http://deckstor.tumblr.com/

RISE UP,
DEXTER

hello,

have u had the feeling of having burning questions that you can't ask?






oh, im lazy to blog.
alot have been running through me head,
im fighting to keep it well-filtered!









the most beautiful precious gems takes a long time to refine.





-dexter

hello,


im back.





wondered if u noticed i wasnt around?











-dexter

goodbye,



wont be around
but for some reason im quite happy i can getaway for a while
but for most reasons im not






-dexter

hello



a lot of uncertainties in my head
no one to tell
can no longer pour out to who i am most comfortable with.











or who i was most comfortable with ):














AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(p.s. i share with God le.)





DAVID PFANSTIEL IS SO AWESOMEEEEEEEE. HE MADE PHENO SOUND TOTALLY WICKED. WICKEDDDDD BABEHH. AND HE IS SO FUNNNYYYYY. really learnt A LOT A LOT FROM HIM!! too bad im gonna miss him the next few IMPORTANT days man.

PASTOR HOW'S WORD FROM GOD WAS JUST FANTABULOUS TOO!!!
SECURITY, DEX!
REAL MAN IS SECURE (:

dexter is gonna become a real man!
real soon!




GROWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW DEXTER
GROWWWWWWWW
SICK AND TIRED OF BEING AN INSIGNIFICANT SIDE DISH??
THEN TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY,
STEP UP,
STEP IN,
TAKE CHARGE,
MAKE DECISIONS
MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!



dexter aint built to be a side dish man.
dexter is a pillar.
a damn thick fat chunk of PILLAR, yeah.
dont care if anyone ever says that you have lost all the trust and have lost the opportunity to be a pillar in church.
dont care if it seems like you've lost your destiny to be what you imagined you could be in your vision.
dont care!!!!!!
DONT EVEN CARE IF YOU THINK YOU YOURSELF CANT DO IT.
DONT CAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!



ure gonna grow, dex, i just know it (:
towards your vision!!
it doesnt seem like you can achieve it,
but im sure God will make sure it does.



go, dexter, gooooo!!




becoming a VERY FAT THICK CHUNK OF PILLAR,
-dexter

hello,


i just came home from church. went home with hong hwee and elgin.
my beloved young master hong hwee is gonna enlist. im gonna miss him and all his free time he spend with me.

but i'm sure he's gonna get 8-5.


okay, im not suppose to blog ALOT now, cuz im suppose to bathe and sleep and go to camp early tmr morning. so i will address three things briefly.



NUMBER ONE:
God is really moving with the hoGc army guys. WE ARE ON A 8-5 STAY OUT RAMPAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

recently, these are the names who had their trials, prayed and believed, and finally obtained their stay out vocation recently..

ivan poh
dexter
clarence
pan
wei liang
eric (partially stay out)
li xing
nigel jerald

and i believe God has called most of the hoGc ppl out to 8-5, so that we can use more time in serving God and glorifying His Name!


NUMBER TWO:
i had a VERY powerful meeting with some of the 3rd Day ppl during the regular weekly trainings. God dropped a word and/or an idea into my heart and remind me to type about it soon. (im keeping this entry short)


NUMBER THREE:
gd nite!




clear & concise, short & sweet,
-dexter

hello,



this saturday is different!

it's been really really really very long since i felt real freedom and joy spilling out of me from all over the place on a saturday in church.
for some reason.


i felt like i didn't need to hide or run away.



i felt like i didn't need to deal with issues i have no control over.




i felt like i could look around church or walk around church freely and without being scared.






it was, drastically different.
i dont know why?






haha.



---



oh man !!
SOW is starting! how i wish i could be part of SOW !!!!! like be a basic guitar teacher or something!!! or maybe learn a new instrument or vocal thing !!!


oh man !!
discipleship classes are starting and how i wish i had enough substance to start attending them! hahaa. not rising up enough man, that's why. tsk tsk tsk!


oh man !!
i wanna do more in worship team!!!!!!! play more instruments, in more worship team! i feel so odd not being on ministry on weekends !


oh man !!
hong hwee is enlisting ! i'm losing a great friend to NS, how to spend time with him next few weeks ?! and he enlist = not enough drummers. but i can't help ): I WANNA PLAY DRUMS AGAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. i wanna be there when there is a need in church!!


oh man !!
the new BMT classes are clashing with NS... AGAIN.


