i dunno why. i honestly feel disturbed.. im always too self-conscious..

i keep thinkin' im not good enuff as a person..
im un-caring.. im feeling.. insensitive.. childish.. immature.. lame..
i dunno. i dunno why i always feel tt way abt myself.
tts the problem with me! im too.. err.. im scared of wad ppl think of me..

i dunno why i need to.. but.. argh! i walk in the public, look at someone, and say to myself "hey.. will this person think im a lame ass? will this person think im up to no good? will this person think im some cathigh bastard?"
maybe becuz i do think abt ppl tt way too.. ppl tt i see in public tt is.


maybe this is what my bestfren, paul, said b4..
"during puberty, u tend to feel insecure.."
this HAVE to be the insecurity im feeling.. ):
pubertyyyyyyyy! ooh yeahh. sexyy.


still.. hais. what the heck am i thinking man?!
i know wad im gonna say is gonna be damn freakin' lame.. but, i jus wanna say it..

maybe the reason why becoming a poserr.. is becuz of my insecurity.
i wan ppl to look at me as a 'hip/cool' person tts not to be messed with.. not some weak nerd.
i definitely hope im not a weak nerd. i cant be a nerd.. i dunt study (:
i bring my pants down, i yank my socks in and pull my shirt nicely up and out to look good. i dunt wan ppl to think im some loser, some lamefuck whu walks around irritating ppl with chao lame jokes and mega stupid faces. i think i am such a person. maybe im jus being humble.

even if i do loom good.. i still think to myself "will ppl around me think im... -insert bad remarks- ?"
i realli dunt know wad im thinkin' now.. is it rite? insecurity.


these are jus my thoughts, no need to comfort me and convince me outta these..
--

another issue: my personailty

i dunno wad others think of me.
i was thinkin' : friendster testomonials
friendster testimonials might be the way i find out how others think of me... i got some pretty positive testimonials and they all make me real glad and satisfied.
then again.
whu wld wanna write a negative testimonial for u..

there goes my wild brain again.
thinking of wad kinda person i actualli am.

personally, i think im a normal friendly guy whu loves company of frenz and i treat my frenz well enuff.. but maybe, jus maybe, to others, ppl might think im arrogant, proud, useless, lame, fucked, bitchbrained, chao act, poserdick, uncaring, insenstitive.. sometimes, i myself think i am..

sometimes, even in sch i think ppl are sayin behind my back.
"eh, u see tt dexter ah, i tell u, he's damn fucking poser lor! u dunt see he wear his pants low low, cool cool one, he's damn fucking bastardy. tell jokes, ppl also dunt laugh, then all his frenz all dunt like him one. he think he's like damn great, but no lor, he's low-down fuckass."
honestly, i hope not.

it's like.. i can see in some ppls eyes (i dunno whu also.. but i feel tt sometimes) tt they do think abt me liddat..

once again. insecurity. \:

argh. heck. i'll jus try to continue life as it is..
-


like wad am i saying.
haiz.
oh wells~~
dunt feel like going band's japan trip anymore..
so ex.. results suckks and mx going.. im so sick of it.
worse still, i heard mx's mum is goin.
like WAD THE FUCK. his mum's gonna slap me in the face first thing she's gonna do |: ah wells! go on, slap me! u still cant deny ur son is seriously problematic.

got 5/30 for a maths
and 4.5/30 for e maths.
like shit.
cant fail anymore................... argh!

suddenly life sux.

argH!!

okies. im fine now (: blogggin is such a relief. i luv my blog (:
i luv my kitty too! (:



okies tts it for now ppl! hahas. this blog entry is so.. lame. and so.. weird.
but im speaking as a personal point of view. it's serious.
ok. enuff
byes.
-love ya lots (:

wow.. doesnt my blog look soooooooo poserr now? mwuahax!


changed font and reduced size of font.. makes it look sexier, huh? or do u think the previous style was betta..? made everything simpler.. more broken down (:
yepps. but damn the tagboard.. the font dunno how to change!

-

my notebooks rawk!
i like writing and drawing in my notebook (:
but sch still sux. ohh yeahh!

-

ohh yes, very impt..
happie birthdaee wanling!
yepps! todae is wanling's bdae! wish her happi birthday, ok? (: hee hee.
hope she has a sexyy 15th birthday!

heh.

-

i guess im crappin loads (: ohh, how surprising..
thak thak chok tai!
band's pretty boring todae.

yeahh, sectionals sectionals..
gosh, i hav to practice my brazilian street dance man! the xylophone part is killing me.. i wonder how my group2boleh ppl played them so well!!! wahh. but brazilian is real fun.. then still have to prepare a 5mins or less drum-set solo.. hais.. but at least better than piano! piano is soooooooo boring sumtimes (: percussion rawks!

music rox!
music for o levels rawks too!

heeeee heee (x

-

ooh, how much i need sleep. eyebags are forming..
ooh, how much i want to rest. from stressful stuff like sch..
ooh, this life can be a real burden and its boring..
ooh, but its all so different, now im with u (:
yeahh kitty, it's u, it's u (:

im a bad poet lahh! fine!
lolx.

