Many nights I sat here wondering, what would I be like in the future? What would I be doing? Who will I meet and fall in love with? We couldn't wait, we wanted to fast forward to the future. To see the grand and exciting plans we were so sure God had in stored for us. We're gonna be awesome, we declared, and we laugh in merriment under the star lit sky.
Well I am here. The future is now. I never thought it would be this, I never knew the joy and the burden would feel like this. But it is, and I am here now, older and with new strength. Thank You Jesus. That I made it thus far, and I am still found in Your courts. That I survived the trials and temptations for those season, and I hope will continue to pass each and every task and test You set before me. From strength to strength I shall go. Onward to perfection, to be just like You, as impossible as it seems.
I sit here, pondering about the future again. A little uncertain, a little confused. But this heart knows better now. It knows that it can trust the God who has been so faithful in the past to continue to be faithful in the future. It's a little older, a little more worn, a little tired. But it can lean into the loving hands of a savior, and feel the complexity of strength and tenderness in it all at once.
I know I'm not really making sense. I'm tired. But with the strength I have left, I look to the heavens and say, I trust You. I trust in You. Trust and Obey. And then I close my heavy lids. And I rest.
Monday, June 06, 2011
So much to say, i don't know where to begin. Just really thankful to have gone on the trip, thankful to have met Sok Phea, the girl behind me in the picture, and thankful for the many opportunities to share my testimony. The dynamics are different when you can interact with kids who have a decent command of english. And, it feels like you've reached a new level when you're praying and sharing on your own without being pushed by someone else. It's like I've finally come to internalize some of the values the leaders have been trying to impart to us. Haha. Well, someday I would like to do this again. Travel, but not just for the sake of travelling alone to see the sights and sounds, but to travel with a purpose, a purpose that always has something to do with glorifying God's name. Now that would be quite awesome indeed :)
Welcome back to Singapore and routine life. I really pray that I do not forget the dreams I now have. I'm so happy to be here at this point in life really. I only wish there more people were here with me :/
Well, in other news, even though the teaching award is really easy to get, I got rejected by them. Bad for my ego but, at least it's a clear sign that this door is now closed. haha, yay! I don't know how things are going to work out, but I know that God is more than able to provide :) Quite excited to see how He's going to make things happen!
New things, new season! Excited, but let this heart always always remember and know where and to whom it belongs to! :)
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