Thank God, it has been resolved! :)
So now I can tell you the story.
I stayed to study in Singapore because I felt there was stuff I wanted to do in church, and also cos I couldn't really afford to study overseas. But all the research I did on unis in Australia and NZ (cos of my mom -.-) made me really want to study abroad at least for a little while if not 3/4 whole years. Everyone will say that it's for the experience, and that is true. But I really wanted to see what it's like somewhere else, and understand why society varies across time and space. Humans are very strange cultural creatures. Yes, I cannot begin to explain how my thinking has been changed since my introduction into sociology. It's awesome. I really like what I'm studying, even if it brings up challenging questions about the things that I believe in.
In any case, I applied for the Student Exchange Programme (SEP). I wasn't sure what my chances were, when i was somewhere at the bottom of those who were applying in terms of my grades. I had to count on the mini essay we had to include in our application, and I wrote an expanded version of the aforementioned paragraph. Then I did all there was left to do, I prayed. We prayed. And God answered. I got my first choice. We got our first choice. Hooray! ... or not.
You see, it never occurred to me that it would be wrong to go on an exchange with Ngiap since there are others (whom we do not yet know personally) going with us. And so we faced opposition from my leaders. I could choose to go without their blessings, or I could choose not to go. How now? The thought of not going, was quite painful. I really wanted to go, I wanted to see the world, I've been wanting this ever since I entered uni, I've been waiting for this. But the thought of going without being blessed by the authorities God has placed in my life, that kinda kills me more. Having entered into a relationship with blessings, I've come to understand that going with blessings is really quite an incredibly wonderful thing. And what kind of example would I be if I went against spiritual authority? It was a real struggle, and I guess I was about to come around to choosing what is right. At the same time, my mind was desperately searching for ways that may allow me to go with blessings. Perhaps if I could find someone whom I know, or a friend knows, who's also going for the same exchange, maybe it'll help. But before all that, I havent event sought my parents blessings yet, so first things first.
I was kinda surprised when my mom gave me her blessings rather easily the moment I had answered some of her questions. And my dad was in agreement as well. The gist of it was that, because we had conducted ourselves well throughout the whole process of getting together and even while we are together, they could trust us. See what I mean by it's really different when you are blessed before you do something? Haha. And my mom went to talk to my leaders, who decided that as long as we remained accountable to a leader while on the trip, we could go! Also, on one of the nights we were praying together, Ngiap prayed that we would find somebody also going on the same exchange as us, and I added in that it would even be more awesome if the person is a christian as well. And that night we felt the presence of God with us as we prayed. And wahla! We found a friend who has a good christian friend who's going for exchange together with us! Is God amazing, or is God amazing??? :)))))
So it is that I'll be off to Netherlands in about 8 months with full blessings from those in spiritual authority over me!! Europe YEA! Woohoo! So excited! :))))) Now just gotta pray that there will be enough $$$$. Oh, i forgot to mention that at first I was content to just go some place in Southeast Asia where the standard of living is lower, and so Philippines was one of my choices. But by faith, my Dad told me that it's okay to apply for Europe cos he'll find the money somehow. God will provide. Awesome.
God is good! He has given me miracle after miracle. And hopefully, I'll have another testimony on 20th December when results come out! :)
Monday, December 12, 2011
What a week.
It's been back to back meetings to plan for youth camp, mission trip, leaders meeting, training and then worrying about SEP. I am exhausted. Havent been eating properly and i think I may have messed up my stomach. There's a perpetual dull ache that intensifies nearer to meal time :/ But in all things I give thanks to God who is sovereign over every aspect of my life.
This trip to berakit was kinda miserable physically. I clocked about 2 hours of sleep the night before, because I woke up in the middle of the night with a very strong urge to gag that prevented me from sleeping. At every rest/check point I got, i had to make a choice between going or opting out, and I'm really glad that each time I managed to opt in, because when you're finally there and you get to see the smiles and joy of the children, it's something absolutely amazing and it makes everything worthwhile. There were many delays and hiccups, but through it all we could still see the sovereign hand of God covering us. We arrived just as the sun was setting and the main generator was down so there was barely any light in the village, but I thank God that because of all the hiccups we got blessed to have a perfect view of the eclipse amidst all the twinkling stars :) It's kinda magical to stand together in the cool night air after a day of hard work and just be amazed by God's handiwork :) So yes, i had a great trip despite the physical discomfort :)
But it's back to reality in Singapore, with many things to settle. I guess there isn't really such a thing as holidays in Singapore because you just get busy with something else. Darned post-modern society! The hunter-gathers worked less and were just as happy if not more. But alright, we were placed here for such a time as this.
I'm not sure how i'll manage everything when i'm such an epic fail multi-tasker, but God please be my guide and strength!
It's been back to back meetings to plan for youth camp, mission trip, leaders meeting, training and then worrying about SEP. I am exhausted. Havent been eating properly and i think I may have messed up my stomach. There's a perpetual dull ache that intensifies nearer to meal time :/ But in all things I give thanks to God who is sovereign over every aspect of my life.
This trip to berakit was kinda miserable physically. I clocked about 2 hours of sleep the night before, because I woke up in the middle of the night with a very strong urge to gag that prevented me from sleeping. At every rest/check point I got, i had to make a choice between going or opting out, and I'm really glad that each time I managed to opt in, because when you're finally there and you get to see the smiles and joy of the children, it's something absolutely amazing and it makes everything worthwhile. There were many delays and hiccups, but through it all we could still see the sovereign hand of God covering us. We arrived just as the sun was setting and the main generator was down so there was barely any light in the village, but I thank God that because of all the hiccups we got blessed to have a perfect view of the eclipse amidst all the twinkling stars :) It's kinda magical to stand together in the cool night air after a day of hard work and just be amazed by God's handiwork :) So yes, i had a great trip despite the physical discomfort :)
But it's back to reality in Singapore, with many things to settle. I guess there isn't really such a thing as holidays in Singapore because you just get busy with something else. Darned post-modern society! The hunter-gathers worked less and were just as happy if not more. But alright, we were placed here for such a time as this.
I'm not sure how i'll manage everything when i'm such an epic fail multi-tasker, but God please be my guide and strength!
Friday, December 09, 2011
Think it through, pray it through.
There were 3 things I wanted to do in Uni: Stay in Hall, YEP and SEP.
Two of which I have already done. And the last, I've just been given a chance. That I managed to secure a place despite being at the bottom academically, is itself a miracle. I don't understand why God would place me in such a predicament. It seems like He has been doing that ever since I've entered uni. Giving me the choice between the good and the good, and making me choose one. I would dearly love to go, but I must be an example. It is not that I agree that the actual trip itself stumbles others. But I think it is my disobedience or simply going without being blessed by the authorities in your life, that is what would stumble other people. So dear God, make a way if you will.
There were 3 things I wanted to do in Uni: Stay in Hall, YEP and SEP.
Two of which I have already done. And the last, I've just been given a chance. That I managed to secure a place despite being at the bottom academically, is itself a miracle. I don't understand why God would place me in such a predicament. It seems like He has been doing that ever since I've entered uni. Giving me the choice between the good and the good, and making me choose one. I would dearly love to go, but I must be an example. It is not that I agree that the actual trip itself stumbles others. But I think it is my disobedience or simply going without being blessed by the authorities in your life, that is what would stumble other people. So dear God, make a way if you will.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Super tired from mugging.
Exams begin tmr. Academically, it's been a fairly good sem for me. Now the final bit to nail it in. I'm so tired, yet it still feels like it's not enough. In any case, I've been doing my best and working hard this sem. I've jumped the 3 steps I can jump, and now it's Your turn God, to run the rest and catch me so that I do not fall. When I come to the end of myself, that's when You take over.
CAP 4.7, let's do it! :)
Exams begin tmr. Academically, it's been a fairly good sem for me. Now the final bit to nail it in. I'm so tired, yet it still feels like it's not enough. In any case, I've been doing my best and working hard this sem. I've jumped the 3 steps I can jump, and now it's Your turn God, to run the rest and catch me so that I do not fall. When I come to the end of myself, that's when You take over.
CAP 4.7, let's do it! :)
Monday, November 14, 2011
Skeletons in the closet.
Everyone has them.
It isn't always the act that makes it a skeleton, but rather, the meanings associated with it. For some, the skeleton in their closet could be something as ordinary as having failed a test before, or the time they told a lie. But due to one's biography and values, the meanings behind the action can transform it into something so much more. Perhaps it is for this reason that some see the act of graduating from being a virgin as something to be flaunted while some live in fear of being found out. Still some others, they are able to get beyond abhorrence to an acceptance of the deed they have done. Not something to be proud of, but not something you would hide if pressed either.
What am I trying to say really?
Perhaps it is to be careful little mouth what you say. Cos you never know how talking about something you deem as trivial could hold great meaning to someone else.
In other news, exams are coming. Gosh. I have higher expectations for my self this sem, and I actually do need to do well. I never really liked getting my hopes up cos the potential fall is so much greater and so much more painful. But to not dream and set your sights on something greater, that itself seems like a kind of death. Haha. CAP 4.7, i've got my eye on you. Now hoping for undeserved favor from above!
And in all things, I give thanks :)
Everyone has them.
It isn't always the act that makes it a skeleton, but rather, the meanings associated with it. For some, the skeleton in their closet could be something as ordinary as having failed a test before, or the time they told a lie. But due to one's biography and values, the meanings behind the action can transform it into something so much more. Perhaps it is for this reason that some see the act of graduating from being a virgin as something to be flaunted while some live in fear of being found out. Still some others, they are able to get beyond abhorrence to an acceptance of the deed they have done. Not something to be proud of, but not something you would hide if pressed either.
What am I trying to say really?
Perhaps it is to be careful little mouth what you say. Cos you never know how talking about something you deem as trivial could hold great meaning to someone else.
In other news, exams are coming. Gosh. I have higher expectations for my self this sem, and I actually do need to do well. I never really liked getting my hopes up cos the potential fall is so much greater and so much more painful. But to not dream and set your sights on something greater, that itself seems like a kind of death. Haha. CAP 4.7, i've got my eye on you. Now hoping for undeserved favor from above!
And in all things, I give thanks :)
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
So many reasons why things are different this sem.
I came back as a cell leader. My parents came back, we redid the house, my mom flew off. I like my home now, I love my doting daddy. I got attached. I got my driving license. I've been studying, and getting results. We cleared clear. I turned 20. I'm a hall phantom. When the familiar becomes strange, and the strange becomes familiar. People change, priorities change. Can you fault us for it? I don't know. Still, I thank You God, for your mercy and your grace. For the blessings so undeserved. For fighting for me, for my love, for my life. For being my hope, my strength and my joy. God you are awesome. And I am not. I did many things wrong, and many stuff could have been done better. But I thank You God. I praise You Lord :)
It's a big thing, or is it not? We hit one month. Sometimes I still can't believe it. I remember being 13, attending youth camp for the first time, and being introduced to the idea of praying for your spouse. And me and joey, we made lists. And I wondered, and I prayed. Almost 7 years later, hello you. Gosh. Haha. I don't know about the future, but i like to believe that a couple that prays together stays together, and I love praying with you :)
Perth has been good for my parents and for my family. Or perhaps, we are just growing up. I love my dad, he's such a cute little man. Hahaha. And I love my mom. Even though she can really get on my nerves at times, she's got this awesome smart brain and is hardworking to a fault. And my brothers are a joke as always, but they take care of me in their own ways.
Then there's the crazy girls. When you're great to them, just because. Oh to be young and so full of life! I hope they become awesome, each and everyone of them. We can't stop the world from reaching them. We can only hope that we equip them enough, so they never get lost in it but can always find their way home, to You.
Things change. To those who understand, thank you. To those who don't, I understand.
