One year in

April 25th.

One year ago, I started my work back in Singapore. It's not where I wanted to be, but where I was forced to be. I wrestled and I fought. Like a petulant child, I raged against my Father. I skipped church and cell, refusing to sow into a place that I did not want to be. If I could not have what I wanted, then no one could have me.

Oh what a fool I was. Yet, even in my foolish anger and in the midst of all the things I couldn't understand, something in me resolved to still choose Him - whatever that meant. I was no theologian and had no capacity for complex thinking at that time. I was spent. But surely, walking with the poor couldn't be far from what's on His heart. And that choice, has made all the difference.

I do love where I am right now. I see His hand in my office and in my work. As I stand here reflecting on the year that has passed, I can't help but marvel at how He has once again made something beautiful out of my mess. He remains faithful even when I'm faithless. I feel like a fool for fretting and shaking, waging a whole battle by myself, when He never once was shaken or moved from rest. All this time, I was but a flea bouncing around in the hands of an unshakable God.

Second time round flopping in life, it has become evident to me that it was never about my strength to follow, but always about His goodness and ability to lead. I was a complete beast, and yet somehow here I am. Favoured and blessed. Such faithfulness is too much for me to fathom. I thought I already knew He was faithful, but once again He strikes me dumb. Always pulling me in deeper, just when I'm starting to think I know enough.

Elizabeth chirped at 1:26 AM | No comments