Will who I was at 15, be proud of who I am today?

At some point of time, you'll find yourself an adult. I'm not there yet, I've still got a little time left. Yet it feels like the end is in sight, time is speeding by, and we're rushing towards the end. An end that I am not sure how I feel about yet. I hear it in the conversations, I feel its weight upon my shoulders. Responsibilities. And money. It's always about money. It seems like in the world of adults, all you ever talk about is money. It's scary. I don't want to be like that. Yet it feels unavoidable, like I'm being sucked in by a vacuum that has little regard for what I want.

Will I end up turning into a monster, motivated by greed and selfish desires? Will who I've been, hate who I've become? Questions. Fears. Change. Uncertainty. It feels like I've lost many things as I got older. Yet one thing I still remember, and one thing I still hold onto. "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you." If I could just keep that, if I can keep holding onto God despite the craziness of this world, then I guess everything would be alright.

Elizabeth chirped at 2:34 AM | No comments

Sometimes I think I'm so full of nonsense that I can't even stand myself. Looking glass self at work. Hah. See, I've been mugging.

I used to think I was complicated. Then in light of the complicatedness I see in others, I thought I was simple. And then I met Joy Pops, who told me that I think I'm complicated, but I'm actually really simple. Which makes me wonder if that means I'm one of those who complicate simple stuff? Hahahha. Sometimes I think that I think too much, and that's why things seem so complicated. But by nature, I like things simple. Or maybe I like to complicate stuff and then categorize them such that they are both simple and complex at the same time you know? That seems like pure genius. Blah, I'm rambling.

I think once, or maybe twice, I got word that I'm some sort of a thinker. And that once I've worked out the complexities of whatever I'm thinking about and simplify it, it should be quite useful in some way to some people. But I don't feel very bright. I feel like I have too many questions and too few answers, that there are too many questions that just can't be answered in this lifetime.

But one thing that I've been thinking about it and seem to have understood it a little better, is that God responds to faith. While He is great, big and mighty and nothing we do can make Him smaller than He is, we do have the capability to determine the size that He is in our lives. If you believe that God can move the mountains in your life for you, He shall do that. If you believe that all He can do is to kill an ant, then that ant He shall kill for you. Reading Matthew, we see different people with different levels of faith. The Centurion believed that Jesus could heal with just a word, and so it was as he believed. The ruler believed that Jesus need only place His hand on his dead daughter and she would live, and so Jesus went with him all the way, placed His hand on the girl, and she was alive. Maybe if the ruler had faith like the centurion, Jesus wouldn't have had to go and place His hand physically on the girl and she would still live. So the power of God is displayed in your life as much as you are able to believe and ask Him for. And here's the amazing thing, He doesn't hold it against you if you can't believe and ask for more. He did not refuse to heal the ruler's daughter who seemingly had less faith compared to the centurion. Instead, He meets you wherever you are, at whatever capacity you have to believe. So cool huh?

Looking back at my own life, I've seen instances where I had the faith to believe and ask God for something great, and it happened as I dared to believe Him for. And then I got older, and became more 'rational', and started asking for less, as if asking for more would be imposing upon God. I begin to feel like I'm trapped in a system that I can't do much about, and all you can do in life is to make do and get by. Just getting by all the time. But maybe it's time to exercise my faith and let it grow again. To believe for more, and get more, and thus inspire others to believe for more as well. And then it becomes a wonderful little positive cycle.

See what I've just done. I explained a concept, used examples from the bible to back it up, and then apply it to my own life. Now if only I could do that in my exams just as well. Hahaha. I sound like a mugger. Kay, back to mugging! Last paper! whoo!

Elizabeth chirped at 12:52 PM | No comments