And no matter what, God is always awesome :)
I came back as a cell leader. My parents came back, we redid the house, my mom flew off. I like my home now, I love my doting daddy. I got attached. I got my driving license. I've been studying, and getting results. We cleared clear. I turned 20. I'm a hall phantom. When the familiar becomes strange, and the strange becomes familiar. People change, priorities change. Can you fault us for it? I don't know. Still, I thank You God, for your mercy and your grace. For the blessings so undeserved. For fighting for me, for my love, for my life. For being my hope, my strength and my joy. God you are awesome. And I am not. I did many things wrong, and many stuff could have been done better. But I thank You God. I praise You Lord :)
It's a big thing, or is it not? We hit one month. Sometimes I still can't believe it. I remember being 13, attending youth camp for the first time, and being introduced to the idea of praying for your spouse. And me and joey, we made lists. And I wondered, and I prayed. Almost 7 years later, hello you. Gosh. Haha. I don't know about the future, but i like to believe that a couple that prays together stays together, and I love praying with you :)
Perth has been good for my parents and for my family. Or perhaps, we are just growing up. I love my dad, he's such a cute little man. Hahaha. And I love my mom. Even though she can really get on my nerves at times, she's got this awesome smart brain and is hardworking to a fault. And my brothers are a joke as always, but they take care of me in their own ways.
Then there's the crazy girls. When you're great to them, just because. Oh to be young and so full of life! I hope they become awesome, each and everyone of them. We can't stop the world from reaching them. We can only hope that we equip them enough, so they never get lost in it but can always find their way home, to You.
Things change. To those who understand, thank you. To those who don't, I understand.
And no matter what, God is always awesome :)
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Cos pms makes you think and feel in ways you've never imagined.
Honesty is foolishness sometimes. So much heart, where to go?
Rethinking PDA (public display of affection).
I used to be one of those who rolled eyes at PDA couples. Like seriously, just get a room. You don't have to show the world how into each other you are. But now, I'm not so sure. Perhaps it's because I've crossed to the other side. Or perhaps, by nature of my training in sociology, I've started to question the things we so instinctively do and that which we take for granted. What's so wrong with PDA?
Of certainty, PDA that crosses the line into being sexual is still a big no no because it offends sensibilities. The line between what is considered sexual and what isn't is in itself problematic, but lets assume that there is a general consensus to what that line is. In this case, I guess I'm talking about mini display of affections such as small touches, hugs and embrace. Having defined it as such, what's so wrong about PDA really? It may make some people cringe because of its cheesiness, but doesnt that give added meaning to that open display of affection? It's like saying that I like you too much to care about what people think (assuming its not offensive) or to hide it.
And then, there's worship. In a sense, isn't worship in church kinda like a public display of affection to God? It's the privateness of an intimate relationship with God made public. Look at how David danced before God unashamed. In that open expression, there is raw adoration and courage that is simply stunning. Cool huh?
I don't really have a conclusion or a point to make. Just something to think about i guess.
Honesty is foolishness sometimes. So much heart, where to go?
Rethinking PDA (public display of affection).
I used to be one of those who rolled eyes at PDA couples. Like seriously, just get a room. You don't have to show the world how into each other you are. But now, I'm not so sure. Perhaps it's because I've crossed to the other side. Or perhaps, by nature of my training in sociology, I've started to question the things we so instinctively do and that which we take for granted. What's so wrong with PDA?
Of certainty, PDA that crosses the line into being sexual is still a big no no because it offends sensibilities. The line between what is considered sexual and what isn't is in itself problematic, but lets assume that there is a general consensus to what that line is. In this case, I guess I'm talking about mini display of affections such as small touches, hugs and embrace. Having defined it as such, what's so wrong about PDA really? It may make some people cringe because of its cheesiness, but doesnt that give added meaning to that open display of affection? It's like saying that I like you too much to care about what people think (assuming its not offensive) or to hide it.
And then, there's worship. In a sense, isn't worship in church kinda like a public display of affection to God? It's the privateness of an intimate relationship with God made public. Look at how David danced before God unashamed. In that open expression, there is raw adoration and courage that is simply stunning. Cool huh?
I don't really have a conclusion or a point to make. Just something to think about i guess.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Simple, naive, or just dont give a damn?
They're chasing something. I don't know what. I don't get it. I suppose they are not all that different from me. In the end, we all just wanna do something with our lives that we can be proud of. Like hey, I didn't waste my time on earth. Look and see the many things I've done and accomplish! The desire is the same, and its something I respect. But the way you view life, or after life for that matter, can translate the same desire into vastly different goals. And different personality types, can translate the same goals into vastly different actions.
Sometimes, I'm really not quite sure what I'm doing. Just going along with the flow and dealing with whatever life throws at me. When I think about getting a job, or going for an interview, I really dont know what I can say about myself. I know that I'm not "up there", and I do know that I'm not a useless clueless idiot. But I just don't know what to say that will convince them that I'll be an asset. I have no experience to speak of, or fancy achievements or awards to my name. I'm just a successful standard product of our education system. The thing is, should I be worried that I'm like that? Is it faith or naivety to believe that God will somehow lead me somewhere and I'll get a job I like even though I'm not busy building my resume and fluffing up my credentials now? How are we suppose to live out Matthew 6:33 in a pragmatic society? Where's the driven Jesus loving girl of my youth, the girl with big dreams and an unrelenting spirit for the things of God? She lies dormant, asleep. Time to wake up, get moving.
Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them; While the sun, or the light, or the moon, or the stars, be not darkened, nor the clouds return after the rain: In the day when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened, And the doors shall be shut in the streets, when the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of musick shall be brought low; Also when they shall be afraid of that which is high, and fears shall be in the way, and the almond tree shall flourish, and the grasshopper shall be a burden, and desire shall fail: because man goeth to his long home, and the mourners go about the streets: Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern. Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it. - Ecclesiastes 12:1-7
They're chasing something. I don't know what. I don't get it. I suppose they are not all that different from me. In the end, we all just wanna do something with our lives that we can be proud of. Like hey, I didn't waste my time on earth. Look and see the many things I've done and accomplish! The desire is the same, and its something I respect. But the way you view life, or after life for that matter, can translate the same desire into vastly different goals. And different personality types, can translate the same goals into vastly different actions.
Sometimes, I'm really not quite sure what I'm doing. Just going along with the flow and dealing with whatever life throws at me. When I think about getting a job, or going for an interview, I really dont know what I can say about myself. I know that I'm not "up there", and I do know that I'm not a useless clueless idiot. But I just don't know what to say that will convince them that I'll be an asset. I have no experience to speak of, or fancy achievements or awards to my name. I'm just a successful standard product of our education system. The thing is, should I be worried that I'm like that? Is it faith or naivety to believe that God will somehow lead me somewhere and I'll get a job I like even though I'm not busy building my resume and fluffing up my credentials now? How are we suppose to live out Matthew 6:33 in a pragmatic society? Where's the driven Jesus loving girl of my youth, the girl with big dreams and an unrelenting spirit for the things of God? She lies dormant, asleep. Time to wake up, get moving.
Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them; While the sun, or the light, or the moon, or the stars, be not darkened, nor the clouds return after the rain: In the day when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened, And the doors shall be shut in the streets, when the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of musick shall be brought low; Also when they shall be afraid of that which is high, and fears shall be in the way, and the almond tree shall flourish, and the grasshopper shall be a burden, and desire shall fail: because man goeth to his long home, and the mourners go about the streets: Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern. Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it. - Ecclesiastes 12:1-7
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
What can I say. Change is inevitable. Some take well to it. Others, life myself, struggle through it. But in that struggle, something beautiful happens. In fighting for what you want and what you believe in, it's like seizing life with gusto, and making something out of it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. It shows that i've put thought into this, and I'm changing my world and the world, one tiny step at a time.
This sem is turning out to be unlike any last year. For one, I am actually mugging and trying to keep up with what's being taught. And it's nice to get back the first of many assignments and to see a good grade. I can't say that it's all gonna be as awesome as this, but I really like how it feels like I'm actually learning something and growing in my critical thinking skills. Of certainty, I am sad at the loss of my hall life this sem. I do actually miss the people and the life I had last sem. It was packed, fun-filled and slack all at the same time. But when I think back, I don't really have much to show for all that I did last sem. Nothing external, except a lot of personal growth. My days were spent skipping class, watching korean dramas, socializing, and rushing from one dateline to the next. I grew a lot, and understood a lot about myself through all the madness. But really, that time has come and gone. Now cut the guilt and the shame, and get moving with life, chin up head held high. Sometimes we make decisions that seem right, only to realize they are not so good later. There are costs, and there are consequences. But i think its better to acknowledge it, rectify the situation and get going.
I'm still going to be awesome. Maybe not to everyone. But yes, I shall make something of my life, and be an inspiration :)
This sem is turning out to be unlike any last year. For one, I am actually mugging and trying to keep up with what's being taught. And it's nice to get back the first of many assignments and to see a good grade. I can't say that it's all gonna be as awesome as this, but I really like how it feels like I'm actually learning something and growing in my critical thinking skills. Of certainty, I am sad at the loss of my hall life this sem. I do actually miss the people and the life I had last sem. It was packed, fun-filled and slack all at the same time. But when I think back, I don't really have much to show for all that I did last sem. Nothing external, except a lot of personal growth. My days were spent skipping class, watching korean dramas, socializing, and rushing from one dateline to the next. I grew a lot, and understood a lot about myself through all the madness. But really, that time has come and gone. Now cut the guilt and the shame, and get moving with life, chin up head held high. Sometimes we make decisions that seem right, only to realize they are not so good later. There are costs, and there are consequences. But i think its better to acknowledge it, rectify the situation and get going.
I'm still going to be awesome. Maybe not to everyone. But yes, I shall make something of my life, and be an inspiration :)
Monday, September 05, 2011
Learning how society works and understanding why people do the things they do, doesn't change the impact their actions have on you. I'm starting to think that i've been deviantized in hall. It's not that phantoms are all that uncommon, but i suppose it is a stark contrast to my visibility last year, and negative sanctions have been imposed upon me to correct my phantom behavior this sem. Maybe if I were in their shoes I would have done the same. But knowing and understanding this, doesn't change the fact that this sucks and I'm starting to feel a tad miserable.
My attempts at adapting to this disjuncture have yielded little result. I guess, at this point, there is little left to do but to reject the values they are trying to impose upon me and just, well, move on. Maybe now, i should seriously start doing something with my youth and my life. Invest it into something better.
I was thinking about it, if my parents had a fixed amount of money they could spent on letting me travel, and they told me to choose between going for 1 SEP or a couple of mission trips, I think I would choose the mission trips. People say we should go on SEP to see the world, and they are not wrong. But mission trips are a different way of seeing the world too. And they make me feel alive, like I was changing a little part of the world.
So there you go. I think I've made a decision in my own abstract little mind. Some thing has got to give, so I'm checking out of hall emotionally. One season ends, and into another I go. God let me be strong.
My attempts at adapting to this disjuncture have yielded little result. I guess, at this point, there is little left to do but to reject the values they are trying to impose upon me and just, well, move on. Maybe now, i should seriously start doing something with my youth and my life. Invest it into something better.
I was thinking about it, if my parents had a fixed amount of money they could spent on letting me travel, and they told me to choose between going for 1 SEP or a couple of mission trips, I think I would choose the mission trips. People say we should go on SEP to see the world, and they are not wrong. But mission trips are a different way of seeing the world too. And they make me feel alive, like I was changing a little part of the world.
So there you go. I think I've made a decision in my own abstract little mind. Some thing has got to give, so I'm checking out of hall emotionally. One season ends, and into another I go. God let me be strong.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
It aint easy, na uh.
Growing up, learning to make your own decisions and being responsible for them. When we were young, it was a struggle to choose between the good and the bad, especially in a society that believes in delayed gratification. When you get older, you realize that choosing between the good and the bad is one thing. Learning to choose between the good and the better, and how to differentiate between the two, now that's a whole different level.
Growing up, learning to make your own decisions and being responsible for them. When we were young, it was a struggle to choose between the good and the bad, especially in a society that believes in delayed gratification. When you get older, you realize that choosing between the good and the bad is one thing. Learning to choose between the good and the better, and how to differentiate between the two, now that's a whole different level.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
It's been awhile.
Time flies. Year 2 of uni life begins tomorrow. I am a freshie no more. I've got new responsibilities. I am afraid. Afraid of failure and making mistakes. Afraid of disappointments and broken hearts. But mostly, afraid of being apart from Your presence. For that is to lose myself, and that is death.
Even as you take flight and test the strength of your wings and the freedom it brings, be wise. Be wise.
Time flies. Year 2 of uni life begins tomorrow. I am a freshie no more. I've got new responsibilities. I am afraid. Afraid of failure and making mistakes. Afraid of disappointments and broken hearts. But mostly, afraid of being apart from Your presence. For that is to lose myself, and that is death.
