think was in the plug-point and not the earphones. There was a problem and i was faced with the dilemma of requesting a seat elsewhere or forgoing my movie marathon. So much for technological possibilities in entertainment when they can't even maintain the simple medium properly!

I managed to cheat myself into thinking that i could do the movie marathon on the way home to Singapore, and instead catch up on some sleep instead. After all, we'll reach Melbourne in the wee hours of the morning, and there's no way i'll survive the day should i stay awake watching movies overnight. If i slept in the afternoon on the first day there, i'd probably sleep real late, and screw up my body clock, and lose many many hours on an already pretty short stay in Hobart (14 days). And so i tried to get comfy, and as i leaned to the right, i spotted a stewardess pushing the dinner cart through the lane.

Dinner was good and here comes the next technological wonder of the plane ride. Have u wondered what is the most amazing ergonomical invention the airplane design industry ever created? It has to of course be the tray table. Amazingly compact, and also pretty shaky but stable at the same time. It's hard to explain this phenomenon. It IS pretty flimsy, held to the chair in front by only two metal arms, and if really isn't something i'd trust to lean on. Yet, when u put a tray of food and refreshments on it, the tray and it's contents rarely ever spill, even in pretty strong turbulence! This is a wonder i think!!

And without stopping there in my praise of the tray table, i just simply MUST say this. The table provides a secondary luxury for the user. Should the contents actually spill due to human error, the table actually provides very good protection as it is directly hanging over the passengers legs. There is one thing lacking with the design though: which is that It does not protect the innocent, kind, and unsuspecting boy sitting in his brand new River Island jeans beside his clumsy father. I found this out through an unfortunate series of events which also taught me to have tissue on standby at all times when traveling. The event surely left me in an interesting state, one that was kinda ironic because really, more than anything else, the overwhelming feeling about me was that i was leaking (the release of water), rather than fuming (the release of steam).

And that brings me back to the opening paragraph where i made a desperate call for advice. They say that when u first buy a new pair of jeans, you don't want to wash it for at least 6 months. Can someone advice me as to whether spilling orange juice on it would thus make the ill-effects of washing your jeans redundant, because it has already been wet? This sticky feeling around my thigh, will it wear out after a period of usage should i choose not to wash my brand new jeans?

more importantly, it's been 1 day into my trip and my travel companions seem a bit over-enthusiatic if not very incompetent. I really am at my wits end dealing with the situation. I am actually forgoing sleep to write this in the middle of a flight. Please advice.

Love,

desperate squirrel.

You're Still The One

imperfections.

It is all your imperfections, your faults, your quirks that make you you, and it is all that i love.

a hug

all i needed i think, was a hug.

The end is the beginning is the end.

numbness. forgetfulness. nothingness.

Now,

Love me cos we love,

Ignore me cos you hurt.

Forget me cos you must,

and Leave me cos i'm dirt.

We pay the price for you you know,

and in time we shall know..

numbness. forgetfulness. nothingness.

That's all u grow.

and not our love,

that u stow.

Store it or burn it or hide it,

but already you've bought,

and forget it you cannot.

What wrong is there to right?

what IS wrong and what's right?

All's fair in love and war,

i fell beneath the water,

and then i saw...

nothingness. forgetfulness. numbness.

you know how much you have me

going solo

went solo for lunch, and den pool, and then NTUC, and then cook and eat dinner all solo. Another great day

A great day

Don't you ever do anything to hurt me.

school life for the swimmer

The time is now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl8mpAvTm_Y

time

When the time comes for things to end, end it. For time does not heal all wounds.

The melody of a heart, brokened.

Just like glass shatters, so does the heart.

It cracks, and then gives way, first into broken panels, and then it hits the ground, and into terrible shards they become, and then into dust the crumble, and finally, nothingness.

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...

Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...

Till death do us part

Mors certa; hora incerta.


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a hectic day

what a hectic day! rush rush did some RC stuff for about an hour before speeding off to St margaret's Primary school to play soccer with Daniel and his church friends! And after that daniel gave me a lift to ACS barker and i played soccer once again! it's been a long time since i last met chang so it's probably a gd idea that i went. Also, priscilla foong was playing soccer?! wow i've never seen a girl play soccer that well! anyways, soccer from 3-7 is no joke for these old bones!!!

after soccer i got a lift from chang the man to Novena where i met Zouli and Andrew and other soccer guys for CNY dinner! It's always nice to meet them cos they're such a fun-loving FOC bunch hahaha can really talk cock all day..In fact, the guys i played soccer with at AC Barker all talk cock so much it's always fun to be about them! haha. OoOps. Fact of the Day: Both bunch of guys are from ACS. No wonder!!! hahaha.

Anyhows, i made my way here to pandan valley to keep this girl company, who has been studying away throughout this CNY period and hasn't seen the sun or breathed fresh air for a few days now. Poor her. Gonna have ice cream and then go home to catch the Chelsea Liverpool match later. My friend predicted 7-0. I told him liverpool weren't THAT good. 2-0 is more apt. We shall see. Suarez with a brace would mean fat-nando torres is long forgotten.

byebye chicken pox

Finally got over chicken pox which hath been plaguing me for the past 2 weeks. Thoughts for the moment.

-I want to eat nice food.

-Hurray to Japan and taiwan.

-We always please those who dun matter that much to us, and take for granted those who mean the world to us.

-I am still largely emotionless.

day 3

fever fever fever. and also gastric at night. how to make the acid coming up to your throat stop?

chicken pox day 2

i am in serious discomfort. itching everywhere.

iphone 3gs dead

don't bother with an iphone case. It wun save your iphone when it falls into the toilet bowl.

Weather

My heart rains the heaviest in january.

i know i know..

i know that u are doing it for yourself. but...what about me? i'm doing it for you too.