Exams are officially over.
Gone is the yayness of it being over as the lousy feeling of having to do PW kicks in. Dang.

Sometimes I feel like slapping myself for being a hypocrite.
As a 2nd generation christian, it's easy to think you're okay when you have all that knowledge about christianity in your head and you're behaving, serving and supposedly living like one. Yet once again, I'm reminded that God looks at the heart.

I've come to realize that changing ourselves is not about willpower but about the heart.
For example, we know that as christians we should tame our tongue. So we try to clean up our vocabulary and we try our best to resist temptation to blurt out secrets so as not to gossip. But that's running on willpower and more often than not, our self-control will fail us and we end up saying rubbish again. But when your heart is changed, it's no longer about trying to control your desires, but the desire to speak rubbish is no longer even there.

Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

In a way, the state of my heart and the state of my walk with God is reflected in my blog.
When it gets quiet on God it means my heart's gone quiet with Him.
And .. it's gotten a little quiet around here lately.
Where has the passion gone to?
(plays Made to Love by Toby Mac)

I don't want to live a lie.
False christianity sits cold and heavy in your stomach. It makes you wanna puke. But true christianity is like hot soup in your belly on a cold, lonely night when you are feeling oh-so-hungry.

And.. I'm feeling too sleepy to continue blogging...
Zzzz.
---

God of mercy, show Your mighty hand
God of wonder, breathe on us again
You're my King and all-consuming fire
Heaven shakes, Your might tears up the sky

Surrender all, surrender all
I'm dead to sin, alive within
Surrender all, surrender all

God, Almighty, change my dark to light
God of passion, gave Your blood as life
You're my King and all-consuming fire
Strip away the flesh and take me higher

Surrender all - parachute band

Elizabeth chirped at 12:25 PM | No comments

WHoooooooo!
Just 1 more, 1 more, ONE MORE!
I can smell freedom in the air!

So, maths was disgusting. Not that the paper was hard. I just forgot a lot of stuff.
Surprisingly, I had fun doing my geog paper. Sigh, stupid love hate relationship. It's fun to just smoke pages after pages. Somehow, i think i'm going to do better for geog than maths again.

ONE paper left!
Physics! Supposedly my strongest subject :S

In 16 hours I'll be free!

Elizabeth chirped at 7:09 PM | No comments

In my weakness you are made strong.

So, I was complacent and thought I could start on geog 1 day before the exams and finish it on time. That's what I normally do, and i'll pick topics, and scrap a decent mark somehow. But, lo and behold, this method does not work for As. Because the topics are much much bigger and they are doing one of those combine topics approach again.

I'm hoping that it's not going to be too hard to crap out 30marks worth of answer tmr. If not, I'm resigned to taking the R-paper. My fault really.
But guess what?
A thousand times I've failed still your mercy remains.
--

Joey is Awesome with her awesomeness.
But, the God we believe in is awesomely more awesome than all her awesomeness :)
Hah!

Elizabeth chirped at 8:40 PM | No comments

Stupid stupid stupid!
WHY DID I TAKE GEOG?!
Why oh whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Or rather, why couldn't they put geog yst afternoon!?
Then only the geog ppl who take chem will die. But, because they put it tmr, now ALLLL of us geogers will die because we alll take maths!
Fine, i'm being selfish.

*Slap slap slap!
Get a grip!

The sun is setting soon, and i still have a 5cm stack of notes to cover. WHOOOOOOOO!

Back to mugging.
I just need to survive another 43hours.
Go go go!

Elizabeth chirped at 4:05 PM | No comments

I just tabao teh for mugginng time later!
Yay, i'm a happy girl.
Teh bing is officially my new favourite drink till i get sick of it. Like green tea and ice lemon tea and what not.

Yes! I've completed 2 verbal vormit papers already with just 1 more to go.
Sometimes i feel like slapping myself for being a confused half-half. For the thousandth time, i'm wondering if i should have taken chem.