Even as you take flight and test the strength of your wings and the freedom it brings, be wise. Be wise.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Your heartbeat. It beats, within me.
I'm not anything great, worthy, or righteous. And because of that, it seems like a lie when I say I love you. But when I say it, I mean it. This imperfect, flawed and wasted heart, loves you in its crappy but earnest way. I love you Lord. And I will not content with anything less. Nah uh.
I'm not anything great, worthy, or righteous. And because of that, it seems like a lie when I say I love you. But when I say it, I mean it. This imperfect, flawed and wasted heart, loves you in its crappy but earnest way. I love you Lord. And I will not content with anything less. Nah uh.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Many nights I sat here wondering, what would I be like in the future? What would I be doing? Who will I meet and fall in love with? We couldn't wait, we wanted to fast forward to the future. To see the grand and exciting plans we were so sure God had in stored for us. We're gonna be awesome, we declared, and we laugh in merriment under the star lit sky.
Well I am here. The future is now. I never thought it would be this, I never knew the joy and the burden would feel like this. But it is, and I am here now, older and with new strength. Thank You Jesus. That I made it thus far, and I am still found in Your courts. That I survived the trials and temptations for those season, and I hope will continue to pass each and every task and test You set before me. From strength to strength I shall go. Onward to perfection, to be just like You, as impossible as it seems.
I sit here, pondering about the future again. A little uncertain, a little confused. But this heart knows better now. It knows that it can trust the God who has been so faithful in the past to continue to be faithful in the future. It's a little older, a little more worn, a little tired. But it can lean into the loving hands of a savior, and feel the complexity of strength and tenderness in it all at once.
I know I'm not really making sense. I'm tired. But with the strength I have left, I look to the heavens and say, I trust You. I trust in You. Trust and Obey. And then I close my heavy lids. And I rest.
Well I am here. The future is now. I never thought it would be this, I never knew the joy and the burden would feel like this. But it is, and I am here now, older and with new strength. Thank You Jesus. That I made it thus far, and I am still found in Your courts. That I survived the trials and temptations for those season, and I hope will continue to pass each and every task and test You set before me. From strength to strength I shall go. Onward to perfection, to be just like You, as impossible as it seems.
I sit here, pondering about the future again. A little uncertain, a little confused. But this heart knows better now. It knows that it can trust the God who has been so faithful in the past to continue to be faithful in the future. It's a little older, a little more worn, a little tired. But it can lean into the loving hands of a savior, and feel the complexity of strength and tenderness in it all at once.
I know I'm not really making sense. I'm tired. But with the strength I have left, I look to the heavens and say, I trust You. I trust in You. Trust and Obey. And then I close my heavy lids. And I rest.
Monday, June 06, 2011
So much to say, i don't know where to begin. Just really thankful to have gone on the trip, thankful to have met Sok Phea, the girl behind me in the picture, and thankful for the many opportunities to share my testimony. The dynamics are different when you can interact with kids who have a decent command of english. And, it feels like you've reached a new level when you're praying and sharing on your own without being pushed by someone else. It's like I've finally come to internalize some of the values the leaders have been trying to impart to us. Haha. Well, someday I would like to do this again. Travel, but not just for the sake of travelling alone to see the sights and sounds, but to travel with a purpose, a purpose that always has something to do with glorifying God's name. Now that would be quite awesome indeed :)
Welcome back to Singapore and routine life. I really pray that I do not forget the dreams I now have. I'm so happy to be here at this point in life really. I only wish there more people were here with me :/
Well, in other news, even though the teaching award is really easy to get, I got rejected by them. Bad for my ego but, at least it's a clear sign that this door is now closed. haha, yay! I don't know how things are going to work out, but I know that God is more than able to provide :) Quite excited to see how He's going to make things happen!
New things, new season! Excited, but let this heart always always remember and know where and to whom it belongs to! :)
Monday, May 16, 2011
Remember this moment and this joy. Remember the dreams and the aspirations that you have right now. Because a time will come when the going gets tough and you'll be put to the test. At that time, remember all that you came in with and don't let go. Remember that it is I who have called you, and it is I who will carry you through. Remember.
How could He, choose someone like me? Someone like me to be a part of His glorious work. To be given the honor of working with Him. I am in awe. And I'm so happy to be here, to finally be here. How can I love a bunch of people I've barely known? But it is there, and it bubbles out. It is a precious burden, entrusted into my small hands. And I can only pray and hope that I'll have what it takes to see it through. My heart is heavy, and it thumps in anticipation. For what, i do not know. Something happened in the spiritual realm for me today, and its nature shall be revealed in due time. I am nervous, and a little apprehensive. But the glory of the task that lies ahead is too compelling for me to turn away. And as I take a step down this path, I think about all that have been spoken over my life with bated breath, wondering if this is the moment when it'll come to pass. Glorious, glorious. His glory displayed in a fool like me.
And not for anything in this world would I trade away what I have now.
Onward, to glory!
How could He, choose someone like me? Someone like me to be a part of His glorious work. To be given the honor of working with Him. I am in awe. And I'm so happy to be here, to finally be here. How can I love a bunch of people I've barely known? But it is there, and it bubbles out. It is a precious burden, entrusted into my small hands. And I can only pray and hope that I'll have what it takes to see it through. My heart is heavy, and it thumps in anticipation. For what, i do not know. Something happened in the spiritual realm for me today, and its nature shall be revealed in due time. I am nervous, and a little apprehensive. But the glory of the task that lies ahead is too compelling for me to turn away. And as I take a step down this path, I think about all that have been spoken over my life with bated breath, wondering if this is the moment when it'll come to pass. Glorious, glorious. His glory displayed in a fool like me.
And not for anything in this world would I trade away what I have now.
Onward, to glory!
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Out of hall and done with year 1.
That was fast.
With the end of year 1, comes the end of another season in life. It feels like since the end of A levels all the way till now, I've been in a season of.. self-discovery. I tried many stuff, with varying results. And at the end of it, came out understanding myself better, being more assured of my identity in Christ and the awesome destiny He has in stored for me. The dreams that I had, and lost, I've now regained, much stronger and clearer than before. It's quite nice, to be here at this stage. But there's still a long journey ahead.
It's been 7 years since I first made a conscious decision to follow Christ (I remember it was end April 2004 at FEBA!). 7 full years. And now I'm about to move on to a whole new season and ball game. How awesome and wholesome is that? 7 years, a complete cycle! So cool! Hahhahaha.
Excited for a new season. And I really really hope that I can become the person I want to become :)
That was fast.
With the end of year 1, comes the end of another season in life. It feels like since the end of A levels all the way till now, I've been in a season of.. self-discovery. I tried many stuff, with varying results. And at the end of it, came out understanding myself better, being more assured of my identity in Christ and the awesome destiny He has in stored for me. The dreams that I had, and lost, I've now regained, much stronger and clearer than before. It's quite nice, to be here at this stage. But there's still a long journey ahead.
It's been 7 years since I first made a conscious decision to follow Christ (I remember it was end April 2004 at FEBA!). 7 full years. And now I'm about to move on to a whole new season and ball game. How awesome and wholesome is that? 7 years, a complete cycle! So cool! Hahhahaha.
Excited for a new season. And I really really hope that I can become the person I want to become :)
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Sometimes the fear grips you.
Heartbroken. My savior was heart broken as they spurned and rejected him. If you've ever been in love before, if you've ever cared for anyone at all before, then you can imagine how He must have felt then. It's like they ripped his heart right out of Him, and it was just laid bare, beating and bleeding in the dust. Heart broken. So heart broken. Betrayed by the ones He loved. Imagine how his world must have crashed. Love is scary, for the power it holds is unfathomable. People do crazy things all in the name of love.
I see your goodness and wonder and splendor. Such a great big heart, I am in awe with adoration and respect. And then, to see it broken into a million pieces. And it's all because of me? Coz of a POS like me, You went through all that? No, don't love me please. It's too great a burden to bear. How can someone like You love someone like me? No, don't do it! But still, Your heart got ripped apart before my eyes, and the deed is done and sealed. I am restored and renewed, and forever in debt to this crazy love.
My heart is breaking with Your broken heart. I have to, I must, become awesome. It's the only way I have a slightest chance of doing such a crazy love justice, if any at all. But sometimes I get scared. I look at my life now, and I don't see anything happening. As much as I desire to be awesome for You, what if I just.. can't? What if I can't fight my fears and weaknesses, and all I amount to is a whole lot of nothingness? I've already broken Your heart so many times before, and I don't want to do it again. But I think I will, and when I do, I'll hate myself for it.
Strength and Courage. Please. Strength and Courage.
Heartbroken. My savior was heart broken as they spurned and rejected him. If you've ever been in love before, if you've ever cared for anyone at all before, then you can imagine how He must have felt then. It's like they ripped his heart right out of Him, and it was just laid bare, beating and bleeding in the dust. Heart broken. So heart broken. Betrayed by the ones He loved. Imagine how his world must have crashed. Love is scary, for the power it holds is unfathomable. People do crazy things all in the name of love.
I see your goodness and wonder and splendor. Such a great big heart, I am in awe with adoration and respect. And then, to see it broken into a million pieces. And it's all because of me? Coz of a POS like me, You went through all that? No, don't love me please. It's too great a burden to bear. How can someone like You love someone like me? No, don't do it! But still, Your heart got ripped apart before my eyes, and the deed is done and sealed. I am restored and renewed, and forever in debt to this crazy love.
My heart is breaking with Your broken heart. I have to, I must, become awesome. It's the only way I have a slightest chance of doing such a crazy love justice, if any at all. But sometimes I get scared. I look at my life now, and I don't see anything happening. As much as I desire to be awesome for You, what if I just.. can't? What if I can't fight my fears and weaknesses, and all I amount to is a whole lot of nothingness? I've already broken Your heart so many times before, and I don't want to do it again. But I think I will, and when I do, I'll hate myself for it.
Strength and Courage. Please. Strength and Courage.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
And after awhile I begin to wonder, what's the point of gaining experience for the sake of it? So what if I lived an exciting and amazing life and it all ends with myself and my death? No, whatever I've lived through and all that I've learnt, I must pass it on or it would have been for naught. And as I read the genealogy of great men in the bible, I realize that I why that too. It's okay if my deeds are never recorded explicitly, but i want to bear children like that. Children who will be vessels to display the greatness of God. Now that would be the most splendid thing :)
When only love could break these chains
You gave Your life in a Beautiful Exchange
Haha, hello. It's been awhile since I've felt this way. I like the quiet joy that comes from being with You, even if it's only for 15 minutes. It's like meeting an old friend. Or simply leaning on a friend's shoulder. Hello :)
I'm so tired though. Have been having dreams in which I'm always on the move, searching or doing something. So exhausting. Sometimes I feel melancholic. Sometimes excited. Sometimes I get little bits of clarity, and the rest of the time I'm walking in a haze. Don't really know what's going on. But in spite of everything, hello love. It's nice to meet you again :)
You gave Your life in a Beautiful Exchange
Haha, hello. It's been awhile since I've felt this way. I like the quiet joy that comes from being with You, even if it's only for 15 minutes. It's like meeting an old friend. Or simply leaning on a friend's shoulder. Hello :)
I'm so tired though. Have been having dreams in which I'm always on the move, searching or doing something. So exhausting. Sometimes I feel melancholic. Sometimes excited. Sometimes I get little bits of clarity, and the rest of the time I'm walking in a haze. Don't really know what's going on. But in spite of everything, hello love. It's nice to meet you again :)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Something clicked.
As we sat there getting chided by Daniel for being late, something clicked. Maybe it was because it felt like a replay of the past. Of the days when we were in Secell and discipline was stricter. Back when I was a principled stick in the mud, the goody 2 shoes who honored God by honoring her authorities. But something clicked today, and I feel like I've woken up from a slumber to find my world in chaos.
I don't know what the heck I've been doing. But I realize now, that when I fell spiritually, I took other people with me. Because I was down, I wasn't there for the people I pledged to support, and eventually they crashed together with me. I know thing havent been quite right in our ministry for awhile, there's been much discourse. But instead of grumbling, why can't we simply pray for our leaders? I remember the days when we loved and appreciated our shepherds, and prayed that God would guide them and give them the wisdom to lead us well. And now... I'm just so full of myself. Seriously. I feel like I've let myself, and let the people around me down.