SO MANY THINGS THAT I'M MISSING OUT BECAUSE I'M NOT GROWING ENOUGH!!!! (and also partially because i have no time due to NS, but that's no excuse)







OH GOTTA GROW.
READ THE BIBLE MORE OFTEN, DEX
PRAY EVEN MORE, DEX
SOAK DEEPER IN GOD'S PRESENCE, DEX








COME ON, DEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUBSTANCE!
RISE UP!
CARRY THE BURDEN!!
TAKE RESPONSIBILITIES!!!!











GRAWRRGHHHH,
-dexter

hello,

i have a crazy urge to blog.
like i just came home, and i was bathing. and then suddenly WHAM.
my head goes "i need to blog."


okay, but i dont really know what to say.
i've got alot of things to shout out actually, but i dont think it'll be appropriate to do so here ! HAHAHAHA!


shermaine and yvonnechar was telling me to try video-blogging cuz it's a fad now. i wouldn't mind if my STUPID COMPAQ PRESARIO V2000 WOULD JUST BE COMPATIBLE WITH MY WEBCAM.


darn computer. i want a new macbook pro. okay, i just need to wait till i get into uni in 2010! new laptop on the way!!



===


i need to pray more man! i need to feel even more spiritually energized and filled. i am learning to enjoy prayer! dex, PRAY!!!!

prayer works wonders.
i prayed for 8-5, i got my 8-5.
i prayed for uni entry, i got my uni-entry
and these are just two of the most recent things that happened due to prayer.
more things in my prayer list are going to come to past AMEN!!!!!
pray, dex!!!!!!!


im heading off to brunei really soon on 9th dec. though it's just a couple of days, i think im gonna miss the life in singapore badly. really badly. jungle survival in brunei without food and all that. killing quails and other small critters. OH MAN. it's exciting, but im not really looking forward to it. nope, it's not JCC. it's just the air force survival training thing. brooooooonaaaai.

but brunei is gonna be an interesting time.
firstly, i get to get away from all those things bothering me back in singapore. dont need to worry or ponder too much about them (though i know it's gonna haunt me all over again when i'm back.)
secondly, daryl (acs trainee-mate) and i are so gonna use this time to pray and seek God while hungry in the wild. best time to just get away from anything distracting and seek Him. best time to encounter God. IN THE WILDS !!! hahaha!
thirdly, i dont know. i just wanted to add a third point.


im kinda tired of my blog skin. i shld get a new one soon, huh?


char said "dex, i think your blog is the most-read blog in church."
is it so?
if it is, i wonder if all the shoutouts and hinty-hint-hint things i'm trying to convey to certain people are getting through?
but it's quite scary, because that would mean i need to watch what i say even more carefully. i dont want ppl to read and get the wrong idea of how a Christian life would be like! scary ain't it !!!

but seriously, the whole purpose of a blog is for ppl to just read what's in my mind. and yes, i actually have alot of things in my head, and i feel like i know them better as i type them on my blog.


some ppl noticed that i dont really talk about my life with others. well, true to some large extent! but most of my thoughts, my life and my spiritual journey are recorded in this blog. the ups and sadly, also some of the downs.


well, is my life complicated?
i'd say NO.
it's really a very normal teen life. (or what's left of it)
i guess each and every Christian youth have to go through what i go through - usually more.
it's how you respond that matters! i aint perfect, so i aint gonna portray the most ideal response in life all the time. in fact, many time i choose the wrong response.

but one thing i notice, is that the tougher and harder choice is the better choice of response.


many many many times, i have so many negative thoughts in my head and so many things i wanna do to confront them to ease the 'heaviness' in my heart. like scold someone, thrash it out, vomit all over the blog entry. that's the selfish easy way.
and sometimes, i tend to do just that selfish thing.
but nowadays, i'm really trying my best to keep it cool 'in there' and divert my thoughts. distract myself from all these negativity by going out and hanging out with my friends, going gym, casual jogging, and just switching my mind to think about what God has done in my life and how God can deal with these stuff.


every 10 mins, i need to tell myself this:
"if God has planned for you to have it this way, He will make it happen for you somehow; if not, no matter how hard you try, it ain't gonna work."

God doesnt pre-destine everything.
but God chooses the best path according to our current level of spiritual maturity, character and priorities.

so, what determines the path He points for you?
maturity, character, priorities




who we are now, determines who are about to turn into.
to change our future to what we desire in our dreams and visions,
we have to alter ourselves according to the ideal future.



