Found out something last night that left me quite disgusted with this particular person. Wow. U sure can lie and manipulate ur way through. After all that i've said to you, it seems that u never took one word of mine into consideration. I am utterly disgusted by your attitude and your actions. I've seen u through and through. To think that i even believed u at times. What a liar. Ur words are etched deeply into my mind. What a load of bullshit. I am sorry to say this, but i wish i had never known u. Extreme irritation and shock were how i felt when i read that msg. U sure can lie through ur teeth. f****r

Can a person feel so much in an instance? Maybe not in an instance. A period of time? These feelings are wearing me out. Am i supposed to feel happy, sad, disappointed, angry or ? My mind is practically in a turmoil.
-Here i stop typing away and pause. Cause i dunno what else to type-

Sometimes i hate that word "believe". When u believe in something or someone, and if it does not exceed ur beliefs/expectations, aren't u in for a disappointment? Then why believe in the first place?
Believe? Shoot, i dun want to anymore. Because everytime i believe, the flickering hope fades away.
Believed enough, for now.

Last evening was Sajeetha's 21st birthday party at Pines. It was a great party. And when the MC for the party asked her if she could have just one wish for herself, what would she want, her answer just set me thinking.
Sajeetha wants to be a journalist one day. To be the someone u would see when you switch on the BBC. To achieve splendid things. To be "somebody". To be the somebody that her parents could say "hey that's my daughter".

Isnt that the wish of many children? To do what they love and still to make their parents proud? Uh huh. She wanted to do Mass Com. But couldn't. Even now she wants to be journalist, but she's taking a degree in business.
One day, she will be a journalist. There are some people who go all out to get what they want. I believe Sajeetha will. Because its clearly written on her face. The passion when she talks about writting and journalism shows it all.
To our parents: don't worry. We will put food on the table.

Just look at many of us. We aspire to be this, to be that and we are doing nothing related to what we want to be. Its like when Bala uncle told me that there was this guy in the police force who had a MBBS. So what's he doing in the police force when he had a cert in medicine? What do i want to be? But why am i taking this diploma?
What does the future hold for me? Where am i gonna be?

How can u continue something that you have no interest in? People say "if u dun get what u love, then love what u get". Sometimes its not easy. If i was doing something that i love, i would be having an easier time. Dun get me started on writting! Its not a hobby or interest. Its a passion. The feel of holding a pen and watching the pen glide smoothly over the piece of paper, seeing the paper fill with words in your handwritting, reading what u have written and the smile when u think u have written something good; nothing compares to it. U just want to write and write and write. U feel like u can never stop. U just want to go on, not to let your story end.



There is no "and they lived happily ever after" in our lives. Most of the times, the story doesnt really have an ending.

Why can't i just be friends with you?
Why did u hafta mess with my mind?
Why was it you that had to be?
Why did we have too much time?
When will i ever see?
That these feelings were not meant to be?
I know i'm the one who's feeling so
But i wish that you would know.
Tell me when will i ever be
The one who will be there
Whether you're happy or sad
Even when things are going so bad.
Open up your eyes
Its me standing in front of you
Don't try to close them please
You might just lose what you had.
If you don't want to take a chance,
I understand and i know
If you don't want things to change
I'm okay, i just don't want you to go away.
I'm alright if you just stay.
I wish i didnt hafta go through this
When i'm alone, you're all that i miss.
I'm into denial because this is not something new,
I know, because i'm falling in love with you.




I'm NOT in love!! I just felt like writing something! :) Nice?

Good morning!
Morning shift at da gym.. Kinda quiet around.. Only about 3 gym users around.. Examination period. that's why i guess. Yup.. Criz is on afternoon shift today.. So i came to sch with KhorkiEe.. We went to get the gym key from the NDO's office.. Long story man! KhorkiEe and i just kept giving glances at each other.. Haha.. crazy lah..

Been doing afternoon shift for the past 2 days. Which actually means more McDonalds.. goodness..
But still, the past 2 nights were great! haha. did tuesday's shift with anna and qiuyu.. qiuyu the ambitious went on to lift weights.. but he did lah.. -clap clap.
and did last night's shift with rajwant and criz! haha.. had dinner with vanisha and khorkiEe, then vanisha came over to study. good girl!

oh, there's this usual gym user who comes almost everyday. so i thought it was Eileen's friend. but she isnt lah. she's actually khorkiEe's friend! haha.. so now, i entertain her when she comes.. haha.. coz usually i go over and disturb Eileen when she's running on the treadmill. Okay, not Disturb lah. i just go and 'enquire the customer satisfaction of the gym facilities and the customer perceptions of the gym'! haha.. so i'll end up talking to our frequent gym-er too! so fun right?!

