I hear stories of great men and women of God doing extraordinary things, spending their days impacting nations and the lives of thousands of people. And I look at how my life pales in comparison. Because sure, I may have helped one or two lives just a little, but it's nothing compared to what they are doing. My life is still dull and mundane, certainly not what God has called me to be I'm sure.
Then I thought about my dad. He was there at the start of the church, saw some pretty scary possessions and some miracles, taught in children church and served the church faithfully. He didn't impact nations, wasn't such an important figure in church that his absence would have severally hindered the work of the church, but he was faithful in giving what little he had. He's an ordinary man who had one job, served one church for life and provided for his family. It sounds like nothing spectacular. But I think that when he meets God, he'll still be told well done good and faithful servant. Because he's a good man, and he has been faithful.
Likewise, maybe not all of us are called to live like the Billy Grahams, or the great pastors or missionaries that we so admire. Maybe my life will just be raising my family, serving faithfully in church and just loving people around me. Maybe I won't ever be able to lay hands on the sick and heal them, maybe I won't ever be able to give a word of knowledge. But as long as I have loved, shared what I knew and given what I had, that would be enough. Or as Misty Edwards sings, "Did you learn to love?"
If He calls me to nations, or if He doesn't, so be it. I guess what I'm learning is, to not despise the 'simpler' calls. Each body part has their own job to do, and He knows exactly how He's gonna pull everything together perfectly.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Monday, May 19, 2014
Hong Kong
My mom says that my dad is a bad photographer, and so was I. We were always cutting parts of people off, or placing them all wrong in the shot. Then while I was in Perth, my brother taught me the rule of third. And then I got the iPhone 4S. And then I went on exchange to the beautiful land of Europe. And then I took an ethnographic module. And now here I am with my own camera, happily editing photos and uploading albums on Facebook. They aren't spectacular, but I never thought I'll be here and I think I've come a long way.
Looking back, I can see the little events that contributed to this growth. But when I was buying the iPhone, I certainly didn't think I would have been trigger happy. I just thought it would be a cool phone, that didn't lag and looked pretty. The decisions we make each moment, is made with a little bit of logic, guts, faith, and a whole lot of guess work. Hindsight is 20/20, reality is a haze.
Life's hazy right now and it seems like the PSI is pretty high. I should be figuring out where to plant myself for the next few years. But I'm on a drama and travel marathon, because planning my life is tough and uncomfortable and I don't want to start. The academic journey felt like it would never end while I was in it, and then suddenly, I've arrived and I don't know what to do. Would I ever be able to make this life count?
Amidst all the mess of uncertainties, fears and dreams is a tiny seed of faith and hope. I wish it was bigger. I wish I was bold and courageous in faith. Instead, I'm a mouse with a tiny seed that's almost lost in the chaos. Despite my lack, I still believe that there's a plan and purpose for my life and I'm just in the process of it all. I don't know if it's faith, or just opium because I can't bear the thought of a wasted life. But God can't possibly leave me here like this as I am right? He still has so much more to show me of Himself, and to take my breathe away with His perfectness and awesomeness.
The older I get, the more I wonder how people live without religion or faith in God. I guess, they don't.. live. But it's such a perfect idea isn't it? To have a all-powerful and loving God that gives you hope and an anchor in life, always. At risk of sounding like a crazy person, I would like to say that, if He's just a figment of my imagination then I don't want to wake up or be sane. As the song goes, "very good, believe in Jesus, very good".
Friday, May 02, 2014
Used some old toiletries today. The shampoo smell reminds me of year 1 handball training days, when having a cold shower after a tiring training was the best thing ever. While the conditioner reminded me of staying in Paris with Joy. Funny how scent is linked with memory. I did do quite a number of things in uni huh.
One more paper left to graduation and my own mini Asia tour. Haha. I'm kinda looking forward to Bible Camp actually, which is kinda strange since I didn't particularly like attending them while growing up. Sure, there was lots of fun hanging out with friends, but other than that I never actually really got anything out of it, too many adults. But as I started leaving adolescence behind, the adults kinda grew on me. I like how they simplify things and always bring us back to basics, which we often forget while dreaming of success and the future. Not to mention the occasional storytelling about adventures of a time long gone. And I guess when you become a leader in youth, Bible Camp is the one time each year that I get to rest and be me.
