A Mother's Heart

It's always amazing to look at kids and their parents. The look of wonder in the child's eyes as they learn about the world, and that same look of wonder reflected in the parents as they themselves rediscover the simple non material pleasures in life. What's more incredible is the intense affection and protection parents feel for their child. How could they love so deeply and intently for a reason as simple as, "you are mine"? It throws everything we've learnt about mutual exchange and benefits out of the window. This is love at it's deepest.

Looking at this, I sometimes wonder about Mary. Who was she really? What was she like? What was she thinking? I can't imagine what it must have been like for her to mother Jesus. Feeling the same joy and pride every mom feels, but all the while knowing your child holds a special destiny, and seeing flashes of it even as he is growing up. Perhaps it was this struggle between the maternal instinct to protect and the knowledge that your child is different, that left her silently treasuring all these things in her heart. It's an incredible honor to be a chosen vessel, but oh what a cost! Being shamed for having a child before marriage is nothing compared to having your very heart crucified on the cross.

But I guess it's a good reminder that we really do not possess anything that we have. Not our positions, not our talents not our family. Everything is a gift, we are merely stewards. The only thing that we fully possess is ourselves, our heart. It is given to us fully. That's why He stands at the door and knock instead of barging in. But it serves us no purpose until we give it away, back to the one from whom it was made from. 

All is gift. Even love.

Elizabeth chirped at 4:17 PM | No comments

Not me but You

“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’

Acts 17:24-28 (NIV)

God doesn't need me. Not my prayers, not my words, not my worship, not my service. As if anything I say or do changes Him. As if He needed anything. In fact, it is He who has given me everything I have ever tried to give back to Him. He gave me the words to pray, the songs to sing, the strength to love. He gives me breath, He gives me life. Without Him I am nothing, With Him I have everything. So why then do we do what we do?

I am becoming increasingly and entirely convinced that doing all these things doesn't change God but it changes us. At some point of time we come to the end of ourselves, and get the utter privilege of watching Him move in the most stunningly beautiful way ever. The more we try, the more we fail, the more we are changed. Perhaps this is the way He had designed us to be transformed from glory to glory in Him. In the end, His heart is for us to seek Him, to know Him, even as we are intimately known. And the more I see Him, the more I am blown away by His beauty, His might and His majesty. What an honor and what a privilege it is to behold such glory. 

It's funny how he takes me from a moment of despair to joy and pride. It's almost like those moment when you watch your loved one doing what He does best and how he's just blowing eveeyone's mind away. And you kinda nod your head with great pride saying, "You see that? That's my man over there!" It's so ridiculous, because you didn't do a freaking thing. But I believe the pride stems from the deep personal relationship with him. To know someone as awesome as him personally, and to be intimately known and loved. 

So, enough of striving and enough of working. It's not me. It's You. That's my great big awesome God. And I'll be fulfilled just to know you and watch you move.

Elizabeth chirped at 10:45 AM | No comments

The Idealist

Do personalities change or are they simply dormant characteristics that become active as we grow up? I'm starting to become very opinionated and it's scaring me. In the recent month or so, I've been finding myself bombarding people I barely know with my ideals and world views. When faced with a contrasting opinion, I've been unafraid to state and defend my stand. It's all rather strange considering how I usually avoid conflict, preferring to keep the peace. I'm not saying that I never had an opinion. I'm just perplexed by how vocal I've been about them lately. It's even scarier to realize after the conversation is over, that I was subconsciously using the magnetic quality of passion to try and influence those who have yet to have fixed ideals. I can be manipulative of nice innocent people in small group setting and it scares me to know that I tried.

Perhaps it's part of knowing more, and finally picking sides after years of sitting on the fence. Or perhaps it's the growing realization about the reality of God that has given me the courage to make a stand. While it isn't a bad thing, it makes me wonder if it comes at the cost of being teachable. I recognize that I am still young and there is wisdom in seeking counsel and learning from the experience of others. Now if only I could stay silent long enough to listen. Sigh.

Sorely in need of wisdom from above. Create in me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Elizabeth chirped at 11:39 PM | No comments

POD turns 3!

