hey hello

vbs just ended yesterday and it was totally a BIG stretch for me.
i know that i've really learnt to appreciate the word of God much more.


and it's really fierce.
hanging out with the VBS worship team, especially the muzos was madness.
but we really had it through thick and thin, been through tonnes of discipleship, pray for each other, pray together, watch out for one another and exhort each other along. this is what i love to do. play music for God, fight the temptation to be arrogant and proud, watch out for your brothers and sisters, grow in skills and in spirit, and of course, have lots of nonsense and fun.

much of my time in VBS was spent with KS.
it's crazy and almost unhealthy to hang out with KS.
he is full of crap, and the worst thing is that we share similar kinds of humor.
he changes lyrics of songs according how his minds reacts to it. and he goes around telling everyone about any crap jokes we make, even though many actually don't care or don't get it.

who would change the term "sleepy" into "fierce"
hahahahaha.
it was crap. when we were in svc, some of us were tired and started to become sleepy, we helped each other stay awake by jabbing each other, spraying water at each other, spam sour-sweet candies, and occasionally we laugh ourselves awake.

we would poke the one who is falling asleep and say "eh, don't 'fierce-out' leh."
or KS would wake up from a brief moment from falling asleep as say "die, fierce already."

i guess this stretch is really great because now that we've gotten discipleship is areas like discipline, spirituality and skills, and pushing the VBS worship team to the very limits, i think we have grown much more than how we have started off. personally, i feel that i've grown in my spiritual life, and in my drumming skills (boy was i rusty). on top of that, i have learn to listen better. i now listen to the musicians with a critical mindset, knowing what can be improved about the sound and how it is affecting the sound - be it how is it played or perhaps it is the eq-lization. that's my one step closer to being a worship-team leader one day!

Pastor Lia said something inspiring to the VBS worship team:
"You will never feel rested. This is how it is going to feel like 9 out of 10 times you go out there."

this is not only true on worship team, but on any other ministry or even our own spiritual lives. there is no rest in pursuing Jesus. in fact, Jesus did not promise us an easy happy-go-lucky lifestyle, but a life of continual submission, surrender, and discipleship.

i've learnt that the anointing of God doesn't just come with a mere praying-up. anointing comes with a holy lifestyle, a humble-and-completely-submissive heart to God, as well as utmost focus on seeking His presence at all times. In fact, this is just the start of my discovery about God's presence and anointing. I am sure there is so much more God is revealing to me slowly. Yes, time with God brings in anointing, but God has always shown me that my life, and my heart determines how much God will use me to convey His presence to the people.

this is scary because my life, my heart and my mind is so volatile and yet the responsibility to handle God's presence and anointing is all on my shoulders. indeed, without a fear of the Lord, life in worship team will be a struggle. and there is never enough fear of the Lord in us, always. i still seek to fear God more. i need to be afraid of living an unholy lifestyle. i'm not fearful enough.

God showed me a few areas of my heart i need to change. and God said this to me (or at least i felt God tugging at me in this area): "Dex, you want to have a father's heart, but look at your heart now. You are not ready yet." Then God started showing me all the areas I have to work on in my heart and character. He literally showed me area by area. He began showing me things that would make me feel all the things I would feel upset/jealous/insecure about and then He said, "You should not be reacting this way emotionally. change."

VBS was not only about memorizing memory verses (which I think i did pretty well, anyway), or receiving from different Pastors.

VBS was a physical stretch in skills and discipline.
VBS was spiritual breakthrough, in personal life with God and in character.





if you have not attended VBS this year, go for VBS 2008.












Now, the next season of exciting things.
3rd Day and 41st Day!!!!!!!




-dexter

hi,


i am an impatient boy who wants everything now.
















and i need to stop being like that.




-dexter

hi,

all's been well i guess?
yeah.
but really want to do more for God for the remaining 4 or 5 months i have.

would love to do more on worship team
would love to be in more worship team - play drums, guitar, bv, percussions, anything!
would love to learn more about leading worship and worship teams
would love to grow a few levels up in playing and in pulling the presence of God

would love to go back to people work
would love to do follow up
would love to do some admin work
would love to preach and build them up

would love to bring 3rd Day to a whole new level
would love to bring 3rd Day closer and stronger
would love to make 3rd Day into a spiritual ministry, not just excitement
would love to be a great leader for 3rd Day

would love to be on staff in church one day
would love to do all those random things in the office
would love to plan and coordinate events
would love to serve Pastors daily, anytime, anywhere

would love to train up new percussionists
would love to teach and guide
would love to instill new perspectives
would love to watch them rise up and grow

would love to give God every single glory
would love to keep myself constantly in His presence
would love to change for the better every single day
would love to be able to control my emotions, feelings and desires properly

would love to have more money so that i can be on time for BF
would love to have more control over spending (eating too much haha)

would love to go to the gym (it's been 3 or 4 weeks since i went!)
would love to lose some fats
would love to look more toned
would love to NOT be big and buffed (just toned)

would love to be treated like human
would love NOT to be treated as if I don't matter
would love to be someone of significance
would love NOT to be ignored




so much i want
so little i can do now.
who do i have to blame?



"feeling" is a beautiful but sometimes, rather a stupid thing.
beautiful because you can feel God
beautiful because you can feel happy and joyful
beautiful because you can feel important and significant
beautiful because you can feel on-fire and motivated
beautiful because you can feel loved by people around you
beautiful because you can feel like loving someone or something alot
beautiful because you don't get to control it, it's natural.
beautiful because it makes you do things you wanna do.
stupid because you can feel hurt, upset and angry
stupid because you can feel insignificant and unimportant
stupid because it makes you do the most ridiculous things
stupid because it makes you say things you know you will regret later
stupid because whatever beauty mentioned above can become 'not-so-strong'
stupid because it's inconsistent
stupid because it makes one inconsistent
stupid because you can feel insecure
stupid because you can destroy yourself with it
stupid because you can feel dead in the spirit and lifeless in the body
stupid because you can feel lazy
stupid because you can feel unwanted, not cherished and unloved
stupid because it can be a convenient excuse to say "i don't feel like."
stupid because you don't get to control it, it's natural.
stupid because it makes you do things you wanna do.


we all should learn how to control our "feelings" even though it's not quite possible.
we need to know that wise people don't do what they feel.
wise people think before they do, then feel later.
and yes, I myself, have to learn and change in this area of "feeling"
it makes me volatile and inconsistent.
and it's holding me back from being the full-fledged Dexter.
i am more than who i am now.
i just need to have more self-control, patience, kindness, love, joy, peace and everything!

everything in Galatians 5:22-23, i need more.
i think you all need it too.
especially those who struggle with "feelings"




remember, "feeling" is never a reason to doing things that may hurt others or may hinder others or even harm yourself in anyway. "feeling" is just a convenient excuse to do things your own way. sometimes, it is a rather selfish excuse.

"feeling" is a beautiful ability given to us by God. to beautify and exhort ourselves.
"feeling" is a wonderful innate ability to glorify God with and to grow closer to God with.
"feeling" is given by God to allow us to love one another, be kind to one another, make peace with one another and be tolerant with one another.
"feeling" is a gorgeous gift from God to tie the link between mankind and mankind; animals and mankind; plants and mankind; God and mankind.
"feeling" is for us from God to tighten the knots between each other, not loosen.

"feeling" is not an excuse
and it was never meant to hurt someone else with.
it is not sefish.


i must stop being selfish.



-dexter