6/30/2019

 Started off the week moving Maddie & Brian into their new apt. after they got back from their Honeymoon in Moab (hopefully they send you cool arch pictures!).  I felt pretty proud successfully getting a little U-Haul trailer to tow around w/ the van!--but decided I'd let go of my dreams to be a semi-driver.  They're in a cute basement apt. in southern Provo.  (Although Jane was appalled, saying over her Little Ceasar's lunch to them, "You're house is SO dirty it even makes my pizza taste weird and sandy!!"--guess she never noticed the cornmeal on the bottom before).  We found some DI chairs for their kitchen & got a few groceries while they got settled, then got to see them open some of their wedding gifts before we headed home.  (Jane kept saying, "I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU!! I LOOOOVE KITCHEN STUFF!")

We had to return the trailer in Syracuse, so we took a break at Chloe sunshine park while I got gas, and they now have a pretty sweet splashpad built next to it! 

I went to the temple with Rebecca Leichty Thursday morning, and then I took the kids to the North Ogden pool w/ a picnic for the rest of the day.  It was beautifully relaxing (so much so that I didn't grab any pictures!).  I'd been stressed about finances this week, so it was really great to taste that peace of the temple, and then have a slower paced day.  Ran to Logan for some errands on Friday, then to play w/ DeFillipis for a bit before date time w/ Dad  (we hunted for Duncan reunion candy). 

Saturday Morning, Spencer, Anne & I ran in Garland's Wheat & Beet Days 5K.  I "ran" so slowly there were not many people behind me!, but most of the women who would normally be in my age group were in charge of the race this year, so even in my slow-motion pregnant state, I got a medal! Love small towns!--& they gave prizes to everyone who participated, plus free breakfast! G&G Duncan stopped by our house, and we drove together down to the Great Duncan Reunion--won 3 candy jars this year (Jane asked me 200 times, "Aren't you so proud of me winning this candy?!!!"), had bounce houses & lots of fun visiting time.  It was strengthening to be surrounded by so many great people and all their stories of overcoming and enduring.  They also had a great world map of all the missions served in the family--You're the first to Taiwan!!

It's hard to read about you struggling w/ feelings of discouragement when you're doing SO much good!--also maybe because I can relate too well! There's a lot of life that is waiting for the next patch of light---I was struck in the temple by how every time Adam & Eve declared they were waiting on the Lord, they would THEN be visited by Him.  I also loved reading Jacob 3:1-2 when I was feeling wobbly, of the virtue of a "firm mind" which meant to me to not lose faith! To have courage! (instead of DIScouragement).  Sometimes I have to remind myself outloud that I DO have faith, and know the Lord is guiding us, even when I can't feel/see it.    Emily gave a great talk on Trek today--focusing on how well Christ DOES know our individual struggles, & how the pioneers, despite all their difficult circumstances, recorded more of the blessings/miracles because they recognized that Christ was with & understood them.  It also helps to know, though so far away, we know you're not on your own.  Love you so much, and amazed by all you're doing! Love, Mom

6/23/2019

 Dear Brent, 

SUPER WEEK! Wedding Day for Maddie & Brian was just fabulous--having so much family gathered there in the temple felt like Heaven, and everything was just SO happy.  And I wasn't overwhelmed or exhausted or stressed, which was a real blessing--I was really able to savor the whole thing, so thank you for your prayers--I felt very strengthened.  All the Idaho family had a marathon day driving down for the wedding & back in one day, and it was fun seeing Stewart/Mildenhall aunts & uncles together too.  The reception was in Syracuse, and we were overwhelmed by the love of so many dear friends!--current ward members from Tremonton, and so many old friends from Syracuse.  Just so many wonderful people to remind us how blessed we've been!

Having family around has made everything more fun (& easier, as they're all amazingly helpful!).  Kristen got to spend a couple of nights here for a mission companion's wedding before she swapped places w/ TJ to join us; Mom flew in Monday, then Robert & Sadie came Wed.  Briant & Katie (& Elsie) met us at the wedding, then stayed over last night & came to church with us.  We hiked to the BR, dominated the arcade at Pizza Plus, went to a COOLD swim party/cookout (at least the water was warm!?) in Logan, and had lots of fun visiting.  Elsie's about the CUTEST, most easy-going 2 year old to walk the planet--the girls didn't fight at all while she was here(!!) and LOVED being her shadow. 