I feel like prata-ing.. erm, on second thoughts, i better not.
and ya, i wrote a prata rap!! but if u wanna read it, u gotta ask Eileen.. i wrote it in her organizer! haha!

HI ANNA!!!

official first day at gym.
whew.. what a day.. we cleaned windows man!! windows!! bluddy hell they were damn dusty. Khorkiee just cldnt believe how dusty it was.. Chris n i were on a spring cleaning tour around da gym. How nice. Freakin tired after that.

So ya, now in da spt. Its kinda quiet here. Imran just entered da room. Haha.. ya..

Training was great last evening. David sir took us for some combination kicks training. Then Daniel trained me up for my sparring.. Damn good man. He really gave good tips and tricks and tactics! haha! i seriously feel like laughing. It was a damn good training.
And sir announced to da whole class that my match is on sunday and they might wanna go down to support me. So after class, there was this small girl who saw me and told her dad, "dad this girl got tournament next sunday. i want to go and support her". Haha.. damn cute lah..

Gotta go. i needa leave da SPT.. and head back to da GYM!

The round 2 of stopover is going to end soon. And i'll hafta leave the MRC and go to Bodywatch.
Its really funny, cause i miss MRC already. For the past 8 weeks, i've been trying to rush time, praying it would past fast and i could go to the gym. Now that its almost over, suddenly i dun feel like leaving. Gosh. I guess i'll really miss MRC and the people there. The people whom i talk and laugh with, like Sam, Lixia, Ying Jia, Miao Ling and also the people i didnt really get to know much, like Siti, Monica and Val.
Sighh.. why do you always know the worth of something/someone when you are going to leave it or when it's going to leave you??!

It's really fast, the way time pasts. Went for handover at Bodywatch and when i left school with Anna and Qiuyu [whose new name is "Gundusamy Tan Qiuyu"!] we saw Samantha and Miao Ling leaving school. And i was so glad to see them that i just shouted Sam's name across the car park! Haha! She said that after the SW people left, the MRC was so quiet. Yup, cause we always make a hell-lotta noise when we play puzzle fighter or marvel vs capcom or even talkin abt something funny.

The more i write about MRC, the more i'm starting to miss it.
Someone once said that the friendliest people are strangers. I agree, to a certain extent.
So thanks to all in MRC.. Even the guys; Nicholas Chaudhuri [Nicole!], Kiran, Deen [Kuppusamy!] and Joe.
Feast on Friday. Dun forget. Haha!

And lastly, to my project group;

SAM!
You have been a great leader and a great friend to be with for the past 9 weeks. Thanks for doing the bulk of the reports! Opps! Haha! It was fun working with you and more fun when we did the surveys at Orchard Road and at the Merlion Park! Haha! You take care and i really hope to see u ard campus! :)

YING JIA!
Happy belated birthday to you!! Sorry i always seemed to be disturbing you! Haha! Just that it's nice to joke with you lah! Ya, i'll never forget the experience at Merlion park where the group of Thailand tourists wanted to take a photograph with you! You shall be the next Singapore Icon! Maybe i can recommend you to STB! Haha! Take care! =)

NICHOLAS and JUN HUI
Nic is usually 'quiet', so didnt really get a chance to know u well. I hope u cut ur hair soon! Haha!!
Jun Hui, thanks for all da help with the games! Haha! the games expert in MRC!

and finally ...

CHRISTINA !!
Hallo! My 2nd friend in NYP! I'm glad u always seem to be around. Let's countdown the days left for TEP to end and after that, countdown da days till we graduate!
More gossips! More craps! More jokes! I love ya! :)

Vanakkam blog. Eppadi irrukirai? (How are you?)
Ahh.. not bad, i can conduct tamil lessons for basic conversation! haha!
Crazy lah.. anyway dad is watching MTV.. i'm shocked! haha! i dun really know what program it is lah.. Sounds like some reality show.. Oh ok he has changed da channel.. haha..

