Change is the constant.

The anticipation of the excitement didn't even wear off.
I mean, how could something wear off if it didn't even surface in the first place?

Well, this was something I didn't expect.. I expected myself to react more fervently, more exuberantly, more dramatically. Instead, it felt like watching a stream of flowing water, every moment the present.

I thank the past mes, even just that one-second-earlier me, to bring forth this great news. Grateful and appreciative.

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

Gear 5.

On gear 5.

Woahhh... stoppppp. gotta go back to 3.

Steady. That's the way to go.

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

(source)

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

Karma...

... comes back in strange ways.

Now that you are at the receiving end, experiencing the plethora of emotions you have never thought of.
You are both the protagonist and antagonist of your "sufferings" so to speak.

First the anticipation. The undecidedness. The anxiety. The worry. Then the disappointment. Then the cycle continues, until.. you just probably decided in a snap of a second to not give it another shot.


The irony of it all.


Welcome to the hindsight.


You being always on the slow side (yes, 2 years later then the realization of what have had happened), Karma... has the way of letting you feel remorse, you learn, repent, repay, reciprocate, and hopefully, make peace now, not future.

Touching base with emotions you've never once realized, then surprising yourself, tripping over your own emotions, falling to the depths of emotions, bruised your Id, Ego & Superego.. then you let it go.
ahhh. Failing to even understand oneself.. and you deem yourself capable of understanding another individual as complex as yourself.. such is the irony of humans and life.

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

#disappointment

It's silly, flaring up and tearing over small little thing such as food.
It's not my philosophy, I am under the camp of #eattosurvive.
Just that it isn't, it isn't just tearing over FOOD. 

It's tearing over disappointment, time again and again... for things that failed to meet the expectations.

I hate people who breaks "promises", even something as simple as "Ok, I will do it" and not doing it.
Especially when they are the ones closest to you, and that makes the heartbreak even more closer to heart.

How many eons had we already been through this before already? How many? How many more?
It's so DAMN TIRING. To deal with all these disappointments and accusations and heartbreak at dashed hopes and promises.

It's like breaking off a corner of a crystal and no matter how good the glue at piecing it back into one, the crack remains?

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

That sense of satisfaction and accomplishment when you...

... finally did a backup of the important files and documents.


HAHA.

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

Purpose.

So the Angel Network — I have been on the air for a long time — but it was the Angel Network that actually focused my internal G.P.S. It helped me to decide that I wasn’t going to just be on TV every day but that the goal of my shows, my interviews, my business, my philanthropy all of it, whatever ventures I might pursue would be to make clear that what unites us is ultimately far more redeeming and compelling than anything that separates me. Because what had become clear to me, and I want you to know, it isn’t always clear in the beginning because as I said I had been on television since I was 19 years old. But around ’94 I got really clear. So don’t expect the clarity to come all at once, to know your purpose right away, but what became clear to me was that I was here on Earth to use television and not be used by it; to use television to illuminate the transcendent power of our better angels. So this Angel Network, it didn’t just change the lives of those who were helped, but the lives of those who also did the helping. It reminded us that no matter who we are or what we look like or what we may believe, it is both possible and more importantly it becomes powerful to come together in common purpose and common effort.

~ Commencement address @ H. by Oprah Winfrey 30 May 2013

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

没有回应是你最温柔的慈悲

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

New distractor.

It's official. My pa just installed a great new distractor at home -- he improved the connections of the blackbox, which now has so many channels. =S

Hope I don't get glued to the TV!!

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

Back to me. Back to the basics.

It is with much sadness and dejection to realize how cluttered and disorganized my personal laptop and personal email was. (Though at least I am proud to say my personal reading and book list and books categorization was quite organized, hahaha)

I had unknowingly put my personal items at the back of my head, putting priority in my work.

My work email is organized.
My files in my work laptop are organized.
My documents / filing are organized, such that I can find materials from years ago without much hassle. 
My work documents (softcopy & hardcopy) are so organized that I can immediately locate what I need and want -- even things from 5 years ago.



Whatever it is that is happening to MY LIFE??



Time to get down to being me.


Side-track

I had a dream this morning that I was digging something in the ground, and covering it back up.
I dreamt of coins too.

And guess what:

To dream that you are digging indicates that you are working hard to uncover the truth in a problem that is haunting you. You are overly preoccupied with trying to find out something about yourself, your reputation, or your self-identity. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are trying to get to the root of some issue. Or the dream may be a metaphor to imply an insult. 

To dream that you dig a hole and find something, may be a pun that you "dig something", as in you like it or appreciate it. Or it may also refer to someone that you might be "digging" or like. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to be more open minded and welcome new ideas. (source)

hahahah. Such uncanny coincidence.

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

Shades of Grey

Related to this.

Many of us seem to be existing in various shades of grey. Don't feel too bad about it. Many things in life are not black and white.

Soft spots are shades of grey. Songs that remind you of him or her are a certain shade of grey. Sometimes it's a happy grey, sometimes it's a sad shade of grey.

Late night movies and almost everything from the colour of the sky to smell of laundered tshirts once reminded me of someone. And I guess they still do. I just want to say that it is fine to have grey bits. Don't beat yourselves too much over it.

One day things will become clearer (though never to black/white I think), the Earth will still spin, and life will still go on.

But just be careful. Guard these grey areas well. Don't let them cause pain, to others and most of all, to yourself.

credits: source

.

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

What do you want to do??

Eat Pray Love p.24

Text (in case the image couldn't load in future):

I want to learn how to speak Italian. 
For years, I'd wished I could speak Italian -- a language I find more beautiful than roses -- but I could never make the practical justification for studying it. Why not just hone up on the French or Russian I'd already studied years ago? Or learn to speak Spanish, the better to help me communicate with millions of my fellow Americans? What was I going to do with Italian? It's not like I was going to move there. It would be more practical to learn how to play the accordion.
But why must everything always have a practical application I'd been such a diligent soldier for years -- working, producing, never missing a deadline, taking care of my loved ones, my gums and my credit record, voting, etc. Is this lifetime supposed to be only about duty? In this dark period of loss, did I need any justification for learning Italian other than that it was the only thing I could imagine bringing me any pleasure right now? And it wasn't that outrageous a goal, anyway, to want to learn a language. It's not like I was saying, at age thirty-two, "I want to become the principal ballerina for the New York City Ballet." Studying a language is something you can actually do.

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

ありがとう

記住少去草叢，穿長袖衣服。

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)

Aging and hobbies

When one gets older, even reading becomes a pain.. pain in the neck, literally.

Now my neck is aching from too much reading. 😑

I really envy the times where I read for 4-5++ hours straight (and eg finishing more than half of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince) in the midnight without fatigue or pain. Now only after an hour of reading, my neck, eyes are calling for mercy. Zzz. Age is catching on faster than we know!

~ whatever happens, happens for a reason. =)