Savannah spoke (beautifully!) for her mission today, and I was asked to speak with her on the Priesthood.  I learned SO much as I prepared this week--about how much God blesses us with access to His power, but had a hard time putting it all to words.  I was also released as YW President today!!!--then called to be YSA Rep for the ward, so lots going on! Thought of so much with all of these big days--Sure love you SO much! Love, Mom

6/16/19

Trek & Temple were the highlights of the week! So great to take Maddie to the Temple Friday night!-Grandpa Duncan took work off to come join us at the last minute, as well as Brian & his mom.  Spencer & Emily both had a blast on Trek, and I was happy to at least be able to give rides there and back so I could sneak a little peek on everything.  The little girls finished up swim lessons, and we stayed busy sprucing up the house for family coming for the wedding.  Maddie & Brian stayed here for a couple of days--for temple, and then to take pictures Saturday night--cut short though, by Maddie's FAINTING!!! (I guess Emily & I laced up her dress to tight!!)--there happened to be a newly certified EMT student coming out of the temple just at that time though, and he made sure she was okay.  They came home from that event just as I was exhaustingly cutting EVERYone's hair/cleaning up the kitchen, and realizing that after 2 major attempts to clean out the long dryer exhaust, it WAS STILL CLOGGED & getting dark--with the only access to really finish fixing things on the roof.  It was funny enough getting my pregnant belly behind a big appliance to reconnect hoses, etc., so Dad & Spencer borrowed the neighbor's ladder at 9:30 PM after I called her, and Spencer climbed up to finish cleaning out lint--which had actually become good & jammed--making things worse instead of better.  Relief to get that solved, and Maddie to bed, but I went to bed w/ a headache I thought I'd gotten rid of on my run that morning.  

I've loved Paul's message in 2 Cor 12:9 where he glories in his infirmities so that Christ's strength can rest up on him.  It is a good reminder that this life is a great effort in practice, and making everything perfect is not what we're supposed to look like.  I still hate the patience & repetitiveness it requires, but I'm trying to appreciate it, since I have a lot of opportunity w/ so much infirmity!

 I heard this quote this week too, from an author, Bryan Stephenson, that I really liked about how our imperfections are what bind us together:

But our shared brokenness connected us. … Sometimes we’re fractured by the choices we make; sometimes we’re shattered by things we would never have chosen. But our brokenness is also the source of our common humanity, the basis for our shared search for comfort, meaning, and healing. Our shared vulnerability and imperfection nurtures and sustains our capacity for compassion.

We have a choice. We can embrace our humanness, which means embracing our broken natures and the compassion that remains our best hope for healing. Or we can deny our brokenness, forswear compassion, and, as a result, deny our own humanity

I posted last week about how overwhelming it can be when Dad is still so exhausted & not sleeping well, and Anne's eczema flares up EVERY time she goes outside, despite being vigilant w/ wet wraps & moisturizers, (not to mention her saying she has never felt the Spirit as we studied "Come Follow Me" last week!), but reading the joy(even with adversity) in your letters, and getting excited for Maddie's wedding when they are SO HAPPY overwhelms me too, only with joy.  There's SUCH a range of hopelessness and joyfulness, but I really am grateful for the joy--AND that the hard moments help me rely more on the Savior, and I loved that we studied last week about how HE knows suffering, heaviness, and pain in a very personal way, and most of all that He has overcome ALL things, so that we can always have hope.  I felt this way week again--feeling SO much joy over Maddie in the temple & the strength of youth, and people I have so much love for--& then feeling completely unable to take care of my responsibilities, let alone, do so cheerfully!, but good to get so much practice! I'm so excited to have family together this week! Aunt Kristen is actually in town, and will stay with us tonight, then Grandma tomorrow, and Uncles Robert, Briant, & TJ on Wed.  So even though I could barely sit through church with that headache today, I loved thinking of having so much family being with us next week--& to hear Savannah speak for her mission! 

Hope Sis Peterson was able to get you a bit of help w/ those allergies!--Love you tons! Love, Mom

 

6/9/19

Boy, you can tell I'm about to released from this calling!!--After 3 years, where I have seriously felt a mantle of strength and protection over my health and our family, I was hit hard w/ sickness TWICE this week! Had a hacking cough Sunday night thru Wednesday (still can barely laugh normally), then after a fun date night with Dad--discovering an actual good Southern BBQ joint in Brigham City!!--I came home and was sick w/ stomach flu all night!! I guess it was a good reminder of how protected I HAVE been--all the "shadow colds" I called them, where I'd start to have symptoms, but they'd never really progress or get bad, and just having such an usual amount of  time and energy to spend chasing after those girls.  It has been a sweet blessing.  