So, my rebellion ended early when I begin to freak for econs. Sigh.
It's funny how a large percentage of us never once worried about getting promoted to the next level until we hit JC. And then from aspiring for As, we start to aspire to ... pass. Perhaps the paper's different, but still... it's insane.

Once again I find myself wondering where did I go wrong coz it feels like I messed something up again somehow.
"All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord." Prov 16:2
What say you God?

Elizabeth chirped at 12:40 PM | No comments

I'm so not in the mood to study.
This is turning out to be one of the slackest, least studied, least mattered exam and probably most disastrous result for me. God, I've worked hard for so many exams before this, so can I pls slack off for this one?????
Whatever happened to the passion, enthusiasm and what not?
Sigh.

Sometimes it's tempting to just totally flunk it so I can make a point and see the shock on people's face. Just that the cost of that outweighs its benefits. Oh gosh, CBA
Poor little singaporeans. We know we dislike the education system but we're too scared to break ourselves free from it.

Oh gosh, I'm annoying myself with my annoyance.
I want a hug!
More than a hug, I want to pray with comfortable people.
Coz more than anything else now, God I need you.

"Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."
I haven't been sowing much. What am I to face?

I need to see through Your eyes again. I need to view things in the right perspective. I need You to rescue me again before I lose myself in my own folly.

This is my struggle.
This is my hope.

Elizabeth chirped at 2:51 PM | No comments

I'm wondering...
did i just do something wrong within my sphere of influence?

People change. People hide.
What's going through your mind?
Outer circles. Inner circle.
I need to know what's going through your mind.
Perceptions. Deceptions...
I should stop this abstract thing coz it's not even cool.

Haha. I should be worrying about my promos instead.
5 days to temporary freedom! Than it's back to slogging my guts out for PW.
24 days to a more realistic freedom!
Is it too much to hope that I don't have to take any R-papers?

Elizabeth chirped at 12:24 AM | No comments

You know how in TV shows, there will always be some super sly person who goes around gaining the trust of others so that they can manipulate them to their own advantage? And we as audiences will go "Nooooo! so stupid! why he believe her?!?"

Yea. So maybe that's TV, and everything is dramatised.
But sometimes I wonder if there's people like that around us too just that we don't realize it. Prehaps not as evil as those found in TV shows.

Dots. What's up with me.
I should stop brooding about everything and nothing.
Joey, Joey. Where are you?

Elizabeth chirped at 10:11 PM | No comments

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23

What teens have that adults do not have is passion. Drive. Hope.
We're naive. Innocent in a certain sense.
And we're impressionable.
Sometimes wounds inflicted at this stage can have a really long and lasting impact.

If God looks at our heart, then the state of our heart must be precious to Him.
Which is why we are to guard it. Against the wolves that seek to devour it. Who wants to tear it apart, abuse it, and then throw the broken pieces back at Him. Because our broken hearts breaks God's heart. Attack ours, and they score another point against Him.

So guard your heart.
And be careful not to tear the hearts of others up.

Sounds abstract.Hah.
I just wanna say, I'm really greatful for the few close friends He has given me :)

Elizabeth chirped at 11:35 PM | No comments

I talk a lot.
Especially on this blog.
But faith without deed is dead.
Got to cross the street dude.

Time to stop pulling disappearing acts on my school friends. Sorry guys. Or rather girls. Hah. My cliques in school is made up of only girls. It's like a girls school all over again.

In an effort to show you my community in school, let me start by introducing you to Melanie Chan! (On my left)
I call her Melly for short.

She looks like a really good girl in this picture, but she's actually a pon star whose catch phrase is "I whack you ah!"
I'm meeting her for our hot date tmr! :D

Elizabeth chirped at 9:10 PM | No comments

Joey is awesome! hahahhaha!
I thank God for best friends.
Sometimes it's really hard, when you're prayer buddy is not physically present to pray with you. I think it's been ages since I last prayed prayed with a person. Somehow praying with other people while it's still powerful and effective and all, isn't the same as praying with your yoke buddy. Sigh.