Hmm been wanting to update lately. Just kept procastinating.. bad bad.. Went for Imran's silat competition on saturday.. Damn nice. Vanisha and i were d only non-Malays there! haha.. i haf to say that the supporters really got so much of spirit and enthusiasm! wonderful crowd! haha.. plus plenty of damn good looking malay guys! Eileen! U missed it!!!! :)
Anyway, Imran won his match! Haha!! 3 cheers! Of course, how can he not, when he had his own cheer team?! Ahahaa!! After that, we walked and walked to bedok interchange where Razinah and Im took bus back and Vanisha and i had dinner.. got home at 12.15am and was surprised to see that dad was still up. i thought he was waiting for me!! thank goodness he nv said a word to me. whew.. i think my parents are loosening up little by little. plus bro went for his friend's bbq or something and he stayed overnight. i think after what happened with my bro, my dad doesnt wanna take his chances with me? hmm.. that's y he is kinda lenient on us these days.. good.

taekwondo today. preparations for tournament. Mr.Pek hasnt even told me when my match is. i just realised that if its on da earliest date, which is this saturday, i wun even have a week to train up. shoot. time really flies. and after watching Imran's friend not being able to compete on saturday cause he didnt make it into the weight category, i'm rather paranoid about gaining even a kg. Nope. soooo, crash diet for 2 weeks. at least until my competition is over. Grass Power, here i come!! :p [does it sound familiar, Eileen?!]
yup.. more strategy training by Alan. he is damn good. and he is damn fast on his feet! bluddy hell! at least Jean and i got to see Alan against, Royden, Ling Ling and David sir. one by one lah! he is good. so is Royden.
its either this week or the next. Hmm.. let's start praying shall we?
if u would like to watch the tournament, it's being held at Yishun sports complex, which is 1 bus stop before Khatib mrt station [if u are travelling from thomson road. and the tournament will be held over 2 weeks, on the 20, 21st, 27th and 28th of August. Yup. No admission fee or whatsoever.

Tired lah.. enough typing..

Damnation.. Im stuck to this song called "Feels Good" by Bonafide Vintage Flav'r.
Thanks to Eileen for telling me the band's name. Arggh! They are so damn good! I had no idea it was sung by a local band. For once, i'll join Ranjan and support local bands!! RANJAN!! Any local gigs, gimme a call! I'm gonna go man! Freaking good. And i think BV Flav'r has an Indian in it? Or more? Just happened to be surfing some websites on them. Unfortunately i cant find the lyrics to that song.. Shoot!

Anyway the day's been rather good. Laughed so much. Qiuyu is damn klakar. U can nv guess his nickname for this particular tutor. Haha! Nonsensical!

Last night, i just sat down at my table and picked up my pen and wrote and wrote. It just felt so good to write. Even better than tapping away at the computer. Wrote for an hour plus. It felt like i was writing an English composition back in school. And i just carried on writing. Cldnt bear to stop. Or rather i had too many things to write about. Whatever that was in my mind for a long long time, which i could nv really talk abt or write about. Suddenly those thoughts found themselves on my paper. Yes. 4 pages. Maybe i should stay up the whole night writing about everything i ever wanted to write about. And now, besides me, there's someone else who knows my thoughts. -smiles.

Its uncanny how we both started out writing? Time check! Way weird and coincidental man! And when i read through wat u wrote, i can't help nodding my head and how strangely similar it was to mine. This is getting interesting. Haha! Well, the thoughts of an aspiring writer, a deprived media-loving person, a person with passion for pens, papers and words! Ha!

"i'm feeling so good baby.. so good.."
I'm stuck to this song!! Power98 please play more of it!!!!

Hey Khorkiee, glad to see u back today! 'Uncle' haha!! Missed ya.. just a little! Blah!!
So how was "Charlie and teh Chocolate Factory'?! Didnt know Charlie liked "teh"! :p

Training tonight!! No sparring please!!

Sometimes i am afraid that i've lost my passion to carry on writing.
Sometimes it surprises me how much i can write at times.
Writing is my fuel.
My escape.
And it will always be.

Unless taekwondo takes over that.
I doubt so.
These injuries are too much to handle.
I rather write.
Than kick.

