It seems so easy to say and comprehend..its only got two letters...Why do us woman have such a hard time saying it to each each other? Maybe its the perfectionist in me or simply I just hate hurting peoples feelings but i hate saying no to people. However, right now as I write I have said it 5 times all ready to Olivia! She is crawling EVERYWHERE! so my life has changed drastically. My floors are much cleaner, But i have to be on gaurd constantly. The blue lighted up on and off button on my monitor is calling her name... as i now have to teach her the meaning of "no" I am also trying to teach myself. when I'm asked of my time or attention I am figuring out that when I say yes to one person i have to say no to another and usually it's my kids who get the no part...thats not fair to them...I don't want them to think mommy' s favorite word is "no". The good thing is that i have been taught that it is ok to say yes and no...and who and what to say it to...."the essentials" deserve my yes's and the rest can wait...the hard part is applying the knowlege and direction i've recieved to action on a regular basis!! I have my good days don't get me wrong but I swear 'finding balance" right now with 3 little ones one being a baby is turning my world upside down!!! Luckily I have good people around who tell me "Im normal" thats a relief!!!

On another note...I am having a party thursday night for ALL of my friends in layton. I've mentioned before that I LOVE to share with people...especially people who have shared their kindness with me. SOOO I am having a "dusti's Favorites night" Where I will be sharing and showcasing alot of my FAVORITE tricks and secrets from cleaning to food storage to recipe's and hair bows..even having my FAVORITE treat....Chillis chips and salsa I am also compiling a list of my favorite blogs, websites and sayings that help me and giving them to those who come!! im hoping that others will do the same...cuz i would love to go to somebody else's favorite night too.

I want to do another one for all of you who are closer to salt lake and are dear to me as well!

love dusti

I need muscles..

Really i thought I was strong until french bread dough just handed me my "you know what". I seriously spent 15 minutes trying to roll a 9x13 rectangle. HOLY CRAP! I had no idea how buff all you bread makin gals are..well im joinin the club. So I know in my post about my first time making bread and cinnamon rolls for the first time was last week..I left out that My friend Lori who knows how was there "not helping me" so really.. Sunday was the big day for me. I got up at 6:30am to start my "all by myself Quest" to make bread and cinnamon rolls...the first batch was too dry..so I went ahead and made another batch. Got done about 10ish. It was so much fun. Im totally sick of cinnamon rolls..I don't think I even ate a whole one..I gave away most of them and my kiddies have enjoyed them emensly. Today i am making homemade french bread pizza..different recipe so all new. And even though I am by myself..Mandy(my sis) has had like 20 texts and 2 or 3 picture text just to make sure I am doing it right. Im a bit of a perfectionist..she keeps telling me "it will be fine" this is how you figure it out..trial and error! But I don't want to spend all this time and effort to have crappy bread! Oh well..she is right, gotta live and learn!

Tavis is 6!

Tavis is 6! Oh my goodness. We had a sports mario brothers bday party on his request! The hardest thing for me to find was the gold coins...sold out because of st. patricks day! the easiest thing for me was to call Sams club and have them make 30 cupcakes..10 blue 10 red 10 green. Hardest part..picking up 30 red cupcakes with little blue and green flowers on the top!?! I was so confused as to how they translated that out of 10 blue 10 geen 10 red..but it wasn't worth getting hot over! Easiest thing for me...to watch my little boy have the TIME OF HIS LIFE!! Hardest thing for me..to clean up the red red stains all over from the cupcake frosting. Easiest thing for me was to watch my oldest nephew Matthew make balloon swords for all 15 guests and love it! Hardest thing for me was to watch one more year of childhood slip from under my nose. where does the time go? Easiest thing for me..to reminense about where Nate and I was 6 years ago and all the joy and change that came with our little Tavis Alexander Murray that day March 20th 2005. Have I mentioned i love being a mom!!! heres to atleast another 6 years of adventure, joy, and change!

I'm a bread maker!!!

I am taking my role as a home maker..one baby step at a time! Today I made bread and cinnamon rolls from scratch! They are so nummy. I am super excited. I read in my book last night this paragraph right before i fell asleep:

"The senses give us great pleasure and enhance our feelings of well-being. bringing art and music into your life is a feast for the eyes and ears that fills your soul with passion. rich natural sense of flowers and spices can cure listlessness and bring Joy. the smell of well prepared foods cooking ,freshly baked bread, salty sea air, or new mown hay  can counteract depression. galleries and symphonies can awaken our senses .the vivid orange color of nasturtiums  or the sent of lilacs in spring contribute to your sense of well-being and let us know we are part of a delightful whole."

I want my kids and hubby to come home from their hard days to a sensory overload of peace, love, harmony, warmth and good freakin food!
I happened to stop by my sisters house today right before her kids got home. Her house was clean, she had peaceful music on and she had warm banana bread waiting for them . Wow I want that. I asked her if she did that on purpose and she said " yes sometimes I make cookies, sometimes just regular bread w honey butter...I try to have something warm and inviting for them" let me add..she's 8 months prego with her5th boy shes got every excuse in the world to sit on the couch and watch tv instead of doing that for her kiddies. It's amazing to me how many times I've been there and seen what I saw today...but wasn't paying attention...crazy! Anyways...got the bread recipe and frosting recipe and made my very own, I'm soooo excited..this is a big step for me! Nate and the kids are super excited too!!!

Matt..18:4-5"Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.And who ever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. "
Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work.




A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back To the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"

Johnny looked up at her and said, "He should have thought about that before he joined my church."

Just in case you haven't gotten this email...I thought I'd share...I LOVE IT!