Time to refocus and start making amends.
As we sat there getting chided by Daniel for being late, something clicked. Maybe it was because it felt like a replay of the past. Of the days when we were in Secell and discipline was stricter. Back when I was a principled stick in the mud, the goody 2 shoes who honored God by honoring her authorities. But something clicked today, and I feel like I've woken up from a slumber to find my world in chaos.
I don't know what the heck I've been doing. But I realize now, that when I fell spiritually, I took other people with me. Because I was down, I wasn't there for the people I pledged to support, and eventually they crashed together with me. I know thing havent been quite right in our ministry for awhile, there's been much discourse. But instead of grumbling, why can't we simply pray for our leaders? I remember the days when we loved and appreciated our shepherds, and prayed that God would guide them and give them the wisdom to lead us well. And now... I'm just so full of myself. Seriously. I feel like I've let myself, and let the people around me down.
Time to refocus and start making amends.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
At some point of time, you'll reach a cross road and you'll have to make a choice. The road of pain and sorrow, miracles, greatness and abundant life, or the easier road that lets you coast through life.
Tonight He comes knocking. I've said time and time again that I wanna be awesome, and now He shows me a path with sneak previews of how I'm going to get there. It is not a pretty sight, the costs are high and the road is fraught with tears and brokenness. But it is the path to greatness, and at the end lies abundant joy and satisfaction. And then He reminds me of the many times in the past when I've pleaded and prayed to be set apart, to become somebody completely awesome for Him. Tonight He has come to ask if my promises are still redeemable, and to seal the deal if they are.
My heart is heavy and full right now. Just as how many others have spent themselves in love and prayer for me, it is now my turn to spent myself in prayer for others. Freely I have received, freely give. And I feel like I wouldn't mind giving up my life if I could just pass the work/baton on to someone else. It is the passing on of the promise and not the actual fulfillment of the promise, that is the blessing itself. And all I ask for, is to have enough of Him to be able to do whatever I'm suppose to do. And that He'll be there for me in my brokenness that is sure to come. So tonight I take on responsibility for these lives, and I pray that I do not give up, I don't relent, not until the day He releases me from my responsibility.
I want to be a spiritual giant with a different spirit. And I know I'm flawed and inadequate, I know i've made tons of mistakes before and will still continue to make mistakes. But may the greatness of God be displayed in a flawed individual like myself.
Tonight He comes knocking. I've said time and time again that I wanna be awesome, and now He shows me a path with sneak previews of how I'm going to get there. It is not a pretty sight, the costs are high and the road is fraught with tears and brokenness. But it is the path to greatness, and at the end lies abundant joy and satisfaction. And then He reminds me of the many times in the past when I've pleaded and prayed to be set apart, to become somebody completely awesome for Him. Tonight He has come to ask if my promises are still redeemable, and to seal the deal if they are.
My heart is heavy and full right now. Just as how many others have spent themselves in love and prayer for me, it is now my turn to spent myself in prayer for others. Freely I have received, freely give. And I feel like I wouldn't mind giving up my life if I could just pass the work/baton on to someone else. It is the passing on of the promise and not the actual fulfillment of the promise, that is the blessing itself. And all I ask for, is to have enough of Him to be able to do whatever I'm suppose to do. And that He'll be there for me in my brokenness that is sure to come. So tonight I take on responsibility for these lives, and I pray that I do not give up, I don't relent, not until the day He releases me from my responsibility.
I want to be a spiritual giant with a different spirit. And I know I'm flawed and inadequate, I know i've made tons of mistakes before and will still continue to make mistakes. But may the greatness of God be displayed in a flawed individual like myself.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Hit the crazy season of the semester and forgot that I have a blog. hahhaa.
1 more submission to go and i can finally mug in peace. Then it's just 18 more days till all these ends, and I promise to be normal after that! :)
With my somewhat withdrawal from the church circle, i've been spending a lot of time with people from school instead. I never really knew if i was doing the right or wrong thing, but it seems like there's ministry happening in school. I guess it's not a matter of where we are, as long as we are ministering wherever we are. Do I regret my withdrawal? Sometimes I do, it's not easy to slowly become strangers with people you've known your whole life. Sometimes, it hurts, a lot. But sometimes I feel like i've grown so much more without that reliance on people around me. And still sometimes, I wonder if i'm doing something wrong. Maybe my withdrawal is not wrong, but maybe skipping cell is. mmm...mm. Well, if i've hurt anyone or done anything wrong in all of this, i invite you to tell me, so that I can reflect and apologize. I know I can be headstrong at times, but if you care for me at all, then let me know when i'm heading the wrong way.
I've been.. praying for God to give me companions since the the semester started, because it's just not possible to walk alone. And I guess I've got 2 in hall, for which I'm extremely grateful for. And despite my semi-withdrawal, I'm thankful that there's still people in church who check in on me from time to time. My schedule's been really hectic these days, and I could never have gotten through it without you all, so, thank you :)
I'm still going to become really awesome one day, someone with a different spirit. To those who have kept believing in me, thank you. To those who gave up, watch and see.
1 more submission to go and i can finally mug in peace. Then it's just 18 more days till all these ends, and I promise to be normal after that! :)
With my somewhat withdrawal from the church circle, i've been spending a lot of time with people from school instead. I never really knew if i was doing the right or wrong thing, but it seems like there's ministry happening in school. I guess it's not a matter of where we are, as long as we are ministering wherever we are. Do I regret my withdrawal? Sometimes I do, it's not easy to slowly become strangers with people you've known your whole life. Sometimes, it hurts, a lot. But sometimes I feel like i've grown so much more without that reliance on people around me. And still sometimes, I wonder if i'm doing something wrong. Maybe my withdrawal is not wrong, but maybe skipping cell is. mmm...mm. Well, if i've hurt anyone or done anything wrong in all of this, i invite you to tell me, so that I can reflect and apologize. I know I can be headstrong at times, but if you care for me at all, then let me know when i'm heading the wrong way.
I've been.. praying for God to give me companions since the the semester started, because it's just not possible to walk alone. And I guess I've got 2 in hall, for which I'm extremely grateful for. And despite my semi-withdrawal, I'm thankful that there's still people in church who check in on me from time to time. My schedule's been really hectic these days, and I could never have gotten through it without you all, so, thank you :)
I'm still going to become really awesome one day, someone with a different spirit. To those who have kept believing in me, thank you. To those who gave up, watch and see.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Don't be jealous. I'm just in a different season. Right?
Don't look back, don't wish for things to be like they were. Because that's wishing to be the weaker you. No. From glory to glory we shall pass, so look forward. To becoming more amazing and stronger as we get refined by fire. And when I'm old and wrinkled, I'll tell my grandchildren many stories about the greatness of God displayed in my weaknesses. You are stronger than you think, if only you could see the awesomeness of the being standing with you.
1 more month. Press on.
Don't look back, don't wish for things to be like they were. Because that's wishing to be the weaker you. No. From glory to glory we shall pass, so look forward. To becoming more amazing and stronger as we get refined by fire. And when I'm old and wrinkled, I'll tell my grandchildren many stories about the greatness of God displayed in my weaknesses. You are stronger than you think, if only you could see the awesomeness of the being standing with you.
1 more month. Press on.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Here's an interesting exercise.
Do only if you have 30 minutes to spare.
Step 1:
Watch this, Video 1.
Take note of your first reaction to the song. Thoughts, feelings. What you like or dislike.
Step 2:
Now watch this, Video 2.
Step 3:
Watch this again, Video 1.
How has your perception of the song change?
Interesting how knowing the backstory helps you to understand and appreciate the song better eh?
Step 4:
We now understand the song in it's context. Now watch how the song which felt a little solo-istic can be used for worship in a group. Video 3
Step 5:
Now take it a step further and add in prayer and ministration. Video 4
--------
It's so interesting isn't it? One song, same set of melodies and lyrics. Yet something about the music changes each time.
I guess you could use these 5 steps to talk about how a semi-soloistic song can be adapted for congregational singing. The 3rd verse was cut out when singing it in a group, because it's too personal. Yet amazingly, he still managed to keep the essence of the song which is about the amazingness of God's love.
But that's not what I really want to talk about.
Instead, when you compare these 4 videos, something amazing appears. It is what I call, the intangible aspect of music. This goes beyond the tune and the lyrics (although these 2 are still important). What's so amazing about music is it's capacity to capture and carry a person's soul. Knowing the backstory to the song changes your perception of the song because you are now able to 'hear' the author in the song. He puts himself into the music, and it comes through to the listeners (even if they aren't consciously aware of it). Somehow, the creator always puts a part of himself into his creation because you cannot create from nothing, but have to create from something within you. It's like, his spirit goes into the spirit of the music, which then gets carried to the spirit of the listener. Which is also why some people believe that you should be careful about the kind of music you listen to.
But anyway, the point of bringing this up is that, I feel very strongly that we have to be INTENTIONAL when it comes to making music. Yes, you still need to play the right notes at the right time. Why? Let's say notes+chords=technicalities=container, then spirit = contents of the container. If you don't hit the right chords, you are messing up the shape of the container which would affect the contents. Assuming that we've settled all the technical issues, then the next most important thing to do is to have an intention/direction to your music. Because we need to be conscious about the kind of message we want our music to carry. Because that's what music does. It always carry a message. And if you don't consciously put a message in, your music comes across as a blank, with no heart or soul in it, and that's why it fails to stir people's hearts.
In essence, music always paints a picture. That's the intangible aspect I'm talking about. The hidden unspoken message. And notes and technicalities, are merely tools that are used to paint this picture. It is up to the artist to decide what picture to paint. And you can't paint anything if you don't even have an an intention/direction to what you want to paint.
With regards to worship, I find that we have a mistaken idea about who is the artist. When we think about the idea of the 'Holy Spirit moving through our worship', we often think of the Holy Spirit as the artist. Our role then gets reduced to hitting the right notes to get the right container, and then we pray really hard that the Holy Spirit comes and fills our containers with the right contents. But I don't think that's how it works. Since we are the ones physically hitting the notes, I believe that we are the artists who gets to decide the shape of the container and its content. We are still ultimately responsible for the contents of the music, and not the Holy Spirit. How it actually works is then something like this: It is often said that as a worship team, we are levites, we are priest. We should learn to prophecy on our instruments. But we never really understood what that actually means right? In this context, I think this means that as artist/priests, we are to seek God, get in tuned with what He wants to do. Then, we set about to painting that picture. So it's God>Us>Music>Congregation. This means that we still have to be intentional about the music we are creating and not just focus on getting the right container while waiting for the Holy Spirit to fill it with content. Of course it is possible that even when we are making empty music (which is only the container and no content), God can still somehow put Himself into the music. But I guess more often than not, when we say that God is moving through the music, what really happens is that God takes hold of the artist (the worship team) and thus takes over the creation of the container and the content and is responsible for what the congregation receives. And when I say that God takes over the artist, I don't mean that we become robots or get possessed. But rather, we are so in tuned with Him that we want to do what He desires. And it is through our surrender to His Will that he gains access to the containers and contents.
Well, at least this is one theory I can think of to explain the whole music and worship thing. Maybe there's some loopholes. I'm welcome to other ideas. Maybe someday I'll refine this. Maybe when i've graduated from NUS and have had 4 years of experience in writing lengthy essays. hahahha.
Mm, it wasn't my intention to come up with a theory at the start of this post, it just happened. But it does feel good to finally articulate what has been on my heart/mind for a very long time :)
Can't believe that right after chionging through 1 essay, I actually spent 2 hours writing this -.-"
Officially brain dead now
Do only if you have 30 minutes to spare.
Step 1:
Watch this, Video 1.
Take note of your first reaction to the song. Thoughts, feelings. What you like or dislike.
Step 2:
Now watch this, Video 2.
Step 3:
Watch this again, Video 1.
How has your perception of the song change?
Interesting how knowing the backstory helps you to understand and appreciate the song better eh?
Step 4:
We now understand the song in it's context. Now watch how the song which felt a little solo-istic can be used for worship in a group. Video 3
Step 5:
Now take it a step further and add in prayer and ministration. Video 4
--------
It's so interesting isn't it? One song, same set of melodies and lyrics. Yet something about the music changes each time.