Million things in my mind.
Yet i dun owe the time to write.
Another day i will.
When i feel i should.

The days fade.
The people too.
But the memories won't.
Enough.

Happy people! Wear Red and White to support Singapore!! Haha!! Klakar!! 

Aiyah very sad lah.. Why? Dunno lah!  

Nope, not looking at ya! I think Divya looks really nice in this pic! Haha! She's only 12 ah.. We are like da best of friends, erm cousins!! 

"Sugar.. on my tongue..!!" Nah, no sugar lah! Just plain boredom! 

"Mmm! Aunty's fried rice was nice!!" Haha! Bo liao as usual! 

Divya, posing with aunty's fried rice! haha! Her pose is supposed to be the negative one! Bad bad! 

The Best Ard and Me! These NY ppl ah, everywhere they go, they love to wear their uniform! haha!! 

Now Nivetha 'sis' has joined us! Little imps! haha!! 

That's me with Dinesh in d centre and Lukesh on the left. Aren't they cute?! 

Another sunday, another week gone just like that. I hafta admit it had been the 'best-est' week so far! Caught up with friends on thursday and yesterday, wenta visit a family friend of mine who had just given birth. The baby is just 3 days old! So tiny i swear! I was telling brother that my palm is bigger than the baby's face! Hehe! And since there were so many kids around, brother and i ended up playing 'police and thief' with Prem and Nivetha! well we were sorta forced to anyway! :) And Nivetha brandished a make-believe gun and started shooting me and me tryin to entertain her, gave a dramatic performance of being shot at!

There came along 2 more kids. A 5 year old and a 3 year old. Omg they r just so adorable! Especially the 3 year old Dinesh! He was attached to me and he is so small! So everytime he wanted to tell me something, i had to kneel down and listen to him! And most of da time, we cldnt make up what he said, cause he's just 3 years old with lotsa baby talk! Yup.. So since the kids were restless and noisy, i suggested playing a game. We played 'crocodile crocodile may we cross the river?'!! Goodness! Now how many of u rmbr playin this game? The last time i played this game was when i was in primary school! Haha! So i explained the game and my brother became the nasty croc! Well he wasnt nasty, he was more of the comical croc! Yup.. One round of the game finished and Nivetha insisted on being the croc! Uh huh.. Then the kids wanted to play Uno so we played.. I teamed up with the 3 yr old Dinesh! His important job was to place the card on the pile of cards! And i was teaching him to differentiate the colours of the cards! I went "this is yellow, blue and red!" And he repeated "lellow, blue and led!" Hahaha!! So cute!!

Wanted to teach them 'heart attack' but Prem came up with his own version of 'heart attack', meaning he just collapsed to the ground, pretending he really had a heart attack! kids.. haha! kept the cards and i suggested 'Simon Says' which the kids loved! I was 'Simon'.. and everytime i said 'Simon says..' bro would go, 'No u're Sivan!' Lame!! Haha!! Fun game.. And we ran outta games to play so we just sat and talked.. The kids asked for my name and i didnt tell them, so i dunno how in the world they came up with a name for me! They asked me if my name was Tiger and i said ya! haha.. Tamil Tiger! Get it?! Ya, in sec sch i was d Tamil Tiger cause i'm Tamil, and i was from Tiger House! ok that's beside the point!

Hmm.. ya, so we had to leave after our game and Dinesh insisted on going with me. His 5 yr old brother Lukesh even gave me his address and asked me to come to his house. haha.. and they kept thinkin that i was gonna haf dinner with them. So we left first, my family and i, and Dinesh ran after me! haha.. goodness!

So that was my evening. Playin games with kids. Little kids! So stress-free! Yuga was right. He commented that we shd talk to kids now and then. Haha.. Suthev added him in his msn. Goodness.. Dun ask how he got his email!! Thank goodness Yuga was ok with it.. and Yuga gave Suthev, Karthik's email add so that Suthev can add him! Yuga claims that karthik is too stressed! haha!!

