Mugging has formed it's own routine.
Wow, i've been spending 14hours in school each day and about 2 hours travelling which leaves me with 8 hours at home, of which 6 hours is spent sleeping and 2 hours for comp and bathing. No life! My only relief comes in the form of playing tap tap and spot the diff. What the heck.
And what's worse, LDMR is kicking in and mugging is getting less effective each day.
If I were to use running as an analogy, this is the point where you stop thinking about anything except putting one foot in front of the other. Left right left right left right... and on it goes.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Stressed!
Everytime I flip through my purple planner and I look at the syllabus, I really wonder how is it possible to cover everything in time. How can Physics become so majorly hard that there isn't a single topic that I can fully do when Physics used to be my best subject?! And I can't believe the geog department isn't going to teach us the essay part of Atmosphere but only the DRQ!! What the heck is wrong with my school!? GAH!
I wonder if I'm suffering from depression? Hah. At least I'm not suicidal. Yet.
I shocked myself yesterday and today by cracking lame jokes, laughing and feeling more energetic in school. It was such a big change from berakit where I was tired all the time. Does this mean something or am I reading too much into things? It's almost as if I have a double life.
I'm kinda hesitant about Vietnam. Despite what I've been saying about the rush and lack of preparation time, I suspect the truth is, I'm afraid that by the time my As are over, I would have been too far gone to have anything left to give. That, and I'm not sure if I'll know how to interact with the people in church anymore.
You're a coward for not speaking up liz. And no one knows the right questions to ask to get the right answers.
Everytime I flip through my purple planner and I look at the syllabus, I really wonder how is it possible to cover everything in time. How can Physics become so majorly hard that there isn't a single topic that I can fully do when Physics used to be my best subject?! And I can't believe the geog department isn't going to teach us the essay part of Atmosphere but only the DRQ!! What the heck is wrong with my school!? GAH!
I wonder if I'm suffering from depression? Hah. At least I'm not suicidal. Yet.
I shocked myself yesterday and today by cracking lame jokes, laughing and feeling more energetic in school. It was such a big change from berakit where I was tired all the time. Does this mean something or am I reading too much into things? It's almost as if I have a double life.
I'm kinda hesitant about Vietnam. Despite what I've been saying about the rush and lack of preparation time, I suspect the truth is, I'm afraid that by the time my As are over, I would have been too far gone to have anything left to give. That, and I'm not sure if I'll know how to interact with the people in church anymore.
You're a coward for not speaking up liz. And no one knows the right questions to ask to get the right answers.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Back from Indonesia!
The food at the hotel sure has improved over the 2 years I was gone. It was so shiok, I came back fatter even after 'downloading'! How ironic :/
I think my body is screwed up. Nowadays, the only time I ever feel awake is when I'm using my brain. It was quite terrible to feel physically tired throughout the whole trip eventhough I wasn't doing much and I have been getting a decent 6+hours of sleep the past few days. So weird right?
It's not just my body that's screwed up though, my soul is screwed up too. I can't seem to shake off this gloomy feeling no matter how hard I try. It only goes away when I'm studying coz I'm concentrating too hard to notice anything else. But the moment I stop, it comes back, and no matter who I'm with I keep feeling like I'm missing someone or something. What the heck is wrong with me? Blah, stupid sheep! Where's my shepherd?
So, in a month's time my parents will be off to Perth. I used to think that I outgrew my spoilt youngest child syndrome years ago, but I think the truth is I'm still spoilt by my family, just that I try not to exploit it too much now that I'm older(lol). In a month's time, there will be no mummy to pamper me when I'm sick or make funny drinks to keep me in good health. There will be no daddy to depend on for transport or to indulge my cravings. And with Tim off to army, there's no one to bully or take my pms out on. Wah, how can I lose 3 people by the end of my Prelims? It's quite scary to really think about it, especially with As around the corner and a big question mark for next year. God, you'll get me through this right? Coz I still have the church as my family right? right..?
10 days to Prelim
33 days to an empty house
57 days till I turn 18
78 days to As
100 days to freedom and to Vietnam
I actually counted everything
The food at the hotel sure has improved over the 2 years I was gone. It was so shiok, I came back fatter even after 'downloading'! How ironic :/
I think my body is screwed up. Nowadays, the only time I ever feel awake is when I'm using my brain. It was quite terrible to feel physically tired throughout the whole trip eventhough I wasn't doing much and I have been getting a decent 6+hours of sleep the past few days. So weird right?
It's not just my body that's screwed up though, my soul is screwed up too. I can't seem to shake off this gloomy feeling no matter how hard I try. It only goes away when I'm studying coz I'm concentrating too hard to notice anything else. But the moment I stop, it comes back, and no matter who I'm with I keep feeling like I'm missing someone or something. What the heck is wrong with me? Blah, stupid sheep! Where's my shepherd?