So we've made it through another year. It comes with a sense of relief and yet, excitement. A sense of relief, because there were moments when things were so dry, or conflicts were so high, that I wondered if there was any hope left for the ministry. But despite the trials and obstacles that have come our way, this small but dynamic group of God-loving youths still continues to exist, and hungers for more. Watching the youths grow and bond over the process of putting up this event gladdens and excites my heart. While we aint there yet, the idealist and the dreamer in me has already started imagining the impact we could have if we were united as one in ardent pursuit of God. I don't know how to measure the success of today's event, nor is it of much importance to me. As long as we are on the right track, as long as God is moving, awakening us and transforming us, it is enough. It isn't always the fulfillment of the dream that yields the greatest satisfaction. Sometimes it is the joy found in the hope of seeing the dream fulfilled someday, even if it isn't in my life time. Will I ever get to see my dream of the entire hall filled with youths worshipping in wild abandonment? I honestly don't know, but I have full confidence that since this is God's church, He will take care of it. We plant and we water, but it is God who makes it grow :)

It may seem a bit silly, these dreams that I have, to travel with my husband and build the Kingdom of God. But somewhere, someday, I hope God grants me the desire of my heart. Even if He does not, I know He doesn't love me any less. I've got a loving Father, who loves me too much to give me anything less than the best :)

Elizabeth chirped at 12:07 AM | No comments

A New Generation is rising

Move over keys! It's time for the reign of the synthesizer! :O

Looking at Planetshakers and the birth of Hillsong Young and Free, I'm starting to think that a time is coming when my skills will be obsolete for worship in Youth Ministry. It actually gladdens my heart to see a new generation rising and learning to express themselves to God in their own way. It reminds me of the days when I knew almost every song by Hillsong United and would have their latest album in my mp3 player. It felt like these songs were my anthem and expressed everything that was on my heart, and I would be secretly excited every time we sang these songs at Main service. My all time favourites are Devotion, From the Inside Out, Hosanna, Tear Down the Walls and With Everything! I think if we played 'don't forget the lyrics' with a genre on Hillsongs, I would fare pretty well. Those were the days when I discovered the beauty of the "Warm Pad" sound and felt it was an essential sound for ministration. Hahaha, oh man, I miss those days.

With a new generation comes a new sound. The change in sound means I'm getting old. It's strange how I thought I would stay young inside forever even though I wanted to quickly get older to gain access to the benefits that come with age. It feels a bit funny to be unable to keep up with the latest trends in popular culture. At the same time, I'm not totally past it yet. It's one of those strange transition period between adolescence and adulthood, also known as being a young adult. I actually googled for the definition for that in order to ensure that I'm using the right terms, lol.  But yea, more than anything else, it reminds me of the need for my generation to guide the next generation before we run off to pursue our own dreams. It's not the time to slow down yet. In a race relay, we got to sprint even faster once the next runner starts jogging before we can pass the baton. Still some way more to go, so C'mon, let's do this! :D


It was through this song that I first heard the sound of the spiritual army and got a glimpse of the warfare and the victory that is obtained through worship. How awesome right? This is why I totally understand the need for a sound for every generation :)

Elizabeth chirped at 12:34 AM | No comments

15 Again

It's been a pretty crazy week at work. Learning to manage deadlines, expectations and to not take feedback too personally. With this riding on the tails of bible camp and ignite, and with POD anniversary coming up, I was physically exhausted by the time I knocked off today. It felt like I was 15 again, with the mix of exhaustion from school and band stuff and the excitement of church stuff. I would walk home in the dark, and talk to God about my crazy long day. It's kinda strange to be caught back in this moment, 7 years later. I used to think that I became the Band Major because the preferred person couldn't take up the role and so it became me by default. I seem to recall Daniel Yan telling me that it is God who has placed me in this position for a reason, and that it's probably training for something in the future. Perhaps it is for such a time as this, or perhaps it's for something more. But it's those tough moments when I was 15 that is enabling me to cope with what I'm doing now. I don't feel particularly stressed this time round, just terribly in need of S.L.E.E.P. Zzz zzz.

It was with this physical exhaustion that I came to cell. As much as I enjoyed cell time, I was honestly looking forward to the end of cell so I could sleep in my nice comfy bed. Toward's the end, I started talking about prayer and how it delights the Father's heart when His children asks Him for things that He wants to give them anyway. It's like how I know Shanah wants my candy by the way she's staring at it, and I want to give it to her, but it makes me happy when she actually asks for it. I can't quite explain it, but there's something powerful about the act of asking. It's like there's an unseen shift in the atmosphere and a sacred exchange is taking place. It's profound and yet amazing simple at the same time. So strange huh.

The funniest thing was, as I was sharing about the delight of the Father, I started catching a glimpse of the Father's heart all over again. It was so delightful and joyful, that I got more excited the more I shared. By the time I was done saying what I had to say, I was all pumped up to pray with a heart full of joy, knowing that this very act delights my Father. And just like that, the fatigue that I had, vanished at the sight of my Father's heartbeat for me and everyone else in the room. So much awesomeness! :D

This isn't very intellectual and I know I sound like my 15-years-old self, because I feel like my 15-years-old self, possibly because my brain is fried and I'm sorely in need of sleep, but God is awesome and I'm just so glad that I get to be His child :)

Elizabeth chirped at 1:57 AM | No comments