Pops made a surprise weekend trip to Netherlands just to cheer me up! Was totally stunned to see her at the train station in Amsterdam! And to think grumpy me was being an ass the night before when the people who knew about the surprise were trying to scam me into going earlier so that she wouldn't have to wait there in the cold for long. I got more than I bargained for when I asked God for 2 friends in school. I'm really bad at showing it, but I really do appreciate everyone that God has brought into my life. And I especially appreciate the ones who have stayed and stuck with me through thick and thin. Thank you.

Elizabeth chirped at 5:21 PM | No comments

Silly girl. 

I've always taken pride in being steady and sensible. To understand and empathize with people but to always know what is right and choose it. But for the longest time, BGR remained an elusive topic. It was something people didn't turn to me for, and I never felt I had the right to speak to people about it. But now I can. And I don't know how to feel about that. I've joined the club, but this isn't something to celebrate. Is it too sappy to say that I've been changed deeply by what happened? I look at pictures of me in the past, and I wish I could go back to being that girl who laughed easily and who didn't know heartache. But things have changed, I have changed. As with all events in my life, I promise to be real and honest and to use it to speak life. And I will be strong, I will take heart, I will wait for the Lord, I will hope in Him. For I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13).

Elizabeth chirped at 1:17 AM | No comments

You amaze me, body heart mind spirit and soul.

I feel a bit like a mountain tortoise hiding in my room most of the time. People come on exchange to party, to travel and to meet new people. But I've been hanging out with Singaporeans because I don't club and don't drink. I've been staying at home because there's assignments to do and I havent got much money to travel. And so, I've resorted to watching grey's, reading my bible and talking to God. It sounds a bit loser-ish but my soul feels good. My favorite moments are those when I shut my door, put on some music and spend time with God. Sometimes I dance, sometimes I sing, sometimes I cry and complain, sometimes I rejoice and praise. I love these moments because I am nobody but myself. I am who I am and I am in Him. Once, He came and flooded me with His presence. And for once in my life, I felt like I was awake. It was as if every event in my life happened just so that this moment could exist, when I would be utterly amazed by the magnificence and beauty of His being and be stumped by the magnitude of His love for me. This is it. This is what makes life worth living. The greatest call we have over our life is to know Him intimately and to be intimately known by Him. That is all. And so even though I'm hiding in my room when I should be seizing the day and exploring the world, it's worth it.

And guess what's the best part?
I thought I was making a choice and trading travel for intimacy with God. But today I was checking my budget and making new travel plans since we got a little bit of cash from school, and I came to the startling realization that I had enough time and money to go do everything that's on my bucket list!! I'm going to London, Paris, Prague, Poland, Spain and Italy! If you've been talking to me before I left Singapore, you would know that I really wanted to go to these places but kept crossing them off due to lack of budget or company. But now I'm going for all! How awesome is that?! God provides! :)

Elizabeth chirped at 6:12 AM | No comments

I haven't read my bible regularly in years. I think the last time I did it was in secondary school, when I was young and passionate and His Word was fresh and new, and when I was generally a disciplined person. Somehow, I got lazy and complacent. After all, I grew up in church, I think I would have heard and know most of the common principles/concept/theology there is to know. And, it just took too much effort to fight the distractions and open the bible. I hadn't forsaken God, I don't love Him any less (or so I hope). It was just, really tough to sit and read what I already knew. Or thought I knew.

And then I came here. The change in environment, in all that was familiar, got me questioning everything that I had taken for granted. Who am I exactly? And then, my theology was questioned by another Christian, and I couldn't defend what I believed in. Just what exactly do I believe in, and why? I didn't know anymore. It felt like I've been living off past understandings and hand-me-downs. And as time went by, my memory got hazy and the truth became diluted.

And so, I started reading my bible regularly again. I read and I read, and it felt like my thirst was being quenched. Except that I didn't know I was thirsty, until the water was going in and my body was responding to it. I don't understand everything that I'm reading. But something was going in and my soul was responding in small subtle ways. It wasn't obvious, but once or twice I caught myself choosing or thinking differently. It's like, I was subconsciously trying to align myself to what I was reading and who it was revealing. Reading His Word, was like looking in a mirror. You are able to see the flaws and fix it a little, put a stray hair into place. And then you close the book and walk away, and the wind blows and your hair is in a mess again but you don't know it. Till you look at the mirror again, see the stray hair and put it back into place. It's such a strange, seemingly mundane and yet totally integral and necessary activity.

So read His Word. Keep reading His Word. For we are in a time where the lies have gotten good at masquerading as truths. And if you don't know keep checking what is the truth, you'll eventually get swept up in all the lies.

Elizabeth chirped at 9:30 AM | No comments

Happiness is.

One of the course that I'm taking over here is called The Pursuit of Happiness. Sounds pretty cool huh? Amongst the many things covered in the course, what stood out the most to me was that happiness is relative, or comparative, because most people's happiness are based on their social standing. So, if you're income increases but so does everyone elses', you don't actually gain an advantage and thus, don't become happier. This explains why happiness hasn't been increasing even though GDP has been increasing. At least, this is just one of the many school of thoughts.

But the point is, people's happiness is affected by comparisons. And I've been comparing myself with others, wondering why I can't seem to do the same stuff and feeling miserable about myself. Which is why my best moments on exchange are those moments when I'm wandering around on my own and just letting all my senses take in everything. After a month of trying to fit in and finding my place here, I  think I can finally stop comparing (or compare less) and accept that this is me. I'm not a social butterfly, I can't cook, I'm not a do-er, I'm not tidy and I haven't got everything together. But it's okay. It's okay to find pleasure in the simplest things. A chocolate coated biscuit, a walk in the park, a nice conversation between 2 equally awkward people, a gentle breeze or putting on some music in the room. It's okay to not want to travel everywhere in Europe, to always have things to do, parties to attend, people to meet. It's okay to just be me. People hardly ever tell you that. They're always telling you how you can improve. But once in awhile, I think we all need to hear that it's okay to be you. It's not about getting the 5 talents or 10 talents, it's about being the person with just 1 talent and being faithful with it. That's all.

But godliness with contentment is great gain. Set your hearts and minds on things above. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 

Elizabeth chirped at 2:44 AM | No comments