So, I don't know what came over me. But somehow when I reached home, there was this heavy burden weighing on my spirit. Spending time in prayer alone with God didn't really do much to lessen the weight of it. I thought prehaps it was exam stress, but I found my prayers going in many directions but studies. I would have slept it off if Joey hadn't msg me and I decided to be nice and come online.

And so we started praying together through skype. Something we hadn't done in ages. And as she prayed, I started crying and crying for the burden that was weighing down on me whatever it was. Prehaps I was crying for us all. For the times in the past when we would pray. When we walked around the classrooms in church praying and singing. I still don't quite know what happened. Except that I felt so weighed down. And that after praying with her, the burden was lifted.

Prehaps i've been trying to be strong on my own strength. And God just wanted to remind me that the body is a community. That no christian can stand alone.

There. I've bared my heart here. Here where I do not know who is reading nor can i control it. Because it is in my weakness that God's strength is most evident. To show you His strength I must show you my weakness. I don't even know if I've shown it clearly coz I'm still a little.. unsettled. But I just feel like telling everyone that He rocks! Whooo!

And I miss Joey. I miss Rachel. I miss Shalom. I miss the girls. Goodness. I miss praying comfortably. I miss O lvl period when we were praying together as a batch. I miss hanging out to do something more than just to play.

Nowadays, relationships are so superficial, it's no wonder we often find ourselves uncontented and searching for something more.

I almost forgot. GP's tmr. At this point of time, promos just sound so small and insignificant. Small and insignificant it may be, but i still have to take it. Dots. okay, time to sleep. I'm almost deranged.

Elizabeth chirped at 11:37 PM | No comments

I'm not suppose to be online till 9pm, but well, I decided to cut myself some slack.

Bleah.
So I messed up a little for the 2nd time out of 3 physics spa so far. Messed up when you should be scoring full marks. Right.

I was contemplating this and comparing spa vs practical on the bus ride home. As I listened to Toby Mac, somehow a quiet kind of joy sneaked in.


The paparazzi flashes, and that they think that it's you,
But they don't know that who you are is not what you do,
True, we get it twisted when we peak at the charts,
Yo before we part from the start,
Where's your heart?
You a pimp, hustler?
Tell me what's your title,
America has no more stars, now we call them idols,
You sit idle, While we teach prosperity,
The first thing to prosper should be inside of me.
We're free...Not because of 22's on the range,
But Christ came in range, we said yes now we changed,
Not the same, even though I made a fall,
Since I got that call, no more Saul, now I'm Paul.

It's like, there's hope. Purpose. Meaning. I wasn't doing this for the grades so relax dude.
I saw/felt God's hand covering me. And I was.. happy. To know that I'm covered by someone greater.

In fact, ever since I've gotten to know Him, the way I view my studies and my approach to studying has changed and there's no going back. I can't really remember now, but I think I was actually quite upset when I got my PSLE results. I really didn't want to go to St Margs, but my results were too lousy to go to any better school plus I felt I could do so much better. As a result, there was this.. drive/desire to want to do well and prove my worth in Sec 1. It reached a point where I was so stress and about to break down. And that's when I got my first encounter with God. I've not turned back since. And He has never failed me.

I could go on and on, but it's time to mug.
So, I was kinda like watching my life flash before me and thanking God for all the wonderful changes He brought to my life. And He smiled back in response saying "you're welcome!"

My personal God, and His awesome life-changing love :)

Elizabeth chirped at 12:27 PM | No comments

Time passes really slowly when you are mugging.
I wish the weekends were here again.
The Law of Diminishing marginal returns has set in. I can't stay focus for more than 5 mins.

Exam Time-table!
18 Sep - GP
23 Sep - Econs
25 Sep - Maths & Geog
26 Sep - Physics
HOORAY!!!!
29 Sep - CL B -.-"

Won't be online that often until then.

Joey is awesome!
And I think my classmates have become deranged from all the mugging. Class blog gone mad.