Oh ya, went for training on friday. before that, dad and i went to Sajeetha's house to deliver cookies! only uncle and aunty were there! so ended up talkin to them.. uncle was 'chiding' aunty cause he asked for a cup of coffee and aunty claims that he drinks too much coffee! haha.. he's a nice uncle lah..

training was almost a killer. i injured my toe, again! and Royden was supposed to charge at me, doing turning kicks all da way, but he ended up kicking me.. wahh thanks man! Ling Ling's da best.. she trained my turning kick. so full of patience.. woah.. i am amazed. by d end of training, my turning kicks had improved a notch.. yup.. Mr.David was also there.. all of them giving me pointers for my competition. very useful. Like what Ling Ling said, u can prepare urself physically but u also gotta prepare urself mentally.. whew..

that's it for now. i wanna catch 'Bewitched'!!!! It seems damn good, except for the fact that someone claims its a disappointment.. bullshit! i wanna catch it anyway!!

and you, thanks for ur concern! i'll take care. =)

Being on block leave sure has its pros and cons. The cons being that, mum nags me not to watch too much tv, use too much com, to comb my hair (she always complains abt my hair) to clean up my room, to do some work ard da house. Most of da time, i'll just resume to my tv watching! Haha! And now for the pros!
I can catch up with friends! Just like yesterday. Vanisha, do we have telepathy? haha! cause i happened to be reading ur blog when u chose that moment to call me! talk abt great timing!

Yes, so Miss.Dass was in Thomson Road so she cldnt resist giving me a call! haha! wenta meet her, her cousin and Mr.Pitties. By da way, that's a nice name! haha! We went to the Ntuc cause Vanisha had to do some shopping! Right?! Had a helluva time. Thanks for d chocolates and da laughter! Seaweed girl! :)

Headed to J8 to meet Shan, San, Zihui and Juan. Didnt know that Mabel was gonna be there and was more surprised to see Cher Siang! Haha! He finally decided to join us! Cynthia joined us shortly aft that. We sure drove the staff of Secret Recipe up da wall! Sorry bout that. Decided to vacate and move to.. erm.. oh, the girls went into a photo taking frenzy! Haha.. Adelyne was at J8, Juan called her and she joined us. My my, it sure has been damn long since i saw Adelyne.. Still the hyperactive girl, talkin as fast as a train caught on fire!
Felt good to see her.. and also Juan, Zihui and da rest of them. Juan kept disturbing me thru out lah! Damn bad right? Haha! Our stupidly lame jokes and calling Gayathri and askin her to hurry over! Yup.. So by da time Gayathri came, there was only Juan, Shan, Zihui and me. and Zihui had to leave soon. The rest of us wenta LJ for dinner.. Budget lah ppl! Haha! Crapped and crapped. Of couse admist all our lame jokes, we talked stuff full of sense. Yup.. That's wat i like abt these guys. I can sit and talk plain rubbish and then continue with some intellectual topics! Haha! Suddenly we were talkin abt ghostly encounters but had to stop cause we didnt wanna scare Shan any more! Haha!

Ya, Gayathri, Shan and Juan! Thanks for being there last night! Haha! Especially Juan, the experienced! Haha! U guys know wat im talkin abt right? Yup.. I told mum abt it.. She was mildly shocked. But well, what can she do?
Such a moment of impulse! Haha! Damn cool! Can't wait to do that again! :)

Miss.Dass! How can i fail not to thank u?! Haha! Stop forcing ppl to eat stuff they dun like lah! hhaha!! but anytime u haf an almond rocca, u know my number yea? just gimme a call!! hahaha!! oh ya, tell me when ya free, we'll hang out.. at the Eastern side of Singapore! haha!! the sun, the sand and the sea! blah!!

Today ... was a great day. =)
Thanks to all who made my day. Yes u Anna. And u too Eileen. Definately u Vanisha. Uh huh Lixia that's right.
Thanks guys!

Marvel Capcom marathon today! Spider man and Captain America against the rest and not forgetting my fav team of Wolverine and Storm again Ryu and Ken! Awesome. My fingers are aching from all that crazy keyboard tapping!

I LOVE POWER98 FM!! AND I LOVE JULIET THE DJ TOO!!!!
Omg! Eileen, Anna and i were in da SPT room today and Eileen and i were listening to Power98. So i just tried my luck and sent in a sms dedication. And Juliet read it and played da song i asked for! Which was "I'll be Missing You" by Puff Daddy and Faith Evans! Shd haf seen that look on Eileen's face! She was convinced that the dj wasnt gonna read it! Goodness.. Miracles happen. And our crazy 'guess-the-singer' game where i consecutively lost 3 games! no fair.. my first forfeit was to hug Benny.. haha.. insanity.