So, in a month's time my parents will be off to Perth. I used to think that I outgrew my spoilt youngest child syndrome years ago, but I think the truth is I'm still spoilt by my family, just that I try not to exploit it too much now that I'm older(lol). In a month's time, there will be no mummy to pamper me when I'm sick or make funny drinks to keep me in good health. There will be no daddy to depend on for transport or to indulge my cravings. And with Tim off to army, there's no one to bully or take my pms out on. Wah, how can I lose 3 people by the end of my Prelims? It's quite scary to really think about it, especially with As around the corner and a big question mark for next year. God, you'll get me through this right? Coz I still have the church as my family right? right..?
10 days to Prelim
33 days to an empty house
57 days till I turn 18
78 days to As
100 days to freedom and to Vietnam
I actually counted everything
Saturday, August 22, 2009
When the mugging begins, the fun begins!
So I did a couple of things today that I never thought I would do. I do hope no authoritative figure is reading this. If you are, pretend that you're not yea?
[1] I strolled into school at 11.30 today in order to catch some sleep at home rather than in the lecture hall. Kinda weird to pon half a day of school rather than the whole day right? And the new security guard just let me right in :)
[2] Then, I was so thick skinned as to walk right up and help myself to the buffet table meant for people who attended some talk in my school of which I'm not one of them. How shameless!
[3] For once, there wasn't anyone studying in the canteen at night. So I jumped from table to table with buddy jingx2 just for laughs and kicks. It was only then did I realize just how restrictive a skirt can be! :/
[4] And... I finally climbed the school back gate!! I've been wanting to do that for ages man! It's the legendary gate for late comers and early leavers! I even have a video with a mini story to it, waiting to be edited when I find the time :D
Okay, so it isn't totally crazy. But they are things that I've been wanting to do but never had the guts to. Mugging totally messes with my system. No good!
But for now, it's Berakit for me until I get back to school on Monday for more awesome crazy stunts!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I watched half of a korean drama online and then followed the rest through a blog. At the end of the series, what the blogger says about the hero is quite interesting.
"Mind you, his gifts aren’t even that extraordinary in the scheme of heroic gifts — he’s a great warrior, yes, but he is normal in other senses of the word. Iljimae is a Great Man, but his greatness doesn’t come from genius or wisdom or paranormal abilities. He just cannot live an ordinary life in extraordinary times. Perhaps in times of peace, he could be happy in an unremarkable life, his sense of justice and honor unchallenged. In an early episode, the narrator surmises that Iljimae may have been content to live as a simple fisherman with Keol-chi, if not for a disturbance that opened his eyes." - Javabeans
"Mind you, his gifts aren’t even that extraordinary in the scheme of heroic gifts — he’s a great warrior, yes, but he is normal in other senses of the word. Iljimae is a Great Man, but his greatness doesn’t come from genius or wisdom or paranormal abilities. He just cannot live an ordinary life in extraordinary times. Perhaps in times of peace, he could be happy in an unremarkable life, his sense of justice and honor unchallenged. In an early episode, the narrator surmises that Iljimae may have been content to live as a simple fisherman with Keol-chi, if not for a disturbance that opened his eyes." - Javabeans
Monday, August 17, 2009
It's nice to have relatives.
I didn't realize till now just what we were missing, living on our own.
Have I told you that I love my blankie? I changed my bedsheets and switched from the comforter back to my smelly blankie. It's about 12 years old now, a gift from my auntie. Well, just a random fact of the day.
16 days!
I didn't realize till now just what we were missing, living on our own.
Have I told you that I love my blankie? I changed my bedsheets and switched from the comforter back to my smelly blankie. It's about 12 years old now, a gift from my auntie. Well, just a random fact of the day.
16 days!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
I feel like I haven't truly had a good time for awhile now.
At least some tension was released during service today :)
I really like today's sermon, somehow it was just so apt, even the example given. Like James, I almost failed all my subjects this CT, and it's because of nothing else but laziness. Like him, I worry about answering to my parents and whether I can even make it into uni. Hopefully like him, I will be able to get things right with God and end up producing good results. I hope I really do have the potential I do not see but people seem to see in me.
Riddle
Your coolness results in my instability, so up and up I go, floating away to join the rest in the sky. For me to be stable once again, I need you who surrounds me to be warm, warmer than I am. What am I?
Ans: A parcel of air (highlight to see)
17 days.
At least some tension was released during service today :)
I really like today's sermon, somehow it was just so apt, even the example given. Like James, I almost failed all my subjects this CT, and it's because of nothing else but laziness. Like him, I worry about answering to my parents and whether I can even make it into uni. Hopefully like him, I will be able to get things right with God and end up producing good results. I hope I really do have the potential I do not see but people seem to see in me.