God has given every single person in this entire universe and Godly purpose. A purpose that is good and glorifies Him. we may deviate, or even procrastinate. but we must never EVER give up of what is ahead.



so today, i, DEXTER TAN, want to say AGAIN:
I HAVE A VISION OF BEING A MUSICIAN, A LEADER AND A CLOSE SON IN HEART OF GOD CHURCH
AND I WILL NOT GIVE UP THIS DREAM, NO MATTER HOW BLEAK IT FEELS. DEXTER TAN WILL BE A PILLAR IN HOGC AND FULL-TIME IN HIS MINISTRY.


to be the generation that would give the best years of their lives, impacting all levels of society, and all walks of life.



the Holy Spirit stirs in me whenever i proclaim my dream.
my mind tells me that i have screwed up my opportunity for this destiny.
but my spirit says IT'S ALL PART OF THE GAME PLAN BY GOD.


i may have failed my Plan A, AND even my Plan B.
But God has a Plan C in store for me, just waiting for the right time for me to step into it.
BECAUSE FROM THE START HE KNEW I WAS GONNA FAIL PLANS A AND B.



God knows my weaknesses, and yours too.
He knows when you're gonna fall and lose it all.
But I am positive that God will not demolish His purpose for you so easily!
He's got an alternate route for your ultimate goal!



===



yknw, the reason why i'm not rising up is because i dont have substance in me enough. i haven't shown enough trustworthiness.

there isn't enough inside of me to pull out and give to others.
i need to build substance.


holiness (by relationship w/ God)
maturity (by responsibility)
wisdom (by the Word and financial planning)
integrity (by the littlest things)
excellence (by detailed-ness)
favour w/ others (by relationship w/ Pastors, leaders and peers)



these are the areas i feel i need to boost more in my life.
so that i can ultimately reach my highest call in God and die without regrets.













i cannot die with these dumb little stupid regrets.
i'm so gonna get you, cuz ure one of my life goals! (:








reflection,
-dexter

hello,


oh i slept 3 hours away immediately after i came home from camp.
what a waste!
TSK.


had a flight this morning!
the pilots flew from sbab to causeway to kranji, to south of singapore, past sentosa, past east coast, past changi naval base, past changi airport, to tekong and back again

it was cool, but still kena from my instructor a little! hahaha. gotta be more prepared man.









actually, i'm confused!
so am i suppose to withdraw or approach?
i'm told not to withdraw.
yet when i approach, i dont get any response or discouraged from doing so?











was just telling hong hwee last night about how stuck i feel.
it's like you really wanna rise up and do more
but there just isn't enough substance inside of you?
yknw that feeling? yeah.
i really really really really hope all it takes is lots of patience.








am i still struggling with the SAME THING ?!












as far as i am concerned,
i am lagging behind
AND I GOTTA STOP THIS LAGGING THING
I WANNA GROW UP MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE THE FEELING OF BEING BEHIND.
I WANNA GO FORWARD AND PROGRESS TOO.


















I WANNA GROW UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP



















TO BE A PILLAR THAT HOLDS UP THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST.








not a burden to others man












a pillar.











a darn thick, strong, firm and sturdy pillar.













LIKE A SUPER THICK BLOCK OF PILLAR THAT CANNOT BE MOVED.












like DHISHHHHHHH.















oh, there's something stirring in me and i dont know how to satisfy this uproar.
i can only keep trying.
the rest is up to Him.























fghjgbkdfjsghbanfuhjlUOi9wkKLNMDJKW*UIJEDW*UJSAGHB(&QUIHXnjksdhuiKJQASYUH&W*(@*(U@ QYWUHJNASYUHEQ)(*D AWYHJ@S*WUJKE ASYHBQKJEU*QJSN DYAIGY*udysfhiay8h qyw7ehdjkwqyHUJKYW9HU!yhD

i wanna scream until my lungs burst and my throat bleeds.
but i scared pain.







i wonder how this is all gonna play out?
maybe i have to live with awkwardness forever?
maybe i need to do something and pray for a response.
maybe i just need to wait for God's timing still.







ENOUGH WITH THE "MAYBE".










IT'S GOING TO BE like this:
- i will stop being awkward`
- i will stop being a burden
- i will keep growing as a Christian
- i will not lose my destiny in God
- i will STOP LAGGING BEHIND
- i will become a leader in church
- i will rise up in the worship team
- i will bring 3rd day to a greater new level
- i will be more musically trained
- i will have a stable, prospering, Godly family`
- i will be a REAL MAN with a VISION
- i will impact this nation
- i will support Pastors
- i will carry the burden
- i will KEEP GROWING
- i will i will i will i will i will i will i will




I WILL.