I guess you could use these 5 steps to talk about how a semi-soloistic song can be adapted for congregational singing. The 3rd verse was cut out when singing it in a group, because it's too personal. Yet amazingly, he still managed to keep the essence of the song which is about the amazingness of God's love.
But that's not what I really want to talk about.
Instead, when you compare these 4 videos, something amazing appears. It is what I call, the intangible aspect of music. This goes beyond the tune and the lyrics (although these 2 are still important). What's so amazing about music is it's capacity to capture and carry a person's soul. Knowing the backstory to the song changes your perception of the song because you are now able to 'hear' the author in the song. He puts himself into the music, and it comes through to the listeners (even if they aren't consciously aware of it). Somehow, the creator always puts a part of himself into his creation because you cannot create from nothing, but have to create from something within you. It's like, his spirit goes into the spirit of the music, which then gets carried to the spirit of the listener. Which is also why some people believe that you should be careful about the kind of music you listen to.
But anyway, the point of bringing this up is that, I feel very strongly that we have to be INTENTIONAL when it comes to making music. Yes, you still need to play the right notes at the right time. Why? Let's say notes+chords=technicalities=container, then spirit = contents of the container. If you don't hit the right chords, you are messing up the shape of the container which would affect the contents. Assuming that we've settled all the technical issues, then the next most important thing to do is to have an intention/direction to your music. Because we need to be conscious about the kind of message we want our music to carry. Because that's what music does. It always carry a message. And if you don't consciously put a message in, your music comes across as a blank, with no heart or soul in it, and that's why it fails to stir people's hearts.
In essence, music always paints a picture. That's the intangible aspect I'm talking about. The hidden unspoken message. And notes and technicalities, are merely tools that are used to paint this picture. It is up to the artist to decide what picture to paint. And you can't paint anything if you don't even have an an intention/direction to what you want to paint.
With regards to worship, I find that we have a mistaken idea about who is the artist. When we think about the idea of the 'Holy Spirit moving through our worship', we often think of the Holy Spirit as the artist. Our role then gets reduced to hitting the right notes to get the right container, and then we pray really hard that the Holy Spirit comes and fills our containers with the right contents. But I don't think that's how it works. Since we are the ones physically hitting the notes, I believe that we are the artists who gets to decide the shape of the container and its content. We are still ultimately responsible for the contents of the music, and not the Holy Spirit. How it actually works is then something like this: It is often said that as a worship team, we are levites, we are priest. We should learn to prophecy on our instruments. But we never really understood what that actually means right? In this context, I think this means that as artist/priests, we are to seek God, get in tuned with what He wants to do. Then, we set about to painting that picture. So it's God>Us>Music>Congregation. This means that we still have to be intentional about the music we are creating and not just focus on getting the right container while waiting for the Holy Spirit to fill it with content. Of course it is possible that even when we are making empty music (which is only the container and no content), God can still somehow put Himself into the music. But I guess more often than not, when we say that God is moving through the music, what really happens is that God takes hold of the artist (the worship team) and thus takes over the creation of the container and the content and is responsible for what the congregation receives. And when I say that God takes over the artist, I don't mean that we become robots or get possessed. But rather, we are so in tuned with Him that we want to do what He desires. And it is through our surrender to His Will that he gains access to the containers and contents.
Well, at least this is one theory I can think of to explain the whole music and worship thing. Maybe there's some loopholes. I'm welcome to other ideas. Maybe someday I'll refine this. Maybe when i've graduated from NUS and have had 4 years of experience in writing lengthy essays. hahahha.
Mm, it wasn't my intention to come up with a theory at the start of this post, it just happened. But it does feel good to finally articulate what has been on my heart/mind for a very long time :)
Can't believe that right after chionging through 1 essay, I actually spent 2 hours writing this -.-"
Officially brain dead now
Sunday, March 27, 2011
5 papers in 3 weeks. Forgive me friends if i get a bit strange in the next few weeks.
Just yesterday afternoon, I had an epiphany. Okay, maybe not. But I wanted to bring back the me from my secondary school days. The one who wouldn't compromise on the time meant for God, and who would try to honor God even in her studies. It feels like I've been slacking off for 3 years now, just scraping through everything. I'm like, the slackest person I know in hall (until joy came along and now i cant really tell, lol). Do i have something to prove again? Perhaps. Sometimes I feel like the christianity i've seen in school is a dilution. I think we love God deep down in their hearts, but most of us have started compromising at some point of time. We use reason and subjectivity to justify our actions and bit by bit, God gets pushed to the back and we forget our identity. Sons of God, light of the world. To be the head and not the tail. And we lead such helpless and pathetic lives, as if our God was a small God, or a distant God, and we cannot rely on anyone else but ourselves. Oh please.
I remember my grand plan at age 16 was to do freaking well in my studies until i graduate from uni, and then I'll go work in some NGO like place. Why? I wanted people to question my 'stupidity' so that God's glory might be displayed in my life. Haha. Okay, so things are not exactly going according to plan, and I'm not even sure if that's till my game plan. I really don't know what's going to happen after I graduate. But one thing I know, my studies is part of my God given responsibility so I have to do it well. Enough auto-cruising through life. Time to focus and have a direction.
Colossians 3:22-24. " Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
Just yesterday afternoon, I had an epiphany. Okay, maybe not. But I wanted to bring back the me from my secondary school days. The one who wouldn't compromise on the time meant for God, and who would try to honor God even in her studies. It feels like I've been slacking off for 3 years now, just scraping through everything. I'm like, the slackest person I know in hall (until joy came along and now i cant really tell, lol). Do i have something to prove again? Perhaps. Sometimes I feel like the christianity i've seen in school is a dilution. I think we love God deep down in their hearts, but most of us have started compromising at some point of time. We use reason and subjectivity to justify our actions and bit by bit, God gets pushed to the back and we forget our identity. Sons of God, light of the world. To be the head and not the tail. And we lead such helpless and pathetic lives, as if our God was a small God, or a distant God, and we cannot rely on anyone else but ourselves. Oh please.
I remember my grand plan at age 16 was to do freaking well in my studies until i graduate from uni, and then I'll go work in some NGO like place. Why? I wanted people to question my 'stupidity' so that God's glory might be displayed in my life. Haha. Okay, so things are not exactly going according to plan, and I'm not even sure if that's till my game plan. I really don't know what's going to happen after I graduate. But one thing I know, my studies is part of my God given responsibility so I have to do it well. Enough auto-cruising through life. Time to focus and have a direction.
Colossians 3:22-24. " Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
Friday, March 25, 2011
I feel so out, I dont really know who I should ask.
But I have a friend, who is in need of a lot of support and prayer now. And I know I can't do this alone, but I don't know who to ask. If you would like to support in prayer with me, let me know.
For the lost and broken hearted, oh how your heart beats.
But I have a friend, who is in need of a lot of support and prayer now. And I know I can't do this alone, but I don't know who to ask. If you would like to support in prayer with me, let me know.
For the lost and broken hearted, oh how your heart beats.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Who knew my GP results will come back to haunt me?
I still don't know what possessed me that day, to write a 2 page long essay consisting of only 4 paragraphs. Not that my english is that great, but I think I could have at least gotten a B. And through that one event, life post A levels became hell. I still think that it was because of my GP that i couldn't get into FASS on my first try. And now, I'm not qualified to teach English coz of bad GP results, which means I'm not allowed to major in Sociology if I want to be a teacher. Ah, the repercussions.
I guess this means one door closed. Maybe another will open, maybe not, and I will end up graduating with a seemingly useless (that is so not true!) degree and a debt to repay. But all I know is that right now, I'm where I want to be and where I should be. And I'm not going to trade it away just for 4 years of security.
God knows best :)
I still don't know what possessed me that day, to write a 2 page long essay consisting of only 4 paragraphs. Not that my english is that great, but I think I could have at least gotten a B. And through that one event, life post A levels became hell. I still think that it was because of my GP that i couldn't get into FASS on my first try. And now, I'm not qualified to teach English coz of bad GP results, which means I'm not allowed to major in Sociology if I want to be a teacher. Ah, the repercussions.
I guess this means one door closed. Maybe another will open, maybe not, and I will end up graduating with a seemingly useless (that is so not true!) degree and a debt to repay. But all I know is that right now, I'm where I want to be and where I should be. And I'm not going to trade it away just for 4 years of security.
God knows best :)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The song was inspired by an incident Adele had with a former boyfriend of six months. At 6:00 AM one morning, after learning he had cheated on her, she went to the bar he was at and punched him in the face. After being thrown out, Adele ran down the street alone and thought to herself, "What is it you're chasing? You're chasing an empty pavement." She sang it into and recorded it on her mobile and arranged three chords when she got home.
Didn't like this song at first, but it grew on me and got stuck in my head the whole day. haha.
I just got introduced to music by Adele! While her music may not be my style, I love how real she is. She writes her own music and puts herself into her music. And she's huge and stuff (both literally and figuratively), but she doesn't really care . Quite rare in the music industry these days.
Kay I should start focusing on my school work instead of watching youtube. Crazy season is here :/
But here's another song by her that's easier on the ears :)
Congratulations to the happy couple! And through Dan's example, we learn that good things are worth waiting for! :) Another amazing couple for us to emulate! Don't settle for second best, coz God's got great things in stored for us! :)Can't believe that I got to play at 3 weddings already! It's always an honor. When I started playing the keyboard at 15, or even when I first picked up piano at 5, I never thought that some day I'll be playing at weddings, cafes or conferences. But here I am, and I don't think He's done yet. I didn't expect it, but joining unplugged has also widen my genres and lead me to interesting places. Come to think of it, music has always taken me places. To Melbourne and New York, and maybe even Cambodia and Vietnam. I'm not quite sure how else I could have contributed to the mission trip if I didn't play the keyboard. And through music I got to interact with many different people. It's become such an integral part of me, I can't imagine what I'll do should I ever become deaf. For this gift of music in my life, I always thank You.
When I think about how good You've been to me, sometimes I really don't know what to say. For a period of time I was really frustrated. And I think you meant for it to be that way. I took it out the wrong way, blaming You, blaming the people around me, blaming anyone but myself. But in those rare moments when I choose to not give in to my anger and frustrations, I grew, and grew, and the characteristics that You've placed in me front the start became more defined. The girl who was easily influenced and dependent on her peers grew to become her own person through the gradual alienation You put her through. It wasn't easy, and it hurt, but for everything I gave up, You gave me more. So it is that today I find myself finally on the path to where I want to be. I don't expect it to be all smooth sailing from here. Nothing ever is. I just hope that wherever I go, I always remember and honor You, and that You'll always be with me. That'll be enough.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Dreams. And with today's sermon in mind, I've finally made a decision :)
I will stay in hall. Because if I don't, I will regret it once I start working when I think about how a month's wage could have bought me a year in hall. And by then, it'll be too late to regret. Coz while money can be made again, once this moment is over, it's over. And I can never be a student multi-tasking her life away again. Plus, I still want to minister in any way possible to my peers, and while ministry is everywhere, there's no better place than htht-ing at night in a room in hall :)
That said, I think it's not going to be easy managing everything. It will cost me much to keep up with everything, and I just pray that when I am at my weakest, God will give me the strength to keep going on.
And right now I'm just really thankful to God for family who will always love you even when they have seen the shittest part of yourself :)
I miss my mom and dad.
So that's my decision, I've submitted it to God, it's in His hands now :)
Come what may
I will stay in hall. Because if I don't, I will regret it once I start working when I think about how a month's wage could have bought me a year in hall. And by then, it'll be too late to regret. Coz while money can be made again, once this moment is over, it's over. And I can never be a student multi-tasking her life away again. Plus, I still want to minister in any way possible to my peers, and while ministry is everywhere, there's no better place than htht-ing at night in a room in hall :)
That said, I think it's not going to be easy managing everything. It will cost me much to keep up with everything, and I just pray that when I am at my weakest, God will give me the strength to keep going on.
And right now I'm just really thankful to God for family who will always love you even when they have seen the shittest part of yourself :)
I miss my mom and dad.
So that's my decision, I've submitted it to God, it's in His hands now :)
Come what may
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
I guess part of growing up is learning that you can't have everything you want, and learning to be content with what you can have.