Elizabeth chirped at 10:18 PM | No comments

And so, I had my first night cycling experience.
Wasn't exactly what I had expected it to be, but nevertheless it was an interesting experience. Since it was hard to talk while cycling in a single line, I was pretty much left to my own thoughts.

Prehaps as teenagers our view of the world is simplistic and naive (doesn't that sound familiar? *snigger*), but we often have pretty pictures of the future in our heads. We are full of hope and dreams, but we often forget that attaining those dreams would be a long and ardous process. The thought of cycling through the night sounds like fun. But it's only when you go experience it for yourself that you realize how tiring it can actually be. Cycling upslopes, sore bumps, sore palms, having to keep cycling even when you're eyes are drooping etc. And prehaps you'll regret turning up when you could be in bed snoring away. Indeed, nothing comes without labour. All the pretty images you have in your head, if you want to make them come through, you better be prepared to slog your guts out for it.

I think that sounds like marriage to me. Lol.
It sounds wonderful, it looks wonderful and it probably is wonderful. But behind all the glitter and what not, a lot of work is put into making a marriage work. Well yea, this is just an illustration. Which brings me to my next point.

Studies.
To put it in a negative way, I've been quite ill-discipline or heck-care about my studies of late. I'm not as hardworking as people seem to think I am after all. hah! But well, I prefer to think of it as me rebelling against the world. I've heard and seen how JC sucks the life out of people. It's a life-sucker and so I'm rebelling against it. C'mon man. I don't want my thoughts, my actions, my conversations, my very world to revolve around studies and the needless fear of failure.

As I've said earlier, nothing comes without labour. Whatever mountain top you want to be on, you're going to have to climb to reach it. I just don't want to climb all the way to the top only to look at the opposite side and realize I'm on the wrong mountain top. That would be so -.-"

Hence my rebellion. I'm not certain what I want to be in the future or where I wana go. But I'm certain that this mad rush for 'success' is so not the mountain I wanna climb. I'm not going to labour to get some hot shot scholarship or for a slot in some prestigious university course. Not that I don't care about doing well in my studies. Just you wait and see, I'm going to ace my As. HAH! But I'm going to do it without shutting myself up in some corner of the world or cutting down on my church activities. Why? Coz as I did with Os, I'm going to prove that you don't have to stop living to achieve that little goal you want. Yes, i think that if results are all you've got in your mind you might as well be dead. And yes, acing As is just a puny little thing compared to the sheer size and strength of God. Wah, i feel all fired up and pek chek.

In answer to Isaiah's question, prehaps I wanna be like young David. The Giant killer.
While people freak out and pee in their pants, i'll come skipping in with a sling and a little rock to take the giant down. Why so confident? Dude, I've got the biggest boss you'll ever find backing me up.

Elizabeth chirped at 9:34 PM | No comments

Song of the day:


Finally.
After being in some state of 'high-ness' for 3 days, I've finally calmed down and started mugging.
Looking at the upcoming promos with this mindset, I'm starting to question my decision to go for night cycling. When you find that you're the only JC student attending the event, you start wondering if there's something wrong with that picture. Well well. I think if not for that, I wouldn't have started mugging today.

Okay. Cool.
I've gone into mugger mode already.
So sorry if I piss anyone off. I tend to do that when I get serious. Ho hum.

Elizabeth chirped at 9:51 PM | No comments

I was suppose to be studying but ended up listening to this message instead.
But I think it's worth it. More than just studying, we need to think about the larger picture in life, like what are you studying for?

Great sermon.
Though, you may want to foward for about 10 mins.
The Giant Killer

Elizabeth chirped at 6:22 PM | No comments

Skipped out of school early.
I hate getting the cold coz it drains the life out of me.
I know i've been blogging really random stuff recently. Lol.
I'm craving for gummies, chocolates and what not.
I should be mugging now.

