Blogs went up and blogs came down. Yet this blog still stands. 7 years and counting. Why?
It isn't always easy, but a long time ago i promised myself to be as real as I can with the people around me. To be real with myself. Maybe it stems from the hurts from long ago. From the days when I was called a 'goody2shoes', and felt so upset, because it wasn't true. Because I struggle and I fall and I make mistakes like anyone else, and disregarding those flaws seemed to cheapen the beauty of growing from them. So I said I would always be true and always be real. But it's not always easy.

I should be preparing for tmr's sharing, but here I am, rambling at 1 am when i have to be up in 7 hours. I guess I miss thinking and reflecting in a space where there's no one but myself. Well.. there are teachers, and there are preachers. But I am neither. I am a cell leader. And I shall lead out of the scars I carry, and the wonderful grace of God upon my life. My message isnt loaded with scriptures. Just a lot of heart, and stories. Tales of a girl trying to find her place in the world. Honestly, I don't really know what I'm supposed to do despite all the trainings I've gone through. There's no secret formulae to obtain a 100% success rate. Half the time i'm acting on a whim and counting on the grace of God to multiply the little that i have to give. But that's the beauty of it all. To see Him use my 5 loaves and 2 fishes, and somehow feed the multitudes. To see how He can use my brokenness to reach out to another broken heart, and heal us both.

Ahh. God is good. Even if i dont always understand it all.

Elizabeth chirped at 12:46 AM | No comments

And today it struck me that I'm at the start of my twenties. While we can still be considered youths, i think we can hardly be considered teenagers anymore. It happens so gradually, sometimes you don't realize that you're fighting and operating on a different level. I guess that's the great thing about working with teens. Looking at them, I see flashes of myself and of us. It's the same and yet not the same. I sympathize with their heartache and struggles, as trivial as it may now seem, because I know how real the pain of growing up can be. But i've moved beyond these issues, or so I like to think, even if they still come back to haunt me sometimes. Maybe that's what leaders are. They are not necessarily the ones with the best capabilities or who excelled at everything. They are simply those who have struggled and who overcame. And they lead out of the scars they bear.

When I was younger, I had no idea who I was, what I cared for, or what I could do. It was through lots of hits and misses over the years that I came to discover that youth ministry is where I want to be. It's truly a joy to know where you want to be and to be where you want to be. And to be there at 19, it was enough. But at 20, you need to find out what you cared for, or could do, in terms of something that could bring the money in. Every semester that goes by is another semester closer to having to make that decision. Isn't it scary that I still have no idea and no plans? So it is, that this year shall be the start of my quest to figure that out. Welcome to the twenties.

Elizabeth chirped at 2:46 PM | No comments

Ever so often, we think about the road not taken.

Today we fought hard. We went into overtime, and scored in the last 30 seconds, but we did it and won, and I am proud to be on this team and proud of these girls. With this, we're into the finals and the end of the match on monday shall mark the official end of my hall life as well. It's great to see how everyone has improved, myself included. I'm still not great, but growth always leaves me with a sense of satisfaction because of all the tears and sweat that goes into it. I went from not being able to catch any balls, to being able to catch it 60% of the time. LOL.

Because of conversations today, I started thinking about the road not taken. What if I had stuck through with the IVP team last year? How much better would I be today, and how different would things be now? Maybe I would have been able to contribute more to the team. But then, maybe I wouldn't have met Ngiap, maybe my CAP will be as cui as it was, and maybe I wouldn't be serving in church. In light of these, if given the chance to make a choice again, I would still have chosen the same thing. It was a sound logical choice based on my values and so the answer would always be the same. To choose God and not anything that takes me further away from Him. I am so blessed where I am right now. My heart feels so full whenever I think about the abundance that God has poured into my life. It is a privilege and a blessing to have these young hearts entrusted into my care, and it is a privilege and blessing to have someone to go through all these with. God is so awesome. really.

So it is that I shall fight our finals, and then it's all in for POD youths this year! :D

Elizabeth chirped at 12:47 AM | No comments