Many people talk about the will of God as if they are expecting some kind of clear sign or audible voice to tell you what to do with your life. While that can happen and it still does happen sometimes, I'm starting to think that more often than not, God chooses to let us make our choices. Using all that He has given you, your own judgement, your peers and the authorities in your life, and His Word and His laws, He lets us come to a decision on our own. All we can do is to make a choice (with a love and fear of God in mind), and trust that God is big enough to cover our backs no matter where our decision leads us to.
I still flip flop. I would like to stay in hall, but i'm starting to think that I can live with not staying in hall. I would like a scholarship to settle my debts, but I think I could live with paying off my study loan as I work too. When people around me are going into relationship, I would like one too, but I think that I could spend the rest of my life single rather than settling for something less than what i want. I would like to live comfortably in the future and have a prestigious job, but I think I could live with much less if it's for a noble cause.
Life brings you many opportunities, and it's both a privilege and a blessing that I can have the kind of opportunities I have. But let's not get greedy. If you can't have everything, make a choice, and live with it. Then just run free like a kid with the purest heart and innocent glee, coz Daddy's got your back.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.
Proverbs 16:3
So just Runnnnnnn!!! Relish your youthful vigor and follow the impulses of your heart! Make the most of your youth! One life, live it!
Okay, I just like this picture coz it's both dorky and cool at the same time! aahhahah :)
Many people talk about the will of God as if they are expecting some kind of clear sign or audible voice to tell you what to do with your life. While that can happen and it still does happen sometimes, I'm starting to think that more often than not, God chooses to let us make our choices. Using all that He has given you, your own judgement, your peers and the authorities in your life, and His Word and His laws, He lets us come to a decision on our own. All we can do is to make a choice (with a love and fear of God in mind), and trust that God is big enough to cover our backs no matter where our decision leads us to.
I still flip flop. I would like to stay in hall, but i'm starting to think that I can live with not staying in hall. I would like a scholarship to settle my debts, but I think I could live with paying off my study loan as I work too. When people around me are going into relationship, I would like one too, but I think that I could spend the rest of my life single rather than settling for something less than what i want. I would like to live comfortably in the future and have a prestigious job, but I think I could live with much less if it's for a noble cause.
Life brings you many opportunities, and it's both a privilege and a blessing that I can have the kind of opportunities I have. But let's not get greedy. If you can't have everything, make a choice, and live with it. Then just run free like a kid with the purest heart and innocent glee, coz Daddy's got your back.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.
Proverbs 16:3
So just Runnnnnnn!!! Relish your youthful vigor and follow the impulses of your heart! Make the most of your youth! One life, live it!Okay, I just like this picture coz it's both dorky and cool at the same time! aahhahah :)
Music and sports, and the beauty of growing :)
There was a moment yesterday, when that old fear came rushing back as I stood on the other side of the keyboard. It was a familiar scene from the past: Phinehas demonstrating how and what to play on the keyboard, and me desperately trying to remember everything. I hated these moments, because it always led to feelings of inadequacy when I inevitably screw up. But yesterday, it was different. Yesterday, I managed to catch the beat and the chords even though i still messed up a little. And it felt so good to have the same scene but with a different ending this time. It means that against all odds, and against all that feelings of inadequacy and uncomfortableness, I have survived, and have grown to become a better player :) And I love playing the keyboard so much now, because I can finally play out (most of) the melodies I hear in my head. I grew, I grew! It makes me happy to know I grew! And it makes me happy to know that this is how You made me to be. To not die as a bud, but live to see and experience what it means to grow and bloom :)
And so, I wonder if it'll be the same for handball. Coz right now, I dread each training. I dread the lousy feeling of missing the balls and bad throws. Maybe everything starts this way, but I didn't feel so talentless when I started on the keyboard. If nothing else, I could hear the chords. But here, other than being tall, there's nothing else. No court awareness or ball sense. I don't know. Sometimes it feels like I have to choose between sports or music, but I realize that that isn't necessarily true, just like how I don't necessarily have to choose between hall and church.
Decisions. We've gotta learn to make them and live with them.
And right now, I'm just really happy to be Your child. Really happy, and really thankful. That there is always hope, regardless of the circumstances. And even though it doesn't love very well, this wicked heart will keep loving You with all it can.
There was a moment yesterday, when that old fear came rushing back as I stood on the other side of the keyboard. It was a familiar scene from the past: Phinehas demonstrating how and what to play on the keyboard, and me desperately trying to remember everything. I hated these moments, because it always led to feelings of inadequacy when I inevitably screw up. But yesterday, it was different. Yesterday, I managed to catch the beat and the chords even though i still messed up a little. And it felt so good to have the same scene but with a different ending this time. It means that against all odds, and against all that feelings of inadequacy and uncomfortableness, I have survived, and have grown to become a better player :) And I love playing the keyboard so much now, because I can finally play out (most of) the melodies I hear in my head. I grew, I grew! It makes me happy to know I grew! And it makes me happy to know that this is how You made me to be. To not die as a bud, but live to see and experience what it means to grow and bloom :)
And so, I wonder if it'll be the same for handball. Coz right now, I dread each training. I dread the lousy feeling of missing the balls and bad throws. Maybe everything starts this way, but I didn't feel so talentless when I started on the keyboard. If nothing else, I could hear the chords. But here, other than being tall, there's nothing else. No court awareness or ball sense. I don't know. Sometimes it feels like I have to choose between sports or music, but I realize that that isn't necessarily true, just like how I don't necessarily have to choose between hall and church.
Decisions. We've gotta learn to make them and live with them.
And right now, I'm just really happy to be Your child. Really happy, and really thankful. That there is always hope, regardless of the circumstances. And even though it doesn't love very well, this wicked heart will keep loving You with all it can.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
We went to a Youth Center in Jurong today as part of our local cip project before heading to Cambodia.
It's funny how I've been to orphanages and youth drop in centers in Vietnam and Cambodia but have not been to the ones in Singapore. Somehow the cips I've done here were always related either to the old or to children but never the youths. So being there for the first time today.. it really gave me a strange mismash of feelings.
They were so different, so vocal, so crazy and so wild. They were the kind of youths that we've been inculcated to stay away from since we were young. Yet as I sat there with my small group of 13 and 15-years-old girls, I saw that beneath all our difference, there was still the same yearning to be love and accepted. And I wanted so much for them to know and belief that they deserved to be loved, that they are loved and that they can be so amazing if only they learn to let themselves shine. There wasn't really a lot of time for interaction, but there was one special moment when I was telling the girls how they should reject the labels placed upon them by others and learn to affirm themselves, and I saw something clicked in their eyes. Then it passed, our session was forced to end, and I could only hope that they managed to take something away from their time with us today.
There was a girl who had a guitar at home but didn't know how to play and wanted to learn. So in the last 20 minutes I had left to mingle with the youths, I took her and her friend to a room to have a crash course. It felt a little ridiculous, because a keyboardist was teaching guitar, and because I knew that it was almost impossible for them to pick up anything substantial in 20 mins. But I wanted the girl to have my attention and I wanted her to pursue her interest in music. So as ridiculous as it was, I showed them how to play 4 chords and wished them all the best.
It's not enough. I don't like how everything was so 'touch and go'. A part of me wanted to come again and again to find that girl and coax her out of her shell. Yet another part of me knew that I'll probably be too selfish to actually make the time and effort to come again. Blahhh. I don't know. What if I.... hmmm, sigh.
I'm not sure if others think this too, but I feel strongly that our time in uni is something precious and not to be taken lightly or squandered away. So God, I really really pray that you help me to make full use of it doing what you want me to. Life's too short. (While we were having dinner today, a cleaner suddenly collapsed and had no pulse o.o)
Many things about tomorrow, I don’t seem to understand. But I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand :)
It's funny how I've been to orphanages and youth drop in centers in Vietnam and Cambodia but have not been to the ones in Singapore. Somehow the cips I've done here were always related either to the old or to children but never the youths. So being there for the first time today.. it really gave me a strange mismash of feelings.
They were so different, so vocal, so crazy and so wild. They were the kind of youths that we've been inculcated to stay away from since we were young. Yet as I sat there with my small group of 13 and 15-years-old girls, I saw that beneath all our difference, there was still the same yearning to be love and accepted. And I wanted so much for them to know and belief that they deserved to be loved, that they are loved and that they can be so amazing if only they learn to let themselves shine. There wasn't really a lot of time for interaction, but there was one special moment when I was telling the girls how they should reject the labels placed upon them by others and learn to affirm themselves, and I saw something clicked in their eyes. Then it passed, our session was forced to end, and I could only hope that they managed to take something away from their time with us today.
There was a girl who had a guitar at home but didn't know how to play and wanted to learn. So in the last 20 minutes I had left to mingle with the youths, I took her and her friend to a room to have a crash course. It felt a little ridiculous, because a keyboardist was teaching guitar, and because I knew that it was almost impossible for them to pick up anything substantial in 20 mins. But I wanted the girl to have my attention and I wanted her to pursue her interest in music. So as ridiculous as it was, I showed them how to play 4 chords and wished them all the best.
It's not enough. I don't like how everything was so 'touch and go'. A part of me wanted to come again and again to find that girl and coax her out of her shell. Yet another part of me knew that I'll probably be too selfish to actually make the time and effort to come again. Blahhh. I don't know. What if I.... hmmm, sigh.
I'm not sure if others think this too, but I feel strongly that our time in uni is something precious and not to be taken lightly or squandered away. So God, I really really pray that you help me to make full use of it doing what you want me to. Life's too short. (While we were having dinner today, a cleaner suddenly collapsed and had no pulse o.o)
Many things about tomorrow, I don’t seem to understand. But I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand :)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Remember me and Your promises. Remember me.
Not that you've really forgotten, it is I who forgot. But now that I'm starting to remember, remember me too. Remember all the dreams you placed in my tiny heart, remember all the gifts you've lavished upon me that I may use them to bless your name back in return. Through much struggle and pain I finally grew to become my own person, and now that I'm almost there, remember me and lead me into my destiny that I may lead others to theirs. There is a battle for my soul and the soul of everyone around me. Grab hold of my heart and teach it to fight with a courage and strength that stems from love, from your love. And one day I'll see those 2 visions coming into reality. Of youths worshipping you with all their youthful exuberance and emotions, and of the spiritual battle and victory that takes place through worship. To hear the sound of your army marching to war and victory again. Oh jeez! Let mine be a life worth living!
Remember me.
Not that you've really forgotten, it is I who forgot. But now that I'm starting to remember, remember me too. Remember all the dreams you placed in my tiny heart, remember all the gifts you've lavished upon me that I may use them to bless your name back in return. Through much struggle and pain I finally grew to become my own person, and now that I'm almost there, remember me and lead me into my destiny that I may lead others to theirs. There is a battle for my soul and the soul of everyone around me. Grab hold of my heart and teach it to fight with a courage and strength that stems from love, from your love. And one day I'll see those 2 visions coming into reality. Of youths worshipping you with all their youthful exuberance and emotions, and of the spiritual battle and victory that takes place through worship. To hear the sound of your army marching to war and victory again. Oh jeez! Let mine be a life worth living!
Remember me.
Monday, February 21, 2011
It shouldn't be, but I miss you so.
And if I could just muster up the strength, I'll do what it takes to be back by your side where I belong. One more shot, one more year. And if I don't bloom this time, then I really don't know anymore. Fingers crossed, dreaming high.
It's isn't much, but today I led a blind man to the mrt station and I felt so happy. I think I've reached a point where receiving hardly gives me any pleasure and the only way to feel alive is to give and give till I have nothing left. But it's a constant struggle between self-gratification and blessing others. So one last shot before I turn into a little wooden girl.
And if I could just muster up the strength, I'll do what it takes to be back by your side where I belong. One more shot, one more year. And if I don't bloom this time, then I really don't know anymore. Fingers crossed, dreaming high.
It's isn't much, but today I led a blind man to the mrt station and I felt so happy. I think I've reached a point where receiving hardly gives me any pleasure and the only way to feel alive is to give and give till I have nothing left. But it's a constant struggle between self-gratification and blessing others. So one last shot before I turn into a little wooden girl.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I'm thankful that I grew up in a family that isn't bias towards boys. I wouldn't dare to say that we have gender equality in our home, but at least we are not as patriarchal as traditional chinese families. I suppose it's partly because my mom is a strong and vocal individual and my dad's a gentleman who loves my mom a lot.