I MUST.










if i die today, i know i have a thousand and one regrets.








i dont wanna die with regrets.




















i dont wanna die with this awkwardness











i dont wanna die knowing that i led a mediocre Christian life in hoGc.



















i really dont want...

















love,
-dexter

hello,


23 November 2008, one of my senior Pastor, Pst How is now... REVEREND HOW !!!!








and at that moment Rev How was ordained, i felt so much pride to be a son serving in hoGc (:
i'm proud of my church!!! i love my church!!! i love Rev How! I love Pst Lia!!!







awesome!







NOW DEX, TIME TO FIND WAYS TO RISE UP, INCREASE, EXPAND, AND GROWWWWWW!!! SUBSTANCE!!!!




-dexter

hello,

it's like midnight and i gotta wake up early later to go for prayer meeting at expo. haha. so i guess i'll try to make it quick!


thought #1:
c3 band was AWESOME. in KS's words - it was 'surreal'. it's like the band we've been trying to copy, do their songs and finding out everything they do musically and spiritually. and now they are here worship leading in our church ?! OH MY GOODNESS. i said "hi" to ryan smith and i was like totally happy already. too bad i didnt speak to one of my fav worship leaders, joe pringle. but i really really admire his husky and large-ranged voice. AWESOME. "Today" by c3 themselves was simply anointed and simply overwhelming. it was so different compared to any other versions. c3 guys were really good technically too. they were tight, they flowed well with each other and they are individually skilled in their own craft. c3 is definitely one of the best. check them out @ http://www.ccc.org.au/ that's their church webbie.

---

thought #2:
GOD IS MOVING INDEED! i'm thoroughly convinced God is moving strongly especially with the army guys. ppl who enlisted with me (same batch anyways) were clarence, alvin chan, pan, wei tze, daniel chew, and wei liang.

here's the cool part... clarence, pan, wei lang and myself are already 8-5 !!!! AWESOME.
now left with alvin (now in ocs), wei tze (on his way to being a spec in navy) and daniel chew to have their 8 to 5. the best part is... they still have the chance to get 8 to 5 !!
God is moving with our prayers. we're gonna see all of us get stay out vocations man!!!

---

thought #3:
was talking to hong hwee on the way home and a few thoughts popped out in my head. and we talked about things like this which i felt was interesting...

"it's like being a puppet, where you can be made to be happy, sad, or anything easily by a 'master'. but when the puppet tries to do something and change something in its master's feelings, it doesn't work. you have no choice but to be 'controlled' (not in a negative way, but a neutral way), and you cannot control the 'master'. you have no control like a puppet. you have to play it the way this certain 'master' wants you to."

and

"the cold war began and the country you are having 'cold war' with doesnt supply you with political agreements, trade, discussions or permissions of any sort. but now that the cold war has supposedly ended, nothing's changed. you still dont have the other country's resources, political agreements, tradings, discussions or permits! what difference does it make?"

and

"why is it sometimes people expects something from you, and when you deliver it to them, they find fault in it or change their minds about it?"

and

"doesn't it feel like sometimes, some people just wanna make it difficult for you? there's no way you can get things right because they just want to see you feel horrible. you know that is REALLY not the case, but you can't help feeling like it is. it seems like you can never achieve what people expect of you."

and

"ppl tell you "just dont be bothered by it", when they don't understand that sometimes, it is just not possible to lay things aside."


hahaha. just random thoughts. which i felt can be quite relevant in life at times! these are not insecurities or whatsoever. it's more of, what we cannot avoid in life i guess! everyone goes through times like the above statements. where you really cant do anything, even though you've tried several ways. i guess everyone's gotta keep finding new methods or new ways to make things better in life!


I GOT TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN..... SOMEHOW.
STOP THIS AWKWARD STUPID THING.
"Try the other way, just try.", said hong hwee.
okay, let me take up the courage to try.

---

thought #4:
i have a VISION and i really dont want it to be just an ambition.

full-time musician in church
full-time people leader in church
full-time son in church
do missions with music

gotta keep talking about it;
thinking about it;
living around it.

now, next step, making wise decisions to achieve this.
TIME TO HANG OUT WITH MY LEADERS MORE.


---


thought #5:
elixers strings sounds awesome on my guitar. seriously.


---

thought #6:
GROW, DEX!!!!
BE A LEADERRR!!
ACT LIKE ONE!!!
BEHAVE LIVE ONE!!!
TALK LIKE ONE!!!
YOU ARE ONE, DEX!!!


LEADERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

---

thought #7:
im tired. i hope i can wake up early later.









love,
-dexter