The Little children in my life have brought me so much joy lately. I just love being a mommy. My children are so beautiful and yes its hard..but so much more easier if I allow myself to be with them and learn as they do..simply, humbly, even throwing tantrums like they do is soothing...but only if I get over it and forgive as fast as they do....both parts are equal in that lesson ...Ive learned the hard way on that one! It's Tavis's "Birthday weekend" Today Nate, Olivia, hailey and I went in for his VIP day. We had a poster of pictures of him and a bag of stuff he put in it to show what he loves and then a bag full of candy bars to share with his class. It was SO MUCH FUN. He felt so special and to meet all the kids he goes to class with everday was awesome. His teacher asked him what his favorite thing to do at school was? Tavis took awhile to answer and I let him..(usually I rush him because I think he's taking too long and it's awkward) but Like i"ve mentioned in the past..im really working on my control issues and letting my kids "BE who they BE" ANyways..I watched the other kids whispering answers to him like recess and so forth..I thought for sure he would say recess..I would have! When he decided (finally) he said.." My favorite part of school is being kind to all of you"! My heart melted. What a good kid. His teacher smiled and said "thats why you have so many friends Tavis..because you are allways kind to everybody". What a great Morning. my kids are the BEST blessings I have been blessed with other than the great Man I am married to..it was so fun to smile and look over at Nate glowing as much as I was at how proud we are of our little guy. We work hard and talk ALOT about how to do this parent stuff together..we don't allways agree but we allways hash it out and come up with what we both think is best for our little ones. I can't imagine doing this on my own. I have a new found respect for my mom. A single parent..she raised me..worked full time and parented the best she could. what more can you ask from a parent but to give you their best. and thats what my mom gave me. Life is good. even when I feel like that wet cat..its still good.

Finally

I have a computer again! I love having talented people in the fam..My bro in law Keith sacrificed his whole Saturday afternoon and fixed our computer! What a guy! I owe ya a pepsi for sure Keith or at the least a hair cut so mandy doesn't have to! SO My last entry was a little daunting...but thats life right? Ups and then downs and then arounds to the same thing again..just with new insights and hopefully a new found hope. This is what I have found. A new found hope in people and friendships and the best of all.. in MYSELF. Sometimes looking in the past helps me understand the today's and why I act or react to life..a new understanding of an old truth that has been buried deep within has gotten me to climb out of my "funk" one step at a time..and to look at same patterns in a new and revealing light. I make no sense to anyone I know...but that's the best part of my blog..you can just make it your own to where your at right now...I'm very vague for that reason alone and if I can help anybody onto a path of self discovery than it's worth the vulnerability that is involved. You know what I am grateful for today? My comfy couch! My dear sweet Hailey is so sick. we have been snuggling all day on it. I'm also thankful for Kung fu panda..I laughed with my kids today and because of the great invention of DVR We were able to rewind a few many times and laugh all over again without even getting off the couch. We also all had big bowls of "smarshmellow" cereal for our afternoon snack..we all picked out the "smarshmelows" and only ate those! Its so great to let go of rules and control every once and awhile and be a kid with your kid. I had big plans of cleaning and shopping for groceries and organizing toys today...none of that has been done but I have thoroughly enjoyed being a great mommy today!!! I have to go now...my couch partner is crying for me to comfort her and Olivia has rolled across my room and found a roll of toilet paper(she's obsessed with toilet paper) Today I love my choices to choose the best of the best!!


Dusti

I didnt drop off the face of the earth!

Although I would like to drop my computer off of one....we cannot figure out what is wrong with it. So until it gets fixed I will use the iPad to post when I can....Nate uses it at work so I can only do it when he is home and I tend to only want to hang with him when he's home and nothing else. Although march madness is coming up so I may be posting a lot except for the fact that I am holding out to read the hunger games till than!

So how is everybody? I hope well. I've had one hell of a month and just as I thought it was getting better I was wrong. Which got me thinking about tests and trials and the patterns they tend to have in my life. I don't have much to add to it cuz I'm still pondering it all, one thing I feel pretty sure about is that I'm suppose to be paying attention..there is something I need to learn. And just as I'm about to blame it on those who have despitefully used me...I get a little whisper to my heart..."this isn't about them...it's about you". My attention goes from blame and anger to pondering and listening. So that's what my status is at this moment in time..to just "be still". I wonder if these hardships weed out inconstancies and flaws that need to be taken care. It's interesting how god will protect you if you ask him to. When I asked I didn't think it would be in the way it has played out...I didn't think tears and pain would be involved in fact I thought that's what i was asking him to protect me from. But as I have quieted myself I'm starting to grasp that he sees the big picture..and not only that..he knows what is in my heart even more than I do and so he knows what he is protecting me from in my future...and even now. This all probably doesn't make much sense...but that's ok..it does to me. One thing is for sure...I am very grateful to have the teachings of jesus Christ...his way really does bring peace to my life. His way really does teach me to be happy even though opposition has been knocking down my door. I am also grateful for Nate. He has given me a strong arm to lean on and a broad shoulder to cry on. I am also grateful for my brother brad. He has helped me take a hard step that couldn't have come at a more crucial time for me..he has been himself and because of that it gives me courage to find my own self. Thank you. To all of you who get where Im At right now...remember that god always sends a ministry of angels living and not to guide you through to the peace you are searching for.



Disclaimer: if you read my blog and get offended..call me..let's talk. Other than that my blog is my blog..I write what is in my heart, I do not edit, I do not carefully write something to Get a point across or hint at something or someone. If you know me..you know Im a lover not a hater. If you feel bad after reading my feelings..please don't read it anymore, because that is not my intensions. Thank you.