-

during pe lesson, i realised mr.goh kee yong is a damn nice person!
i pointed three bad signs in front of him and he didnt even scold me. lolx! he jus jokingly said "ehhh~~ wad u doing ahhh??" and banned me from the game for 1 minute.. lolx! and when he play in PE, he's jus like a kid! when he scores a goal, he puts up his index+middle finger (peace sign thingy) on both hands and runs around shouting "GOAL!!".. lolx! amazing to see such a sight for such a grown-muscular-fit-pe teacher.. hahahahahax! my teacher rox!

sch aint tt bad afterall u know.
argh, academic sux.

-

good pieces? try..
`Brazilian Street Dance (Thomas A. Brown)
`Fate of the Gods (Steven Reniekekekekekeesumthing)
`Brandenburg Concerto No. 1 in F Major (Bach)
`Persis Overture (??)
`Symphonic Overture (??)
`Appalachian Overture (James Barnes)
`Alvarmar Overture (James Barnes)
`Soul Bossanova (??)
`American Graffiti X (naohiro iwai)
`Japanese Graffiti IV (naohiro iwai)
`English Folk Song Suite (??)
`Best of FF7 (unofficial piece)

heh. personally, i like these pieces.. overtures rawk!

-

i think i crap until here for todae.. till then, byes!
ooh, how much i miss u now...

dexter is a very busy boy!
he updates rarely!
becuz he's busy



but mostly lazy larr! lolx.
hoho.



thak thak chok tai (whatever that means).




ok, have a sexyy day ppls! music rox!
i luv my kitty (:

academic studies sux big time.



ohh yeahh~ (:

haiz.. this week's test week..

Monday: Social Studies + Chemistry
Social Studies.. i screwed the whole paper up wtih wrong answers and crap details.. hopefully will get some sympathy marks
chemistry.. i probably fail it.. concepts very blur... dammit.

Tuesday: History + E Maths
hist.. i did pretty ok... but it felt very unsure.. uncertainty fills me up.. so scary..
emaths.. fail lah fail lah! i hate maths man...

Today: Physics + A Maths
phys.. maybe can pass? if i tyco enuff... concepts very blur again. wirse than chem perhaps... die le. i skipped the whole graph drawing and scale drawing due to lack of time..
amths.. outta 5 questions i skipped 1 TOTALLY, didnt complete 3, completed 1, but later found out it was totally WRONG. argh. at most get 3/30 for this... DIE! (x

(:

academic studies suxxxx!!!!!
hate it!
i always fail!
im gonna drop to combined science!
ARGH!

lucky theres band to cheer me up. (: band rox foreva!

yepps.


japantrip for japan... 1688 bucks.. damn EX! but i mus go see TenriHigh, Yodogawa Technical High play for the competition!! theyre damn farking prooo!!! japan bands rox too!
haiz.. we guest perform there... so lau kui. only one trumpet player going, no french horns and 4 percussionists... die le lahh. heck. i jus wanna experience japan's atmosphere and the bands there.. yep.

i feel so helpless sometimes.

but my kitty is there for me.. alwayys! i luv kitty! hee (:




(:




ooooooh life rox afterall man!
and sch sux (:




ooh yeahh!
bye peeps.
im a poserr.

yess! finally! an update by lazyy me!! rejoice!~~
*celebrate*

haiz... been cvery busyy and lazyy lately... never been able to touch the comp too often..
well well. tts tt.

haiz.. these days.. very bad..
lucky got u* pei zhe wo... (: if not...


also, my sexyy classmates and band frenz!! yeahh!

ive been flunking every shit test and all tt... ARGH! maths!!! science!!! nooo!!
worse still, common test week is next week! *gaspp*!
to worsen the situation.. i fallin' sick!! noooooo~
stress.. weather changes... argh. sch sux foreva~ (:





sch sux babehh !



(:
yeps. i realised... these days.. im becoming more and more poserr... i think im gonna turn into the typical act-dao chao fucked up act-beng-not-beng. shit.
then..
band's been askin me to do leading jobs... scary..
): i dunno whether to cry or to laugh.


6100 is still da sexiest (:


sony ericsson sux~ (: (:


been very poserr lately. wads worse...? i enjoy it o: oh nO!
im seriously turning into a
-ultra low socks
-under-butt level pants
-chao dao
-fucking attitude
-lame
poserr!! no!

been exposed to lotsa music lately..
VS concert was... WHOA. greatt!
SSO's Chinese Fantasy was intriguing..
Symphonic Overture and Persis Overture... damn nice (:
Brazilian Street Dance Mallet part is superr sexxy to play (:
i luv musik!

me bro bought ps2! love him mann... gonna play MMx7!! (:
yeahh.

i luv my valentine (: lots lots lots !!!! :D

~~


bye punkk!
im so poserr.
(:

byeeeee~~