Paradox

As I'm wont to do with the ending of each season, I went through my Facebook photos and embarked on a journey down memory lane. It's amazing and kinda freaky how much of my uni life got captured on social media isn't it? It's the highlight reel of my life. But while other's don't get to see the down time, I do remember the things that happened and what I felt in between. While some of those moments were heart wrenching or cringe worthy, it's evident to me that I did manage to live life in uni as I had so badly desired at the start. I had done what I set out to do, I have explored and taken steps into the unknown with hilarious results at times, and graduated with a cert and a bag full of experiences. My hopes and dreams have risen and died a thousand times over, I've run away and returned more times than I can remember, and yet, I'm still here. Still standing, still burning. Maybe even stronger than before, and that is enough. 

Knowing the thoughts I've had and the emotions that I've felt along the way, it is clear that it was never about my ability to follow but it was His faithfulness and ability to lead me that I stand here today. At the end of the season, I was running away, over the mountains and across the seas to foreign lands where I hoped my heart would be free. But freedom wasn't found in trying to outrun disappointments and pain. It was found when He pursued me, arrested me in my paths and sent wave after wave of His love crashing over me. As strange as it may seem, freedom was found when I was lost in His love.

With this new old love burning inside of me, I feel more lost than ever as to the path I should take. And yet, it's as if there's a deep anchor deep in my soul. So I'm stepping off the ledge and jumping into the unknown with certainty and excitement in my heart, because it is in the unknown that He is found. He is the great boundless mystery that I'll spend my life following one crazy leap at a time till I am completely undone and one :)

"Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands." 

Psalm 63:3-4

Elizabeth chirped at 2:04 AM | No comments