What can I say. Change is inevitable. Some take well to it. Others, life myself, struggle through it. But in that struggle, something beautiful happens. In fighting for what you want and what you believe in, it's like seizing life with gusto, and making something out of it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. It shows that i've put thought into this, and I'm changing my world and the world, one tiny step at a time.

This sem is turning out to be unlike any last year. For one, I am actually mugging and trying to keep up with what's being taught. And it's nice to get back the first of many assignments and to see a good grade. I can't say that it's all gonna be as awesome as this, but I really like how it feels like I'm actually learning something and growing in my critical thinking skills. Of certainty, I am sad at the loss of my hall life this sem. I do actually miss the people and the life I had last sem. It was packed, fun-filled and slack all at the same time. But when I think back, I don't really have much to show for all that I did last sem. Nothing external, except a lot of personal growth. My days were spent skipping class, watching korean dramas, socializing, and rushing from one dateline to the next. I grew a lot, and understood a lot about myself through all the madness. But really, that time has come and gone. Now cut the guilt and the shame, and get moving with life, chin up head held high. Sometimes we make decisions that seem right, only to realize they are not so good later. There are costs, and there are consequences. But i think its better to acknowledge it, rectify the situation and get going.

I'm still going to be awesome. Maybe not to everyone. But yes, I shall make something of my life, and be an inspiration :)

Elizabeth chirped at 2:44 PM | No comments

Learning how society works and understanding why people do the things they do, doesn't change the impact their actions have on you. I'm starting to think that i've been deviantized in hall. It's not that phantoms are all that uncommon, but i suppose it is a stark contrast to my visibility last year, and negative sanctions have been imposed upon me to correct my phantom behavior this sem. Maybe if I were in their shoes I would have done the same. But knowing and understanding this, doesn't change the fact that this sucks and I'm starting to feel a tad miserable.

My attempts at adapting to this disjuncture have yielded little result. I guess, at this point, there is little left to do but to reject the values they are trying to impose upon me and just, well, move on. Maybe now, i should seriously start doing something with my youth and my life. Invest it into something better.

I was thinking about it, if my parents had a fixed amount of money they could spent on letting me travel, and they told me to choose between going for 1 SEP or a couple of mission trips, I think I would choose the mission trips. People say we should go on SEP to see the world, and they are not wrong. But mission trips are a different way of seeing the world too. And they make me feel alive, like I was changing a little part of the world.

So there you go. I think I've made a decision in my own abstract little mind. Some thing has got to give, so I'm checking out of hall emotionally. One season ends, and into another I go. God let me be strong.

Elizabeth chirped at 11:40 PM | No comments