Because Bible Camp also coincides with the end/start of the academic year, they have also come to marked some pretty spectacular periods of my life.
2010. I had just spent a month in Perth with my parents. I was missing TL friends and anxiously waiting and praying for a spot in FASS. That camp, I felt lost and was praying for God to still my anxious heart. 2 weeks later, in a dramatic faith-led day my appeal was successful.
2011. I was back from YEP in Cambodia, and was extremely distracted throughout camp. I had to impose a wifi ban on myself in an attempt to stay focused. Conversation centred around BGR. I felt confused, lost, excited and was praying that God would still my excited heart.
2012. I was working part-time in Church and had designed this year's camp booklet. Our ride up broke down, I figured we were ending, I smiled through the day and cried my eyes out every session. I was lost, broken, and praying for God to comfort my broken heart. That camp, I received a breakthrough in worship and in my walk with God. I believe the effects of that breakthrough still live on even now.
2013. I was interning in the social sector, I was so happy to be back in church after exchange. I was entering some kind of spiritual high because I was hungry. I still counted the days, but I knew it was ending because I was happy and I finally felt like me again and I was starting to dream again. The possibilities of the future seemed endless, it made living in the present feel frustrating at times. I was still anxious to get to the future, and praying to be a part of a glorious adventure.
2014. I'm gonna be jobless and wandering quite a bit. I am still lost, still curious about the future, still praying to be used, still asking for more. But reminiscing about the past and typing out this mini milestone thing has reminded me about God's faithfulness. He has seen me through every storm, every uncertain future, and he will see me through this one, and the next, and the ones to come. I can't walk away, not from someone who never walks away from me. So day by day we'll walk through this till we're standing face to face.
One more paper left to graduation and my own mini Asia tour. Haha. I'm kinda looking forward to Bible Camp actually, which is kinda strange since I didn't particularly like attending them while growing up. Sure, there was lots of fun hanging out with friends, but other than that I never actually really got anything out of it, too many adults. But as I started leaving adolescence behind, the adults kinda grew on me. I like how they simplify things and always bring us back to basics, which we often forget while dreaming of success and the future. Not to mention the occasional storytelling about adventures of a time long gone. And I guess when you become a leader in youth, Bible Camp is the one time each year that I get to rest and be me.
Because Bible Camp also coincides with the end/start of the academic year, they have also come to marked some pretty spectacular periods of my life.
2010. I had just spent a month in Perth with my parents. I was missing TL friends and anxiously waiting and praying for a spot in FASS. That camp, I felt lost and was praying for God to still my anxious heart. 2 weeks later, in a dramatic faith-led day my appeal was successful.
2011. I was back from YEP in Cambodia, and was extremely distracted throughout camp. I had to impose a wifi ban on myself in an attempt to stay focused. Conversation centred around BGR. I felt confused, lost, excited and was praying that God would still my excited heart.
2012. I was working part-time in Church and had designed this year's camp booklet. Our ride up broke down, I figured we were ending, I smiled through the day and cried my eyes out every session. I was lost, broken, and praying for God to comfort my broken heart. That camp, I received a breakthrough in worship and in my walk with God. I believe the effects of that breakthrough still live on even now.
2013. I was interning in the social sector, I was so happy to be back in church after exchange. I was entering some kind of spiritual high because I was hungry. I still counted the days, but I knew it was ending because I was happy and I finally felt like me again and I was starting to dream again. The possibilities of the future seemed endless, it made living in the present feel frustrating at times. I was still anxious to get to the future, and praying to be a part of a glorious adventure.
2014. I'm gonna be jobless and wandering quite a bit. I am still lost, still curious about the future, still praying to be used, still asking for more. But reminiscing about the past and typing out this mini milestone thing has reminded me about God's faithfulness. He has seen me through every storm, every uncertain future, and he will see me through this one, and the next, and the ones to come. I can't walk away, not from someone who never walks away from me. So day by day we'll walk through this till we're standing face to face.
Subscribe to:
Comments
(
Atom
)