It's crazy to see how much has changed since my last birthday. This time last year, we were still wondering if it was even possible that youth ministry could be led by a team, let alone by such a young and untried bunch of us. But we rose to the challenge, put our hands to the plough, and then.. I got burnt out. I was anxious about the future, spiritually dry and tried to find some measure of comfort and relief in the fictitious world of dramas and movies. I was responsible, but my heart was so dry.
Then graduation happened, and I was entering a whole new season but I didn't know it. He brought me to Burn Internship, where He breathed life into my stony heart by lavishing His love on me. There was a new strength in my spirit and fire burning in my heart. It was wonderful, I was full, but I was still untried and tested.
So next came the waiting. Learning to accept that I am in process, and that's exactly how He designed it and where He wants to be. Learning that He doesn't just gives the answers, because He's more interested in teaching me to lean in to Him. And learning to embrace and delight in the unknown, because that's where His strength and might is displayed and where I get to mature in Him.
Then came the testing. Having to talk into the mic, having to preach for the first time ever in Malaysia and then in youth service. I should have dodged the arrows or try to cruise my way through as I've always done before. But, I wanted more of Him, I wanted to grow and He was in the unknown. So I squeezed my eyes shut and leapt into the unknown, with surprising results. He had indeed put a new strength in my heart, and it was so satisfying to see that.. I have grown :)
And just before my birthday, He finally ended my year long and extremely frustrating search for a job, and He did so in a pretty cool fashion. It's starting to become a thing, where I'm left wandering anxiously for awhile in between phases of life, before He suddenly stirs my heart with a crazy dream. I didn't know really know what I wanted to do, so many doors were closed and I couldn't find it in me to settle for something that doesn't stir my heart. Then came one moment in the prayer room after a frustrating day spent job hunting, where He washed me over with His presence and His love so strongly, and told me to be still and wait. 2 days later I saw a job ad that stirred something within me and applied for it. It's pretty crazy how everything in me was saying "yes!" during the interview. And tada! 1 week later, I got the job and it's something I'm actually looking forward to!
It's really crazy how much things have changed, and I'm super excited that it's no longer a "wait first, complete your study" kind of season but I'm finally embarking on my first tiny step towards the wild hazy dream in my heart! There's gonna be all sorts of trials and testings, but it's gonna be PURE JOY because it's gonna lead me to maturity and completion! WOOHOO!
He's faithful and passionate and wild and awesome and I love Him very much! :D