Sociology of gender got us thinking about our experiences. I think because of my upbringing, I will never let a man step all over me. Just saying.
I like studying social sciences :)
Kay, drowsy from medication. Goodbye
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
When 2010 started, one of my new year's resolution was to dedicate the first 6 months to improving my crappy keyboard skills. Well, I didn't actually get around to doing that. In fact, through some twist of fate, I wasn't rostered to play for a long period of time and ended up touching the keyboard less than usual. Despite this, my playing somehow improved. I don't quite know when or how it happened, but one day I just realized that my fingers were starting to be able to play the melodies in my head. Not that I'm a pro now, there's still so much I wish I could do but can't. But it's really quite amazing to see the difference between when I first started and now almost 5 years later. Despite all the tears, fears and frustrations, I still made it through and got here. That's nice. But that's not enough. I still wish that I could somehow capture You or represent You the right way in my music. One day, one day I'll get there.
After I get my driving license, I think I would like to find a class that teaches you how to use your macbook with your keyboard. Then I can find awesome pad+keyboard sounds and make awesome music yea! :)
Anyway, you should close your eyes and listen to this song. I love the dynamics, how the strength and power reflect His might and majesty, and how the quieter bits kinda reflect His holiness.
After I get my driving license, I think I would like to find a class that teaches you how to use your macbook with your keyboard. Then I can find awesome pad+keyboard sounds and make awesome music yea! :)
Anyway, you should close your eyes and listen to this song. I love the dynamics, how the strength and power reflect His might and majesty, and how the quieter bits kinda reflect His holiness.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sometimes memories from long ago come back to haunt you. But they aint always bad. I've come so far, don't give up now. God has been good to me.
With my parents back, I've settled a couple of stuff. Just booked my BTT yesterday, and if all goes well I really want to get my license before school starts in august. And I've decided to apply for a teaching award with MOE. If i get it, it'll pay for my education, guarantee me a job after i graduate and i'll be able to keep staying in hall. Really praying that God will open the right doors and shut the wrong ones. When I was younger, and my mom wondered if any of us will follow her footstep and go into the education sector, I quickly and strongly said NO because I didn't want to be coerced into doing anything. But now, I'm not so sure. I can't really see myself teaching, but I quite like the idea of being able to interact with youths. Sometimes it feels like a person's fate rests largely upon what happens in his youth. Maybe if I can get to them while they are young, if I can get Jesus to them while they are young, the world will be a much better place. At least for that individual. Oh well, God knows best.
Every time I go to church or some church event, I continue to be inspired by the secellites. They remind me a lot about myself and how I was. They have the time and the willingness to do anything and everything, if only there was someone there to guide them and facilitate things for them. Such an amazing bunch of people, so ready to learn and be moulded into powerful tools for God. I remember when we were their age we were always complaining about the lack of things to do and turning up for every single conference/event there was. We didn't really understand ourselves very well or where fit in, but whatever it was, we knew that we wanted to become awesome for God and we couldn't wait to grow up and enter our destiny. Years passed, we grew up and understood ourselves better, but somehow it still feels like we're not quite there yet. And I wonder how long more will it take, and how satisfying it must be to finally reach there when i do because it was after years of frustrations and struggles.
During the period when we were talking about having a youth service and shifting from the small hall to the big hall, there was once when I stood alone in that big empty hall and imagined what it'll be like to have the hall totally filled with young people praising and worshipping God's name. Or how about, the combined (big+small) hall filled with young people? That image stirred something in my heart and I fervently prayed that we'll get there someday. And then youth service started, and things were quite mehh for awhile, and I let myself be engrossed with uni life. But then, this year something changed. We're starting to pack the hall, and I was reminded of the imagery I had. Reality is coming close to the pretty image I had in mind, except that the music is still not quite there, and.. I'm quite surprised that we didn't do anything. Nothing really changed except that we crossed over to the new year. We're doing what we've always been doing, but somehow people are coming. Seems to me that we don't need the best plans or best anything. All we needed was for God to decide it was time and start bringing people in on His own, and passion will ignite passion till we've got a nice robust bonfire going on. Quite cool eh.
I think i'm rambling. Haven't been getting enough sleep despite the constant perfect weather for sleeping.
Gotta be strong and self reliant, because you're on your own (more or less) now. Just you and me God. Just you and me.
With my parents back, I've settled a couple of stuff. Just booked my BTT yesterday, and if all goes well I really want to get my license before school starts in august. And I've decided to apply for a teaching award with MOE. If i get it, it'll pay for my education, guarantee me a job after i graduate and i'll be able to keep staying in hall. Really praying that God will open the right doors and shut the wrong ones. When I was younger, and my mom wondered if any of us will follow her footstep and go into the education sector, I quickly and strongly said NO because I didn't want to be coerced into doing anything. But now, I'm not so sure. I can't really see myself teaching, but I quite like the idea of being able to interact with youths. Sometimes it feels like a person's fate rests largely upon what happens in his youth. Maybe if I can get to them while they are young, if I can get Jesus to them while they are young, the world will be a much better place. At least for that individual. Oh well, God knows best.
Every time I go to church or some church event, I continue to be inspired by the secellites. They remind me a lot about myself and how I was. They have the time and the willingness to do anything and everything, if only there was someone there to guide them and facilitate things for them. Such an amazing bunch of people, so ready to learn and be moulded into powerful tools for God. I remember when we were their age we were always complaining about the lack of things to do and turning up for every single conference/event there was. We didn't really understand ourselves very well or where fit in, but whatever it was, we knew that we wanted to become awesome for God and we couldn't wait to grow up and enter our destiny. Years passed, we grew up and understood ourselves better, but somehow it still feels like we're not quite there yet. And I wonder how long more will it take, and how satisfying it must be to finally reach there when i do because it was after years of frustrations and struggles.
During the period when we were talking about having a youth service and shifting from the small hall to the big hall, there was once when I stood alone in that big empty hall and imagined what it'll be like to have the hall totally filled with young people praising and worshipping God's name. Or how about, the combined (big+small) hall filled with young people? That image stirred something in my heart and I fervently prayed that we'll get there someday. And then youth service started, and things were quite mehh for awhile, and I let myself be engrossed with uni life. But then, this year something changed. We're starting to pack the hall, and I was reminded of the imagery I had. Reality is coming close to the pretty image I had in mind, except that the music is still not quite there, and.. I'm quite surprised that we didn't do anything. Nothing really changed except that we crossed over to the new year. We're doing what we've always been doing, but somehow people are coming. Seems to me that we don't need the best plans or best anything. All we needed was for God to decide it was time and start bringing people in on His own, and passion will ignite passion till we've got a nice robust bonfire going on. Quite cool eh.
I think i'm rambling. Haven't been getting enough sleep despite the constant perfect weather for sleeping.
Gotta be strong and self reliant, because you're on your own (more or less) now. Just you and me God. Just you and me.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
And it ends, as abruptly as always. And somehow we're suppose to go about our lives as if nothing's changed.
So we lost by 1 point after going into extra time. It's different when you're watching as a bench warmer instead of a spectator, even if you are a spectator supporting your own team. You live and breathe the team on court and you feel their fears and frustration even if you're not in it, because you are one. And at this point of time, I think I really understand the whole 'one body one part hurts everything else hurts' analogy.
I could talk about how far we've come (perhaps more so for freshies), from knowing nothing about handball to slowly being able to understand and play this complex multi-tasking game. But you know, skills will fade as our body degenerates. What stays with me is the memory of us running up the PGP slope, of every ball dropped and every shot scored. It is the countless 'jiayous', 'good shot', 'good D' and 'good save' that lingers. I got to experience a culture of passion, discipline and encouragement, and that changes me on the inside.
I don't know if we'll ever form another team as good as this one. I hope so, but it'll be hard because they've set the standards high. So right now I'm just thankful to have been able to rub shoulders with the best.
It's alright girls, you are still awesome to me! :)
So we lost by 1 point after going into extra time. It's different when you're watching as a bench warmer instead of a spectator, even if you are a spectator supporting your own team. You live and breathe the team on court and you feel their fears and frustration even if you're not in it, because you are one. And at this point of time, I think I really understand the whole 'one body one part hurts everything else hurts' analogy.
I could talk about how far we've come (perhaps more so for freshies), from knowing nothing about handball to slowly being able to understand and play this complex multi-tasking game. But you know, skills will fade as our body degenerates. What stays with me is the memory of us running up the PGP slope, of every ball dropped and every shot scored. It is the countless 'jiayous', 'good shot', 'good D' and 'good save' that lingers. I got to experience a culture of passion, discipline and encouragement, and that changes me on the inside.
I don't know if we'll ever form another team as good as this one. I hope so, but it'll be hard because they've set the standards high. So right now I'm just thankful to have been able to rub shoulders with the best.
It's alright girls, you are still awesome to me! :)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
A clean sheet this time round, and with this we're through to the semis! Halfway there! :)Due to some strange happenings in the other group, we're going to meet our old nemesis tmr at the semis instead of the finals. It's make it or break it at THE match tmr! Kinda nervous even though I wont get much play time. I didn't get the nickname 'Elizablur' for nothing and I don't want to be the weakest link tmr. Well even if I am, I want to be a strong weak link. Geddit? hahah
I still can't decide if handball is a gift or a distraction. But no matter, just like Weiwey said, we're going to play UNTO God's glory. I'm not fast or strong, and too blur on court for my own good, but I thank God for making me tall and for giving me an able body. And as we make use of the things we've been given to paint a beautiful picture of teamwork and synchrony, therein lies God's glory and master design. As I run and push my body to its limits, I will do so with joy and I will rejoice in the beauty of His creation and the chance to experience it all. I've been wrong a thousand times before, but this time I'm bringing Him in. Where I once was in control, I now cede it.
We all sacrificed so much for this, now c'mon!
Raffles Handball Girls FTW!!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
It's slow, but I am picking myself up again :)
Something broke through as I was showering today (funny how inspirations always come from the toilet huh). I finally admitted to myself that while I had an amazing semester 1, it was a semester that didn't have God in it and I was just building up my own kingdom. There were some nice quiet moments with God sure enough, but most of the time I was just preoccupied with clearing my list of things to do and getting intoxicated with each new experience. Your heart knows when something is not right. I knew I was starving my spirit man, but I always blamed it on someone else. A few days ago, I even blamed God.
You don't realize it at first because it happens it happens so gradually. It's only in the brief moments when I hang out with church people do I realize that something is amiss. But even then, it took many of such moments before I realized that I had been successfully socialized into uni life and now had a very monetary/practical way of looking at things. It made me angry to see how I've become the very thing I didn't want to become, and I put the blame on God. I didn't want to come to uni rmb? I said You just had to say the word, and I'll skip uni altogether. Because I knew it was highly probably that I'll get lost in the world and I was afraid. But no, You had to bring me here, now look what happened D:<
But I know that that's not true. I know that there's no one I can blame but myself for the pit I am in. Because God's word is true, and His ways are higher, and He doesn't tempt us. It's so difficult to get back to reading the bible and praying when God seems so far away. And so yesterday I did the one thing I could muster up willpower to do, I picked up a christian book and started reading. And it told me in a very in-your-face kind of manner, that life isn't about us. And I suppose, that eventually led to my toilet inspiration today.
It's quite simple really. In secondary school, I was always inviting God into everything I did. Inviting Him into my studies and into my class, inviting Him into my trumpet playing and into band. But so far in Semester 1, I haven't really invited God into much. And so my plan is quite simple, it's to invite God in this semester. Into my studies, into my hall life and hall activities and into my friendship. It was never really about choosing between school and church. It was simply learning to have God in everything you do, and doing what God wants you to do.
Step 1 of my grand action plan? Grab a friend and pray before our semis on monday. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier when I always did this before performance/competitions in band last time. Hahaha. As you know, the weather has been really bad recently. So when it starts drizzling during training, a long blade of grass will be plucked and then tucked into someone's pony tail. I don't know where that idea came from, perhaps it's just superstition. But since I'm a christian, I should do it the 'christian' way and just pray for good weather right? hahah
Alright. Keeping my fingers crossed! Hope inspiration and courage doesn't die out on me halfway!