I started walking in the mornings w/ Rebecca across the street, which has been nice.  I admire her a lot--keeping her family active while her husband (silently) drifts from the church.  We also kicked off summer with swim lessons for the 3 younger girls, so it's been good having that routine of the day, and getting them used to the water again.  (It was good for my cough sitting in that humid Nat too).  Spencer spends whatever dry hours he can find at the tennis courts--every morning, and again in the afternoon--& Emily just landed a job at Subway! The sweet ward threw a shower for Maddie Thursday night (still, I fail at pictures!)--there are just so so many good people around us, it's almost overwhelming--especially considering how few of them even know Maddie at all! My Pickleball friends were the planning committee. :) I was worried I'd be so stressed with this wedding, and there have been a few snafoos, but saying over and over at the shower that the wedding was in 2 weeks left me so excited! I really AM so excited for this to be real, and to enjoy their special day together! (And it's so nice to be happy, not stressed--hopefully it lasts over the next 11 days!)

Anne & Lucy made it to District in City Track, so I took them to Layton for that huge meet--ran into Quinn Spackman there working for an internship (Derek's been out a year now!).  It was actually a pretty cool day for June!--we were all in jackets, hoping it would hit 60, if you can imagine!! The girls had fun--I sat there like a lame mom, barely moving, and even taking a nap in the car between events after my throwing up night, but it was a beautiful day, and fun driving around old stomping grounds full of fun memories.  Even went as far as West Point to pick up Maddie's wedding flowers. Reminded me that though I feel so lifeless and boring now, there is still hope for the future remembering fun things we've done before.  The parades, picnics, park trips, your city track meets, biking trail trips, etc.  We've been blessed with lots of beautiful places to live! Spencer & Emily leave for Trek this week, then Emily goes straight to a Student Council Leadership Camp at USU, so lots of fun! Love you so much! Hope those allergies are abating--still looking at options for mailing meds...

Love, Mom

6/2/19

The cute Lewis's twins girls turned 1 this week--Amanda posted "the hardest and best year of my life."  I keep thinking (with wishful denial) of how much those two things go together! Just like the very first verse of the Book of Mormon: "having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord"

 I felt that this week though--Lots of good mortal experiences --Dad had lost his keys; our fridge stopped working--& I'm always shocked by how much little inconveniences can wear me down! BUT, after a week of using Emily's keys and keeping all of our sopping wet food in coolers--I finally folded clothes and found keys in his pocket, AND (after trying one repair, then finally confirming that it was unfixable) we found a local appliance store that has an awesome "Scratch & Dent" section where we got a 20% discount AND same day delivery!!(which, amazingly, is not a common thing--what do people with broken fridges do???).  I tried to not be weighed down too much by little setbacks, but the relief was SOO sweet!!! It was really hard to feel others-oriented when I was overwhelmed with our own circumstances, and hard to be cheerful, but there were also days of pure joy.  After Savannah's temple trip Saturday, I got to be with Rachel going through on Friday.  After all the prayers I had picturing those girls in the temple, it seriously felt like Heaven opened wide!

I love how temples tie us to Heaven--especially when there's so much of this world that can be heavy.  It was tender timing watching those girls don temple clothing for the first time, then going to see Grandma Stewart dressed in hers for the last time. It was really great gathering with so much family (siblings and nieces and nephews of G&G Stewart I've never met!) to celebrate her life and the Plan of Salvation.  We had perfect weather up there, and Grandpa Duncan gave a beautiful talk reminding us what a blessing it was to have funerals where our hearts are softened and we're more open to tender feelings and promptings (reminded me of Pres. Ballard teaching you how getting friends to FEEL something helps them be open to the Spirit  & Gospel), and then how much this life is for us to learn to TRUST God, which has been on my mind A LOT lately.  When I taught Laurels last week on Elder Brook Hales' talk about prayer, I kept coming back to that principle of working from a position of TRUST--that He loves us, that He has a plan for us, and that He REALLY has our best interest in mind (even when it doesn't look like our best ideas).  

 Between the big highs & lows, we finished the last week of school with a bang: 5th grade graduation for Anne, first city track meet for 3 younger girls, track banquet for Emily (she lettered in her 3rd sport!!!), Wedding shower for cute Maddie! (& seeing dear Syracuse friends), & Elementary Awards Assembly (Anne was surprised to be "Top Student" in her class--& both girls got Fitness Awards).  Spencer also had an Honors trip to Lagoon, where he rode Wicked & Cannibal, and couldn't stop smiling all day!!! (finally someone to ride with me!--well, in a few months at least!).  Less than 3 weeks to wedding, and down to last trimester of baby growing! Love you so much, & even in our craziest moments, we're thinking of you! Love, Mom