Anyway Eileen, u nv fail to make me laugh when i'm with u. With our nonsensical and whimsical jokes and what not! Thanks for everything girl.. I really appreciate having you around with me. =)

And Miss.Dass!! Haha!! Kaandaa mirugam!!! Geddit?!! U better!! God its crazy with u man! Thanks for tryin so hard to send me that Akon song today. I uploaded from my com lah! Ya, anyway u rock my life and thanks for that! Haha! Rmbr we'll hang out in Pasir Ris one day k? Hopefully the beach where we can build sandcastles and what not?! haha!

And Kavitha! Yes u! Haha! Thanks for all da jokes u sent me! u lightened up my mood! thanks tons girl! catch u soon i hope. Enjoy eating ur karuvaadu curry with brocoli! ahaha!!

GOOD morning.. i hope the day is gonna be good. Unlike yesterday. Terrible. Which was a real pity cause i had so much of fun during lunch, with Anna, Eileen and Vanisha and Razinah who joined us after that. Sigh. For the past few days i dun feel like going back home. I dunno what the hell had happened on sunday, but ever since Sunday evening, my parents have been rather frosty and quiet. Fine. Be like that. I can't be bothered anyway. What a way to welcome me back to the home. I come home and as usual i say a cheerful hi to bro and mum and both of them do not reply me. Oh goodness. And there i am, wondering what had happened. and did anyone bother to tell me what's going on? No! So fine, be like that. If u can't talk to me like a decent human, so can i.

Speaking of yesterday. I'm sorry i cldnt make it to the chalet. I really really wanted to go. BUT there was only ONE thing that stood in my way. Or shd i say, ONE PERSON. Mother.
Ok this was my plan initially: after sch ends at 6pm, head down to downtown east. approximately i'll reach ard 7.30 da latest. Stay till around 9+. And then train back home. which means i'll reach hm abt 10+.
This WAS my plan. And when i told mum that i MIGHT be going for d chalet, she immediately went, "don't u haf sch tmr? and ur sch ends at 6. by the time u reach the chalet its alr late and then what time are u going to be back? and u still have sch next day."

Arggghhh. at this point i tell her that i might be going down only. MIGHT. Not WILL!!! i was so frustrated that i cldnt say anything more. Fine fine. and ya, thanks to one of her naggings, i forfeited going down. I truly wish that i had indeed gone to the chalet despite whatever my mum had said. Cause being hm yesterday sucked. I came hm and tried to make small conversation but mum wldnt even entertain me. Fine. the worst part was when she asked me, "didnt you go down to the chalet?"

What the fuck?!!! i just gave her a shocked look (ok it wasnt that shocking. maybe a pissed off look) and said no. Wow wee. In my mind i was thinking, 'weren't u the one who wasnt happy that i wanted to go down to the chalet. u complained that it'll be late, it'll be this, it'll be that. blah blah blah. and now u r asking me why i didnt go to the chalet? wow u must be joking.'

Fucking pissed off. That was how i felt. I dun rmbr another time where i had the word 'fuck' so many times in a sms. I msg-ed Vanisha and told her. Her reaction, like mine, was unbelievably shocked. Sigh. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

All in all, my day was rotten. Thank u. I realise that its no use being the good girl at home. Why don't i be like my brother and just go against whatever the parents say? at least he gets to go out alot. even stay over. come back late though he gets his daily dose of scoldings, naggings, lectures. so what's the point of being the daughter who comes home in time, who doesnt really go out alot, who skips stuff like chalets cause she knows her parents will object? what's the fucking point? i still get treated like a kid. just because i conform to rules of the house. and when mum complains that brother's always coming home late, i tell her to not allow him into the house if it gets too late (a bit mean of me right?) or i tell her not to let him go out. and what does she say? "do u think he'll listen to me?" SO, all these rules are put onto me because i listen to my parents? and brother gets away with it cause he don't? so much for trying to be good.

FUCK LAH... i'm sick of trying to be the good daughter. Because i can never be the one.