Something broke through as I was showering today (funny how inspirations always come from the toilet huh). I finally admitted to myself that while I had an amazing semester 1, it was a semester that didn't have God in it and I was just building up my own kingdom. There were some nice quiet moments with God sure enough, but most of the time I was just preoccupied with clearing my list of things to do and getting intoxicated with each new experience. Your heart knows when something is not right. I knew I was starving my spirit man, but I always blamed it on someone else. A few days ago, I even blamed God.
You don't realize it at first because it happens it happens so gradually. It's only in the brief moments when I hang out with church people do I realize that something is amiss. But even then, it took many of such moments before I realized that I had been successfully socialized into uni life and now had a very monetary/practical way of looking at things. It made me angry to see how I've become the very thing I didn't want to become, and I put the blame on God. I didn't want to come to uni rmb? I said You just had to say the word, and I'll skip uni altogether. Because I knew it was highly probably that I'll get lost in the world and I was afraid. But no, You had to bring me here, now look what happened D:<
But I know that that's not true. I know that there's no one I can blame but myself for the pit I am in. Because God's word is true, and His ways are higher, and He doesn't tempt us. It's so difficult to get back to reading the bible and praying when God seems so far away. And so yesterday I did the one thing I could muster up willpower to do, I picked up a christian book and started reading. And it told me in a very in-your-face kind of manner, that life isn't about us. And I suppose, that eventually led to my toilet inspiration today.
It's quite simple really. In secondary school, I was always inviting God into everything I did. Inviting Him into my studies and into my class, inviting Him into my trumpet playing and into band. But so far in Semester 1, I haven't really invited God into much. And so my plan is quite simple, it's to invite God in this semester. Into my studies, into my hall life and hall activities and into my friendship. It was never really about choosing between school and church. It was simply learning to have God in everything you do, and doing what God wants you to do.
Step 1 of my grand action plan? Grab a friend and pray before our semis on monday. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier when I always did this before performance/competitions in band last time. Hahaha. As you know, the weather has been really bad recently. So when it starts drizzling during training, a long blade of grass will be plucked and then tucked into someone's pony tail. I don't know where that idea came from, perhaps it's just superstition. But since I'm a christian, I should do it the 'christian' way and just pray for good weather right? hahah
Alright. Keeping my fingers crossed! Hope inspiration and courage doesn't die out on me halfway!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
First Handball Match today! Look at our red shoes+long shorts+high socks and happy faces at having cleared part 1/4 of our journey to the top! :) I like how the lighting hides our ugly tan. ahahhahahh!I know we just started, but I'm already thinking about how we only have 3 matches and 1 week left before everything is over. I'm getting ready for the post competition feeling to hit once our nights are suddenly free of trainings. It should be similar to the post-syf syndrome right? Except that with a smaller group of people, the bonds are tighter so maybe it'll be worse. Sighhh, I'll miss everyone! To be honest, it wasn't really the sport that got to me but the people :/
Well, 1 week left! Enjoy the pressure, the camaraderie and the adrenaline rush while it lasts!
Raffles Handball FTW! :D
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sem 2 starts today!
And I finally get a few hours to sit around and do nothing because our (first) match got postponed due to bad weather! Hahha, it's in my genes to keep filling my time up with things (like my mom) and also to find pleasure in just nuaing (like my dad). In a strange way, it gets easier to understand your parents when you understand yourself. hahhha.
Sometimes it's quite scary to be grown up. Not that I am, legally or mentally. But one minute ago, I came to the startling realization that there isn't really an authoritative figure in my life anymore. With my parents overseas, I've been making most of my decisions purely on my own for about a year now. And with the change in cell leaders as well as my own questionable position in youth, somehow i just ended up being out here on my own. Having always lived under the covering of someone else, this is quite shocking indeed. I suppose at some point of time, everyone has to go from being chosen (by mentors and waiting for people to identify you) to choosing (our own values and identifying for ourselves mentors who display those values). It's so duhhh i know, but it just takes a little getting used to. I almost wish I was 15 again, but that's just dumb because I waited so long to grow up, be independent and become an amazing person. Oh the irony of life.
Time to go deep and get anchored in Christ.
He'll be my only redemption when I'm completely immersed in this dog eat dog world.
And I finally get a few hours to sit around and do nothing because our (first) match got postponed due to bad weather! Hahha, it's in my genes to keep filling my time up with things (like my mom) and also to find pleasure in just nuaing (like my dad). In a strange way, it gets easier to understand your parents when you understand yourself. hahhha.
Sometimes it's quite scary to be grown up. Not that I am, legally or mentally. But one minute ago, I came to the startling realization that there isn't really an authoritative figure in my life anymore. With my parents overseas, I've been making most of my decisions purely on my own for about a year now. And with the change in cell leaders as well as my own questionable position in youth, somehow i just ended up being out here on my own. Having always lived under the covering of someone else, this is quite shocking indeed. I suppose at some point of time, everyone has to go from being chosen (by mentors and waiting for people to identify you) to choosing (our own values and identifying for ourselves mentors who display those values). It's so duhhh i know, but it just takes a little getting used to. I almost wish I was 15 again, but that's just dumb because I waited so long to grow up, be independent and become an amazing person. Oh the irony of life.
Time to go deep and get anchored in Christ.
He'll be my only redemption when I'm completely immersed in this dog eat dog world.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
I'm reminded of the days when we turn up for band practice even though we were sick and couldn't play, just to watch what was happening so you don't miss out. That was the level of commitment that was expected from us, and that was what we gave. It's been awhile since anyone expected that level of commitment from me nor gave me a reason to give that kind of commitment. Handball does. But i don't know.
Nothing really comes close to the euphoria I get from making awesome heartfelt music as a group. You get an adrenaline rush, goose bumps come out, your heart feels like it's melting as you soar together with the music. I miss that, the beauty of excellence in music. These days i'm just scrapping by, making music that just barely manages to hold it all together. Where has the beauty of the unseen gone? Zzz. Oh well, onto other things.
For most things there are good days and bad days. Today's a good day for handball, and I got to clear up important nitty gritty details about what I'm supposed to do. It gives me a little more hope and purpose, so long as I get to repeat this at IHG. Really not sure how things might turn out and what my decision might be. Time will tell, for now just jiayou!
Nothing really comes close to the euphoria I get from making awesome heartfelt music as a group. You get an adrenaline rush, goose bumps come out, your heart feels like it's melting as you soar together with the music. I miss that, the beauty of excellence in music. These days i'm just scrapping by, making music that just barely manages to hold it all together. Where has the beauty of the unseen gone? Zzz. Oh well, onto other things.
For most things there are good days and bad days. Today's a good day for handball, and I got to clear up important nitty gritty details about what I'm supposed to do. It gives me a little more hope and purpose, so long as I get to repeat this at IHG. Really not sure how things might turn out and what my decision might be. Time will tell, for now just jiayou!
Monday, January 03, 2011
Sunday, January 02, 2011
If only the earth would open up and swallow me whole.
Such was my embarrassment at my stupidity today.
I debated between going to church and for handball friendly for the longest time before finally deciding to go for half of both. So this morning I happily took a bus to hall only to realize that i left my hall key at home (again)! Maybe God was punishing me. For compromising on the Sabbath. The last (and first) time I tried something like this, I totally wasted my whole day too. Sighhhhh. Seriously felt like slapping myself.
So i thought I'll skip handball and just be a good girl and head to church on time. But then my captain called to say that my coach was willing to pick me up from my house. Well, if my team wanted me there, then I guess I'll be there. But at least let me save some face by cabbing down instead of being picked up. So it was that I ended up back in school playing handball (really badly too), and I was too shame-faced and awkward to leave till i had at least attempted to be useful to the team. But since I suck, that ended up taking more time than expected and it was too late to go for service. Which made me feel awkward and ashamed too when I met the church peeps. Sighhhhhh.What wouldn't I give to restart the day and make things right. But it's over, and all I can do is to move on and not make the same mistake again. Sighhh.
And now.. I'm considering dropping handball after IHG. It's not like handball demands more than band ever did from me. It's just that, for some reason handball keeps clashing with church stuff. And besides, I don't think I'm really cut out to do sports. Over the past 3 months I've gotten a lot fitter but not much better at the game. How how how? Where's my place? Where do I fit in? Where am I needed?
Some how I think this will be a year of struggles and temptations for me. Bleaaaah. But with it comes the fruit of struggle too i guess. Oh God help me.
Such was my embarrassment at my stupidity today.
I debated between going to church and for handball friendly for the longest time before finally deciding to go for half of both. So this morning I happily took a bus to hall only to realize that i left my hall key at home (again)! Maybe God was punishing me. For compromising on the Sabbath. The last (and first) time I tried something like this, I totally wasted my whole day too. Sighhhhh. Seriously felt like slapping myself.
So i thought I'll skip handball and just be a good girl and head to church on time. But then my captain called to say that my coach was willing to pick me up from my house. Well, if my team wanted me there, then I guess I'll be there. But at least let me save some face by cabbing down instead of being picked up. So it was that I ended up back in school playing handball (really badly too), and I was too shame-faced and awkward to leave till i had at least attempted to be useful to the team. But since I suck, that ended up taking more time than expected and it was too late to go for service. Which made me feel awkward and ashamed too when I met the church peeps. Sighhhhhh.What wouldn't I give to restart the day and make things right. But it's over, and all I can do is to move on and not make the same mistake again. Sighhh.
And now.. I'm considering dropping handball after IHG. It's not like handball demands more than band ever did from me. It's just that, for some reason handball keeps clashing with church stuff. And besides, I don't think I'm really cut out to do sports. Over the past 3 months I've gotten a lot fitter but not much better at the game. How how how? Where's my place? Where do I fit in? Where am I needed?
Some how I think this will be a year of struggles and temptations for me. Bleaaaah. But with it comes the fruit of struggle too i guess. Oh God help me.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Hello 2011!
Entering yet another new season in life as we hit the big TWO-O! Before we know it, we wont be youths anymore, we'll start working, getting married, starting a family, turning 30, 40, 50 and so on. Okay, so maybe we're dramatizing the whole twenty thing a bit too much. But really, growing up is no easy feat, and after struggling for so many years, it's nice to know that you're at least at the beginning of the end (for the young part of your life anyway). No more puberty, no more struggling with love and acceptance, identity and self esteem and finding your place in the world. Not that I'm totally over it, i think I'll still struggle a fair bit more, but well at least it seems like the end isn't so elusive anymore. Haha.
With age comes freedom, maturity and responsibilities. It's not too bad. But we've also lost that childlike faith and wonder. Which is why it's nice to hang out with secellities, coz they remind you of the youthful vigor and excitement you once had, and also a reminder of just how far you've come. Maybe that's why the leaders like to hangout with their sheeps even though they're like a decade older. Hahhahaha.
Can't believe I'll still feel this at my age, but I'm dreading the start of school! Which is totally illogical because I'll be studying interesting stuff and as an arts student it's not like i have a terrible packed or heavy workload. Hahhahahah. Oh yea, and i'll be going cambodia for yep, so things should be quite exciting. But but but, it's the whole "church people syndrome" thing coz of December! :(
Oh shush!
Happy New Year everyone! :)
Entering yet another new season in life as we hit the big TWO-O! Before we know it, we wont be youths anymore, we'll start working, getting married, starting a family, turning 30, 40, 50 and so on. Okay, so maybe we're dramatizing the whole twenty thing a bit too much. But really, growing up is no easy feat, and after struggling for so many years, it's nice to know that you're at least at the beginning of the end (for the young part of your life anyway). No more puberty, no more struggling with love and acceptance, identity and self esteem and finding your place in the world. Not that I'm totally over it, i think I'll still struggle a fair bit more, but well at least it seems like the end isn't so elusive anymore. Haha.
With age comes freedom, maturity and responsibilities. It's not too bad. But we've also lost that childlike faith and wonder. Which is why it's nice to hang out with secellities, coz they remind you of the youthful vigor and excitement you once had, and also a reminder of just how far you've come. Maybe that's why the leaders like to hangout with their sheeps even though they're like a decade older. Hahhahaha.
Can't believe I'll still feel this at my age, but I'm dreading the start of school! Which is totally illogical because I'll be studying interesting stuff and as an arts student it's not like i have a terrible packed or heavy workload. Hahhahahah. Oh yea, and i'll be going cambodia for yep, so things should be quite exciting. But but but, it's the whole "church people syndrome" thing coz of December! :(
Oh shush!
Happy New Year everyone! :)
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