Riddle
Your coolness results in my instability, so up and up I go, floating away to join the rest in the sky. For me to be stable once again, I need you who surrounds me to be warm, warmer than I am. What am I?
Ans: A parcel of air (highlight to see)
17 days.
Band Investiture and Dinner&Dance!
Today unlocked a door I had already shut in pursuit of As. After 9 long years, it marks the official end of my band life. I have so much too say but I'm too tired to blog it all out. It's okay, I shall keep these special memories locked up in my heart, to be open only when I next bump into a bandie to have a conversation about band.
To Melanie, Sushuen and Amelia, thank you so much for having made my Victorian life so colourful! You girls are the best, craziest, closest, most drama-mama section I've ever had. We've done so many rubbish things together, my fb is flooded with our camwhore faces! So as the song played during the video goes, You'll always be a part of me! Love you all! Powerpuff girls live on! :)
Today unlocked a door I had already shut in pursuit of As. After 9 long years, it marks the official end of my band life. I have so much too say but I'm too tired to blog it all out. It's okay, I shall keep these special memories locked up in my heart, to be open only when I next bump into a bandie to have a conversation about band.
To Melanie, Sushuen and Amelia, thank you so much for having made my Victorian life so colourful! You girls are the best, craziest, closest, most drama-mama section I've ever had. We've done so many rubbish things together, my fb is flooded with our camwhore faces! So as the song played during the video goes, You'll always be a part of me! Love you all! Powerpuff girls live on! :)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
20 days.
I'm going to count everyday in order to stress myself into studying.
Now the question remains, to drop or not to drop??? Seriously, what's the point of having 4 H2 when I'm doing so badly and they are going to half my points anyway. Geog is worth dropping but I kinda love the subject. Econs I totally hate, but it's not worth dropping. Ack, how how how???
God what do I do?? Make it clear!
20 days!
How am I ever going to make it in time?
It saddens me but farewell C, you've lost me.
Now, Hello S!! :D
I'm going to count everyday in order to stress myself into studying.
Now the question remains, to drop or not to drop??? Seriously, what's the point of having 4 H2 when I'm doing so badly and they are going to half my points anyway. Geog is worth dropping but I kinda love the subject. Econs I totally hate, but it's not worth dropping. Ack, how how how???
God what do I do?? Make it clear!
20 days!
How am I ever going to make it in time?
It saddens me but farewell C, you've lost me.
Now, Hello S!! :D
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Running is therapeutic.
Other than burning fats and strengthening you heart, people say that running develops mental endurance. I find it therapeutic because with every step that I take in defiance to the pain, it feels like I'm taking a step of defiance against whatever is troubling me.
Hopefully, the longer I can run, the more disciplined my mind will be.
21 days to GP prelim.
Oh crap, you mean it's so soon!?
Hopefully, the longer I can run, the more disciplined my mind will be.
21 days to GP prelim.
Oh crap, you mean it's so soon!?
Monday, August 10, 2009
In the end, after all that talk and wallowing in self-pity making things seem really big and complicated and helpless, things are actually really simple. Basically, I'm leaving defeated. Dead. End of story. Rejection of the victory found at the cross, D.E.F.E.A.T.E.D. Like nothing's ever going to change because God's power is smaller than our circumstances.
What nonsense!
I choose Life, I claim victory! Not on my own defeated strength nor on my own abilities, but by the power of our almighty creator! :)
What nonsense!
I choose Life, I claim victory! Not on my own defeated strength nor on my own abilities, but by the power of our almighty creator! :)
Sunday, August 09, 2009
I remember disliking SeTT when I first came in. Gone were the pampering cell leaders, gone were my friends. I felt out of place with an unfamiliar cell. Each sunday afternoon was a battle between giving things a chance and crawling away to hide. Sometimes I would peep at club momo and wonder why they got to stick while I was on my own.
But time flies, people change. We adjust to let some people into our lives, and some people out. Sunday afternoons are now weird if I don't see my cell. When I peep at momo, it's often out of annoyance than anything else. I've gotten used to the quirky habits of the people around me and found that I actually quite like it here. Funny how things change yea?
I believe God is loving and faithful and I trust Him.
But I think I've lost faith in people. Frienships will end, love will fade, we're just too volatile to be trusted or believed in. I'll treasure what I have now but I can't hope for the future. But a person with no faith in people is a lonely and sad person. So that's what I am. A sad and lonely person who can't even get her studies right. I call my brother a joke, but I think I'm a bigger one.
But time flies, people change. We adjust to let some people into our lives, and some people out. Sunday afternoons are now weird if I don't see my cell. When I peep at momo, it's often out of annoyance than anything else. I've gotten used to the quirky habits of the people around me and found that I actually quite like it here. Funny how things change yea?