Toby Mac grows on you.
At first I only liked 1 song coz everything else seemed too noisy for my taste. But now the other songs are getting stuck in my head too. Like the one below.
Love is in the house whoo!

Elizabeth chirped at 4:45 PM | No comments

Back to school again!
For a moment, I felt like I grew by 10 cm or something. That's coz the average height of the people around me suddenly dropped. No offence girls!

Shooooooo! Stupid cold.

Joey is retarded!
Excerpts from our conversation.

elizabeth; i'll poke you with my pen! says:
let's play seven up!
JOEY! i'll sit on you. says:
i have an idea
how bout
we play 2 DOWN? :D
elizabeth; i'll poke you with my pen! says:
1
JOEY! i'll sit on you. says:
nonono
i wanna start!
1
elizabeth; i'll poke you with my pen! says:
DOWN!
JOEY! i'll sit on you. says:
3
elizabeth; i'll poke you with my pen! says:
DOWN!
JOEY! i'll sit on you. says:
5
elizabeth; i'll poke you with my pen! says:
DOWN!
.
.
.

elizabeth; i'll poke you with my pen! says:
i shouuld star studying now....
JOEY! i'll sit on you. says:
why you dont wanna talk to me.
elizabeth; i'll poke you with my pen! says:
i need to promote dude
JOEY! i'll sit on you. says:
who is dude?
why you need to promote him?
elizabeth; i'll poke you with my pen! says: -.-"...

Goodness! How retarded.
Sometimes you forget that this is how immature 17yrs old girls can be.
Right. I should be studying now.

Elizabeth chirped at 9:04 PM | No comments

School starts tmr.
I still can't stand the fact that exams in JCs are right after the holidays. It screws up people like me who take time to warm up and can't multi-task too well.
Didn't really mug this hols. To me, holidays = holidays. You shouldn't be mugging during the holidays. Oh whatever.

11 days to GP!
17 days to everything else!
Whooo~ Joy~ *does the finger thing*
Just a little bit more.

I like this statement.
"Love is blind. That's why we bring it to God. So He can shine light on it."

Sometimes I wonder, if Jesus was a man just like us, did he struggle with love?
Prehaps he did. Imagine being persecuted by the very people you love. Or being able to see the heart of the one you love. To see both the good and the bad that's in the heart, and to still love.
Prehaps there was no 'one heart' that captured his because it was already captured by every single one of us.
Or maybe he didn't struggle with love because he didn't need to. He just loves. But i think he understood the pain of loving. The ache that comes from being unable to have the heart you want to have. To be spurned in love. Rejected.

Well, love is in the house whoo!

Elizabeth chirped at 9:57 PM | No comments

It's a quiet night.
And I'm feeling reflective.

It's been about 5 years or more since I stopped "hanging out" with the adults from Bishan home cell. As kids, we would always follow our parents for lunch after children church and I would "attend" homecell on fridays too (or rather play with all the other bishan kids).

After dinner, with no where else to go and no one else to jio, Rachel and I headed to her home where the Bishan homecell people gather on fridays. Basically, I was there to get a lift home from my dad. It's been a while since I last took a ride in my dad's car at night since I keep getting lifts from other people (and I'm grateful for each one, really). So it was with a slight hint of nostalgia that I sat in the car tonight. It felt different, familiar, safe and comforting somehow.

Mr Fu was in the car with us as my dad was going to give him a lift home. Don't ask me why, but I was struck by the fact that in the car now sat 3 generations. I sat silently, as if I was a part of the background, and they talked about God in general and their families. As I listened, I felt a tinge of guilt and sadness. It's like, somehow I've gotten caught up with being a youth, with being with youths, with being part of The youth group, that I've forgotten the church was made up of other people other than just youths. Every sunday, under the same roof, separated only by panels, was a room full of christians who have been following the Lord for many years now and have vast wisdom, knowledge and experiences. Yet I could go through many sundays having not talked to any of them, as if they didn't exist.