5/26/19

Just enjoyed a little family time at Hansen Park (in the shadow of Breely's house ;) ) for Come Follow Me, since Dad is gone up to Idaho being w/ family--sounds like the funeral will be next weekend.  Highlight of the week was going to the temple yesterday for Savannah's first time going through.  Shaena & Emma Tackett were there too--this force of missionary girls ready to go--felt like Heaven was celebrating.  Emma said (like everyone else), she doesn't read through all the missionary letters, but yours are always worth it!  Everything else is wrapping up w/ the last week of school coming up.  I helped with 5th grade Pentathlon one cloudy day, and watched Lucy and Anne run the North Park Mile Run--in the rain!! They did great & Lucy was the 2nd girl in her grade! Emily also had her students' piano recital, Sterling Scholar meeting, and is done with her AP tests! Grandma's in Wisconsin for Clark's baptism, and Sis Peterson posted some great photos of Pres. Ballard's visit! So exciting! Hope your stomach didn't prevent you from enjoying things! Love you so much!! Love, Mom

5/19/19

Oh, I went into church today feeling SO broken & messed up--I keep getting so frustrated & impatient at home w/ people I'm supposed to love the most.  I know a lot of it is from being tired, but it defeats me that I struggle so much with the same weaknesses (after so much practice!!!).  I was just not feeling much hope.  During the sacrament though, I amazingly started to feel the Lord's love for me, like a hug.  Then Patriarch Zollinger spoke from Moses on our true identity as children of God, and how to connect ourselves with Christ.  Bobby Lewis (now on the high council) then spoke on direction from the stake on 2 issues they see as real dangers: distraction & pornography.  He spoke SO powerfully (as usual), and shared how Pres. McMurdie had taught him out of Alma 49--about the fortifications Moroni had prepared with such effort and detail, so that the enemy was"exceedingly astonished at their manner of preparation for war." 

He quoted Pres. Nelson, "In reality, we are raising our children in enemy-occupied territory. The homes of our members must become the primary sanctuaries of our faith, where each can be safe from the sins of the world," & spoke of the battle we are in today--but that Christ's title of King applies well to the battle scene--His cause is one worth fighting for, and He fights with us. Pres. McMurdie told him to picture himself with those fortifications and his own family standing behind him, & asked how hard he would want to prepare/fight? 

Feeling myself a bit like a soldier in a losing battle, it was also tender to hear him teach that in v 24 (alma 49) there WERE wounded--& "many severe" but b/c of shields/breastplates they had prepared, they were not fatal.  And then he reminded us that the Savior is our Good Samaritan to treat and heal our wounds.  That he doesn't just keep us alive--he carries us to a better place, so that we are BETTER OFF than we were before.  

That healing is the most miraculous, and the messages were reiterated in SS, as we talked about marriage/divorce, and one remarried sister said she hadn't felt like even being in class since she hadn't read and wasn't prepared, and when divorce came up, she wanted to really run away, but the message of the Parable of the Laborers that Christ wants to bless ALL of us with ALL of the blessings, no matter what our pathway/past look like softened her heart and gave her hope.  It's hard to keep that vision all the time, but it's the best when we can see and feel it!

Aside from my ridiculousness, we had lots of end of year celebrating this week:

Anne got to ride a few coasters at Lagoon for the Robotics Competition, and (though so sad I couldn't join her there) I got to watch her at a few events at her LEAP class's Math/Science Olympiad.  I saw her in Krypto & penny barge building--she even won 1st place in Krypto, (keeping the tradition alive)!

Spencer had his tennis banquet, AND LETTERED!!!!--one of 2 freshman that did!! Coach told Emily later, when he was going over the 3 JV awards, Rookie of the Year: it should be Spencer, Most Improved Player: it should be Spencer, & Hardest Working Player: it should be Spencer.  They instead created a new trophy just for him of "Most Dedicated Player." He REALLY loves tennis!

Dad was gone at a Conference in Snowbird for 3 days, and we ended Saturday with Spencer & Emily's piano recital! 

Also, tons of wedding plans taken care of (hooray!!), and the youth getting ready for Trek! One girl, so excited to come to Trek, brought her single mom and twin Beehive sisters TO CHURCH TODAY for the first time we've ever seen!!-we were SOOO celebrating that!! Hope your trip to Taipei goes great this week, and seeing Pres. Ballard! Love you so much! Mom

I forgot!—part of what changed my heart when I was feeling SO DEAD was the line from our sacrament hymn saying “But dying brought new birth”
And Jane gave for a scripture in Primary: “I am the Resurrection & the Life”