I believe God is loving and faithful and I trust Him.
But I think I've lost faith in people. Frienships will end, love will fade, we're just too volatile to be trusted or believed in. I'll treasure what I have now but I can't hope for the future. But a person with no faith in people is a lonely and sad person. So that's what I am. A sad and lonely person who can't even get her studies right. I call my brother a joke, but I think I'm a bigger one.
Friday, August 07, 2009
It was a pretty bad day when I finally got back all my results coz my average grade was a failing one. It's scary to think that 13 weeks before my official As, this is the worst grade I've ever got in VJ, or in my life for that matter. How am I going to answer to my parents? :(
What I need now is a conducive place to study and people (other than my family) to nag at me. Tell me to work hard now instead of that i'll make it at the end. Help me to live in the here and now rather than the future. It's time to admit that I can't do this alone, I need help. For Os I had 5 batchies and the secell leaders cheering me on. I know I'm not alone this time round either but somehow that's the way I feel.
I was out the whole day with my class clique today. We watched Up (nice show) and had ice cream buffet (not shiok though). The girls are really nice people, much nicer than I am and perhaps even the nicest classmates I've ever had. But somehow, I found myself missing someone(s). There's nothing I can do when life takes us on a different path. Perhaps what i really need, is just a different mindset before I drown in me and myself.
What I need now is a conducive place to study and people (other than my family) to nag at me. Tell me to work hard now instead of that i'll make it at the end. Help me to live in the here and now rather than the future. It's time to admit that I can't do this alone, I need help. For Os I had 5 batchies and the secell leaders cheering me on. I know I'm not alone this time round either but somehow that's the way I feel.
I was out the whole day with my class clique today. We watched Up (nice show) and had ice cream buffet (not shiok though). The girls are really nice people, much nicer than I am and perhaps even the nicest classmates I've ever had. But somehow, I found myself missing someone(s). There's nothing I can do when life takes us on a different path. Perhaps what i really need, is just a different mindset before I drown in me and myself.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Can I shut this down?
When I first started blogging, I didn't care if I sounded silly or naive or just plain stupid. I blogged whatever I wanted, rant whenever I had the urged. I wanted, to a certain extent, to not have to hide here. But as I got older, I found myself becoming more 'considerate'. There was never a post I published without worrying about how I would appear to people. Even now, I am wondering what you're thinking as you're reading this.
I find that I don't quite know where to draw the line between studies and church anymore. People push, nothing happens, and I feel dumb for standing behind the yellow line on my own. Although the temptation is always there, I've never liked using studies as an excuse to turn down church activities. But with unrighted 'wrongs' blurring the line, it's increasingly difficult to say yes. Should I even be saying yes? I don't even know. If my bad results persists, it may mark my disappearance. If I faded into the background, would I be forgotten? Coz if you did, I would.
When I first started blogging, I didn't care if I sounded silly or naive or just plain stupid. I blogged whatever I wanted, rant whenever I had the urged. I wanted, to a certain extent, to not have to hide here. But as I got older, I found myself becoming more 'considerate'. There was never a post I published without worrying about how I would appear to people. Even now, I am wondering what you're thinking as you're reading this.
I find that I don't quite know where to draw the line between studies and church anymore. People push, nothing happens, and I feel dumb for standing behind the yellow line on my own. Although the temptation is always there, I've never liked using studies as an excuse to turn down church activities. But with unrighted 'wrongs' blurring the line, it's increasingly difficult to say yes. Should I even be saying yes? I don't even know. If my bad results persists, it may mark my disappearance. If I faded into the background, would I be forgotten? Coz if you did, I would.
Sunday, August 02, 2009
With the current food prices, is it possible to survive on $8.30 a day assuming there is never food at home? Yes, but it's no wonder I have no appetite these days.
Ack I hate PMS. I keep having sudden bouts of extreme emotions. It may sound a bit what to keep blaming everything on hormonal imbalance, but I'm telling you, it can really disrupt your whole lifestyle. It's so annoying to NOT be able to be rational. Why is there no passage in the bible that deals with pms? Now that would be funny. Hahhah. Maybe pms has gotten worse coz of genetic mutation.
Ahhhh God, please make all these irrational fears and self-doubt go away now, pls pls pls!
Ack I hate PMS. I keep having sudden bouts of extreme emotions. It may sound a bit what to keep blaming everything on hormonal imbalance, but I'm telling you, it can really disrupt your whole lifestyle. It's so annoying to NOT be able to be rational. Why is there no passage in the bible that deals with pms? Now that would be funny. Hahhah. Maybe pms has gotten worse coz of genetic mutation.
Ahhhh God, please make all these irrational fears and self-doubt go away now, pls pls pls!
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