Well, it was only later, after Mr Fu had gotten off the car, that I started talking. Once again, I was struck by how it's been a long time since I've had a proper conversation in the car with my dad. I was asking about what he would do when he retired and contemplating where we (the kids) would be in life at that point of time. He answered, we talked, and he ended with this: "At the end of the day, we don't have to worry lar. Just trust God, He will provide. I've been following Him for so long now, and I tell you, never once have our family been in need." And I could imagine him seeing a re-run of us (kids) growing up as he said that. Here was a man who definitely knew what he was talking about.

At this point, I'm just feeling really thankful for my family and for all the grace and mercy God has shown us over all these years. Before I knew Him, before I asked Him to, He was already there taking care of me, of all of us. Sometimes, you need to zoom out from your own life to see the bigger picture, before you can see just how God has been working. In this case, it was only there in the car, that I saw how my family was sitting snugly in the palm of His hands. Indeed it is a blessing to have grown up in the house of God.

I just wanna say, Thank You Lord.

Elizabeth chirped at 12:34 AM | No comments

Happy 4th Baptism Day to us!

We went from this in 2004..

..to this in 2008.
And still growing some more!
---

4 differenct distinct personalities, held together by a common birth year and common identity as a child of God. Prehaps we're not as close as before which can be both good and bad, but I'm still thankful to God for my girlfriends :)

At 13, we were full of complains.
At 17, we're full of nonsense.
At 21, what would we be like?
ho hum.

More than just checking how we've changed in terms of characteristics and what not, i think a check on our spiritual growth is long overdue. It'a already been 4 years since I decided to follow Jesus. We're not all that young spiritually, but i suppose still pretty much untried. There's still so much I do not know about God, still so much I have yet to do for Him. The path before me is a long and winding one but I intent to walk it through right till the very end.

4 years and many many more to go! :)

Elizabeth chirped at 12:56 AM | No comments

I don't wanna gain the whole world, and lose my soul~
What if you lose both?

He huffs and he puffs, not to blow the house down, but to snuff the flame out. whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~

"how do you blow shit out?"

i'm being random.

Elizabeth chirped at 4:01 AM | No comments

What I really want to do now is to hug my metre long teddy and look at the starry sky.
But there's no stars tonight :(
*pouts*

Elizabeth chirped at 1:46 AM | No comments

Imagine.
You go blog hopping, and you find many people blogging about how they studied or who they studied with and you think about how unproductive you've been the past few days :)
You find yourself cancelling out on someone yet again :)
You see the dreaded letters P and W :)

I can't wait for J1 to be done and over with. In fact, I can't wait for JC life to be over. So much for touch and go and having lots of fun/stress in the process. Oh gosh. I can't imagine a life condemned to slogging my guts out for people. That would be so utterly meaningless. The chances of me wasting my university education away is quite high.

I think.
I am just pmsing.
Or, the stress is about to drive me nuts :)
Where's my chill pill??

"I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.."
Lose my soul - Toby Mac

Elizabeth chirped at 11:33 PM | No comments

Just met up with Zhen Li today to watch Money No Enough 2.
People say that the friends who hold you through life are normally your secondary school friends or Pre-U friends there about. Hmm.

I wonder when i'm older, will i struggle with taking care of my parents like the brothers did in the film? What if my job demands a lot of my time? What if my parents get some kind of serious illness? It's easy to condemn the brothers for treating their mom like that, but I think we can never really understand and see how their hands are bound until we are in a similar situation. Keeping God's commandment to honour our father and mother would be taken to a whole new level.

"How can I miss someone I have never met before so much?"
Ever since watching Facing the giants, this question has been ringing in my mind. It has always felt strange, not in a bad way though, to pray for a figure who is not yet in your life. The whole concept gives me a strange feeling when I think about it.

Well, just some random thoughts on random stuff.
I should, stop going out and start mugging. But dang, i really don't have the heart to mug if i can't go out :/

It's time to prepare my fields for the rain. God's gonna do a miracle once again :)

Elizabeth chirped at 8:13 PM | No comments