Here i sit alone, i wait alone
for what, no one knows
but still here i am
with myself
and the cold silence that seems to be with me.
the room echoes with my thoughts
my deep deep thinking
that seems to go nowhere
but here, only here.
it seems to me that i'm falling
i can't pick up the pieces
i can't piece them together.
my thoughts running deeper and deeper
steeper and steeper
far and far away.
sometimes i wish u could have remained
while i could have gone
from where i stand
there isnt any helping hand
only hands that shove me away.
i wonder how heaven is like
is that where u are?
is it very far?
i wish u could reply me
and save me from this misery
clearly i'm confused
look at the irony.
my songs blast at home
accompanied by the silence
the cold silence.
where no one speaks
where i'm invisible
where love seemed to have disappeared
or missing temporarily.
the mask fade away and the facade too
it slips off me and nothing remains.
which no one saw
that which i hid
away from prying eyes.
this barricade around me
and the wall of concrete and bricks
seems to be breaking.
my wall's crumbling down to the ground.
down down and down
further and further away
plunging to the darkness
unable to reach
too far away..

Speaks for itself.. MRC team2 was there. we actually wanted to take a picture together.. but well, too many ppl were snapping away on their cam.. 

What a view.. It sorta remind me of this particular stadium in Germany.. can't rmbr which one though.. 

Good morning people of MRC!!!!!!!!


Im back!!! hahaha.. im actually in sch right now! blasting my song, well not blasting the song lah.. dedicating the song to all MRC-ians!!! Bad Day by Daniel Powter!!! we are having a blast of good day man!!
seems like my lame-ness has been carried forward! yesterday was a pure lame day cause i spent the day with Reagan He Laiming!!!!!!!!!!!!

called him over for lunch.. it had been a long time since he came over.. as usual, his "hallo uncle, hallo aunty" greeting came when he was still outside my house! and mum looked happy to see him.. haha. cause he's a good eater.. unlike the majority of my friends! yup.. and we were catchin up on each other's lives and cracking jokes after jokes. just like good old times! and then dad dropped us off at balestier branch office for the weigh in. i found out that i was d only one going for nationals from both hwi yoh and buona vista!! omg can u believe it? i thought alan was going. and sir said alan is going for next yr's competition. arghhh.. how wonderful..
oh wells.. took my weight.. the fella who took my weight was damn funny lah. he said "if u're not happy with ur weight, tell me, i can adjust for u!" haha.. and some people were running at d car park, trying to lose all that water before they took their weight again.. haha.. Reagan did that last year. he ran 7 or 8 rounds and found out that he only lost 600 grams! haha..

yup.. after weigh in, Reagan and i headed down to Toa Payoh.. somehow, being with Reagan is so comfortable. like being with a really good friend. haha.. probably because he IS a good friend.
sat at BK, cracking stupidly lame jokes after jokes. God, we were really on a roll yesterday man. it was damn good. being able to be myself with Reagan. that was what it was all about. u know, with some people, u can't be 100% yourself. with Reagan, u can. just be ur insane self. haha..

poor fella was walking like a crab.. haha.. worse than that lah. cause he went to da gym and worked out and being overly ambitious, he used heavy weights and now his muscles are sore! haha.. we were exchanging gym pointers.. let's see, we talked abt so much of stuff.. haha.. literally everything. u can just talk and he'll listen. occasionally he will irritate u with the lame jokes.. haha.. used to it lah.. yesterday i was da lame one, disturbing Reagan! haha..

we walked all da way to the bus stop in front of Mac. and as i was msg-ing Eileen, and she asked if i wanna go for a haircut.. so i called her and told her i'll meet her. so we had to head back to the interchange.. haha.. Reagan was like shocked and since he cldnt walk much, we took a bus to interchange.. haha.. lamers man..

waited for Eileen.. then she came.. yup.. and then i sent Reagan off.. haha.. one lamer after another! haha.. well Eileen isnt that lame lah.. hahah.. sure she has her lame moments.. but yesterday she was too tired to be lame.. haha.. so it was ME who was da lame one! haha.. ya lah.. i tell u, toa payoh being big and all, i think there r no affordable hair salons! wah.. ok maybe we didnt go to da right one! hahaha.. wasted trip lah! nvm.. at least got to disturb Eileen! hahah.. lame man, lame!

Yesterday was really a great day. Thanks to Reagan! and thanks for being able to train with me.. and for all that tkd tips and tricks! and good luck for ur 'ahem ahem'.. i'll support u man! :)