~ Thursday, July 28, 2005
~
*YOU ARE THE ONE I WANNA LOVE
to live or not to live? that is not the question.
the question is how should we live?
i always thought that i was ready to give up anything for God. i always thought that i will be able to obey his word and do stuff in accordance to his plan smoothly and without any procastination. but when the real thing comes, it is apparently easier said than done.
lets say something or someone you really love alot were taken away from you, what would be your first reaction? of course you would feel very upset, depressed or maybe even angry. that's the typical emotion a human would feel.
and yes, one day it was told to me that this thing that meant alot to me was going to disappear. it was going to cease to exist in my world, my life. (or at least it was brought across that way.) that instant, i felt like as if a million daggers pierced through my heart. i started screaming out to God, asking why and how should such a terrible thing fall upon me. i mean why of all people me? why of all things that? WHY? that was the big question? i hid under my blanket and cried out to God, bombarding him with all my questions. i did not give him a chance to tell me why? i did not even clarify the reason. all that was on my mind was that thing.
then, i stopped for a moment and stared at the blank ceiling above me and i realised that i focused to much on it. i really love the lord but... i just cannot give it up. i know that the lord would always answer prayers so i never dared to pray about forgetting it. i just simply cannot bring myself to.
but now, everything before me, stands so clear. it was almost as if the Lord was making a choice for me. nothing has come out of my love for it. and it may not be a bad thing that it is slowly disappearing out of my life.
hahaha. you are right. life is complicated and we mere humans know little or even nothing about what our future holds. but i know that my God knows. ((x
so Lord, now i just commit everything to you and i just pray that you will help me draw the clear line between you and the things of this earth. i know that you have a perfect plan for my life. i know that you will never fail me. i trust and i believe that you allow all things to happen for a good cause lord. lord, i put my life and everything that i have into your hands. i pray that i will live each day as a good testimony for you. may your name be lifter higher every single day. i just want to love you lord. i want to love you. amen.
my life *i trust in your perfect plan!*
/ Moonlight / 6:21 AM /
